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More Like a Movie

screenplay.

Sometimes writing came to me effortlessly. I could open up a single document, or pull out a fresh, crisp sheet of paper and I wouldn’t have to think twice, my brain would start working, my fingers would start moving and every thought I had stored away would come to life in the form of words on the screen or scribbled ink on paper. Days like those always reassured me that I was on the right path.

But it wasn’t always like that.

Since being here, at school, I’ve found writing to be more of a challenge than a pleasure; a struggle instead of fun. Maybe I had been thinking too hard, setting my own standards too high, but this was my screenplay, this was my debut to the world, my story. It had to be perfect. Flawless. I had no room for error.

I sighed and closed my notebook, slipping the pen in the spirals and holding it to my chest. The wind whistled around me, leaves blowing up around the sidewalk, caught up in the current and being swept away. Harsh winter weather was in full swing, starting just the day after I returned to school for the new semester. It wasn’t a drastic change for me though. Back home it snowed nearly almost every day, stopping in only short periods in the middle of the week.

I smiled, looking up towards the sky as the first flake fell. The forecast had called for snow this morning so I was prepared, wrapping my jacket around me a little tighter and pulling my gloves out of my pockets, slipping them on. I thought about how frustrated Vic would be when he finally showed up. During his visit to my home he did an awful lot of complaining about the weather, but I always laughed. He was definitely not a snow bunny by any means. He’d be so pissed he had to leave the sunny streets of California to come back here.

I couldn’t wait to see him though; I couldn’t wait to see everyone. I was the first of our group to arrive back to the university, showing up a few days early so I could try to get some writing in though obviously it wasn’t going very well. But I was missing everyone like crazy.

Being home I realized that I was kind of lonely. The life I had there just wasn’t my life anymore. Everything and everyone that I loved, with the exception of my parents, was here. I left my house for only a couple of days to meet with Jesse, the rest of the time was spent either at home with my family or on a call with Vic. It kind of broke my heart to see how little I had left there, but it also gave me a sense of hope. I had done something big and created life somewhere else. I was proud of that.

Pulling my hat down, I went to stand up when I felt a presence behind me. A weight was placed on my shoulder and I tensed, cautiously lifting my eyes and searching above me. A bright smile lit up my face and I wasted no time jumping to my feet and throwing my arms around the man in front of me.

“I missed you,” I whispered into his neck, burying my nose against his skin and closing my eyes when the scent of his new cologne filled my nostrils. His cold hands made their way up my jacket, running along the warmth of my body and sending a shiver down my spine.

Vic hugged me tight and littered my face with tiny kisses causing me to giggle embarrassingly. I jumped up, locking my legs around his waist just so incredibly happy that I didn’t have to be alone here anymore. Vic sighed and rested his forehead against mine. “I missed you too, love,” he said.

Those words had me clinging to him tighter, refusing to let go even when he dropped me back onto my feet. I clutched onto his sweater, keeping my head against his. Even though it had only been two weeks since we had been apart, it was still enough for that stupid fucking longing to fester in my heart.

Noticing what state I was in, Vic continued to rub my back in a comforting motion, warming my heart and my body all at once. He was so gentle with me; so good. I never wanted anyone else to have him and I was so lucky to be the one he chose to pour all of his affection into. He loved me. He admitted it before he left. It wasn’t just a thought anymore. It was a true feeling. He loved me. And I loved him.

Smiling, I finally let go of him and stepped back but not too far so his arms could fall around my waist. It was then that I finally got a good look at him and I noticed that something was a bit different. Off. I couldn’t exactly put my finger on what it was other than the fact that instead of his usual attire he was dressed for the winter with a beanie perched on top of his perfectly straightened hair and – oh.

“Is your-your hair is straight,” I blurted out still astonished at what I was seeing in front of me. I was so used to my Vic with waves in his hair, falling along his shoulders, and bouncing when he would shake his head. But standing here in front of me, it was sleeked, pin straight, and settling just right around the frame of his face. He looked incredible and I wondered why I hadn’t seen that look before.

He gave me a confused look before the realization hit him and a shy smile made its way to his face. “Uh, yeah,” he stuttered, biting his lip while a pink tint began to blossom on his cheeks. “Is it awful?”

It was almost astounding that Vic was self-conscious about his hair. Usually he’s so cocky and full of himself, I didn’t expect this reaction out of him. Then again, this is Vic we’re talking about. He’s cocky and full of himself and is always such a diva when it comes to his hair.

“No!” I reassured him, reaching up and running my hands through the silky strands. “It’s perfect.” I bit my lip, eyeing him over before deciding that yes, it was definitely good and once he was all settled in and unpacked, I was going to need some alone time with him, but nevermind that now. I shook those thoughts away and reached for his hands, lacing our fingers together and holding them down between us.

“How did you find me?” I asked out of curiosity. It was kind of a strange area for me to be sitting at considering it was outside of one of the lesson halls and it was snowy and gray outside, but I digress.

Vic shrugged and kissed the tip of my nose, drawing me closer with his hands. “I was heading to the dorms with Mike when I saw your hat. I knew it was you.” I hummed happily and leant forward into him. He let go of my hands and wrapped me in another hug. “What are you doing out here anyway? It’s freezing.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. Coming outside wasn’t my first idea since the temperatures were frosty and I could barely feel my limbs due to the chilly winds, but there was something about being inside that gave me a case of cabin fever. My entire break was spent indoors, in my stuffy house. I didn’t want that to be the same way here. My room was lonely, warm, and closed off. I needed air, space to move around and think. I was just wandering around when I stopped here and decided this was the spot for me.

“I’ve been trying to write,” I pouted, rubbing my face against his chest.

“Not going so well?” He assumed correctly.

“Just a little trouble getting my thoughts out, that’s all,” I mumbled still irritated with myself that I couldn’t clear my head enough to think.

I felt Vic shift in front of me, his arms dropping from around my waist and moving to my shoulders. He pushed me away slightly and that kind of hurt especially when all I wanted was him to hold me.

“I hate to ask this, Kels, but you’re not putting me in that are you?”

I looked up at him, catching his nervous expression and gave him a warm, what I hoped was comforting, smile. I understood him being cautious, after all he’d been royally fucked in the past when it came to the artistic creations of other people and I wasn’t about to make a repeat of that. My promise to Vic was that no matter how personal my screenplay got, I’d always keep him out of it unless it was absolutely essential. He knew that.

“No,” I said softly and leant forward to peck his lips, tasting the slight hint of banana and strawberry that lingered there. He’d been drinking smoothies again. “I’m not.”

A sigh of relief took over him and visibly I could see his body relax. He brought a hand to my face, brushing fallen hair back under my beanie and stroking my cheek gently with his thumb. Moving closer, he brought his face to mine and captured my lips in his, kissing me passionately.

I kissed him back with just as much love and compassion as I could, raveling my fingers in his hair and deepening the kiss. It was completely innocent, just the two of us expressing how grateful and happy we were, but it felt like everything.

When he pulled away for air, a small smile was dancing on his lips, which in turn made my own grin widen. “Thank you,” he murmured against my lips, kissing me once more.

“I love you,” I chirped, an array of emotions flooding through my body at the use of those three words. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of saying that to him. And I hope he never got tired of saying it to me.

His lips twitched upwards again and took my hand in his, walking backwards until we were both making our way down the slippery steps. His shoes, not appropriate for the weather, provided zero traction for him and he nearly slid down, but before he fell on his ass and taking me with him, he caught himself and held me close saying, “I love you, too.”

+


We were back at Vic and Mike’s dorm because for some reason unbeknownst to me I agreed to spend the rest of my evening helping them unpack. My phone kept going off, calls and texts from Tony teasing me and asking me why I wasn’t helping him instead of my boyfriend and his brother. To be honest, I didn’t want to help either of them. I wanted to go to the diner and catch up with them instead.

However, I couldn’t do that. I had to contribute. And as Vic and Mike set up Mike’s side of the room first, I sat on Vic’s bed with my notebook out, my contribution being my presence and dazzling smile.

“Hey, lazy ass,” Vic called, snapping his fingers to get my attention. I groaned and set my notebook to the side, turning my gaze to find him and Mike struggling with one of Mike’s posters. “A little help.”

Laughing, I got off one bed and went to stand on the other, taking the tape from Vic who was holding down one side of the poster while Mike held the other. I placed the adhesive behind the top of the paper and pressed it down onto the wall, securing it in place.

“Happy now?” I teased with my hands on my hips when I was done.

Vic nodded and grabbed me, pulling me off the bed and into his arms. I gasped at the sudden feeling of my feet off the mattress and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. Behind us Mike groaned and shuffled away, going back to his belongings and deciding on what to do next while Vic placed me down onto the floor.

“Help me make my bed,” he didn’t ask, just demanded and because I was apparently smitten, I did as he said and helped him cover his bed in his new forest green sheets. When we were done, I stepped back and nodded, pleased with our handy work.

Mike’s side of the room was nearly finished, the only thing left he had to do was clear off his desk and then he could leave, which was exactly what I had in mind. Thinking of a way to put my plan in action, I took one of Vic’s pillows and helped him with the pillowcase, inching closer and closer to him until our arms were brushing against each other.

He looked over at me and smirked, ripping the pillow out of my hands and throwing it onto the bed with a bounce. “You know this is the part of the movie where you kick your brother out and break in your new mattress,” I said trying to be as quiet as possible since Mike was still within hearing distance.

Suddenly Vic’s attitude changed and the cheeky smile that had been there only seconds ago was replaced with a frown. I mirrored his look and tangled our fingers together, leaning into his side. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head and sighed. “I know you’re trying to get into that mindset for your writing, I understand that, but this isn’t a movie Kellin. Don’t forget that, okay?”

I gave him a confused look, but he just brushed it off. There was some deeper meaning behind his words that I just couldn’t pick up on yet, but judging by the expression on his face he wasn’t going to push the subject further.

“I think I’m gonna head back to my room,” I cleared my throat, letting go of Vic’s hand.

“Kellin,” he tried, but I waved him off. I wasn’t mad or anything, but I felt like I should get back to writing and I didn’t want to overstay my welcome anymore.

“I’ll see you guys tonight for dinner right?” I ignored the pleading look on his face and stepped in for a kiss. His shoulders dropped but he nodded, closing the gap between us. The kiss was tense, but nice nonetheless and when I pulled away, I saw his face in contemplation.

“Right, so I’ll see you later,” I patted his shoulder and pushed past him, saying my goodbye to Mike before leaving.

+


When I got back to the dorm, Tony was gone leaving a note that said he was turning in applications for jobs. Although I wanted to see him, I was kind of grateful to be alone. After the small, uncomfortable, encounter at Vic’s I needed a moment to myself. Once again, I had my trusty notebook in my lap, pencil scribbling furiously at the corners turning them dark shades of gray.

That’s when it hit me; why I couldn’t get my thoughts out. It was because I felt like I was lying, the story I was telling didn’t make any sense because I couldn’t see it happening; I couldn’t see it becoming real. And I knew why.

The main character in this story was supposed to be a version of me. This story was supposed to document some areas of my life. I wasn’t doing that though because I had to carefully watch each and every word said so I didn’t accidentally slip Vic into any details anywhere. That’s why it was so hard. He had become a huge part of my life and a lot of the notable things to happen to me were because of him. I couldn’t just emit him.

It was risky, I can admit. When you make a promise to someone you want to keep it. I’d never want to betray the person I had fallen in love with, but maybe he would understand where I was coming from?

I was stuck, unsure of what option to choose so I just had to go with my gut. And as I started writing a variation of the time Vic introduced me to Jerry, I hoped that he wouldn’t hate me.
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Whispers it me. Hi friends. Is anyone still here? Lemme say I'm sorry for such delays, but I've been busy, on vacation, getting stuff ready for school, internship, blah. BUT I've got this week to myself so I'm trying to get my updates in. So here's a thing. And it's time to start some shit.

Thanks for reading! Pls let me know what you think.