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More Like a Movie

hostile.

Kellin.

A snowstorm had hit us meaning that classes were cancelled and all students were advised to stay indoors for their safety. Other than the one class I had this morning, I had no plans to leave so I took advantage of the day off and stayed in my room. Tony was off at the library working on a project or something so I had been left alone for a better part of the day until the two Fuentes brothers came to visit.

Vic was still being distant with me, hardly paying any attention to me unless I forced him to interact with me. What I did was wrong and the way I handled his reaction wasn’t any better, but I really wanted to try and move past it. I missed him. He was sitting right beside me with his phone in his hand but he’d never felt more out of reach.

Mike could tell that something was off just by the way Vic chose to sit on the edge of my bed instead of cuddled by my side like he usually did. The second they walked in here and Mike seemed more excited to see me than my own boyfriend did, I knew that I had fucked up.

The three of us had been sitting in an awkward silence for a few minutes. Mike had just got done telling a story about some girl in one of his business classes and how he was thinking about asking her out. Though I smiled and nodded along at the important parts, I couldn’t stop thinking about Vic and wishing that he would tear his eyes away from his phone long enough to look at me. Now that Mike was finished speaking he still wouldn’t budge and I didn’t know what to say.

“Oh,” Mike spoke up again. I was thankful that at least he was making conversation that way it wouldn’t be terribly uncomfortable for me. “Did you guys hear?”

He didn’t finish his question, leaving it on a cliffhanger to catch both the attention of Vic and I. For the first time that day, Vic set his phone down onto my bed and put focus on his brother, not even bothering to throw a glance my way. I frowned, but did the same, facing Mike and deciding that I’d work on Vic later.

“Hear what?” Vic asked in a bored tone though I could tell he was somewhat interested. Good to know he still had some interest in those around him.

“There was a drug deal on campus,” Mike shared. “They’re investigating it. I overheard two guys talking about it in line at the cafeteria.”

A sinking feeling settled within the pit of my stomach as I nibbled on my bottom lip. Glancing over at Vic I noticed that he had tensed, his knuckles turning almost white from squeezing his fingers together so tightly. His jaw locked, eyes narrowed, body rigid.

Oh no.

“Vic,” I whispered to which he shook his head and rolled his eyes. Why was he so damn stubborn? And stupid. “Vic,” I repeated, going to place my hand on his knee but he swatted me away. The action hurt, but it didn’t stop me from wanting know. Not moving, he looked up at me for the first time today. “Was it you?”

His face remained expressionless as we had our stare down. I remembered what he told me about what happened after the incident with Celeste and the book. It hit him pretty hard, tearing him down. He turned to a friend, someone in the wrong crowd, and got mixed up with drugs. If he felt betrayed enough by me after what I did, there was no doubt in my mind that he’d make history repeat itself.

I looked to him for an answer but he only scoffed and looked down to his lap. I sighed and put my head in my hands. I should have known that something like this would happen. Everything was going perfect. For once in my life, I felt like I had it all. But isn’t that how it works? You feel like you’re alive for the very first time in your life and you have practically everything you’ve ever wanted but then it all sort of shifts. What you loved becomes fragile and on the verge of breaking and you’re so close to losing it. That was exactly what was happening here. I hated that I didn’t see it sooner.

“Vic, please look at me,” I whispered trying to keep my composure in front of Mike. No doubt this was uncomfortable for him. No matter how hard I tried though, Vic gave me the cold shoulder.

“Answer me,” I insisted a little more sternly this time. All that did was irritate him even more, huffing and pushing my hand off of his knee.

“Drop it, Kellin,” he snapped.

Stillness fell over us. I sat back, breathing heavily as my anger bubbled. Vic sat across from me, glaring at me in disgust and Mike, shocked by the entire situation, stayed quietly watching. What irritated me the most about this whole thing was that Vic was making such good progress. The hatred in him had died down a good bit and all of that bitterness, that anger, had started to melt away into something softer. Now that this happened, it was all coming back again. I was disappointed that he had to go back to Danny. I’m sure it was him. He was Vic’s main source. Instead of talking to me, he went down the path that screwed him over once already.

“Vic?” Mike questioned earning a scowl from his older brother. He went to cower away when Vic’s phone buzzed. During our entire little standoff, it had been going off nonstop, vibrating every two minutes with new messages. Out of instinct, Mike looked down and frowned. “Why does Craig keep texting you?”

I felt my stomach drop, face softening and looking up at Vic confusion. I didn’t know who Craig was, but the way Vic reacted made me nervous. He snatched it out of Mike’s hand and locked it, shoving it back into his pocket. “Mind your own damn business,” he hissed.

“Who is Craig?” My voice cracked. Vic sighed and closed his eyes. I could tell that he was trying his hardest not to explode on Mike or myself.

“Vic, why does he keep texting you?” Mike repeated. The look on his face told me that he knew something I obviously didn’t; like this Craig guy was bad news.

“Just leave it alone,” Vic groaned and got up. “I don’t have to explain myself to either one of you.” He laughed.

“Please don’t shut me out,” I begged, uncrossing my legs and slipping off the mattress. “Talk to me, Vic, please talk to me.” I grabbed onto his shoulders desperately, pleading for him to open up, to fix this with me. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

Without looking at me, he grabbed my wrists in his hands pulling them off of him, placing them back down at my sides. I reached for him again wanting so badly to pull him back to me, but he took a step back and put his hands up in front of him. I was losing him. I could feel it. Everything we once had was slipping through my fingers. I didn’t know how to get him back.

“I’ve gotta go,” he mumbled before making his way to the door. Wanting to stop him, I stepped forward but Mike held me back.

“Let him go,” he whispered. I looked at him in disbelief, but he was adamant and as much as I didn’t want to, I stood back and watched as Vic pulled out his phone, leaving my room with a quiet click of the door.

Vic.

Leaving Kellin behind when he was so desperate to make me stay was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but I couldn’t be in that room with him anymore. He had been trying so hard to repair the damage; to rectify his mistakes, but it wasn’t working. I fucked up too. We were both at fault for our crumbling relationship but it was one of those messy situations where I had no clue where to start and I had to do something before I made a mistake that I’d regret.

I fucked up going back to Danny and even more so by giving Craig my phone number when I ran into him the other day. I didn’t know what was going through my mind when I agreed on it, but since then he’s been trying to get in touch with me. I’ve barely responded as I realized my mistake right away when Craig sent something a little too suggestive for just friends.

It was quite clear that my anger was coming back and no one, not even Kellin could seem to relax me. The only reason I didn’t tell him, or Mike for that matter, anything was because I didn’t know what to say without losing my temper. I had a history of acting out and the absolute last thing I wanted was to hurt either one of them. I should have put Kellin’s mind at ease and told him that Craig was nothing more than an acquaintance and that he had nothing to worry about, but I didn’t want to lie.

I’ve started using again. Only a little, but it was enough to fuck with my head. If I got out of control and something happened with Craig…well, I’d hate myself for sure, but I’d never be able to forgive lying to Kellin. So I just didn’t say anything. I didn’t have plans to do anything stupid, but if I kept hanging out with Danny the way I used to, I couldn’t make any promises for the future.

What Mike said terrified me. They knew that a drug deal had gone down recently. He said that they were investigating. If I got caught again, I’d be kicked out of school for sure. That was something I couldn’t risk because even though I was pissed off at the world now, I had to graduate. I had one more semester left. I needed this. This was my future. I could not lose it this easily.

“Fuck!” I yelled out, punching the wall in the stairwell. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” The curses wouldn’t stop flowing, my anger overshadowing everything else. I was on the verge of exploding; I could feel it in my bones. The only options I had were to let it take over me and deal with the consequences later, or I could be mature and get it taken care of before anything happened.

The second option sounded better, so I took a few deep breaths and collected myself. I had one destination in mind and that was my advisor’s office. He was the one here overlooking my college career. He was supposed to make sure my experience here was going to my liking. He’d probably heard about the drug deal and knows that it’s me considering what happened last time, so I knew I could count on him to help.

The trip to his office was maybe five minutes with the snow. I fucking hated this shit, but that’s what I signed up for when I chose a school in the northeast. One would think that after four years of this hell that I’d be used to it, but that wasn’t the case at all. It didn’t matter much anyway. Once I was done, I was leaving and I had no intentions on coming back.

His office was warm, but not stuffy. The personal heater on his desk made for a nice contribution for this weather. I sat in the seat across from him on the opposite side of his desk, trying not to make eye contact as his disappointed look never faltered.

“You’re a lucky son of a bitch, you know that?” He finally said to me. Some might think it was weird the way he interacted with certain students, but what I liked about Mr. Hannigan was that he was real; honest and straightforward. I frowned at the question but finally looked up at him. He was leaning back in his chair, pen in his hand tapping against a notepad. “They don’t have any leads and no one on campus is willing to step forward.”

“It wasn’t me,” I defended myself immediately even though I knew he wouldn’t buy it.

“No, of course it wasn’t,” he waved me off with sarcasm and sat up, leaning over a few papers and crinkling them beneath his elbows. “Look, it’s my job to make sure you’re on the right path while you’re here. Keep you happy and make sure you’re not screwing up. Are you on the right path, Victor?”

That was a loaded question to me. I used to think that I had it all: excellent grades, a load of talent, doing everything right and moving forward ahead of anyone, but these last few weeks have been tiring; draining me of all emotions. I didn’t know anymore.

“I don’t know,” I said honestly, that twisting feeling in my gut intensifying. “I feel like everything is about to fall apart. I can’t describe it. It just-it doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel right.”

He nodded, silently reaching under his desk and pulling out a big, blue binder. I watched him as he placed it on his desk and opened it, turning the laminated pages until he landed on the one he was looking for.

“Have you ever considered studying abroad?” He asked me. I was a little surprised at what seemed to be a change in topic, but I shrugged. There had been a few instances where studying abroad crossed my mind, but I never acted on those thoughts. I always had Mike and I couldn’t leave him, not when he came to this school to be with me in the first place. And now I had Kellin to worry about.

“What do you mean?” I wanted to know what he was getting at, so instead of answering his questioned, I posed one of my own.

He sighed and turned the book around so it was facing me. “Going away, Victor,” he said with excitement, tapping on a picture of the Italian flag. “Being on your own and doing your own thing in a different country, somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit? Not worrying about others and focusing on you.”

The way he said it made it sound like the best thing in the world. Being here and surrounding myself with so many people, I forgot what college was supposed to be about; me. I had to make my own decisions, do what’s best for my life but I wasn’t doing that lately. I got caught up in some blue-eyed, dark haired distraction.

I was still hesitant. Just weeks ago Kellin was feeling the same. Like I was getting in the way. Was this fair? Would this be like running away from my problems? Or was it a way to find clarity? “We’re still early in the semester. There’s plenty of time for me to arrange something.” He insisted.

That caught my attention, hostile emotions leaving my body, being replaced with something that felt a little like hope. I reached forward to grab the book in front of me, turning the pages with a thrill. Going away. It sounded nice. “Seriously?”

“Of course,” he smiled softly. “You need to be selfish sometimes kid otherwise the world is going to walk all over you. I know that you’re not that kind of guy, but you’d be surprised at how many hardass kids come to see me later in their final year, beaten and broken down to nothing. Don’t let me see that happen to you.”

What he said made sense and I certainly didn’t want to lose myself in somebody else. Was I seriously considering this? Could I leave Mike? Could I leave Kellin? Kellin, who – even though we weren’t on the best of terms – still meant so much to me. Maybe it would be for the best? If we took a break, went back on our own individual paths, we could come back together and fix us as a whole.

Mr. Hannigan took the binder back out of my hands and pulled out a pile of paperwork. Smiling, he placed it in front of me with his pen. “Have you ever thought about London?”
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Alright so there's a lot of dialogue but it was important. Uhm. This fic is going to be wrapping up in probably four chapters or so. I've got everything planned it's just trying to find the time to write it. Anyway, I hope you guys are still reading. It seems that the number of readers goes down each chapter despite the subscribers.

Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think! I'll try to check for mistakes later.