With Ears to See

I’m back where I started.

I ran a hand through my hair, spiking up the front a little.
I shifted slightly on the bed, but I didn’t completely move from my position.

A hundred thoughts running through my mind.
Fresh bruises and cuts on my body.

I’m back where I started.

I ignored the protests from my stomach – I haven’t eaten much for the past two days – and rolled onto my side.

Gielle was right. She’s always right.

I absent-mindedly rubbed a cut on my hip.

Kellin probably realized it, too.

The tears started to fall.

Just the thought of losing Kellin was painful enough.
Why did I put myself through this again?

“Austin?”

Great…now I’m hearing his voice in my head.

“Austin…?”

It sounds closer this time.

I stood up from the bed and quietly made my way to the bedroom door.
Kellin was standing in the living room.

How did he…?
Oh, right. I gave him a copy key.

I stepped out of the bedroom.

“Kellin, what are you doing here…?”

He turned towards me, hesitating for a second, and ran to me, wrapping his arms around me.

“I was so worried…! I couldn’t find you! It took so long and I was scared that something happened!”
His hand brushed against my wrist and he froze up.

His fingers traced the healing cuts.

He looked up at me, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“Why…?”
“Kellin…I…”

He bit down on his lip.

“She shouldn’t have said those things, Austin…She had no right…!”
“Kellin—”

“She had no right! She doesn’t know you! She’s a liar!”
“Kellin, stop—”

“No!!!”

I froze up this time.

“You didn’t deserve that, Austin! You’re not worthless! You’re not pathetic!”
The tears rolled down his cheeks as he gently traced the healing cuts with his thumb.

“It hurts to know that you’re like this…It hurts to know that you’re doing this to yourself…”

I placed my hand on his cheek and wiped a couple of tears away.

“Why…Why do you care so much about me, Kellin…?”
“Isn’t it obvious?
He placed his hand over mine.

“You became someone very dear to me. You’re gentle, caring. You’re supportive and helpful. You’re the best friend that I could ever ask for.”

Another tear rolled down his cheek, but a small smile appeared on his lips.

“You’re the only guy I met who didn’t judge me by my inability to see. Around you, I always felt like I was normal.”

He found my hands and intertwined our fingers.

“You’re not pathetic or worthless. You’re beyond amazing, Austin.”

Those words alone brought more tears to my eyes.
I pulled him into a hug as I started crying again.

“Austin, promise me that you’ll never think so lowly of yourself. And promise me that you’ll never hurt yourself ever again. You should give yourself a chance to completely heal, okay?”

“I promise, Kellin. I promise.”

He stood on his toes and placed a kiss on my nose.

“Good. Now how about we order some pizza? Half cheese, half ham with pineapples.”
“You remembered the topping?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I? And we can camp out in the living room with some movies. How does that sound?”

I smiled for the first time in two days and moved his hair out of his face, pressing my lips to his forehead.

“It’s perfect.”

He blushed as his smile grew wider.

“I’ll go turn on the TV. You can order the pizza.”
He walked over to the couch and did so as I went to grab my cell phone from the bedroom.

I smiled a little to myself.

You’re wrong, Kellin.

If anyone is amazing, it’s you.