Nothing Left to Lose

Jalen

Loud pounding slammed me from the dream world to reality. A male voice beside me groaned, making me force my eyes open to stare at the man on the other side of the bed, face scrunched in pain.

"Jalen!" A voice on the other side of the door yelled. It was Isabella, as usual. "You have two seconds to open this door or I will open it for you!"

"Give me a minute!" I yelled back, annoyance thick in my voice. Isabella has been here for only two days. What makes her think she can waltz in here like she owns the place?

I grunted as I shed my covers and stepped out of bed to pad over to Neylon's side, who's eyes were open in little slits. "Good morning, Princess," He grumbled in a husky voice.

My cheeks flamed for no reason but I glared back anyways. "You need to hide," I hissed as quietly as I could muster. "If Isabella sees you here, I don't think she'll have any mercy."

He sighed, but sat up anyways, grimacing at the obvious pain in his arm. "Where should I hide?"

I shrugged. "Just go in the bathroom. I'll bring you some medication once I get Isabella off of my ass."

He nodded grimly and started walking towards my bathroom, leaving me a flustered mess at the sight of his bare chest. But why should I care?

It's Neylon we're talking about here.

I clenched my teeth, biting the sides of my mouth until I tasted the metallic consistency of blood. I braced myself as I reached for the door handle, hoping with all I had that she would not force herself through my door. "Hey," I said, lodging myself between the door and the wall.

She gave me a look as if she wanted me dead. "Good morning, Jalen," She muttered, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. Her blue eyes looked up at me through thick eyelashes. "Why have you locked your door this morning?"

My eye twitched as I hid my irritability. I felt bad for the girl who had to deal with the witch. "I locked it so you would not bother me this morning, Princess." All due respect, I added in my head.

I could see fury pooling in Isabella's eyes. She didn't act on it. "Breakfast is ready." She looked at me up and down, making my cheeks flush when I realized I was half naked. "Put some clothes on. I don't want to see that." Her heels clacked as she strode away from me. What a lovely girl.

"She seems lovely," A voice murmured, inches away from my ear.

I yelped and slammed the door, giving my deadliest look to the orange haired boy. "What the hell," I growled.

He smirked. "She left."

"No shit!" I groaned. "But what if someone saw?!"

"They would have broken the door down by now, Jalen."

I glared, once again feeling the annoyance of the day start to swell in my chest. I was questioning why I even would risk my life for a bandit that only cared about his work and wouldn't mind if I had died. So why care about him? I started shaking at the thought.

Neylon's smirk fell from his face. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "What am I doing?" I muttered, walking to sit on the edge of my bed.

He came and sat next to me, close but not touching. "What do you mean?"

Once again, I shook my head but didn't answer.

"Jalen." He put his fingers under my chin, forcing me to look into brown eyes that were now equal to that of melted chocolate. His face was filled with concern. Towards me? "You can tell me, you know."

I searched his face for any sign that he was being insincere, but I couldn't find anything. "You don't care about me," I breathed. He blinked, showing mild surprise. "So why do I care about you?"

Neylon's mouth opened as if he was going to say something, but then proceeded to close like he was rethinking about his response. "Jalen," He said again. "I never said I didn't care."

"You never said you did, either."

He grew quiet and his hand dropped from my chin as he looked away from my violet eyes. The area felt cold at the loss of his touch.

"I can't care about you, Neylon," I continued. I tilted my head so I could look into his downcast face. "But I do."

Those eyes looked conflicted, filled with despair. "I never meant to get you in so deep," He murmured, eyes flicking back to mine. "I'm sorry." I opened my mouth to speak, but he wouldn't let me. "I need to leave," He finished, causing shock to electrify my fragile bones. "I'm going to leave today and I'm not going to come back. It's time I move on to a different kingdom, anyways. Melasia, maybe?"

I grabbed his arm with such force that I surprised myself into a brief silence. "You can't leave," I told him when I regained my consciousness.

"What?" The question echoed my own thoughts. I was just telling myself that I shouldn't care about him and now I'm asking him to stay here?

"I-I..."

"I swear to God if you don't come to breakfast right now, I will knock down this door and reveal to the world what you're hiding!"

I let out a silent breath of relief. At least I wouldn't have to answer Neylon's question because, truth be told, even I didn't know what I was implying. "I'll be out in a minute, Princess," I called back, moving my eyes from Neylon's. I turned my back to him as I shed my clothes, replacing them with my formal garb: a black dress shirt, white tie, and skinny black jeans. When I was finished, I gave Neylon one final look and headed to the dining hall.

* * *

"Jalen."

I looked at my mother with curious eyes. She gave me a tight smile, the wrinkles around her lips growing deeper upon doing so. "Will you please tell Nathaniel that we need to speak with him before he goes to sleep?"

I nodded, knowing of her wary bones and how it was a struggle to walk the great distances of our home. "Of course, mother."

As I headed towards my younger brother's bedchamber, I couldn't get Neylon out of my head. The way his eyes looked at me earlier today made a strange feeling erupt in my stomach. Now it wouldn't go away and I felt suffocated by the emotion. Maybe it was anxiety, knowing that what I was doing is extremely wrong, but I couldn't shake off the feeling that it wasn't what these strange emotions were. They were something else.

But what, exactly?

My time had now run out; I could no longer think, having come to Nathaniel's door. I didn't think to knock. Why would I have to? All my little brother did with his time was play piano and read.

I suppose it was my fault really, with my barging in and all, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

My eyes widened as I caught sight of my 15-year-old brother shirtless on his bed. Now I wouldn't have minded so much except for the fact that a man loomed over him. Nathaniel's fingers were tangled in the other boy's brown hair, lips crushed together as if they used each other to breathe.

It felt like I was in a trance, staring at the two of them in amazement. The scene in front of me was vaguely... attractive to me.

I snapped out of it upon realizing that it was my brother under the older boy. "Nathaniel," I said, closing the door behind me. I watched the couple jump away from each other, terror on their faces. I smiled, trying to show them that it was okay. "Mom just wanted me to tell you to talk to her before bed."

I then turned to leave, images of the boys kissing in my head, but Nathaniel's shaking voice stopped me almost immediately. "Will you tell anyone?" He asked.

I looked back at him to find his light blue eyes filled with worry. The other boy next to him had wrapped his arms around him in comfort. I then recognized him as one of the servants, with messy brown hair and the same color of eyes. If I remembered correctly, his name was Oliver. "No," I promised them. I managed to conjure a small smile. "We all have our secrets, Nate. I'm not going to be the one to break this to them." He looked relieved as I told him to lock the door next time, uttering a small thank you.

But the only thing on my mind as I shut the door was the kiss they'd shared. I'd not kissed too many people. A few girls here or there, but it never looked like that. It was hard to think of my baby brother in bed with a man, but I had to admit that it fascinated me in more ways than one.

I was concerned, though. Why did the image appeal to me?

Then I thought about Neylon. How he made me feel like my stomach was enveloped in butterflies, how I couldn't look at him without my cheeks heating up.

There must be something wrong with me. I'm probably just coming down with an illness, which explains the heat flashes and upset stomach. But above all, I really hoped that Neylon was still there. He had talked about leaving this morning and I wanted to see him to make sure he was okay. I hadn't been in my room all day.

What if he's in pain?

The door to my own room was growing closer. Closed, just like I'd left it. But this time, Isabella was standing in front of it with her arms crossed.

I looked at her quizzically. "What?" All I wanted was to see Neylon.

She stepped forward and pointed at the door. "I want in. You're hiding something and I'm going to find out what."

I shook my head. I couldn't wait until she went back to her own kingdom and left mine alone. "I'm not hiding anything, Isabella," I told her loudly, hoping that maybe Neylon would hear me and hide.

"Then open the door."

I looked at her and then back at the door, shrugging mildly. Little did she know, I had dread surfing through me when I reached for the knob and twisted it open.

The room was empty.

I breathed a sigh of relief at this, barely noticing the princess scoff before turning to walk off upon seeing nothing unusual. I closed the door after her, looking around and calling Neylon's name quietly.

No response.

My throat dried like I had been walking through a desert for days. I clenched my hands, knuckles turning white, calling for him again. Upon walking into my bathroom, a white sheet of paper caught my eye. It was sitting on the sink so I would surely see it.

I picked up the paper gingerly, feeling the indents of handwriting against my fingertips. My throat constricted even tighter while I read the looping words.

Jalen,
I know you told me not to leave, but I have no choice. I don't want to put you in danger any more than you already are. I'll be forever grateful for your hospitality. This is the last you'll hear from me.
-N