Seven Date Me

Friday with Gerard had been strangely amazing. We kissed for minutes on end while surrounded by darkness. When we would break apart for air, far fewer times than most couples would, Gerard would apologise for taking my breath away as I gasped. The thing was, his apologies were sincere, but I would smile and kiss the tip of his nose anyway because he was just too damn cute.

We stayed at the club until early evening, then I drove Gerard home. He invited me in for dinner but I had to decline; my plans for our last date required plenty of rest beforehand.

My last date with Gerard – it had come all too quickly.

I’d decided to pull out all the stops for this date. Everything I had done up to this point was great, but I felt like I needed to do more to make sure that he wouldn’t call quits on us once the week was over. I’d called my boss on Friday night once I’d arrived home from Gerard’s and told him I wasn’t feeling well again and subsequently wouldn’t be coming into work on Saturday. He wasn’t too happy about that, but once I feigned an incredibly convincing coughing fit, you know the kind where it sounds like you’re about to spit your lungs out of your mouth, he was urging me not to come in.

I hauled myself out of bed at four in the morning, showered, and dressed in warm clothes. A bag with almost everything I’d need for the day was prepacked and sitting by the door for when I was ready to leave at quarter to five. I busied myself in the kitchen of my apartment to make a thermos of hazelnut macchiato as close to Starbucks quality as I could. Once I was satisfied I packed it and two ceramic mugs into the bag. I did a quick tidy up of the apartment before I headed down to my car and drove to Gerard’s.

When I arrived at his house at five o’clock, I got out and jogged up to the front door, knocking quickly. Gerard appeared a few seconds later, dressed in as many layers as me.

“Good morning,” I greeted him warmly.

He smiled at me broadly before pulling me to him for a tender kiss. “You’re breathtaking,” he said softly when I stepped back.

I looked down at my feet as I felt myself blush. “No...” I mumbled dismissively.

“How about beautiful, then?” he asked. I shook my head. “No? Gorgeous? Astounding? Attractive? Hot? Sexy? Handsome? Pretty? Take your pick, Frankie.”

“It’s too early to answer that question,” I replied. I still couldn’t look at him; I had to focus on one spot because my stomach was doing flip-flops.

He sighed in that daydream kind of way. “I know it’s hard, Frankie; I can never find the right words to describe you either. The words mustn’t exist yet.” He paused. “Maybe in future when people need to describe the most beautiful person they’ve ever seen they’ll need to say 'Frankie' – it’s the only word I can think of. It can be a synonym for perfect.”

I had to meet his eyes once he said that, and then blushed furiously as he looked back at me with such sincerity. Never in my life had I been described as perfect, but before me was a man calling me just that and meaning it completely. My jaw dropped slightly but all he did was smile at me.

“C-come on,” I stammered, still trying to recover from the fact that that beautiful man had called me perfect, “we have a date to go on.”

He pulled the front door shut after himself and we started to walk to my car. Our breath floated like puffs of smoke on the chilly air. It wasn’t a long walk from his porch to the curb but despite this he linked our fingers and kept them that way until we reached the car. Remembering that this date had to be as romantic as possible in every corny way, I opened the passenger door for him and closed it once he was situated. He gazed up at me affectionately through the window, a look which I returned.

The streets of New Jersey were empty and silent, illuminated by flickering streetlights. Inside my car was a comfortable conversational silence. The tune coming from my stereo was faint, it being drowned out by the roaring of the heater set to full force. The route we took had few bends and turns so I was able to hold Gerard’s hand for most of the drive.

“The library?” Gerard asked, mystified when we pulled up in front of it.

I nodded. “You’ll love this, trust me.”

We got out of the car, I grabbed my backpack, and then led him around the library to the fire escape on the back of the building. He was puzzled when I started climbing it, but nevertheless he followed me up. The fire escape took us up to the roof of the library, one of the highest accessible points in Newark. I walked to the centre of the roof where the tent-like skylights were situated.

“Why the roof?” Gerard asked me when I began to take a blanket and a picnic rug out of my backpack.

I laid out the blue tartan rug. “What better place to watch the sunrise than the roof.”

His eyes widened and his jaw dropped a little. “We’re going to watch the sunrise together? How...”

“Romantic?” I offered. He nodded slowly as a soft smile formed on his lips. I took out more things from my bag. “So, we have something to sit on, a blanket to snuggle under, a thermos of hazelnut macchiato because that’s your Saturday drink, and some bagels I swiped from Starbucks yesterday because we need to eat.”

“Oh, Frankie,” he breathed out, “I never expected something like this... and it’s amazing.”

I left everything on the rug and closed the distance between us, stroking his ice cold flushed cheeks. He lowered his head and kissed me softly, lovingly. I wanted so badly to deepen the kiss, but it was too damn cold to stand there making out like horny teenagers. I found his hands and pulled him gently toward the picnic rug and gestured for him to sit down. We sat propped against the skylight, underneath the blanket I had brought, our hands linked.

“You said something about snuggling, right?” Gerard prompted me.

I laughed. “That’s right, I did.”

We put our arms around each other, tilting our heads together. Ten minutes passed before Gerard fell to the temptation of the coffee in front of us. I reached into my bag and retrieved the ceramic mugs I’d packed. I poured us both a mug, then settled back into Gerard’s warmth. Steam wafted out of the cups and mingled with our shallow breaths.

“You’re the sweetest guy I’ve ever met, Frankie,” Gerard whispered a while later after we’d made a dent in our coffee.

“You’re the most unique person I’ve ever met, Gerard,” I replied, meaning it entirely.

He turned his head to look at me, putting his mug down so he could stroke my cheek; his hand was beautifully warm. He stared into my eyes and smiled. “Your eyes are the most amazing colour – I’ve never seen eyes with flecks of gold in them before.”

My heart hammered at his compliment. “Your smile lights up the darkest of places,” I returned.

He blushed, breaking eye contact. Quietly, he said, “You make me believe in fairytales...”

“You make me believe in myself.”

Slowly, agonisingly slowly, he lifted his eyes to meet mine again. The green hues in his hazel eyes were more prominent now that the sun was beginning to rise. I found myself drawn to the colour, drawn to the mind behind those eyes. I could not look away, and it seemed that the feeling was mutual. The world moved around us but we acted as if we were on pause. It was like, in that one moment, we became more connected than we ever had been.

Thinking back on it now, as retrospect allows, I believe that very moment then, when our eyes, thoughts, and hearts were connected as one, was the exact moment I fell in love with Gerard Way.

“I think,” Gerard said breathily, “you made my heart stop beating.”

“Allow me to jump-start it then,” I replied smoothly, then leaned in to kiss him.

We kissed gently, our lips moving in perfect synchronicity. The cold air whipped at our cheeks but warmth filled me from Gerard’s close proximity and enticing tongue. In the rare moments that I opened my eyes – just to check it really was Gerard and not some vivid dream – I noticed a blotchy pink tinge to his cheeks. It made him all the more cuter.

Breathless, our lips parted ways. The sun, in the small amount of time we had been kissing, had begun to cast reds and yellows across the sky. Gerard adjusted his position so his legs were spread either way around my hips and he could pull me back into his chest. We both pulled at the blanket around us so we were both covered. When Gerard’s arms encircled me I relaxed into him and turned my attention to the sky.

“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” he asked me once we’d drained our mugs and the sun had risen to its entirety.

“Well,” I began, “I thought it would be romantic to recreate some scenes from some of the best movies of our time and take some photos. What do you think?”

Gerard’s eyes lit up. “Best. Day. Ever.”

“And it’s only the beginning,” I said, pointing to the sun.

Gerard helped me to gather up all the blankets and then we climbed back down the fire escape, walking hand-in-hand to my car. It was only a short drive to the park that I’d chosen as the backdrop for our photo shoot. The reason I chose it was because I knew it would be private at this hour, so we could let go of any inhibitions as we played dress-up. There was only the occasional early-morning jogger that crossed our paths, and they were all so focused on huffing and puffing their way to a new PB that they didn’t take any notice of us.

“Here,” I said to Gerard as I handed him a fake rose, followed by a pale blue shirt. “Put this on.”

As he changed, I set my camera up on its tripod and positioned it in front of the only park bench. A moment later, I had the self timer all set up so we could both be in the photo.

“Okay, scene one,” I said, tugging Gerard over to the bench. “I need you to lie down on your back across this bench and then hold the flower to your chest. I’ll just go check the frame.”

I wandered over to the camera and examined the screen, finding out that I needed to reposition the tripod and zoom in on Gerard’s face to get rid of some of the distracting background. As the camera focused, I noticed a perplexed expression on his face. Maybe he was starting to think this was a stupid idea.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

His expression quickly changed, a genuine toothy smile taking over from his pursed lips. “Yeah, I’m just trying to guess the movie. I feel like I know it, but I can’t quite place it.”

“How about you close your eyes? Maybe you’ll be able to visualise it,” I suggested.

The moment his eyes closed, I tiptoed over to the bench and leant over his body, pressing my lips against his softly. I felt his mouth curve into a smile.

“Sleeping Beauty,” he murmured.

“I know you are, but what’s the movie?” I replied playfully, earning a light punch in the arm from a grinning Gerard. “Okay, for real this time.”

For my part in this scene, I put a cape from an old Halloween costume – I was Dracu-Hulk one year (don’t ask) – around my shoulders. The cape secured, I went back to the camera and set the timer for ten seconds, before repositioning myself over Gerard’s body. As I lowered my face to his, his eyes fluttered shut and his lips puckered slightly. Our lips met just as the camera flashed. Instead of letting me stand, Gerard placed his hand on my cheek and deepened the kiss. Honestly, I didn’t need much encouragement to stay.

The sound of nearby jogger’s feet slapping the pavement snapped me out of the kiss moments later. Regretfully, I got to my feet and checked the camera.

“How is it?” Gerard called, sitting up.

I could hardly believe my eyes. The photo was perfect. Both of us were in focus, the framing was ideal and, in my opinion at least, it looked like a pretty good recreation of the kiss. You know, if you ignore that we’re two guys and that neither of us is blonde.

I twisted the camera off the tripod and handed it to Gerard. “Take a look for yourself.”

“Holy shit!” he exclaimed. “This is my favourite photo of all time!”

“You really like it?”

“I love it!” He placed a distracted kiss on my cheek, keeping his eyes trained on the photo. Excitement evident in his voice, he asked “What’s next?”

We spent the next hour switching between costumes and running from one side of the park to the other to get the perfect backdrop. By the end of the shoot, we had played out five different scenes and had a lot of great photos to show for it.

After Sleeping Beauty, we took a shot at the iconic kiss from The Notebook, minus the rain. Gerard was, as you would expect, a natural Ryan Gosling – handsome and sexy beyond belief, with just a little attitude – while I, due to my size, took on the role of Rachael McAdams. Even though I don’t like to be a feminine gay, I can’t say I was disappointed to be lifted into Gerard’s arms and held against his torso.

We followed that up with the Spiderman kiss and then a little hugging action from Brokeback Mountain – because we had to have at least one same-sex couple featured.

And of course, we couldn’t miss the opportunity to be Rose and Jack from Titanic. After an excruciating climb to the top of the jungle gym – which clearly wasn't made for two grown adults to play on – Gerard pretended to fly while I held onto his waist. That particular shot took a couple of attempts to get right, as we needed a long timer to allow for us to get to the top of structure before the camera flashed.

While I loved each recreation we made together, I have to say, my favourite photos were the ones where we messed up. While those moments ruined the scenes we were trying to emulate, the camera had captured some genuine moments between us, ones where we were laughing, smiling, hugging and falling over each other.

As the early morning turned into mid morning, the occasional jogger was replaced by numerous overzealous children, who would come into the park one after the other, yelling and yahooing. It was ruining the romantic vibe I was going for on this date with Gerard.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said after one too many children had pushed past us.

“Go?” Gerard asked innocently. “Why?”

I looked at him, puzzled, and slowly – as if it were obvious – said, “Because of all the kids. It’s chaos here.”

Gerard turned his head left and then right, casting his eyes across the park. When they landed back on me, a soft smile formed on his lips. He reached out for my hand, taking it and stroking his thumb across my knuckles.

“I hadn’t noticed. When I’m around you, Frankie, it’s like the rest of the world is in soft focus and you’re the only thing I see.”

His words hit my heart like Cupid’s proverbial arrow and I knew right then and there that what I was feeling for Gerard was more intense than I could have ever imagined. If our time on the roof was when I fell in love with him, then this moment was the one that cemented those feelings. It was hard to tell if he felt the same way, or if this was just the romantic side of Gerard’s personality, but I still tell myself that he felt that spark, too.

Gerard helped me gather up all the props I’d brought to the park and we carried them back to my car. Ever the romantic – on Saturdays, anyway – Gerard suggest that we go somewhere for breakfast together, saying he wasn’t ready for our date to end. In all honesty, I wasn’t either. And so we found a quiet cafe, asked for a table in the far corner, and shared breakfast together... as well as lunch.

The cafe staff did try to move us on after we’d been taking up the table for nearly two hours, our breakfast dishes long since been abandoned, but they had a change of heart when Gerard asked to see the lunch menu. Suddenly, we were their favourite customers and nothing was too much trouble.
Feeling quite stuffed, we finally waddled out of the cafe at around two o’clock. The moment we stepped out onto the pavement, Gerard entwined his fingers with mine so we could walk hand-in-hand back to the car.

“Don’t take me home,” Gerard begged as I slipped behind the wheel.

I hadn’t even suggested it. However, I also hadn’t planned a full-day date and was running out of ideas for what we could do.

My passenger reached out for me, placing a hand on my upper thigh and stroking painfully slow. All he said was “Please”. His touch and that one word stirred something in me. My brain ticked over, formulating an elaborate plan in mere seconds. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

“I will take you home,” I finally said. Gerard’s face fell immediately and I could see he was about to protest, so I jumped in first. “But I’ll come back for you in a few hours. I just need time to prepare.”

“You’re so thoughtful,” he gushed.

I couldn’t help but smile.



Several hours later, just as the sun was setting, I arrived back at Gerard’s house. He was waiting for me on the front lawn and I suspected he had been standing there from about the time I sent him a text to say I was on my way. The nerves hit me the second he got in the car beside me. I could smell his woody cologne, hear the slight whistle in his breathing and felt my whole body warm as he leant over and pecked my cheek.

“Where are we going?” he asked with an enormous grin and a dreamy look in his eyes.

I gulped. “Um, somewhere you’ve never been before. Actually, somewhere almost no one has been before.”

Less than fifteen minutes later, I brought my car to a stop in a one-way-only laneway between two buildings, guiding into the last free parking spot. Nerves bubbled away in my stomach as I undid my seatbelt. Gerard did the same as he took in his surroundings, a curious expression on his face.

“Where are we?” he finally asked, a hint of child-like wonder to his voice. If he felt at all scared or unimpressed, he certainly didn’t show it.

“We’re at, uh ... th-this is my apartment building,” I explained. “Do you want to go up? We don’t have to! I just thought that–”

Gerard cut my off, placing a firm hand on my arm. “I’d love to.”

I felt a little relieved, but then I remembered he was saying yes without ever having seen my apartment. It was nowhere near as nice as his little house.

We gathered up my bag of props and my other bag of picnic stuff from the back seat and I led the way to the back entrance of the building, taking us in through the communal laundry room. The elevator in my building had been out of order for a month, so we had to take the three flights of stairs up to my floor. I apologised profusely, trying to simultaneous place all the blame on my landlord while also defending him so it seemed reasonable that the elevator hadn’t been fixed yet.

“Just pretend we’re hiking up a mountain,” he said enthusiastically after flight two. “As long as I’m with you, I’m sure the view at the top will be spectacular.

I was starting to realise that, much like happy Gerard, it was hard to upset, disappoint or offend this version of Gerard. He was able to so easily romanticise anything we did. Some people might be bothered by someone so sensitive, but after getting to know all seven sides of Gerard, I can say with confidence that this isn’t his worst quality. Actually, it may have just been my favourite.

On top of having to climb three flights of stairs, we also had to walk a very long hallway to get to my apartment. Finally, my door came into view. With each step closer, my nerves intensified, to the point where I thought I might need to stop to throw up in the floor’s only pot plant.

“This is me,” I said, my shaking fingers fumbling with the key. The moment the door was open, the apologies started. “Sorry it’s so dark, I don’t think the right light bulbs were fitted. I hope that smell doesn’t bother you, the guy next door cooks cabbage a lot, sorry. I’ll light a candle. Do you like cherry? Sorry if you don’t, but it’s all I’ve got.”

The box of matches was pulled from my hands and suddenly I was tugged into Gerard’s arms, his mouth covering mine.

“You’ve got to relax, Frankie,” he said as he stepped back, although he kept hold of my waist. “I told you, everything but you is a blur to me. Every single sense is trained on you.”

I think I blushed more times on this one date than I had in my entire life up to this point. His words – and, I can’t lie, that kiss – encouraged me to get the date back on track. I told him to take a seat while I went to the kitchen. In the hours we were apart, I stopped by a really expensive bakery and spent nearly half a week’s wage on pastries and other desserts for us to share. I laid them all out on my best – and only – serving platter and carried them out to the living room with a bottle of cheap champagne tucked under one arm, while my free hand balanced two plates with champagne flutes sitting on them. In my absence, Gerard had lit the candle I had been fumbling with, allowing the faint smell of cherries to fill the room.

“Let me help you,” Gerard said, taking the glasses and plates from me. After placing them on the coffee table, his eyes fell on the platter. “Oh my God! That looks so good. Don’t tell me you bake, too.”

“Oh, no, no, no,” I replied, shaking my head emphatically. “You have the good people of some French bakery whose name I can’t pronounce to thank for this.”

Gerard scooted close to me as I joined him on the couch. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I would argue the bringer of food is more important than the baker of food. The latter could make as much as he wants and never share a morsel, but the bringer, he does nothing but give everything he has.”

I’m not sure if my mouth was hanging open, but it certainly felt that way. His words immobilised me, and yet he didn’t even seem to notice their effect. He simply plucked a $13 miniature éclair off the platter and slipped it between his lips. The dotting of cream on his upper lip slowly pulled me back to the moment, lured by the suggestiveness of it.

Gerard paused, noticing I was staring. “Sorry, I just noticed it’s the only one. Did you want a bit?”

Somehow, the word “Yeah” fell out of my mouth softly, but instead of waiting for him to break a piece of the éclair off, I leaned in close and licked the cream off his top lip. My eyes grew wide when I realised what I had done.

“I don’t know why I did that – I’m sorry,” I blurted out.

He didn’t say anything. For a moment, we just sat in what felt to me like an awkward silence. Then, he dipped a finger in the éclair and swiped the cream-covered pinkie across my top lip. I caught a quick flash of a grin before he moved in and repeated what I had just done to him.

“Close, but not as good as the real thing,” he whispered against my lips.

Gerard connected our lips once more, this time kissing me deeply. I returned his kiss, feeling relieved that he clearly didn’t think what I did was too weird. His hands caressed my hips, fingers working their way beneath my shirt. My skin responded in tiny goosebumps, the hair on my arms standing on end. It was like I could feel his touch everywhere, even though his hands hadn’t moved from my hips.

Gerard pulled his lips away ever so slightly, touching our noses together. His eyes remained closed, his long lashes gently caressing his cheeks. He looked calm, peaceful.

“I’m scared to open my eyes,” he breathed against my upper lip, “in case you’re not there, and all I’ve done is dream up this moment.”

“My eyes are open, and you’re right here,” I replied, my voice shaking. “And you’re perfect.”

His eyes opened suddenly, connecting with mine in an intense stare. Neither of us risked blinking, fearing that could be the thing that wakes up from this dream.

“You haven’t blinked,” he eventually said.

“Neither have you,” I pointed out.

“Okay, on the count of three then,” he instructed. “One. Two. Three.”

Of course, neither of us closed our eyes. We broke out in hysterical laughter, which forced us to do the one thing we had been avoiding.

“Not a dream,” I said once I was able to compose myself.

“And thank God for that.”

We settled back into the couch cushions together, bringing the plate of pastries with us. Our thighs, which were pressed against each other, acted as the table for the plate. I flicked on the television and put on a random movie. It didn’t matter what it was, I knew I wouldn’t be paying any attention.

Gerard was dozing on my shoulder by time the credits started to roll. He was snoring softly and I could see a dark spot on my shirt from where he’d been drooling. It didn’t bother me, though. If anything, I kind of liked that he felt that comfortable around me. And, if he felt that comfortable, then this would not be our last date.

He stirred as I turned the television off, drowsy hazel eyes looking up at me.

“I think I fell asleep,” he said, his words muffled by a yawn. He stroked my arm gently as a smile crept onto his lips. “It’s been a long day, but the best kind of long day. The kind that you wish would never end.”

There was one more element to this date that I’d arranged while we were apart. It was the part I was most nervous about, but in that moment I felt like he was telling me it was okay, even if he didn’t know what I had planned.

I took a deep breath and said the words that would either end this date or extend it. I really hoped it would be the latter.

“Maybe you should go to bed.”

Gerard’s smile faltered. “Oh... yeah, I guess you’re right. It is getting kind of late.”

He started to move away from me, attempting to stand from the couch. I grabbed his hand before he could get up completely, the action forcing him to look my way.

“I said you should go to bed,” I began, “not that you had to leave.”

“Are you asking me to stay the night?”

“To begin with.” My voice was quiet and I didn’t sound confident at all when I said, “But I also want to ask to be with you... all of you.”

I got to my feet, still holding his hand delicately in mine. I led him to my bedroom before he had a chance to answer me. He could say no. I would have accepted a no. But I wanted to him see what I had done. I wanted him to see that this wasn’t me trying to take advantage of him or use him. This was me wanting to show him how special I thought he was.

I pushed the door open slowly, allowing the light from one hundred battery-operated tealights spill out into the hallway. The floor was strewn with rose petals, both pink and white. I’d actually made the bed for once, and even splurged on some throw cushions to make it look more like a fancy hotel room bed. A vase of very expensive red roses sat on the nightstand. They, combined with the petals on the carpet, made the room smell overwhelmingly of rose perfume. As the scent caught in the back of my throat, I thought I’d gone too far, but then I spotted the look on Gerard’s face. His eyes were shining, his mouth had fallen open slightly.

“You did all of this for me?” he asked, his eyes roaming the room.

“Yeah. It’s a bit much, huh?”

He turned his whole body to me, clasping his hands in front of his chest. “Frankie, it’s beautiful. It’s perfect. Ask me anything, and I’ll say yes.”

I didn’t ask with words. My silent question came in the form of a gentle kiss on his lips. My hand went to his cheek, caressing it softly. I hoped the answer was yes.

Gerard’s answer was as subtle as my question had been. I could sense the Yes in the way he touched my hips, intentionally letting his fingers skim the skin beneath the hem of my shirt. There was a Yes in the way he returned my kiss, expertly parting my lips with his tongue. I could feel his Yes when he brought our pelvis’ together and there was nothing but hardness pressing against me.

It all screamed Yes. He wanted this moment as much as I did, and I planned to make the most of every second.

I guided him to the foot of the bed, fumbling with his belt buckle as I did so. Getting it undone, I popped the button on his dark jeans and pulled down the zip, releasing the obvious pressure on him. My fingers then got to work on his shirt, undoing button after button until I could push back the fabric and slip it down over his arms. Gerard’s chest was ghost-white, not a single hair marking it. I pressed my lips to his bare chest. He removed my clothes with a sense of urgency while I placed kiss after kiss to his skin. He was growing impatient and, to be honest, so was I.

My mouth went to his neck. One kiss, and then my teeth nipped and sucked the skin there until they had left a mark. My signature. Slowly, I trailed kisses down his neck, chest, and torso, getting lower and lower until I was able to take his impressive length in my mouth.

“Oh, God...” Gerard moaned as my lips enclosed around him.

His hands went to my head and pushed my forward until almost all of him was in my mouth. His hips bucked against me in encouragement. My hands rested on the back of his knees, which trembled as I applied more pressure with my lips.

“D-don’t stop...”

I dragged my tongue along the underside of him once more and pulled away completely. He tried to pull me back, but I resisted.

“Not yet,” I whispered. “This can’t end yet.”

Drawing him against me, I pressed my own arousal into his back. Hands on his shoulders, I pushed him down until he understood what I wanted. I watched him climb up onto the bed and crawl to the pillows, then lay back against them and beckon for me to join him. His hand reached out and began stroking me. Primal groans escaped my throat. I could hardly believe something so raw, so animalistic, had come from me. But it had. That was the effect Gerard’s hand could have.

As hard as it was, I had to wriggle out of his grasp. I couldn’t help but laugh when he pouted in response.

“Patience,” I teased against his lips.

I kissed his mouth, letting it deepen until I couldn’t stand the throbbing ache in my groin any longer. I had to have him.

His hands rubbed me again as I hovered over his body. I let him keep going as I searched for a condom in the drawer beside the bed. My fingers located the foil packet and swiftly opened it. I rolled it over my length and then returned my attention to Gerard. As I kissed him, I prepped him delicately with my fingers. One, then two, then three, carefully stretching him until he moaned the word “Please” against my lips.

My knees nudged his thighs open, giving me room to scoot in close. I held his hand as I eased into him. The glow from the candles allowed me to see him squeeze his eyes shut, and I felt his grip on my hand tighten as he adjusted to me. Moments later, he urged me to move.

Every sense in my body came alive as I pushed into him. I could hear him moan in pleasure, detect the scent of sweat, sex and roses in the air. My hands explored his body freely, his skin smooth and warm beneath my fingertips. As I licked my dry lips, all I could taste was Gerard.

Our lovemaking was slow at first, then he begged me to speed up. I hardly needed the encouragement. But as we moaned loudly together, I knew I didn't want this to end in a cloud of red-hot passion. It had to end with love, with a promise for the future. And so I slowed, kissing him, caressing him and telling him how beautiful he was. Although moving slow, each movement into him drove deeper until we were as close as it was physically possible for two people to be.

“Oh, Frankie,” he breathed into my ear. “Frankie... Frankie...”

I could feel myself getting closer to the edge, barely clinging on. Knowing I had little restraint left, I took Gerard in my hand and tugged him in time with my thrusts.

Finally, I let go, calling his name. As if it was a prompt, Gerard came too.

I collapsed on top of him, overcome by the intense moment we had just shared, and not caring about how sticky my stomach felt pressed against his. Gerard’s hand went to my hair, while he wrapped his other arm around my back, fingers digging into me.

I lifted my head to take his features in and that’s when I noticed the tears in his eyes, on his cheeks. They sent my heart racing, and not in a good way.

“Did I hurt you?” I asked in a panic.

He shook his head. “I’ve just never felt like that before. You made me feel like I was one person. We were one person.”

Three words were on the tip of my tongue. I’d been thinking them all day, but didn’t want to believe them. In that moment, though, I knew they were true. I needed him to know how I felt.

“Gerard, I–”

“Don’t say it,” he said, his head shaking again. “Not tonight. Let’s just have this moment.”

Sticky and sweaty, we hopped in the shower together and washed it all away before crawling back into bed. Gerard held me in his arms, my back pressed against his chest. Our fingers were entwined beneath the covers, and Gerard pressed soft kisses into my hair.

A sense of calm took over my whole body.

“This has been the best night of my life,” I confessed into the darkness. “Hell, this has been the best day of my life.” I paused for a moment and then just let the words flow as I thought of them. “You intrigued me from the very first moment I saw you. There was just something about you – you were like a puzzle I just had to solve. But then I got to know you, and I released how wonderful you are. Unique. Special. Exciting. I didn’t know someone existed who could be perfect six days out of the week, and then almost perfect on the seventh. This last week with you has been amazing. Just you, you're amazing. I’d seven date you a million times over.”

As his nose nuzzled against my neck, I felt myself grow more confident. I know he told me not to say the words earlier, but how could I keep them bottled up? I wanted to shout them from the rooftops, but first, I had to say them to him.

“I guess what I’m trying to say, Gerard, is that I’ve fallen for you,” I continued. “I love you, Gerard.”

Silence.

“Gerard?”

And then I heard it. That soft snore from earlier. He was asleep. He hadn’t heard a thing.

“Typical,” I murmured. I let out a sigh. “Goodnight, Gerard. I love you.”

I went to sleep with the promise that I would say those words to him again in the morning. It would be the first day of the rest of our lives together. It had to be.