How Will I Know?

Harry:
Hey! How are you! :))

Louis:
What happened yesterday? I'm here if you want to talk! (:

Niall:
Wassup Buttercup?! :D I'm here for you!

Zayn:
I'm so sorry for last night... I feel so bad :(( Sorry :'(

Liam:
Hey luv, cheer up, I'm here for you xx

The boys text put a faint smile on my face when I woke up this morning. Well all except Zayn's. I can't believe he thought it was his fault. I feel so guilty. I had to reply to him.

Me:
Hey Zayn... Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. I swear. :)

After that, I just put on music and stayed in my room all day. Literally.

"Sab, come eat please." Andrea said knocking at my door. "Or at least open the door so I can give you food." I did nothing. "Okay then. I'll leave it at the door and I swear I won't eat it!" I smiled. You knew Andie loved you if she was willing to sacrifice food for you. I loved her dearly too.

It was about 4 when I heard a lot of commotion upstairs. I turned off the music and listened for a bit:

"I'm really scared girls. I don't anything to happen between us because I was a dick." I heard Zayn say with regret in his voice. "I mean, she said she was not mad at me but what does that mean? And his she really okay with it?" He said.

"Yeah and she hasn't replied to us at all... Are you sure she's okay down there?" Liam asked.

It was time. I had to go out there I tell them. I just had too.

I opened the door and saw all the faces turned towards me. The first thing I spotted was Zayn standing up, his face almost as if he wanted to cry. I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug my tiny arms could manage. I snuggled my head in his shoulder and said: "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's really me and not at all you Zayn. I'll always be your friend no matter what. You did NOTHING wrong." unwanted tears had started to stream down my face.

"Hey Hey Hey! Shhhhh don't cry okay." Zayn said release me and wiping my tears away with his thumbs. I took a deep shaky breath.

"Sit down boys. Please. I owe you an explanation." I said mentioning to Liam and Zayn to sit since Louis and Niall had already found place in our huge beanbag and Harry was sitting in the middle of the couch. I sat myself down between Kim and Andie, both of them making soothing gestures towards me knowing what I was about to confess.

"You don't owe us anything luv." Harry chimed in.

"As long as you're okay now, nothing else matters." Louis said with a sweet smile.

"No, no. I need to. Please." I said.

"Sure Sab. Take your time. We'll listen." Niall said and smiled also.

I took another long, deep breath, closed my eyes and began to relive the painful memory.

"I was in 11th grade. One day, a boy got assigned to be my lab partner. I knew him since we were in 2nd grade and I had a huge crush on him but he was part of the 'popular boys'. As we did our projects, we got to know each other better and eventually, we became an item. I got laughed at at first but I didn't care. I was happy. He was perfect. We went to prom the next year and everything was just like in a fairy tale. 3 weeks after prom, on our one year anniversary, I had made a nice supper and we ate, like any normal couple. There was something about him that night, a kind of glow and I was even more attracted to him. That night, he took my virginity and an hour later, he broke up with me explaining that nothing we had was real and that it was just all part of a stupid bet with his friends to win a stupid car." I said as big heavy tears of both anger and sadness made their way down my cheeks. "That summer, I lost all 180 pounds and got surgery to remove all extra skin. I got therapy. I changed. I became another person. A person that never went through that life. I have had another boyfriend since then but nothing serious. This is the new me but I will always have the emotional and physical scars to remind me of the pain. Last night with Zayn," I lowered my face to look at my hands, not wanting to look at the outrageous faces the boys all wore."with the alcohol in my system, it reminded me of a night with him and I just lost it. I'm sorry Zayn." I took a shaky breath in. I still couldn't stand looking at them so I kept my eyes down until I heard movement. Suddenly, I saw someone drop to their knees in front of me and pulled my head up. It was Liam.

"You're so pretty when you cry, when you cry..." He sang looking at me dead in the eye. His head suddenly wiped backwards towards the boys. "Who is the dumb ass that wrote that?" all the boys quickly shook their heads in negation. He looked at me again. "Put a smile on that face luv, you're much prettier when your face is not full of tears." He smiled at me and wiped my tears with his thumbs. I couldn't help but smile at him. "There it is!" he hugged me tight and soon, everyone in the room was hugging me.

"I'm so sorry Sab..." Zayn whispered in my ear. I hit him. Yes, I punch him with all I could right on the arm. "OUCH!" he screamed.

"That Malik was for apologizing. Will you stop now? Please? None of this is your fault." he looked at him eyebrow raised and arm crossed.

"Yes mom..." he muttered rubbing his arms and setting to place to Niall for a hug.

"Are you going to hit me luv?" he asked worried before he approached me.

"Don't worry, I don't hit leprechauns. Unless they're really mean." I smiled at him before he ran into my arms.

"I love you buttercup!"

"Love you too Irish! I'm sorry for ruining your day guys..." I said to them referring to the fact that we couldn't go sightseeing.

"Hey, it's no problem. We'll just go tomorrow!" Harry piped up.

"Yeah totally. No problem at all. We're just glad you're okay." Louis smiled.

"I feel so much better now that I told you guys. I couldn't have kept it all inside." I wiped the last of my tears and smiled genuinely at each of them.

"Well I guess we'll get going, we were just coming in to check that everything was okay." Zayn shrugged.

"You guys could stay if you want?" Andie chimed in.

"Yeah we could have a movie night or something?" Kim added.

The boys looked at me for approval. "I would like that very much." I smiled. With that Niall fell into one beanbag while Harry took his original spot on our sofa.