More Like a Movie

The next morning I woke up with a terrible hangover, which was to be expected considering the night I had, but because of the condition I appeared to be in, I had to skip my first class – Story Analysis. It definitely was not a smart move on my part to drink last night, but it was a party. I felt like I had to and well, I wanted to. And even though I was in pain and suffering now, as I replayed the night in my head I didn’t seem to care because it was so worth it.

Vic and I kissed and not just once, or even twice. He walked me back to my dorm after we decided to call it a night and before he left, he kissed me again. I was so afraid to go to sleep that night because I did not want to forget everything when I woke up. I didn’t know how well I’d react to drinking so much, but I really didn’t want everything to be a blur. Luckily for me, when my alarm went off and I forced myself to open my eyes, I could practically feel Vic’s lips still lingering on mine. It wasn’t a dream and I didn’t forget. We kissed. And I liked it, a lot.

That thought made me smile and as I laid there staring up at the pale ceiling, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Finally, I had my first kiss. It only took 20 years, but it happened and I wanted to scream it to the world; tell everyone about it. It’s typical right? The first time you get kissed you want to tell your best friends and let them know what it was like. I guess it usually happens before you enter college, but whatever, that giddy feeling was still there.

And even though Vic had quickly become my closest friend here, I still had that one best friend I shared everything with, even if he’s all the way on the other side of the country. I grinned widely and reached for the table next to my bed to retrieve my phone. I had to admit, I was slightly mortified when I didn’t see a text from Vic, but last night he drank more than me, so there was no doubt in my mind that he would decide to take the morning off as well. I didn’t want to dwell on it so I pushed the fear aside for now. He’d probably text me the second he got up anyway. He always did.

I opened up Jesse’s contact and started typing out a message, completely ignoring the fact that my brain was screaming at me. The pain was so present, but the only thing I could focus on was telling Jesse about what happened. We’ve kept in contact, though it’s not as much as I would like. It’s just that we’ve both been so busy with school that sometimes it gets hard. I finished the message anyway, looking down on it and smiled.

“I’ll have you know that last night I went to my first college party and I kissed a boy. Text me when you can so we can talk. Miss you dude.”

It seemed good enough and I know he wouldn’t respond right away, but I sent the message tucking my phone away underneath the cool side of my pillow. Hopefully later I’d have not only a message from him, but one from Vic too.

I just hoped he didn’t regret what happened, or worse, forget. Maybe I’d let him be the one to bring it up first that would I could just carry off of what he said. If he didn’t remember, I wouldn’t say anything. If he did but decided that it was a mistake, well, I’d be extremely upset but I would agree with him. I had to play my cards right. I didn’t want to come off as needy.

Sighing, I turned so I was lying on my side facing the door. It was like I couldn’t control my thought process. Everything automatically went back to last night. I tried to focus on other things, simple things, like the fact that I need to call my mom back or that I have nothing substantial to eat for breakfast. I tried to think about ideas for the screenplay I’m supposed to create for a class, or ideas for the project that Tony and I are working on together. Nothing seemed to work. I kept coming back to him.

It wasn’t like I could talk it out with anyone, either. Jesse wasn’t always available. I didn’t really speak to the rest of my friends back home, and I wasn’t sure about the ones I made here. Vic never said he wanted to keep it hushed, but I still don’t know where we stand, or if that kiss – those kisses – meant anything more than just a drunken activity he took part in. I felt like I was going insane here, lying in my small bed with these intrusive ramblings. A groan of frustration unwillingly slipped my lips but I didn’t care. I let my discomfort be known.

“Everything okay over there bud?” I heard Tony ask me from his place on his bed. Like me, he took the morning off but I’m not sure if it was from too much drinking or the fact that he didn’t feel like sitting through Mat’s class today.

“Peachy,” I mumbled, rolling back over and burying my face in my pillow. By now the light had started to peer through the blinds only making this migraine worse.

“My little party animal,” he teased from across the room and I groaned again. It felt like he was screaming at me although his voice couldn’t have been anything more than a whisper. The dull throb that I felt had now turned into a full blast pounding; making me squeeze my eyes shut and place a hand over my forehead as if it would soothe the pain. This was stupid. I never wanted to get that drunk again and not just because of the sickly feeling coursing through my system, but also because apparently while drunk, I do things like kiss Vic and then I end up worrying about the outcome of when we’re sober. I went from excited to scared in just a matter of minutes. I hated when I got like this because it felt like there was nothing I could do. Sometimes the feelings would last for mere minutes, other times a couple of hours and then I’d bounce back and be fine.

I just needed answers, but I wasn’t going to get them yet. I had to wait. Maybe I’d go back to sleep or something. Sleeping seemed like the best option now. I just wanted an extra hour two, regain my strength and energy. Maybe when I woke up I would have something from Vic and I could put my over active mind to rest. If not, I guess I would wait.

"Alright well I'm going to grab some breakfast. Want to come with?" Tony's voice sounded more distant so I guessed he was standing by our door. I thought about his proposal. On one hand it might be good for me to try and eat something, but on the other that meant getting out of bed and getting dressed. Two things I didn't want to do yet. I made a grunting sound and pulled the blankets over my head in hopes he would interpret it as a no. I think he did because he was silent for a minute before I heard him speaking again. "Jaime and I are going to head out after. Do you want me stop by before we leave?"

"No," I groaned. "I'm just gonna go back to sleep." I slowly rolled back onto my stomach and buried myself deeper into my bed. I heard Tony mumble something followed by the sound of the door opening and closing letting me know he was gone.

I closed my eyes and ignored the paranoid thoughts. Sleep, that’s all I needed. When I woke up, I would feel differently. I had to feel differently because this was driving me crazy.



I stared hard at my phone like I had some sort of mind power that could make anything I want appear on the screen. I slept for another two and a half hours and although I was still uncomfortable, I felt a little better. I had grabbed two pain relievers the moment I woke up and after rummaging through Tony's drawer of food I settled on a pack of crackers.

Now I was sitting on my bed impatiently, watching as the time on my device changed from 11:30 to 11:31. It was nearing lunchtime and Vic still hasn't gotten a hold of me. Surely he wasn't still sleeping. Is he really trying to avoid me? I felt like I was making a big deal out of this but to me it was a big deal. I just wanted something, anything, from him to let me know that we were cool. Even if his message said that last night was a mistake and it can't happen again, I'd take it. I'd be upset because I really like Vic, but I'd understand.

Jesse replied to me and we talked for a few minutes over the phone before he had to leave for work. He’s doing something with engineering in a music studio. I’m actually really happy for him. I know how much he loves that. It was kind of nice to think about. We were both doing things that we loved, even if we had to go our separate ways.

I hummed thoughtfully and placed my phone face up on the bed that way I’d be able to see if something happened and I leaned over, grabbing my laptop from its place on the floor. Figuring it would be best to occupy myself with something else, I opened up Netflix. I settled on some shitty horror film. These were always my favorites for some reason; I loved wasting my hours on them.

So that’s exactly what I did. I watched movie after movie, distracting myself from checking my phone every two minutes. I felt pathetic, but then again I didn’t care. They were my inner thoughts, not like I was expressing these things to anyone else. I didn’t even mention it to Jesse in the few minutes we spoke.

I was getting a little impatient, though. I felt like Vic had been purposely avoiding me so far today and I didn’t appreciate it. If he didn’t want anything to come of that kiss, I would rather him straight up say something to me rather than ignore my entire existence. Picking up my phone, I decided I’d ask Tony if he’s heard from him at all. I wanted to sound casual and totally not desperate so I racked my brain for the proper sentence and quickly typed it out.

“Have you heard from Vic at all today?”

It was simple enough; short and sweet and he texted back right away.

“nah I was actually about to ask you the same thing. It’s weird but I haven’t talked to him since last night. What happened?”

That didn’t sound good to me. So I wasn’t alone in thinking that not hearing from Vic was weird. Great, that means he really is staying away from me.

“Jaime?” I responded completely ignoring his question.

“nope.”

I was beginning to feel sick. I woke up this morning completely thrilled about the events of last night, but it looks like I ruined a perfectly good friendship. Even though it wasn’t even my fault. Vic was the one to initiate the kiss. He told me that he wanted to kiss me. I just agreed.

”Try Mike. He might know.” Tony added. So I did just that, shooting the younger Fuentes a quick message. I didn’t know if he’d reply or not, but it was worth a try.

I sat there with my mind racing. I had two options here. One, I could follow what Vic is doing and ignore him completely. Or two, I could face him and talk this out like the adults we are supposed to be. Though the first option definitely seemed safer, I would feel a lot better going with two.

I shuffled out of bed and threw on whatever clean clothes I had lying around. This was nerve wracking, but I wanted to get it over with. The sooner I got through this, the sooner we could go on with our lives. Once I was dressed, I made my way out to Vic’s dorm. It wasn’t far from the one I shared with Tony so I didn’t have too much time to stress on the way there. I was at his room in no time.

When I reached for the handle I rolled my eyes. In true Vic fashion, it was completely unlocked. Now I know these halls aren’t polluted with criminals, but I could never leave my door unlocked, whether I was inside the room or not.

Closing my eyes, I pushed the door open not sure what I would be greeted with. I kind of expected an empty room with Vic long gone somewhere that didn’t involve me, but I was surprised to find him still sleeping. A million different emotions crashed down on me at the moment but the most prominent one was probably embarrassment. I was such a fucking drama queen, overreacting to literally everything all of the time. It was a miracle that people could still put up with my shit.

I just invited myself in, closing the door quietly behind me. Glancing around I saw that Mike’s sheets were thrown over the windows, making the entire room dark gray. It made me wonder where Mike was, but I let go of that thought and focused back on Vic. He was sprawled on his stomach with his blankets hanging half on him and half on the floor. Wisps of brown hair circled his cheeks and his mouth was open slightly. He was completely adorable, even with the small pool of drool forming on his pillow.

Relief flooded through me and I was careful as I brushed a tuft of hair out of his eyes. So he was sleeping in late, really late. It was reaching 3pm and I guess that’s why I had grown so nervous. In the short time I had known Vic he’s never slept this late before. I sighed and closed my eyes, thinking of how stupid I was. This doesn’t mean anything though. I still don’t know whether or not he remembered the kiss.

I really didn’t want to wake his peaceful form, but he had to get up. It wasn’t good for him to sleep like this because then he’d be up all night and in turn, so would I. Making the decision to wake him, I sat down gently on the edge of his bed, placing a warm hand on his back and rubbing small circles through the fabric of his shirt. He shifted slightly, but not much, still out cold.

“Vic,” I whispered never letting the movement of my hand falter. “It’s me. It’s Kellin.”

He remained completely still except for his body rising and falling with the breaths he took. Using my free hand, I tucked his hair behind his ear and leaned forward to peck his cheek. Was that weird? I shrugged and sat back, trying again.

“Victor, you should really get up now.” I said softly.

This time, Vic stirred a bit more and a croaking sound filled the room. I had to refrain from laughing, but it was just so cute. Everything about this situation was adorable. “Come on,” I sang. “Wake up.”

“Ugh,” he grumbled, turning his head and rubbing his face against his pillow. “What time is it?”

“Around 3 o’clock,” I whispered, shuffling back so he could sit up. He let out a groan and turned his head to the side, trying to find where I was. I don’t think he even knew it was me. He was so disoriented. When he finally met my eyes, I offered a shy smile. I was still pretty nervous around him.

“Kellin?” He questioned, rubbing his eyes with the pads of his palms. “What are you doing here?”

I frowned and tried to keep my voice calm. “You haven’t contacted anyone at all today. We were all pretty worried. I guess I didn’t know you drank that much,” I shrugged like it was nothing. I didn’t want him to catch onto my other reasoning.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed and sat up a little bit, pressing his fingers to his temples in the process. “I just feel like shit.”

I nodded but remained silent. I couldn’t even look at him, afraid that if I did I’d break down and mumble out something stupid about us kissing. He looked at me for a moment and that’s when I knew it was stupid of me to try and hide my feelings around Vic. He read me so easily.

“Oh, Kellin,” he said sweetly, grabbing my hands and pulling me more onto his bed with him. I sat there astonished, unsure of what he was doing until he cupped my face in his hands and stared at me with intent. “You didn’t think I was avoiding you, did you?”

I bit my lip to try and hide my frown but my body betrayed me and I pouted involuntarily. I crossed my arms and tried to keep myself from crying. Why was I so fucking emotional over this? I swear to God, I’m so fucked up sometimes.

“I don’t regret it,” he smiled leaning forward to capture my lips in a gentle almost airy kiss. It was so different from what we did last night that it sent a swarm of butterflies throughout my stomach. “And I didn’t forget. Don’t trouble your pretty little head.” He pecked my lips again and let go of me, scooting back on his bed to create more room. I felt him snake a hand around my wrist and pull me down with him. “Come on, you can’t feel much better than I do.”

I fell down next to him, feeling my face heat up when I realized we were laying on his bed facing each other. His arm curved around my back and he held me close. I could feel his breath hitting my face and I was reminded of last night after he kissed me. He was right, I still felt awful, but I couldn’t miss my evening class.

“No, I have class later and I have to go,” I tried to wiggle out of his grasp even though I would rather spend the rest of the day here with him.

“Stay,” he whined tightening his grip on me and just like that he had me. There was no way in hell I was giving this up. “Take the day off, Kellin. You need it so just stay here with me.”

“Okay,” I sighed in content and moved closer to him so my face was buried in his chest and his head was resting against mine. “I’m sorry,” I said aloud into the air. I felt the need to apologize for being so childish and needy.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Kels,” he whispered. “I know you, remember? I know how you work. It’s alright. You didn’t bother me.”

I hated that I felt like I always needed to be reassured, but I guess that’s just another thing I had to work on. And I would work on it. This was all about making me a better person, and working on the issues that I have. Today was a moment of weakness and I wouldn’t let something like this happen again. The important thing here at this moment was that Vic didn’t regret anything. He didn’t hate me.

“So what did you want to do?” I asked through a yawn, feeling tired yet again.

“Lay here,” he responded with a quiet laugh and that was perfectly fine with me.