Status: Love you xx
How Will I Know?
Capítulo Cuarenta y Uno
It was finally here. The day I dreaded so much but yet the moment I have waited for my entire life. Today, I was the day I would shoot my very first and possibly my very last music video.
To be honest with myself, as I put on my jean jacket and re-centered my ponytail, I was feeling nauseous. I knew that today would be life changing; for the better or for the worst. So many things could go wrong; worst of all, I hadn't spoken to Ethan since the accident. I was ashamed of what happened and I was scared he wouldn't see me the same way. He had called and texted but I never replied. Now I had to face him and play his on-screen lover.
Today was a rather cold day here in London. Since we would be filming a beach shoot, we brought our extra clothes so that we could dress warm enough for the train rain. We were going to film the music video on Littlehampton beach which was approximately a 2 hour ride from London. The boys wanted to drive us, insisting that it would be faster and more fun but I insisted on taking the train. I always love that kind of transportation and I felt like taking the train will show me a side of England that I haven't seen yet.
"Love the shirt A!" I laughed making my way to the living room.
"Thanks! I think..." she responded seeming confused a little bit. She shrugged it off before continuing: "So, I got our clothes! Want to check them out?"
I wanted my video to be as real and normal as possible so I had instructed every extra to bring specific items of clothing and to do their hair and makeup like they would do everyday. I, on the other hand, didn't want to wear old clothes so I asked Andrea to surprise me and go shop for us, giving her a nice little budget to do so.
"Nah, I want to be surprised! We'll all see them once there! I trust you. Now where's Kim? BERLY!" I screamed. She hated it when we called her like that so I would surely get a reply.
"What?" she asked coming out of her room, adjusting her sunglasses on her head. "Are you ready to go?"
Andrea and I burst out laughing while Kim looked totally oblivious. We all knew that we were waiting for her... except her apparently.
~~~
Once on set, Ben and I had a briefing with all our extras about how the video what going to happen. I could see Ethan way at the back and all the way through our speech I made sure not to make eye contact but no I had no more choice. While everyone was changing, I know had to brief him.
"Okay let's go Sab!" Ben said pushing my back a little.
"You know what Ben? I think I can handle Ethan by myself. After all, I know what I want right?"
"That, you know." he mumbled under his breath. "Okay than. Go ahead."
I trailed off slowly, dragging my feet in the sand. Even though I kept my eyes low, I knew he was burning holes into my skull with his stare.
"Hey..." I said reaching to him.
"Hi. Happy to know I am know worthy of your time." he spat.
"What?" I was astonished of what just came out of his mouth.
"Oh don't play that game! You didn't reply to any texts or phone calls I gave you in the past week! What did I do? Did Liam put you up to this? Is your little boyfriend jealous of me? What did I do to you?"
I couldn't even answer. I just stood there, mouth agape, trying to process what he just said.
"Yeah that's what I thought. This is going to be a long day so if you don't start your briefing now, I'll go see my uncle."
That's all it took me. I snapped. "Okay you listen to me! I was coming here first of all to apologize but since you already think that I'm a total bitch, yeah you're right it is going to be a long day. But FYI, nobody put me up to this. Especially not Liam. If anything he almost forced me into calling you back. He stole my phone so he could text you but I caught him before he pressed sent. So don't you dare take it out on my boyfriend. Yeah he was jealous but at least that means he cares. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't have made any false allegations about me or Liam. Now, I am sorry for not returning your messages, I was ashamed okay? You happy now? I was ashamed of what happened to me and I was scared that you would judge me for it but obviously you are already judging me one something else. Now if you will excuse me, I will go change while you go talk to your uncle cause this is going to be a long day."
With that I turned my heels and headed towards our improvised dressing rooms.
To be honest with myself, as I put on my jean jacket and re-centered my ponytail, I was feeling nauseous. I knew that today would be life changing; for the better or for the worst. So many things could go wrong; worst of all, I hadn't spoken to Ethan since the accident. I was ashamed of what happened and I was scared he wouldn't see me the same way. He had called and texted but I never replied. Now I had to face him and play his on-screen lover.
Today was a rather cold day here in London. Since we would be filming a beach shoot, we brought our extra clothes so that we could dress warm enough for the train rain. We were going to film the music video on Littlehampton beach which was approximately a 2 hour ride from London. The boys wanted to drive us, insisting that it would be faster and more fun but I insisted on taking the train. I always love that kind of transportation and I felt like taking the train will show me a side of England that I haven't seen yet.
"Love the shirt A!" I laughed making my way to the living room.
"Thanks! I think..." she responded seeming confused a little bit. She shrugged it off before continuing: "So, I got our clothes! Want to check them out?"
I wanted my video to be as real and normal as possible so I had instructed every extra to bring specific items of clothing and to do their hair and makeup like they would do everyday. I, on the other hand, didn't want to wear old clothes so I asked Andrea to surprise me and go shop for us, giving her a nice little budget to do so.
"Nah, I want to be surprised! We'll all see them once there! I trust you. Now where's Kim? BERLY!" I screamed. She hated it when we called her like that so I would surely get a reply.
"What?" she asked coming out of her room, adjusting her sunglasses on her head. "Are you ready to go?"
Andrea and I burst out laughing while Kim looked totally oblivious. We all knew that we were waiting for her... except her apparently.
~~~
Once on set, Ben and I had a briefing with all our extras about how the video what going to happen. I could see Ethan way at the back and all the way through our speech I made sure not to make eye contact but no I had no more choice. While everyone was changing, I know had to brief him.
"Okay let's go Sab!" Ben said pushing my back a little.
"You know what Ben? I think I can handle Ethan by myself. After all, I know what I want right?"
"That, you know." he mumbled under his breath. "Okay than. Go ahead."
I trailed off slowly, dragging my feet in the sand. Even though I kept my eyes low, I knew he was burning holes into my skull with his stare.
"Hey..." I said reaching to him.
"Hi. Happy to know I am know worthy of your time." he spat.
"What?" I was astonished of what just came out of his mouth.
"Oh don't play that game! You didn't reply to any texts or phone calls I gave you in the past week! What did I do? Did Liam put you up to this? Is your little boyfriend jealous of me? What did I do to you?"
I couldn't even answer. I just stood there, mouth agape, trying to process what he just said.
"Yeah that's what I thought. This is going to be a long day so if you don't start your briefing now, I'll go see my uncle."
That's all it took me. I snapped. "Okay you listen to me! I was coming here first of all to apologize but since you already think that I'm a total bitch, yeah you're right it is going to be a long day. But FYI, nobody put me up to this. Especially not Liam. If anything he almost forced me into calling you back. He stole my phone so he could text you but I caught him before he pressed sent. So don't you dare take it out on my boyfriend. Yeah he was jealous but at least that means he cares. If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't have made any false allegations about me or Liam. Now, I am sorry for not returning your messages, I was ashamed okay? You happy now? I was ashamed of what happened to me and I was scared that you would judge me for it but obviously you are already judging me one something else. Now if you will excuse me, I will go change while you go talk to your uncle cause this is going to be a long day."
With that I turned my heels and headed towards our improvised dressing rooms.