Just This Once, Just For Now

I tilted my head back and took another sip of my white wine, feeling the buzz hit me a bit. I had a ridiculously low tolerance for alcohol. One of the Star Wars movies was playing on our television and Christy, Lesley and I were lounging around in our lingerie and pajamas. The volume was muted, however, and we were mostly talking over the dialogues.

"So, how was the date?" Lesley asked.

"It was good, Dave is really nice, Christy. You were right, he's a great guy," I said.

"Aw, I'm glad you had fun," she replied.

There was silence and we looked at the screen for a few seconds before Christy asked me, "Do you still have feelings for Kennedy?"

Lesley snorted, "She better not. Hell would freeze over before I'd let her date him again."

I smiled at her endearingly, it felt nice to be so well taken care of, but I had no idea what to tell Christy. Part of me wanted to just blurt out that I did, but a part of me knew that there was a huge asterisk beside that statement. Sure, I liked Kennedy, he was a good person, but he was a horrendous boyfriend, he was a plagued person and he was a tortured individual. Being with him was like lighting yourself on fire, sure it ignites all your senses but it also kills you and just sucks all around. Being with Kennedy was like feeling your highest highs and lowest lows all at once, something that I was not at all emotionally equipped to handle. He just had a way of being the sweetest, most candid person, but there were moments were he was just so cold-blooded it seemed like I barely even knew who he was. How could I possibly leaf through all of that and discover whether or not I still loved him?

"I-dunno," I said, not even realizing that there were tears streaming down my face. "Oh shit," I said, wiping them away and laughing at myself, "Wow, I must be really drunk."

"Aw, sweety," Lesley said, giving me a side hug and a kiss, "Don't cry."

I nodded, "Yeah, yeah I know."

"Whatever did happen between you two, anyways?" Christy asked, "I mean it seems like it was really...heavy, whatever it was."

I laughed despite myself, "Yeah, that'd be an apt word to use."

~~

"Stop, Kenny, put me down," I yelled, as he twirled me around. I cursed myself for being so easily maneuverable.

"Sure, I'll put you down," he said, threatening to drop me in the pool.

"No, no, don't!" I yelled, as he threw me into the water, jumping in himself.

"You asshole," I said, pushing him.

He grabbed my hands and pulled me towards him, kissing me turbidly. "Mmm, shouldn't you be heading out?"

"Shh," he said, continuing to kiss me.

I giggled, "You're such an idiot," I said, flicking water in his face.

"Come on," he said, carrying me out of the water.

He wrapped us both in towels and we headed up to his room. He kissed my shoulder as he unzipped my wet dress, taking it off and throwing it up to dry. He changed out of his wet clothes into a pair of dry boxers and gave me a pair too, along with a t-shirt to wear. I slipped into them and went under the covers of his bed. He laid down on my stomach and I stroked his wet hair for a bit.

"We leave for tour tomorrow," he said.

"I know. Aren't the guys expecting you over for practice?"

"I told them I wanted to spend time with you, they said they understand..."

I sighed, "We've done this before, Kenny, it's not that big a deal."

"Yeah, but this time it's longer and farther away," he said, "It always gets longer and farther away," he mumbled.

"Well, you know distance makes the heart grow fonder and whatnot," I offered.

"How do you handle it?" Kenny asked, looking up at me curiously.

"What do you mean?"

"How do you handle me being away? I mean at least I have tour and a new city each day, it is a bit distracting, what do you do?"

I shrugged, "I just go about my day and think about you a lot and just take solace in knowing that you'll come home eventually."

"How romantical," he said, poking my tummy, tickling me.

I laughed, "Don't," I yelled, as he continued to tickle me, straddling me and going to town on my torso. "Haven't you tortured me enough?"

"Not even close," he said, kissing my nose, then my lips.

He fell on top of me, his weight perfect and comfortable on my body as he ran his hand up my shirt, pulling it over my head. I moaned a bit as he messed up my hair with his fingers, biting my lips ever so slightly.

"Kenny," I whispered, "I'm going to miss you..."

"Me too," he said, looking deeply and sincerely into my eyes.

~~

Our "ladies night" ended up being a bit of a bust thereafter. All of us got pretty hammered and fell asleep on the couches in the living room. At around 2 A.M., I felt my phone vibrate, I was jerked awake by the sensation, realizing I had drooled on myself a bit.

"Good job, Lee," I said, wiping it off hastily and staring at my phone.

The screen read "Kennedy". I immediately tensed up and hoped beyond hope that I was sober, as I picked up, whispering so as to not wake up the girls.

"What do you want?"

"Well, hello to you too, hot stuff," Kenny slurred.

"It's two in the morning, asswipe," I said.

"Well, you seem to be awake."

"Why'd you call?"

"I-I'm outside your door," he said, quietly.

"What?" I said, running towards the door to look through the peephole.

Sure enough, there he was, leaning against the hood of his car, holding his phone up to his ear and running his other hand through his hair nervously.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I dunno, j-just come outside?" he said, almost pleadingly.

"Right, gimme a sec," I said, looking down at myself. I was wearing an oversized long-sleeved t-shirt that came about midway on my thighs. I grabbed a sweater, pulled it on and walked out to see him.

"Hey, baby," he said, pulling me into a really confusing hug. He didn't let me go for a really long time, and I had no idea what he had huffed before he got here.

"W-what are you doing, Kenny?"

"It's me, Phaed," he said, cupping my face in his hands, "Don't act like you haven't been dying to give me a hug since you saw me."

"I really haven't..."

He twirled a strand of hair out of my eyes and looked deep into them, in the way that he used to. My whole body froze, but I was sober enough to know how drunk he was. I knew not to take any of this seriously.

"God, you have the prettiest freckles," he said, running his finger across my nose and cheeks. Since I was biracial, I had a lot of freckles, something I was really insecure about until he had told me that they were really attractive.

"Kenny, you're really drunk," I said, pushing him to arm's length.

"Aw, don't do that," he said, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me close. "You look so pretty in the moonlight," he said, resting his forehead against mine.

I stuttered, not being able to come up with a proper response as he pulled my hands around his waist, intertwining my fingers with his. He leaned in close, rubbing our noses together, pursing his lips deliberately to kiss me. Just as our lips were palpably close, I felt his back rise a bit; suddenly, he was doubled over above my hedges, throwing up on my front yard.

"Fuckin' hell," I mumbled, pulling my sweater over myself tighter and tying my hair up.

I went over to him and patted his back, "Are you alright?" I asked, to which I got no response but more heaving.

After a few seconds, he stopped throwing up. I didn't dare look at the wreckage caused to my shrubs, instead, I helped him get up and wondered what to do next. Should I bring him up to my room and let him crash here for the night? Or should I drive him to Tim's in his car and no one had to know about this little incident? I voted for the latter and I strapped him into the passenger side of the car and then got into the front seat.

I sighed, the radio was really loud, so I turned it down to a simmer. Kennedy was mumbling and slightly blacking out beside me. The drive was mostly quiet and when I got to Tim's place, Garrett helped me get him into the house and on to a bed. It was only when I got there that I realized I had no way of getting back home.

"Why don't you just crash here?" Garrett asked.

"Yeah," I said, heading towards another room with an empty bed and falling asleep as soon as I hit the bed.