The End of Everything

DEREK POV:

I pulled a sweatshirt over my still damp skin and shoved my feet into the beat up sneakers I always wore. Aella’s tearful voice kept spinning through my head as I showered and got dressed.

Her apartment was four blocks from MSG so I grabbed the duffle filled with my jersey and pads and began my jog to her place. The cold winter air easily ate through the sweatshirt I had on and began to freeze my wet skin. I ignored the chill that filled my body as my feet slammed on the pavement and my shoulders slammed into people.

In the distance I could see the portico to her building jutting over the sidewalk. I had half a block left before I got to her door and jammed the code into the keypad on the wall. There was a second before the click of the lock sounded and I pushed my way into the building.

I pressed the up arrow for the elevator repeatedly until the gray metal doors slid open before me. A woman pushing a stroller exited the lift and I quickly ran in and pressed the button.

My heart plummeted at the elevator rose higher. The stroller had a baby in it. Aella has a baby in her. What if something happened?

She said her appointment went fine, but things could go bad. I gulped and the doors sprung open before me. I rushed down her hall and stopped at the white door with the key in my hand. Slowly I slipped the key into the lock and twisted it to the left. There was a soft click of the lock coming undone and then I twisted the knob and opened the door.

On the couch was a small blob of sweaters, blankets and hair. I dropped my bag onto the floor and carefully closed the door behind me. She lifted her head and there were long black lines trailing down her cheeks. Her lips moved, but no sound came out.

I kicked off my shoes and made my way over to her. She crawled into my lap as I sat down and shook with sobs against me. My fingers tangled into her hair and her fingers locked around my neck. I firmly pushed my lips against her hairline and held them there until she stopped crying enough to talk.

Her eyes were a clear blue as they stared up at me. Tears still lined her lower lashes and threatened to spill over onto her face. I ran the pad of my thumb under her eyes and she looked away from me. My hand cupped her chin and lifted her face back up to mine.

I leaned down and brushed my lips against hers three times before pulling back. More tears had flown down her face, but we both ignored them. She pulled me back down and pressed her salty lips against mine for a minute.

“What’s wrong A?” I whispered into her ear. She coughed slightly and pushed me away from her.

“There’s something wrong Derek.”

“With the baby?” I already could tell the answer from the look on her face. She nodded slowly and I broke inside. I kept it together on the outside for her.

“The baby, I can’t keep it.”

“Why?” I felt a swarm of heat in my heart and the quickening of my pulse.

“The Doctor said the baby could get Down syndrome, since my aunt had it. He called today and... I didn’t think it was that possible, so I didn’t tell you. I’m so sorry. It has it.” She was overcome with tears and her body racked with sobs.

“It’ll be okay. We can take care of the baby still. We’ll find a way to work it out. I promise.”

“No, Derek we can’t. I can’t go through that again. I had to watch her die. I can’t watch my baby die too.”

“So what are you gonna do?” I gulped.

“I can get an abortion still…” she trailed off and looked away from me.

“So your plan to not watch our baby die, is by killing it before it can live? That’s perfect.”

“Derek! I don’t want to do this either. It’s not my fault—"

“But it is your choice.” She stared at me shocked and appalled.

“W-what do you mean?” She stuttered.

“You don’t have to do this. We can take care of it. Maybe the test was wrong. We can work through this together.” I pleaded.

“The test wasn’t wrong and I can’t go through this. Not again.” The tone of her voice told me there was no arguing. She made up her mind before I came home.

“Why tell me if I can’t even help you decide? Why call me here if you already decided the fate of something we made together without me? Shouldn’t we do this together?”

She shook her head and her voice broke as she said, “Derek that’s not what is happening and you know it! I thought you deserved to know what was going on and hear why this has to be done. I thought you’d understand.”

“Oh so this ‘has to be done?’ Good to know.” I got up off the couch and started to pace the length of the living room. She slowly stood up too and stopped my pacing with a hug. I melted into her and breathed in the scent of flour she always seemed to have.

“We can try again.” Those four words broke me. I felt tears brim in my eyes and pushed her away. I didn’t want to get my hopes up again. I didn’t want to be led on again. I didn’t want to be lied to again. I didn’t want this again.

She looked at me scared and tried to touch me again. I walked around her and stuffed my feet into my beat up sneakers.

“You know what, I don’t want to try again. I’m not going through this again.” There was an edge to my voice I had never used towards her before. She whimpered behind me and I felt her hand brush my lower back, but I did my best to ignore it.

“Der, please. Don’t walk out that door. Don’t walk out on me. Don’t walk out on us.” I opened the door and picked up my duffle bag.

“You know what the best part of today and your little announcement is that you told me you’d kill our baby on the same couch you told me we were having a baby. Good luck with everything you’re planning to do to our baby and yourself Aella.” I stepped through the door and let it slam behind me.