Nothing Left to Lose

Jalen

Sometimes I didn't think anyone really understood just what exactly it meant to be next in line as King. Being a king always scared me, making me shake from my insides all the way to the outer layer of skin that rested on my body. The thought of taking care of a whole entire kingdom, especially one as downright terrifying as mine, made me feel like I was going to faint on the spot.

I had only seen the revolution of the planet around the sun a total of seventeen times. Seventeen! And my father wasn't exactly looking as well as he had a year ago. I was far too young to rule. I needed time to think this through, longer than a whole seventeen years, something that wouldn't make me as scared to rule as I was.

Mother and Father are only making it worse, as well. They're saying that it's my 'duty' as a prince; that all of my brothers will end up marrying into different kingdoms and become their own kings as soon as they find the person that they want to spend life with. And to make matters a thousand times more undesirable for me, they're trying to force love onto me like it's something I could achieve overnight, which I cannot. I have never loved, and probably never will. Especially since I'm not even remotely attracted to any females that my parents invite over for a large banquet to marry me off.

The earlier I marry, the better.

Although, I have to hand it to my parents. They're lovely people and would do anything for their five children. They love each other and love the people in the kingdom with as much as they can muster and try to make the world a better place for all of us. Whether it was working or not, I didn't think it really was, but the fact that they're trying is what makes them amazing people. They rule better than anyone else in a hundred mile radius, and because of that reason, they're not forcing me to marry anyone I don't want to. They learned how to love each other the hard way, through an arranged marriage, and they didn't want their child to go into a marriage unwillingly. They said that it didn't matter what my choice was - if I wanted to marry, if I wanted to rule as a single king - then they would love me despite my decision. I thought that it was really admiral of them.

That's why I wanted to please them. I told them to send out for any unmarried princesses so I could get to know them and - possibly? - fall in love. But that hadn't happened yet. I've found various girls very pretty, and attractive, but I've not yet been attracted to one. If that even makes any sense.

I turned the knob to my room and walked in, pulling my hair and making little groaning noises, walking back and forth. These thoughts literally made me want to pull my hair out and stomp on it like a little kid. I wanted to scream and kick the wall and hide under the bed. I didn't want these responsibilities.

After calming down a little, I brushed a hand through my brunette locks, feeling some sweat beading on my forehead. I didn't really understand why I was having these difficult thoughts now. Well, besides the fact of having one of the pretty princesses from Anhedania sit across me while I ate, looking at me with eyes of blue wonders and gently knocking a heeled foot against mine.

Her name was Isabella and she was a beauty, with long brown hair and gorgeous blue eyes framed by black eyeliner. She had extremely high cheekbones with a light blush and plump petal lips. She was quiet and soft spoken, but an all around interesting person and I thought she was probably one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen.

But I could not think of her in any other way than a friend.

Something was wrong with me, I could feel it. I had never once looked at a girl in a way other than friendly. I could never imagine myself with a wife, could never imagine pressing my lips to another woman's, or actually doing the naughty with one. The thought even made me nauseous.

"What's wrong with me?" I sighed, falling onto my bed and glaring at the ceiling with my unusual violet eyes.

But a knock on the door snapped me out of my trance, forcing me to sit up on the edge of my bed. "Enter," I commanded, using my stupid 'prince' voice.

With a twist of the golden knob, Isabella strolled through the door with a shy look on her face. She was shorter than me by a couple of inches and wore a simple white dress that flowed around her feet, making her look like some sort of angel. "Prince Jalen," She said, coming over to me. "You darted off without a word to anyone." She stopped in front of me and looked up into my face with a caring expression. "Are you doing alright?"

The look she was giving me almost made me want to give in and tell her every single thing I was feeling - almost. "I'm just having a rough night," I told her, not exactly lying, but not really explaining myself. I heard a knock against the wall by my bed, but hardly paid any attention to it, thinking it was just one of my kid siblings wrestling once again.

But her eyes told me she wasn't really buying it as she sat on the bed beside me. "You can tell me, you know." She spoke with a soft voice. "I know you aren't really attracted to me, Jalen. It's okay. I'm not trying to get with you. I actually..." She cut herself off, taking a deep breath and looking at her pale hands that rested in her lap. "I actually have someone waiting for me back in Anhedania."

My ears perked at this. "You do?" I asked, kind of surprised by this information. "What's his name?"

"Uh," She started, biting her lip nervously. "I already said to much." Then she looked at me. "Please don't tell this to anyone. You're the only person who knows this and I really shouldn't have told you. But you just look so confused and I know that love is a hard thing to come by.. I never once felt anything for anyone else but the person waiting for me." She looked at me and her eyes sparkled in the moonlight. "They're the reason I'm not going crazy."

My breath caught in my throat from the raw emotion in her voice. "Why haven't you asked to marry that person?"

She cleared her throat and swallowed. "It wouldn't be looked upon with open hearts, Jalen."

"Why?"

"You really ask a lot of questions, don't you?" She teased, bumping her knee against mine. "Do you think you can love a person despite their physical appearance?"

I thought about it with deep contemplation. I had never loved before, and I doubt that I ever will. I've seen beautiful people before that I haven't been attracted to because of their snotty personality. But could you? "I don't know," I told her honestly. "I don't even know what love feels like, much less being attracted to someone."

Isabella leaned forward and pressed her pink lips against my cheek. "I think you'll find someone one day." She gave me a huge grin. "I didn't believe in love until I saw Autumn." Shock went through me as Isabella smiled again before getting up to leave.

Autumn? But wasn't that a girl's name?

My brain hurt from the massive amount of thinking I was doing. Homosexuality or anything of that sort was not exactly a popular thing in many of the kingdoms today. In fact, you hardly even heard about it. But Isabella seemed to love this Autumn person with everything she had. So could you love someone despite their appearance? Or gender, in this case? It was certainly possible.

Another large bang distracted my attention from my thoughts, focusing me on the form of my wardrobe. It was huge, hanging most of my casual clothes in there and was taller than me by a few feet. Was there someone in there?

I blinked at the thought and dragged myself off of my arse. "Hello?" I called, feeling stupid as I walked towards the clothing holder. "Is someone in there?" From the crack between the doors, I saw something move and fear struck through me like lightning hitting metal.

My hands shook at I reached towards the silver handles. As soon as I touched them, a figure shot out, grabbing my shoulders and slamming me against the wall with a soft bang as my head hit it behind me from the force. A moment after I recovered from the shock, I felt a sharp object pressing against my neck.

"Don't move," A male voice hissed. It was smooth like velvet. "Don't speak. I will not hesitate to slit your throat."

I looked up through my eyelashes at the man who was holding me in place and my stomach got this weird feeling in it, like it dropped from a ten story building. A white mask sat upon his nose in the most majestic way. It had black swirls and jewels encrusting the sides and almond shaped slits where chocolate eyes glared back at me. They were like frozen bits of chocolate against the stark white of the mask. Soft red hair laid messily atop his head, tickling his chin. My voice got stuck in my throat. "F-Fox?" I stuttered in terror.

Fox was the most wanted criminal in every single Kingdom I knew of, excluding mine. But that was because we didn't think he had ever visited Syria. Turns out we were wrong. He was wanted for committing acts of stealing, taking valuable items for himself. Nobody knew what he did with the items and he was hardly ever seen. He was known for his porcelain mask.

"Shhh," He hissed, looking me over with those frozen eyes. It felt like he was turning me to stone with the force of it. "Jalen." My whole body tensed at my name. He held the knife tighter against my neck and I swore I could feel the skin start to give around it. "I'm going to leave. Don't try to stop me. If I hear one person or see one single wanted poster talking about me, I will come back. And I will kill you." My skin rose at the sound of his voice and I shivered as his breath fanned across my face. "Do you understand?"

I nodded and squeaked out a simple agreement, watching in amazement as he slipped away like a black shadow, padding over to my desk and grabbing the picture I had of my family and I. With that, he opened the door to my balcony, and jumped.

I resisted the urge to shriek, knowing that I was on the third floor. But when I ran to see if he was okay, I only saw a black shadow running off into the woods.