Fresh Start Fever

"Alex Gaskarth! What's up, dude? You never return my texts!" Jack said as he walked down the aisle to me. "Is this your daughter? Geez, how old is she now? How's Maddie?"

"Jack, you're asking too many questions," I blurted out.

I had no want or desire to even talk to Jack. All I wanted to do was go home and attempt to fall asleep, but I had to talk to the person that ruined my entire life. We got off a Europe/Asia tour and we all agreed that when we got back we would take a break and then start a new album in the next year. When we got back, Jack decided he was done. He was getting bored with the whole touring and music thing and he wanted to go to college. After Jack brought it up, Zack agreed, and Rian soon followed. I was the only one still left in All Time Low. (You can guess how many people said we were at an all time low because of the breakup.) We ended our contract with Hopeless Records, and I didn't talk to the three of them for a long time. I didn't tell them that Ruby was born or that I proposed to Maddie. They were all mad at me because they found out from online, but I had no reason to talk to them. Mutual friends told me that Jack is in college, Rian is producing music, and that Zack is a personal trainer.

"Oops, sorry! But how is the little baby?" he stepped closer, smiling down at Ruby.

"She's four months now," I said, placing her back in her carrier that was in the front of the cart.

"Wow, time flies, huh? How are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Jack. Is that all? I have to get home."

"Come on dude, you still can't be mad at me."

"Jack, I don't want to talk about it," I said with a little attitude.

"Alex... well, it's almost Christmas. I'm having a party, if you and Maddie want to come. You should, it would mean a lot to me. And the guys will be there!"

"I'll think about it," I nodded, and walked towards the registers.

-----

"It smells lovely in here, baby!" Maddie said as she came into the apartment. I walked out from the kitchen with a smile on my face.

"Rosemary chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, and organic greenbeans. Your favorite!"

She walked over to me, giving me a kiss before she started to take off her coat. She started to talk about her day, and I half listened as I finished making dinner. It wasn't until half way through the meal that I told her about Jack.

"Well, are we going to go to the party?" she asked.

"I don't know... I don't want to, but I feel like I should. I barely talked to him in the market. God, I was so rude."

"Alex, don't worry about it. Let's go, yeah? I'll call Jack and tell him we'll be more than happy to go. My parents would love to watch Ruby for the night, and we can have a night where we can go to bed without worrying if she's going to wake up in the middle of the night."

I sighed, finishing off my plate. "Sure, but we're only going for an hour or two."

She gave me a smile and then offered to clean up. I opened a cabinet, taking out a bottle of whiskey and pouring myself a glass. Ruby swayed in a swing we set up in the living room while I watched football and Maddie graded papers for school. The next day she called Jack, and he gave her the details of the party.

-----

"God, I look ridiculous," I mumbled as she fixed my hair for me. "Why is it an ugly sweater party? Yours isn't even ugly!"

She laughed as she kissed my forehead. "Alex, yours has a reindeer with sunglasses on it. Mine just says "merry christmas ya filthy animal". We could switch, but I don't think you would fit."

We finished getting ready and dropped Ruby off at Maddie's before we started our way to Jack's. I already felt a little intimidated because he lived in a condo in the 'rich' part of town. Growing up, we were in the middle class, but Jack obviously rode up the social class ladder while I stumbled down it.

"Alex, don't be nervous. It will be fun to catch up with everyone," Maddie said reassuringly. "We're only staying for two hours, it will be fine."

I clutched the steering wheel, turning down the road his condo was on. "What do I say when they ask me what I've been doing with my life? 'Oh yeah, I have no fucking job. I sit on my ass all day, how about you? You have a steady job, huh?'"

"Don't be so pessimistic, 'Lex. Just say you take care of Ruby during the day."

"Baby," I whined. "I don't want to go. Why are we going?"

"This is his house here," she pointed to a house with cars in the driveway and down the road. It was a two story condo with white sidings and huge windows in the living room that showed the festivities inside. I could see Jack standing near the window as I parked the car. I got the sudden urge to quickly turn around and go back home, but Maddie was already out of the car. I got out, locking the car and I followed Maddie up to the front door. She carried a bottle of wine that her parents gave us for Christmas, but we didn't have the money to go out and buy a gift for Jack.

Jack opened up the front door, a huge smile coating his face as he hugged Maddie tight. "I'm so fucking happy you guys came! Come in, come in!" he said as he hugged me and then walked back inside. "Alex Gaskarth is here, guys! Where's Zack and Rian?" he shouted.

I felt a huge knot start to form in my stomach, and I looked at Maddie for support but she shook her head. She pecked my cheek and then went to go put the wine in the kitchen. I walked reluctantly into the living room, grinning sheepishly as everyone stared at me. The next thing I knew, Jack, Rian, and Zack were walking towards me.

"Hey dude, what's up! Congrats on the baby, what's her name again?" Rian said, giving me a hug.

"Ruby, and thanks," I said as I gave Zack a small hug before putting my hands in my pockets.

"So when are you tying the knot? Soon?" Zack asked.

"Uh, we haven't really started planning anything," I said, glancing around for Maddie, but she was talking with a group of girls that I've never seen before.

"Wow, look at the four of us all together. Crazy, huh? Alex, you want a drink?" Jack asked, pointing at me as he started to walk away.

"Uh, whiskey sour?"

"You got it!" he said and disappeared.

"So, what have you been up to lately? I keep in touch will all the guys but you never return my calls," Rian said.

"Yeah, I know. I've just been really busy with the new baby. Nothing personal," I answered.

"Heeeeeey! Nothing personal! I get it!" Zack shouted.

I quickly shook my head. "I didn't mean that, sorry."

Zack patted me on the back as he started to walk away. "Sometimes, things just don't work out. We had a good run though, huh?"

Rian nodded in agreement, following Zack towards the kitchen.

I wanted to scream, punch a wall, push over the perfectly decorated Christmas tree, punch all three of them and then break a window. We had a good run? That's all they could say to me? I thought everything went perfect, we were touring the world and making music that made thousands upon thousands of people happy. They were all selfish; they didn't care about the fans.

I quickly walked over to Maddie, whispering down into her ear. "I want to leave, now."

She turned to me with a confused look on her face, and then excused herself from the group. "What's wrong?"

"Please, I just want to go. This was a mistake. Please, Maddie," I begged, my hands on her shoulders.

"Alex, we just got here," she said quietly. "We can leave in a half hour, okay?"

I sighed, letting go of her. "I'm going to go sit in the car," I scoffed and went outside. I sat in the car, trying to hold back tears. I contemplated leaving a few times, but I didn't want to deal with the fight of leaving her here. I put my head down on the steering wheel, closing my eyes. For the first time in a few weeks, I was exhausted. I just wanted to go home; that was where I was most comfortable. I hated large group gatherings, especially with being in the house of Jack. They all acted like nothing was wrong, but everything was wrong. My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to still be doing music until I was dead. I already tried to see if any record labels would take a solo act, and none of them would. They said "a singer can't be a solo in a day".

My train of thought was interrupted when I heard a tapping on my car window. My head shot up and Jack was standing next to my car door, holding up my whiskey sour. "Can I come in and talk to you?"