More Like a Movie

“Kellin!” Vic’s voice seeped through the other side of the door while I remained perched on my bed, deciding on whether or not I wanted to answer him. Usually this was reversed and I was the one banging loudly on his door, begging for him to answer me. This time, however, it was Vic who wanted my attention and although I had every intention of letting him in, I wanted to make him work just a little bit. It was safe to say that we had gotten a little closer after that night on the bridge. We were cool, civil. And we rarely fought. When we’d get into arguments it was because I kept pestering him, but with Vic’s attitude it’s kind of fun to do. “Open the door!” He whined yet again.

He’d been at it for a good five minutes, even resorting to sending me messages, which of course I read but ignored. He knew it, too, because for this time only I decided to turn on the read receipts on iMessage. Each time he sent one, I’d read it the second I received it and then I’d place my phone on the side of the bed and waited for his next move.

“Please? I wanna go out. I’m bored.” He stated, actually thinking that I was going to reply to him. It was fun to see him get desperate. I’m sure he was bored. Tony was out with Jaime and some girl I met the other day. Mike was busy with an exam in his night class, which left me. That immediately put a thought into my mind and I pouted.

“Why are you here, Vic?” I questioned, placing the palm of my hand beneath me on the bed and leaning back, using my arm as support. The other picked up my phone, reading the most recent message from Vic. He was adorable, I’d give him that much. “I know that the guys are busy. Am I your last resort or something?”

At that, the pounding stopped and his silence confirmed my suspicions. I was somewhat offended when the realization sunk in. I knew we weren’t like best friends forever, but I thought that given the option, he’d maybe choose me once in a while. “Well, Vic, what makes you think I’d want to go anywhere with you anyway?” I shot back, the stubbornness I inherited from my mother pulsing through my veins.

“Fine,” he huffed. “I’ll just go bug one of those dorks from the science department then. Later, Kels,” the room fell silent as he was probably getting ready to leave. My words had no real meaning behind them. I didn’t really care that I was his last option and I certainly didn’t want him to leave. Giving in, I scrambled off the bed and ran to my door, flinging it open and grabbing Vic’s wrist, pulling him inside with me.

“No, wait,” I frowned, embarrassed that I had acted so eagerly to get him to stay. If he hasn’t figured out that I like him just a little bit, then he’s stupid. “I want go.”

“Good boy,” he teased with a pat to my head. Before he turned to leave, his eyes scanned me over. I felt the blood rush to my face, a blush spreading across my pale features just knowing that he was staring at me. Tugging at the sleeves of my sweater, I tried to keep my embarrassing thoughts occupied as Vic took me in. Finally he met my stare, replacing his gentle smile with a smirk. He knew what type of affect he had on me. “You should be fine,” he said with a shrug.

He must have been referring to my outfit, but I don’t know why that would matter. Vic read my mind because the next thing that happened was Vic placing two fingers underneath my chin, the color of my face only deepening as he touched me. “It’s cold outside,” he said calmly. “Wouldn’t want you to freeze.”

“Oh,” I mumbled.

“Yes, now let’s go. I’m hungry.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me out door, but not before I could grab my keys from the hooks. It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’ve locked myself out of my own room once or twice before, but at the time I at least had my roommate to let me in. Keys in the pocket of my jeans, I followed Vic down the hall and out of the building, passing the nighttime security guard.

“So, where are we going?” I asked him though I’m pretty sure I already knew the answer. Obviously he felt the same way, quirking an eyebrow as he turned to look at me. I groaned and threw my head back; the cold chill in the air instantly attacked my face, making me shiver. “It’s that damn diner, isn’t it?”

“He’s not only sweet, but smart too,” Vic mocked, playfully pushing me on the sidewalk.

“What is your fascination with that place? I don’t understand.” My fingers were getting cold from being exposed in this weather, so I shoved them into my pockets, really regretting not bringing a coat or something. “Don’t get me wrong,” I said so not to offend. “It’s a nice place, the staff is friendly, but the food is mediocre and it’s always so packed with college kids.” I frowned. If I wanted to be smothered by other students I’d go visit the student lounge.

We stopped walking, but only so we could cross the street, not even going up to the crosswalk even though we had the time. It was literally right there. Once we were on the opposite side, he led me down a sidewalk, one different than the usual alleyway we crossed. His eyes scanned the place like he was looking for something, but came up short. A look of disappointment flashed across his face, but he shrugged it off and we turned around to head back to that diner.

“It’s where I first met Tony,” Vic said casually. “And where you first met me.”

“Or where you first met me,” I countered.

Vic laughed at my statement. “Whatever, kid. The point is it was where I met my best friend and after that it became a regular thing. It’s our spot. I could tell you story after story about how we’d go there after a wild night and reminisce in the crazy shit that happened. So many memories have been created in that diner. Don’t you have any places like that back in…wherever you’re from?”

“Flattered you don’t remember,” I rolled my eyes at him. “But no…I don’t.”

Growing up was different for me because I was absorbed in fantasy worlds, worlds that didn’t exist, but everyone was always so happy. I’d go to bed at night and dream that I was part of something magical. I would create stories in my head, happier ones than what I lived. It was all make believe and maybe that was my biggest problem. As I got older, that never really left my head. I still preferred my land of make believe compared to the real world. My mind was my diner. And now that I think about it, nothing has changed. That actually hurts.

“Kels?” Vic stopped walking when he noticed I fell silent. For some reason his words triggered a feeling within me and now I couldn’t turn my mind off. It was like every disappointing thought I’ve ever harbored came crashing through tonight. It was stupid. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said emotionlessly.

I didn’t know Vic all that well but from the stories he and the guys have shared, it seems like his life is practically perfect. He actually does things. Like, he goes out and makes things happen. I don’t have the guts or courage to do that. I can barely order my lunch in the cafeteria without stuttering. How can he be so experienced already? He’s only one year older than me. I hate kids who are around my age and already have made a name for themselves, or have already done something worthwhile. I feel like I’m never going to get there.

This was supposed to be my change. I was supposed to be confident and I really thought I was doing well; I thought I was making progress. But being around these accomplished people only made me feel inferior and like I’m not good enough.

“You’re lying,” Vic stood in front of me, his hands found my shoulders and he forcefully massaged them, probably trying to get me to relax and tell him what was wrong. There wasn’t any harm in explaining what I was feeling; maybe he’d even have some advice. Vic was smart when it came to this stuff.

“I thought I would have made more friends, Vic,” I finally answered him in a trance with my gaze fixated on the nothingness in the night ahead of me. “I really thought I’d be at college parties, having fun, and experiencing life, basically doing all the things I’ve always been too scared to do. Now I feel like I’m just a failure at that, too. What is wrong with me?”

That wasn’t a rhetorical question. I actually wanted an answer from him, but his silence told me otherwise. Or at least that’s what I thought, but instead Vic grabbed my hand and as soon as he touched me my trance was broken.

“Too many movies,” he sighed sadly. “That’s what’s wrong with you.” I knew that he was right; it was something I never wanted to admit to myself because how could something so special to me destroy me at the same time? I wanted to protest, but Vic didn’t let me, cutting me off before I could even get the words out. “How about we skip the diner tonight? You up for pizza?”

Against my wishes, I smiled at him, nodding my head in agreement because, yes, pizza sounded nice and as long as it wasn’t the same old greasy diner food, I didn’t really care.



After eating we made the decision to walk around town in silence. It was dark, the only lights coming from small street lights that hung over head. The problem with cities is that you can’t see the stars. Light pollution ruins the view, making it look like a canvas of nothing but darkness. Next to me Vic carried his leftovers, something I noticed he did quite often when we went out to eat. See, at the pizzeria Vic ordered three slices and only at two, while I ordered four, and yeah, downed every last bite.

I didn’t dwell on it too much. Sometimes I ate a lot when I got into moods like this. At least it gave me something to feel other than disappointment. As for Vic, he was a mysterious character that I hadn’t quite cracked yet. I would in time, but it wasn’t going to be tonight. As I turned to cross the street to go back to the university, Vic stopped me.

“Come with me,” using his free hand, he grabbed mine, dragging me away from the corner of the street eagerly. “There’s someone I want you to meet.” My curiosity got the better of me so I went along with it, letting Vic lead me down the dimly lit sidewalk until we reached the same alleyway as before.

As childish as it is, I’m still kind of afraid of the dark. It’s never been my favorite to be in and even though I had Vic with me, every sudden sound or object in my sight made my nerves twitch. I was about ready to give up and run when we abruptly stopped, me tripping over my own feet and holding onto Vic’s hand tighter. I looked at him briefly, looking away when I realized he was staring at something, or rather, someone.

The homeless man sitting on the ground took me by surprise, but it was clear that Vic was expecting him and now I wondered if this was the person he was looking for earlier. Taking in his appearance I noticed he was older, probably around his late 50s, with dark brown skin, and shining hazel eyes, all put together with tuffs of gray hair and a scratchy beard. He had it hard, the only things to keep him warm were his tattered up clothes and thin blanket, but he was still smiling, beaming even when he saw Vic.

“Victor!” His hands shot up in the air in excitement and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey, Jerry!” Vic exclaimed with the same enthusiasm. I watched as Vic bent forward a small fraction, removing his hand from mine so he could hug the man, Jerry, for a second. When they pulled away, Jerry looked at me, his smile still stretching from ear to ear. “And who is this?” He pointed his voice warm and friendly.

Vic took my hand back in his, bringing me up so I was closer to the front beside him. “This is my friend, Kellin,” Vic smiled and gave my fingers a reassuring squeeze.

“H-hi,” I stuttered, biting my lip in embarrassment. Jerry reached up to shake my hand, which I took, smiling at his gentle touch. He seemed so at peace sitting here next to this overfilled dumpster, like he didn’t have a care in the world, like he wasn’t going to freeze tonight. Vic laughed softly at my behavior and produced his pizza box, handing the small carton to Jerry who accepted it gratefully.

“Oh, Victor,” he said happily. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know,” Vic returned, fishing into his back pocket for something. “But you’re my favorite man, Jer, I have to treat you right. Are you sure you won’t let me buy you a coffee or something?” He finally found what he was looking for, pulling out a few bills.

“I’m quite alright, Victor,” he nodded, opening the box that sat in his lap. “You’ve done enough for me. You always do.”

Vic sighed, but reached forward again, tucking the money safely into the front pocket of Jerry’s shirt. “Well if you insist, but you know it’s supposed to get cold tonight. If you need it, use it.” He said referring to the couple of dollars he had just given him.

The man simply nodded and picked up the still warm pizza, eyelids fluttering in delight at the heavenly smell. “You did a little something different tonight. Not your usual sandwich?”

“Yeah, well,” Vic started and looked over at me, shooting a playful glare. “This one made me try something different so if you don’t like it, blame him.”

I shoved his arm, feigning offense and laughing along with Jerry and Vic. After a few more minutes of exchanging words, we said our goodbyes and hand-in-hand left the dark alley, with a promise from Vic that we would both return soon. And when we were out of ear shot, Vic started talking.

“I met Jerry a year ago when I was running from my internship to class. I cut down this alleyway and tripped over him. He was terrified of me at first, as I assume anyone in his position would be.” He spoke fondly of the memory and I could tell this meant a lot to him so I listened carefully. “At the time I was running so late so I tossed him some spare change I had but made a promise to myself that I’d come back later and see if he was still there.”

“Was he?”

“Yep,” Vic stated, “He was and that was the first time I ever gave him half of my food. I knew I wasn’t going to eat it all, I never did and instead of throwing it away like I usually did, I brought my other half to him. That day I sat and talked with him for an hour, listening to his story. His wife and children were killed in a home invasion. Jerry was off at work at the time and he found them when he came home. After finding something like that, he hit a snag and fell into a depression. He lost his job, his home, everything he owned and ended up on the streets.”

I could practically feel my heart aching as Vic spoke about this man who he’s grown to develop a strong bond with. And just like that, a certain type of guilt coursed through me. “Wow,” was all I was able to manage.

"This is life, Kellin. It's what's happening around you, constantly changing. Not cliché college parties or drunken adventures. I mean don't get me wrong, those are fun too and I'll gladly take you on some, but this is it, Kels," he threw his hands in the air, looking up at the night sky. "It's whatever you do, no matter how small." I was taking in everything that he was saying because it all made a lot of sense and he was always so on point with his theories.

"I want you to throw all of that fairytale bullshit out of your head, alright? Just let life happen. You may think you've done nothing or that your life isn't exciting enough, but babe you're just getting started. You still have such a long way to go. You wanna talk movies? We’ll talk movies. We’re not at that part of the film yet, Kellin. We’ve still got a few more scenes before we’re there. But it will happen, fuck, it will happen. Don’t you dare allow yourself to miss out on what’s right in front of you.”

You know that moment when you know for a fact that you’ve got it bad for someone and the only thought running through your head at the time is oh fuck? That was me right now. Vic was intelligent and tonight I saw a brand new side of him. “How do you always know what to say?” I asked him.

“I used to be just like you, Kels. It happened a lot earlier in life for me, but yeah, I was just like you.” He smiled at me and warmth spread to my heart. Then I remembered his words.

"We're friends?" I asked him, just like I did on that first day in class. Vic sighed and looked down, amazed by something and that's when I noticed we were still holding hands. He was quick to untangle our fingers, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, we're friends."