With Ears to See

“There! That’s the last box!”

I dropped it to the floor and sat on top of it, resting for a bit.

New apartment…New life…

I took a deep breath and ran a hand through my messy hair.

I need to fix it.

No I don’t.

I stood up and grabbed my keys from off of the counter.

Walk to the door, Austin. Don’t look in the mirror.

I ran to the door, opening it and quickly leaving the room.
I took another deep breath and started down the stairs.

I’ll just take a walk, get some fresh air, and familiarize myself with the town.

But…

Maybe I shouldn’t.

On my way down the stairs, I passed a short old Asian woman who gave me a toothy grin.

“Nǐ hǎo!”

It took me a small second, but I was able to smile and wave back.

She nodded and continued up the stairs.

It’s okay. I’m gonna be fine.

That greeting was enough to push me forward.

x x x

The autumn breeze…The various colors of leaves that brightened the trees and the pavement…
The laughter of kids riding their bikes on the sidewalk…

This place is nice.
It’s warm and vibrant at the same time.

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jacket and continued to look around as I walked.

A convenience store…A park…Small shops and family-owned businesses everywhere.

I took a small break at a café, quietly sipping at my Chai tea.
I continued my walk afterwards.

A hidden lake…An open grassland…An old, wooden bridge…

Places where I can escape to.

I reached the apartment complex, slowly trudging up the stairs until I reached my apartment.
I unlocked the door and walked inside, closing it back.

I moved a couple of boxes out of the way and walked into the bathroom, turning the shower on.

Keep it together, Austin.

I took off all of my clothes, staring at my exposed figure in the mirror.

I bit down on my lip and shook my head.

Ugly…

Disgusting…

I picked out every imperfection that I saw.

Every scar, every bruise.

My legs are too skinny. My stomach is too fat.

I wiped away a stray tear and stepped into the shower.

I shouldn’t think about it. I moved here for a reason.

But…You can never escape your own demons, can you?