Just This Once, Just For Now

And just like that, everything exploded.

Of course it did. It simply had to. Could it really be that my life would ever align perfectly like Christy and Tim's had? Could there ever exist even the slightest possibility of my solace and happiness? Well, not today anyways.

~~

Right after the kiss with Dave, the both of us headed back into the ballroom. By this time, the DJ had discarded all wedding jams and was straight-up blasting EDM and dance music that had almost everyone on the dance floor. It was almost like a classier, rosier version of prom out there. Of course I wanted to get in on the action.

Out of the sea of people, a hand grabbed me and pulled me into the well of bodies. "I just saw you two sneak out, did you have dirty sex in the bathroom or something?" Lesley asked into my ear, not being as quiet as she probably intended to be.

I laughed, "No, babe, we just kissed though," I said, dancing with her, a sneaky smile creepy across my face despite myself.

"Eee," Les gasped, as we continued to goofily grind with each other.

Out of nowhere, I felt a body behind me. Too close behind me. "You've been really naughty, Phaed," Kennedy whispered, running his fingers down my shoulders and back from either side, causing chills to go up my spine.

Lesley groaned at the sight of him, "Go away, Kenny," she said, quietly, her face immediately contorting into one that was reasonably displeased.

"Hey, Les," he said, putting one arm around my waist and waving at her with the other.

I didn't have the courage to turn around and face him, so I simply said, "Let go of me, Ken."

"Aw, come on, just one dance," he said, turning me around and lightly pulling me closer by the waist.

I left my body limp, not wanting Dave to see us or think that I was encouraging this in any way. Kenny took my hand in his and held it up, slowly swaying me around.

"You wanna slow dance to Pitbull?" I asked, as people began to look at us a bit weirdly.

He shrugged, "Why not?" he said, his breath exuding the amount of alcohol he had consumed.

I scrunched up my nose, "Kenny, why do you drink so much these days?"

"Life's tough, kid," he said, his face straight as if he wasn't trying to be funny.

I snorted, "You're a rockstar with thousands of girls stalking your every move. What could possibly be so hard for you to cope with?"

He smiled slightly, shaking his head, "It's a good thing you're pretty, Phaed," he said.

Didn't we agree he wouldn't call me that anymore? I thought, just as I felt his hand slide down my back just a bit too much. I pulled it up sharply, giving him a look.

"What's up with good ole Dave, anyways?"

I felt myself blush a bit, "Um, I'm not sure yet," I said, honestly, since it's not like we had talked about it.

"Do you actually like this guy?"

"I-I dunno, honestly. I think I would like to like him, but I don't know him too well just yet," I said.

"Right," he said, looking off into the distance.

Out of nowhere, a girl came up to us, "Kenny," she said, literally pulling us apart to hug him.

"Hey Tiffany," he said, hugging her back.

"Oh my god, I didn't see you all evening," she said, as I stood there, awkwardly, not sure what to do. I mean it's not like I could just start twerking by myself out of nowhere.

"Yeah, let's dance," he said, pulling her away and not even looking back at me.

"What in the hell?" I murmured, slowly maneuvering my way off the dance floor, hoping to run into either Les or Dave.

Luckily Les was refilling her wine glass, I ran up to her, "Hey you alright?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yep, all good. Are you ready to leave?" I asked her, she had her clutch tucked underneath her arm.

"Yeah, just takin' one for the road," she said, holding up her glass and giggling.

I laughed, "You're crazy," I said, kissing her cheek. "Alright, lemme go find Dave and say bye to him, and I'll be right back."

I found Dave seated at a table with Christy's sister a few tables away. I went up to them and let hiim know I was going to head home. He stood up and ushered me to a secluded corner by the elbow.

"Well, today was really fun," he said, smiling down at me.

I nodded, "Yeah, I had a great time," I said, feeling that nervous whoozy feeling in my belly.

He leaned down and kissed me again, this time actually frenching the pants off me. He cupped my face in his hands and bent down a bit so I didn't have to strain my neck. When we finally broke apart, he had this really handsome smile on his face and I couldn't believe how lovely he was and why on earth he wanted to kiss me at all.

"I'll call you tomorrow morning, once the hangover's worn off," he said, winking.

I nodded, "Bye Dave."

~~

The next morning I woke up happy. Just happy. I whistled my way downstairs, making pancakes for Les and myself. After I was done eating, I went out on the porch, sitting on the rocking chair with a cup of coffee and the paper. Just as I got through all of the relevant stuff and got to the Sports section that was pretty much irrelevant to me, I put the paper down a bit. I pulled up my cup to take a sip and nearly choked as I saw what I hoped was a mirage.

Kennedy was walking down my street towards our house. I wondered if there was time for me to run back inside, bolt the door and pretend like I wasn't awake yet. Unfortunately, right as the thought crossed my mind, he looked up and waved to me. I waved back slowly, feeling my heart sink.

"Hey, morning," he said, coming up to me and giving me a somewhat formal kiss on the cheek.

"Morning?" I said, a bit awkwardly.

He leaned against the porch rail as I curled my knees up and rested my chin on it. "So-" I said, right as he said, "Hey, I just-"

I laughed, "Um, you go first," I said.

He nodded, "Yeah, I just wanted to say...I know the wedding is over now and there is no reason for us to see each other anymore, but I just- I don't know. I guess I'm sort of hoping that you'd still hang out with me."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, sure. Whenever," I said, lying to his face. "I mean, you have my number. Just reach out whenever you want to meet up," I said.

He shook his head, "You don't mean that, do you?"

I sighed, "What do you want me to say to you, Ken?" I asked, sadly.

"I just- Why does it have to be this way?" he asked, frustratedly running his hands through his hair. "I know I fucked up, bad, but why does it have to be like this between us?"

I gaped at him, appalled he even had the guts to ask me that to my face. "This is the real world, Ken. Where people make mistakes and then pay a price for it."

"I've paid my dues, Phaedra," he said, slowly. "Now I want you back."

"I don't- what?!"

"I know you heard me."

I shook my head, "Ken, the days of me losing my mind over every little word you say is behind us. I am done pining over you, I am done fixating over every little thing about you. I'm not the lovestruck idiot I used to be. I've changed."

"I've changed, too," he said, "I've grown, I'm different now..."

"Not really, you're just drunker now," I said, shortly.

I got up, swiveling around to go back into the house but he caught me by the arm. "Don't walk away from me like that," he said, his face falling.

Something in me instantaneously snapped. I sighed, turning around to face him. No matter how much he had hurt me, I could never really do the same to him. I just had too much love and reverence for him in me.

"What do you expect me to do?" I asked.

"Just give us another chance, honey," he said, sliding his hand down my arm and taking my hand in his, giving my fingers a little squeeze. "Don't you remember how amazing we were together? It's not the kind of feeling you can just forget."

"I don't know, this is all a bit much," I said, softly. "I can't just go back on everything I stand for."

"I know. I know I have to gain your trust again, but last night when I saw you kiss Dave like that, I just- it made my blood boil, Phaedra. I simply can't see you with anyone else. You just can't be with anyone but me, which is stupid because I'm the worst fucking guy there is but I promise I will work hard to change for you. I'll work hard to deserve you, to be as good of a guy as that douchebag is," he said, laughing a bit at the end.

I laughed, "He was actually really, really nice," I said.

"Well, I'm better," he said, kissing me suddenly.

I pushed him away, trying to fight it a bit, but he simply kissed me harder. I couldn't help but lose myself in his kiss. Suddenly, it was like time had warped back to when we were together a year ago. It was as if nothing had changed between us at all; like none of the fights and the break up had ever happened.

"I'm so sorry for everything I ever did," he said, slowly, into my lips and it was almost as if I could feel his apology.

Maybe it went against my better judgement; it certainly went against everything I stood for, but I felt the inclination to give this another chance. Kennedy was right about one thing- when we were together, we were amazing.