Memory of You

Chapter Sixteen: Can't Get You Off My Mind

Unable to comprehend what was happening, Nicholas was surprised at the reality of what he had done. Her warm lips against his, sent ripples of electricity through him. He was quite shocked that she hadn't pushed him away or slapped him.

He would have given himself to the moment if there hadn't been an alarm ringing in the back of his mind. Soon enough he heard the sound of keys clinking together outside the doors. It all made sense. MARK! His brain shouted at him. The guard would be opening the door at any moment to pick Alexandra up.

Roughly pulling away from Alexandra, Nicholas wanted to kick himself. She looked shocked and confused. Unable to look at her, he hurried to the dining table just in time as Mark opened the doors. Nicholas started to pile up the remaining dishes.

"Alex, come on. I checked the room." He heard the guard speak to the Queen.

"Yes...I'm coming." Her voice sounded shaky and unsure. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, he thought, trying to rationalize.

"See you in the morning, Nick. Good night!" Mark called out.

"Good night..." Nicholas answered.

"Lex..." He murmured hearing the doors close.

Once finished cleaning up the table, Nicholas picked up the plates and exited the Throne Room. Heading towards the kitchen, he fought to keep his calm. It was one thing to kiss a girl...but completely another when that girl happened to be the Queen, his mind shouted at him. What was I thinking? He wondered walking in to the kitchen.

Seeing one of his kitchen staff loading up the dishwasher, he placed the plates on a counter.

"Levi, could you please get these cleaned too?" He asked.

"Yes, sir." The man said, nodding.

"Thank you, and thanks for helping tonight. You did a wonderful job." Nicholas said, as he turned to leave.

"Thank you, Head Chef, sir."

Walking down a corridor towards his room, he felt the urge to go see her. She probably wouldn't take to kindly to his interruption of her night, since he abruptly pushed her away; he thought unhappily. Lex...he thought, with confusion. How did we get here?

Entering his room, Nicholas closed the door behind him, before pulling off his jacket and undoing the chain holding the sword and setting it on his desk. Sitting on his bed, dressed in a black vest and pants, he lay down thinking about the night.

Alluring and elegant, Alexandra had been the center of attention tonight, but if he was truthful...he had been inexplicably drawn to her since coming back to Seraphine. There had been so many times that he could have stolen a kiss, he was in awe that he had waited so long.

It wasn't just his recent return to Seraphine that made being near her so different, yes she had grown up a bit, but Nicholas could still remember their childhood. Back when she used to come to him crying over Sophia ganging up on her with Mark and Valek, or when she'd get into a fight with his sister. There were times when he's stumble across her in the castle, sitting on the stone floor trying to wipe away the tears so no one would catch her.

Even then, he had always felt something for her. Back then he used to bury it, fearing that she would reject him or Mark and Valek would taunt him; he tried quashing it completely when David came in to the picture. Yet no matter what he did...those feelings were still there. In fact they were stronger now than they were back then.

Maybe she feels something for me? He wondered, recalling how awkward she had been with him at the beginning. Nicholas remembered how close he had gotten to her when he was about to paint her...she hadn't moved away from him then either. Laying there on the bed, he remembered the time he had snuck his little sister's diary. The girls were fourteen at the time, and being curious he had read Sophia's diary...only to find out that Alexandra had a bit of a crush on him. The memory of how she used to turn red at the sight of him back then, brought a smile to his lips...but still confusion weighed down on him.

What am I going to do? He thought getting up from the bed.

-----

Walking down the hall towards the kitchen, Alexandra could feel butterflies in her stomach. The queasy sensation did little to put her at ease. Having had a rough night, she didn't think she would be able to face Nicholas or hold breakfast down...especially not both at the same time.

About to open the kitchen door, Alexandra looked around. Maybe I should just skip...it's not like I haven't been without breakfast before, she said to herself. As far as she could see, no one was in the hall. Instead of entering, she turned and ran back down the corridor. Turning to go up the stair case, Alexandra saw one of the guards walk down the intersecting corridor.

"Aram!" She called out.

"Majesty..." He said, hurrying over to her. "Shouldn't you be going for breakfast?"

"About that...I was wondering if you could bring some food up to the King's Quarter's...I forgot about some files that I have to read before meeting some of the Dukes." She said, trying to remain calm. She did have files to read, but as the meeting was after lunch, she would have had enough time.

"Of course, Majesty...have Mark and Valek checked the room?" he asked, making sure to follow protocol, much to her dismay.

"Not...yet..." She muttered, knowing that they were going to later on.

"I'll come with you and check it, before getting your food." Aram offered, making his way past her.

Alexandra held back a sigh. There was no way around the castle without one of Mark and Valek's guard, so there was no point in complaining, she thought. Once being allowed into the room, Alexandra took a seat at her desk, hoping Aram would leave before hearing her stomach grumble. As much as she hated waking up early, she disliked the hunger pains that came with it even more.

Having been left alone, she opened the file in front of her. Not being able to get through even the first sentence, Alexandra's mind had already wandered off to the events of the night before.

His scent, the memory of him pulling her closer, the feel of his lips on hers, and those stormy grey eyes. He had left her mesmerized. Touching her lips lightly with her fingertips, there was still a tingling feeling from his kiss.

Covering her face with her hands, she tried to push away the thoughts. I need to get my head straight, there are meetings today...I can't keep thinking about him! She yelled at herself. Yet all Alexandra wanted to do was think about him.

Nicholas! Why are you doing this to me? She wanted to shout, instead a frustrated snarl escaped.

"Majesty?"

Alexandra peered through her fingers. Aram was back with breakfast.

"Here is your breakfast...are you all right?" He asked, looking at her with concern.

"I'm fine, sorry...err...thank you for bringing it up." She said, as he put the plate in front of her and left.

The last thing she needed was to look unhinged in front of the guards, they would report her behavior straight to Mark and Valek, which was one thing she was hoping to avoid.

Since his arrival, Nicholas had been messing with her mind more than usual. Yes, she had feelings for him when they were little, and sure they had never really left, but what she felt now made those look trivial. For three years she hadn't had to deal with anything so strong, unless Alexandra counted her immense dislike of David. In fact, there was a point soon after David, where she didn't have any reaction to the men the Dukes and her cousins had thought were suitable for her. Even the feelings she had had for David all those years ago, were insignificant. In truth, David had only appealed to her because her father had been revolted by her choice, she had never felt like this, not even for the former lord.

Swiveling in her chair to look out the window, she sought to clear her mind. What if things are different? Alexandra wondered. What if there is an actual chance that he might like me?

Leaning back into her chair, Alexandra contemplated the possibilities.

-----

"You haven't seen Alex, have you?"

Turning to face Sophia, Nicholas was careful to keep his face blank.

"No...I think Mark and Valek mentioned that she had a lot of work to do. Something about her being holed up in the King's Quarters reading, I think?"

There had been little interaction between him and the Queen in the last couple of days. Nicholas had been unable to think of how to talk to her, while Alexandra had hardly set foot in the kitchen or dining hall; preferring her meals either in her room or the King's Quarters. When she did come down to the kitchen, she always had a book or file to read. There was never a moment for her to look up at him, nor was he able to catch her eye.

It felt pretty awkward between them, if he was honest. What am I supposed to say, anyway? Sorry for kissing you? He wondered, not paying attention to what his sister was saying.

"Do you think you can do that?" Sophia looked over at him, expectantly.

"Err...do what, exactly?" He asked, caught off guard.

"Can you make some pasta or something? Maybe chocolate mousse? Alex has been looking a little down, or maybe she's just tired...but I wanted to cheer her up."

"What do you mean she's been looking down?" Nicholas asked, despite himself.

"I don't know...haven't you noticed? She's so quiet and far away."

"No...I thought she just had a lot to do." He lied.

"Not that much...I guess she's just tired. Every time I catch her, she's either heading to a meeting or reading a book or staring out a window. She's thinking about something, but she won't tell me. She keeps saying it's nothing." Sophia complained, obviously unhappy that her best friend was ignoring her.

"Okay...sure, I'll make the dinner something special. Anything else, Soph?" Nicholas agreed, seeing that it was the only way to go unless he wanted others to be suspicious of him.

"No...nothing else. Thanks! You're the best, Nick!" His sister hugged him before leaving.

Is she upset because of me? Nicholas wondered as he got started on Sophia's request. What is she thinking?

What if the kiss really meant nothing? It unnerved him to think that maybe she was angry with him. What if I was wrong about her feelings? His doubt confused him. He had been so sure that there was something between them, that the alternate possibility was daunting.

Getting eggs out of the fridge, Nicholas began to crack them one by one. I need to talk to her, he thought finally.

-----

Having taken her dinner in her room once again, Alexandra looked to see where Mark and Valek had gone off too. Peering down the corridor, she saw no sign of them.

Perfect! She thought, closing the door to her room.

Walking down the empty hallway, she headed for the kitchen. The week had gone by painfully, and not having Nicholas around to talk to was starting to drive her insane.

I should just tell him...she steeled herself. There's no point in driving myself crazy...what if he likes me? What if he doesn't? The thought made Alexandra stop in her tracks.

Caught between wanting to see Nicholas and wanting to run back to the safety of her room, Alexandra heard footsteps. From around the corner Nicholas appeared. No going back now, she thought, the butterflies in her stomach returning.

"Alex?" He asked, catching sight of her. "Is everything okay?"

"We need to talk..." She forced the words out.

"Okay...I was heading to the stables though..." He said, looking as nervous as she felt.

"That's fine..." Alexandra followed him out of the castle.

"Mark and Valek don't know where you are...do they?" He asked, as they exited the castle.

"Probably not..." She admitted, pulling her cloak around her.

Standing in the darkened courtyard, Alexandra stifled a shiver. The cold wind rustled the leaves, while the moon shined bright above them.

"What did you want to talk to me about?" He asked facing her, the look on his face made her think he was dreading what she was going to say.

"About that night...on my birthday..." She started hesitantly. "The kiss..."

"Alex, I'm sorry if I offended you. I shouldn't have done that." Nicholas quickly said, interrupting her.

"That's not it..." She mumbled, scared. If he was so ready to jump to conclusions...how would he react to her telling the truth?

"Then what?" He asked, watching her carefully, his grey eyes shining in the moonlight.

"I...er...I think I might like you." She stumbled, quietly. "Actually...I know that I like you...a lot...more than a lot, really. It might even be love...I mean, it is love."

When he didn't say anything, Alexandra plunged on forward, knowing that if she had already gone so far, why not finish.

"I thought at first that I was just nervous around you because it had been so long since I last saw you, but that's not it. I've liked you for a long time...and even when I was courting David, I've never felt anything for him as strongly as I do for you."

Nicholas' face remained passive, as he stared at the ground.

"I just wanted you to know how I feel about you." She added, hoping he would say something.

Instead, she found herself caught in those stormy depths. Without saying so much as a word to her, Nicholas turned and bolted in the direction of the stables, leaving Alexandra horrified and at a loss to understand what had just happened.