Helping Hand

I ended up hanging out at the music store. I didn't have the heart to go home, or call my friends and explain to them why I was so annoyed.

I bought a few old records before wandering round the mall absently. I just didn't want to go hang out with him. Then again...if mum got home and Oli told her I'd gone out to meet a friend...she would not be happy.

I walked home, a slight urgency to my step, and realised she wasn't back yet. I went in and was walking through the hall to put my things away when I saw Oli sat on my bedroom floor looking at a picture and crying softly. I shifted about awkwardly and coughed. He saw me and scrambled to his feet.

"S-sorry- I...I wasn't snooping around I just saw the picture I- sorry."

"I...it's cool." I shrugged and put my things away.

"What uh...if you don't mind me asking...how come you have to live with us? I mean like...how come you couldn't stay at home?" Oli wiped his eyes and sniffed.

"I'll show you." He walked into his room and I sighed but followed. He passed me an unframed, slightly ratty photo.

"That's my mum and dad...and that's my older brother Tom..." I nodded, looking at the people he pointed at. They all looked so happy.

"Dad lost his job and couldn't find another one...he and my mum were having problems anyway, and he left. My brother went off travelling. I don't know where he is. So it was just me and mum for about two years...." He tried to compose himself as he spoke, I stopped myself from reaching out to comfort him and just waited.

"She never told me that she had terminal cancer until she was dying." Shock jolted through me as I looked back down at that photo.

"I...I was eight there. Everything was alright back then. Anyway um...I tried to get jobs and stay near where my mum's buried. Or at least in the area, I prayed for months that Tom or my dad would come back. They didn't."

"How...how long did you manage to stay there?"

"A year....god, I visited her grave every day....I was so out of it, I could stay there for hours on end and feel like I'd been there for five minutes." I blinked back tears. The way he spoke, you could tell he was still in pain.

"Once...actually I don't think I should tell you. Sorry."

"Go on. We've gone this far."

"Once I was having a really awful day...I'd got fired from one of my jobs, I just...was so out of my own head I can't even tell you. Anyway, I tried to dig her back up....w-with my bare hands." I swallowed back tears as he started to break down. He sat on his bed and I sat with him.

"T-there was this guy that had lost his wife. He used to go there almost every day too....he was there cause when I was trying to dig her up he just came over, sat on the floor and hugged me. He didn't say a word he just sat there until I'd calmed down. It was the first time I'd had a hug from anyone in a year, he kind of reminded me of my dad....anyway, it was after that I went to the centre asking for help. And here I am. Sorry for...telling you all that I don't know I just..." I nodded.

"You need to talk to people about these things y'know..." He nodded too. I slowly reached out and squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Sorry about your mom. And well...everything else. I shouldn't have given you such a hard time." Oli smiled gently.

"Thank you. Really I...coming from you that's a good thing to hear." I smiled slightly and stood up.

"I'll leave you to it. Thanks for telling me."

"Thanks for listening."

I went back to my room and cursed myself for the warm feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to hate him so badly, but the pain he'd been through was something I couldn't even begin to comprehend. He'd just opened up and told me everything, and he obviously wanted me to like him. That hurt me even more because I'd been horrible to him. I just couldn't hate him, and that annoyed me.

"Kellin?" I looked up to see my mum standing there.

"Oh, hey mum. Have fun today?"

"Yeah it was good thanks hon...is uh...is everything alright?" She asked as she walked around my room, tidying the odd thing up or straightening things out.

"Yeah, why?"

"Well I just popped round to say hi to Oli and he looks sad, and well, so do you to be honest. You guys have a fight?" She sat on the edge of my bed and leant forwards slightly.

"Oh, no, no...." She raised her eyebrows at me.

"No seriously....we uh..." I felt myself going red and mum sat up slightly.

"Oh...ohh honey...did you guys um...did something happen sweetie?" I felt myself starting to giggle and she looked slightly embarrassed.

"What?"

"Nothing happened mum!! Jesus...we talked about y'know...his life before he came here. He's been through pretty rough stuff, it was kinda emotional was all." She smiled and leant down, hugging me round my neck.

"Thank you honey!! Oh I bet he feels really comfortable around you if he told you all that." I thought about that and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, I guess so." She kissed my forehead.

"That's so great. Anyways, I thought we could go out and go shopping but maybe Oli would feel more comfortable if it was just you and him. Besides, you're more in touch with teen fashion rather than actual fashion anyways. So I thought we could just go out for dinner tonight? Your father isn't working again this evening."

"Sounds great mum." She ruffled my hair as she left. I heard her talking to Oli and I got yet another text from one of my friends, looking at it after my conversation with Oli, it just seemed petty and meaningless like most of the things I used to enjoy in my life and I found myself ignoring it.

I looked around my room from my spot on the floor and a kind of sadness crept into the corners of my mind. Expensive clothes, gadgets, collections of famous baseball player memorabilia that my dad got hold of, a CD collection, game collection....the reasons why I had so many friends in the first place. It all just seemed so empty.

"Kellin?" I didn't realise I'd been crying until I looked up and Oli's form was blurry.

"Oh hey. What's up?" I turned round, wiping my eyes on my sleeve and pretended to be cleaning up my ever-messy room.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing why?"

"You've obviously been crying."

"No I haven't."

"Kellin, come on. After all the stuff I just told you?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. Get changed if you want, mum wants to take us to dinner."

"I don't really have anything that looks different...are we going somewhere fancy?" I sighed inwardly at the deeply insecure undertone to his words, then grabbed at the chance to have something to do.

"Her favourite place is this Italian restaurant by the docks. It's the only nice place to see the sea from in this goddamn city..."

"You don't like New York?"

"I do...I just wish there was more beach to be honest. Anyways, you can borrow a shirt if you want."

"You don't mind?"

"Course not. Go for it." Oli looked awkwardly at the large section of my massive built-in wardrobe stuffed with shirts until I could take it no more.

"What's your favourite colour?"

"I don't know really...green, red maybe?"

"They're in colour groups, pick stuff out, try it on, do whatever you want." He slowly started shuffling through them and I celebrated in my head that the awkwardness had ceased slightly.

"Mind if I try this on?" I turned to see him holding up a rustic-effect green shirt with dark red roses on it. I winced slightly.

"You sure you want that one?" He shrugged.

"I like it."

"Then go for it." I'd turned round to pick up my mini iPad and headphones off the floor, so when I turned round and Oli's top was coming over his head, making his body stretch out in the most appealing way, I actually dropped them. He jumped slightly and I rushed to pick them up.

"I- uh, sorry, me being clumsy um...excuse me...oh! Sorry!" I cringed as I accidentally touched his bare back when I walked past to put the things in another section of the storage space.

"Don't worry." He replied absent-mindedly. I cursed myself.

- he's not even thinking about it you idiot, don't draw attention to stuff like that, it's weird -

"Wow your tats are amazing." Oli smiled.

"Really?"

"Yeah, Jesus there's like no space left." He laughed and nodded, looking down at his inky torso.

"Yeah I guess so."

"You design them yourself...or do they have special stories and stuff?"

"I designed them myself, yeah. Some of them do, like I got mum's name and a lily tattooed on me, that's her favourite flower....umm..." I smiled at how he didn't refer to her in the past tense and he tried to find another example.

"The skull and the rose was just a bit of artwork I did....I got an old-fashioned map to represent Tom. And my dad's name is round here somewhere...umm...the others are just art really."

"I'll say." I didn't like how my words came out and I quickly broke eye contact with him, continuing to clean up and resisting the temptation to watch him getting dressed.

"What do you think?" I spun round and tried not to gape, managing to put on a smile. It looked perfect with his old skinny jeans, giving him a really fashionable rustic image.

"It actually looks really good on you. You should keep it."

"No, no it's fine. It's obviously an expensive one I-"

"Oli I never wear it, it doesn't look right on me. It fits you perfectly too. Keep it." He nodded slowly.

"Thank you."

I got changed, with some embarrassment, not that Oli was looking at me anyway, and we met my parents downstairs.

"Don't you two look handsome!!" Oli laughed as she pecked us both on the cheeks.

"Thank you Nina - you look very lovely too." She smiled.

"Why thank you very much. Harry don't the boys look great?"

"Not as good as you my love. Let's go." He winked at us and I felt myself cringing but Oli just laughed and followed them out.

That whole evening my phone kept ringing or beeping when I got text messages, I got so angry that I turned it off and both my parents were shocked.

"Have you had a fight with someone Kellin?" My dad asked in concern.

"What? No, not at all. It's just that we're having a nice dinner and my friends just don't seem to understand that if someone doesn't answer then you don't call them periodically until they do pick up." Their expressions were both frozen until mum broke the silence.

"Well, Oli I'm very glad you came. Apparently Kellin's a nice mannered gentleman when you're around."

"What? I was well mannered before." My dad popped his eyebrows and snorted while mum took a sip of her drink.

"What?! I was!!"

"You were always glued to that thing before."

"Well..maybe I've gained a fresh perspective on certain things."

"And let's hope it stays that way. Oli, I'm very grateful to you, here's to Oli!!" My dad toasted and we all clinked our glasses, I ignored the jump in my heart rate when my hand knocked against Oli's.

The rest of the evening we all chatted and laughed and actually had a really nice time. It made me sad to think that I hadn't really spoken to my parents properly in ages, but I was glad I was doing it now, and Oli seemed much happier and more comfortable with all of us together.

When we went home that night and said goodnight to my parents, me and Oli stood out in the hall.

"Well, goodnight I guess. Thanks for everything today Kellin, I've had a really good time."

"Same actually, sorry again for the rocky start." He shook his head and smiled. Neither of us knew wether to hug or high five or just leave, so we both settled for an awkward wave and went into our separate bedrooms, me cursing myself for acting so stupid.