Hearts of Deception

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Almost immediately after Julian was born, Jason was right at the phone yet again. When the excitement dwindled down and Jason retired to bed for the night, Avalar made the effort to see her baby in the other room. She stared at his sleeping form before dropping her knees and sobbed the rest of the night.

Nearly a month after Julian was born; the situation had not gotten any better. Avalar had become a stay at home parent while Jason continued to work and see Serena. Avalar loved her son, but her depressed state was becoming very worrisome. Little did Jason know child protective service had been in contact.

For weeks now, and almost right after Julian was born, Avalar had been battling with herself to make a heartbreaking decision to give up her baby. She mulled over the option and tried to talk to Jason, but he had no interest in her at all anymore. Due to the birth, Avalar could not be intimate with Jason, even though there were other things they could do, Avalar did not want to try it, she wanted to talk so Jason started to spend most of his nights out of the house. She didn’t put it past him not to cheat on her. He was probably getting laid at a club or some sleazy hotel.

Another month passed and the services were still in contact. Avalar had finally gotten Julian to sleep after a four-hour cry-a-thon. She had finally made her choice after nearly two months and decided it would be best if Jason didn’t know. She knew this would crush him. Despite ignoring her and having no interest in her, he loved being a father to his son. Julian was the first thing he went to after he came home from work. Avalar was free to sleep and do whatever she wanted because Jason didn’t want to do anything, but spend time with his son.

She sighed as she picked up the phone and dialed the adoption number. It rang three times before someone picked up.

“Hello, Pleasantview, adoption services. My name is Sarah Moore, have may help you today?”

Avalar took a deep breath. “Hi, I was calling to inquire about the process of having a baby adopted out?”

“Oh, you would like to adopt a baby?”

“What? No, I mean-“

“The process is very simple and easy. Now I know you tried calling a few weeks ago and your financial situation was not the best, but I see it’s improved since then.”

“That isn’t what I wanted to do. I have a baby already and-“

“No worries, another baby would be hard to handle so we’ll send you a toddler. One of our agents should be by tomorrow around one to drop them off with you.”

“Mam, please, you’re not even trying to list to what I’m saying. I don’t want another baby. I want to get rid of the one I have!”

However, she had gone unheard. The line had already disconnected and there was no way to call her back and call if off. Another baby? A toddler no less. Jason would probably be happy about that, but this wasn’t about him anymore. Avalar couldn’t take the constant day-to-day life she had thrown herself into. A failing relationship, an unhappy child. She couldn’t do it anymore and the fact that she managed to handle it for this long was nothing short of a miracle. She should have broken things off with Jason months ago, but she was head over heels in love with him and was sure they could make it work. However, all she was from the start was a plaything, an object for him to use whenever he wanted.

She wanted to cry. Wanted to curl up into a ball and never deal with her problems ever again, but one of them had just walked through the door. He shot a glance her way and continued to Julian’s room.

“I just put him down for a nap. He’s being up all morning.” Avalar called out to Jason, but he ignored her so she walked after him.

“Jason, let him sleep. It took me forever to get him to lie down.”

Jason stopped at the crib and looked lovingly at his son as he ran a soft hand over the baby’s cheek. “That’s probably because he can’t stand your constant nagging either.”

Avalar blinked at him, dumbfounded. “He’s a baby, Jason. What are you even talking about?”

“I’m talking about how you hold him and walk around the house nagging your ass off at me.”

“Please watch your language in front of him. I don’t mean to bag you, Jason. I just want to talk. We need to talk.”

With a soft sigh, Jason removed his hand from Julian and turned to look at Avalar. She was standing there unsure of what to do. She looked a little frighten and close to tears. But that didn’t matter to Jason. To him, she was looking for attention, some way to guilt trip him about not spending time with her.

“What do we need to talk about?”

“About us. About you feeling like you have to spend your time away from home just so you don’t have to deal with me. Jason if you want, I’ll leave. You can have the baby; I’ll just go if that’s what you want.”

He stood there for a while, regarding her with a look she didn’t understand. Finally, he folded his arms and shook his head. “You’re so selfish, it’s disgusting.” He walked out of the room and said nothing else.

That night, Avalar decided to sleep on the couch. Not that she had much of a choice. After Jason left, he went into the bedroom and locked the door. It was a strange notion because he had gotten them separate beds months ago. Avalar was fine with that because it meant Jason wouldn’t try to have sex with her, but he would from time to time push the beds together or just crawl into her’s and return to his after he was finished.

Avalar sighed and stared at the ceiling as her thoughts continued to wander. She didn’t know how to tell Jason she had unwillingly adopted a baby, but he would find out soon enough when he returned home after work.