The Deep End

In front of him Austin was beaming like a child receiving his desired present on his birthday; quickly moving a hand to cover his mouth to hide his laughter out of habit.
Alan's hand reached out to steal his hand away from his face, Alan had always liked his smile.

He wasn't even aware of the reason as to why they were both tearing up with laughter; but that didn't stop whatever it was being absolutely hilarious judging by the reactions of the pair.

"We..w- we should...stop now." Alan forced the words out of his mouth; and nearly suffocated because talking while laughing till you cry was proving more perplex than he had planned.

Over the period of the next few minutes, their laughter had died, and their cheeks ached from grinning so hard. They were both panting like they had ran a marathon. An air of utter happiness stayed between them; despite the lack of conversation. They just sat, lazily gazing at each other, like it wasn't slightly creepy.

Suddenly Austin shifted so he was resting on his back with his hands cradling his head. Patting the spot next to him, he began to speak:

"You know, I'm glad I know you Alan. If there is one person on this Earth that I could thank God for creating; it would be you."

Alan joined him.

"I'm glad I know you too, Austin. Without you I wouldn't be happy."

He meant it; every single word. He became aware that Austin had now turned to face him, and then stood up. Alan followed his example.

Austin practically scooped Alan up in a hug, his feet only just about touching the floor. They were both giggling; as Alan laced his arms around Austin's neck. Alan's body was starting to tingle dully, and then Austin bent down and kissed Alan's cheek, his stubble was prickly Alan's skin but at that point he wasn't going to complain. He only realised that Austin was staring at him intently when the giggles had ceased. Alan removed his face from the side of Austin's neck and requited the stare. Austin certainly looked beautiful, and he really prayed that for the rest of his life Austin would be the first thing he would see when he woke up. He also prayed that he would always make Austin smile.

God, he really wasn't thinking straight.

Austin then leaned down and kissed him. Like actually mouth-to-mouth, and Alan was so sure that they were going to make out and then-

**********************************************************

Alan's thoughts were a jumble of 'fucking goddammit how could my subconscious do that to me' and 'Jesus Christ I need to get over him. Now' as he woke up.

He guilt started to seep in after a few moments of contemplation. Austin probably didn't like him back; imagine what a freak he would think he was if he found about this? He wasn't even meant to be interested in guys, sure he had known for over a year now but he just kind if swept it under the carpet and told himself it was a phase. There was a big difference between thinking your gay and there actually being evidence that you are romantically and physically gay for someone. He had just kind of ignored his crush on Austin before. Does he really think about Austin enough that his subconscious decided to include him?

He supposed that the only redeeming aspect of this situation was that Austin didn't have to know about the dream, so he was sure it would give a little bit of peace of mind to both of them.

Oblivious to his current state of crisis, his mum appeared at his door, whispering something that he guessed was "Church, time to get up." He didn't know; he really wasn't paying attention.

She left, and so Alan checked the day, and yes it was Sunday, so it was time for church. He hesitantly pulled his church clothes out of his closet; almost puking at the mortifyingly grotesque pieces of material.

He dressed with his eyes closed, and avoided the mirror in their hallway when he went down stairs. He greeted his parents, and sat down. He was shovelling Corn Flakes into his mouth when it hit him. Not literally, but it felt like someone had torn his heart out of his chest and his positiveness out of his mind. Austin wouldn't be the first thing he saw when he woke up for the rest of his life, and Austin would probably get bored of him and not want to hang out with him anymore.

His suddenly sullen expression raised an alarm for his parents as they both sat down facing across from him, his father rests his hands on the table. "Alan honey, is anything bothering you?"
They wore matching expressions; concern, dread and hope that he was only sad about how his Cornflakes were rapidly becoming too soggy for his liking.

"Nothing, really, I just feel a bit down today, that's all." They nodded, relieved that they didn't have any unwelcome news, like their son getting a girl pregnant or in contrast to that, Alan being gay.

"Okay, we should leave in few minutes." His dad confirmed, and then they both left Alan to eat his soggy Cornflakes.

****************************************************

Church was boring. So boring it would probably be more entertaining to dig his own eyes out with a spork. As the service ended, he sighed of relief whereas his mum muttered "Wasn't that a lovely service?" whilst his dad just agreed with whatever his mum said.

Alan just couldn’t wait to get home and mope around in his own misery.

On the way home, the radio in the car wasn’t on. So his mother resorted to attempting to keep up a conversation.

"So, Alan, how is school going?" God, she could have at least been a bit original and thought of a question that was worthwhile to ask.

"Fine. Like always."
"So, you haven't been anywhere with your friends lately?"
Alan paused; he didn't remember having any friends at school, like ever. His mum continued:
"You know, Carl, who unfortunately had to move churches? He called a couple of days ago asking if you wanted to go out some time next week?" Well that jogged his memory.
"Uh, yeah, I guess so. I'll call him back when we get home."

And thus; the conversation deceased at that point.

It was only when they entered their home that Alan's mum brought up the subject of Carl again. "Call him, now."

With a barely audible 'fine' Alan picked up the phone and started to dial Carl's number in.