With Ears to See

I shouldn’t be doing this.

I wiped a stray tear away with the back of my hand.

I shouldn’t be doing this. It’s too painful.

But here I am again, going through old pictures.
I can’t help it, though.

I loved the feelings that emitted from them.
They brought back bittersweet emotions.
Happiness. Love. Pain. Regret.

I sighed as I picked up another photo.

What went wrong? Why did everything fall apart?

I let out a strangled breath as another tear fell.

Why wasn’t I good enough? Was I ever good enough?

The more pictures I went through, the more my heart sank.

I was never good enough. She would still be here if I was.

I grit my teeth together and grabbed the lighter from off of the table.
The metal trash bin was already placed in front of me.

One by one, I lit the pictures on fire, watching them disappear into smoke and ash.

Soon, they were all gone. One less thing to remind me of her.
Now, I found comfort in the fire, the embers glowing as the flames licked the paper.

I ran my hands through my hair, letting out another strangled breath.

“Come on, Austin. Pull yourself together. You have to go to work today.”

I stood up from the chair, poured a little bit of water into the fire, and went to get myself ready.

x x x

“Austin, are you okay?”

I just finished a customer’s white chocolate mocha and turned to Mei-Xing, who had a concerned look on her face.

“Y-Yeah. Why do you ask?”
“Your aura radiates sadness.”

I didn’t respond.

Another customer came to the counter, so I had to take their order.

“Alright, it’ll be out in a minute.”

I began to make the customer’s mint chocolate Frappuccino, until I heard yelling soon afterwards.

“You klutzy prick! You got coffee all over my shirt!”
“I-I’m sorry, sir...! I just—”

“I don’t want to hear it!”

I turned towards the voice.

A tall man in a suit was obviously the one talking.
But the person he was yelling at was…

The guy I ran into the other day.

I quickly handed the customer their drink and dashed over to them.

“I don’t think you understand what you have put me through! I have a meeting in thirty minutes!”

“Hey!”

I spoke up and the douche turned to look at me.

“Leave him alone. The poor guy is blind! He didn’t mean to do it! And you’re just as equally as guilty. Maybe you didn’t watch where you were going!”

The guy only scoffed, threw his coffee cup on the floor, and walked out of the café.

I sighed and picked up the cup, throwing it into the trash.
“What a jerk.”

“Um. Thanks for standing up for me, but it is kind of my fault. I hope he didn’t make too much of a mess.”
The mystery guy spoke up.

“It’s no trouble at all. Guys like him just need a kick in the ego every once in a while.”

He had a pondering look on his face for a second.

“Austin? Is that you?”
“Uh yeah. Nice to see you again.”

He smiled and nodded.

“So I guess you work here?”
“Yeah. I started about three weeks ago—”

“Kellin? Are you okay?!”

Mei-Xing came out from the back and pulled down the guy into her arms.

So that's his name.

“I’m fine, Mei-Xing. Austin saved me.”
She looked up at me and gave me a warm smile before she let go of Kellin.

“Kellin, would you like the usual?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Austin. One hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate syrup, please.”

I nodded and got to work while Mei-Xing helped Kellin to a chair.

Small world, isn’t it?

I finished his drink and was about to bring it to him, but Mei-Xing stopped me for a second.

“Why don’t you take a break for now? I’ll take care of the orders.”
“But—”
She shook her head, so I guess I had to comply.

“You can still bring Kellin his order, though.”
I nodded and she walked behind the counter.

I brought Kellin his order and he thanked me with a bright smile.

Before I could walk off, he stopped me.

“Do you mind sitting down with me? It gets a little lonely when Mei-Xing is busy.”
“S-Sure.”

I sat in the seat in front of him.

It was silent for a moment, but it allowed me time to take in the sight before me.

Ocean blue eyes seemed to sparkle in the sunset light. His dark hair swooped just above his eyes and curled perfectly at the ends. His lips were a gentle, warm pink with a little bit of whipped cream on them.

“You’re still there, right?”

His voice snapped me out of my gaze.

“Y-Yeah. I’m still here.”
He giggled and then took a small sip from his drink.

And his smile. How could I forget that smile?

“So, how come I’ve never run into you before? Well, not counting the time you saved me from getting hit by a car.”
“I just moved here…”
“Oh.”

Another moment of silence.

“How do you like the town so far?”
“It’s really nice. Beautiful, calm, and peaceful.”

“Why did you move here?”

I tensed up. I didn’t respond.
I felt worse when Kellin’s smile dropped.

“I’m sorry. I should stop asking so many questions.”
“No, it’s okay. I moved, because I needed a change of scenery.”

I stood up from the chair and pushed it in.

“I should get back to work.”
“Um…Yeah…”

I walked off, but not before hearing Kellin again.

“It was nice running into you again, Austin!”

x x x

I was in the mirror again. Another bad habit of mine.

I’m getting fatter.

Just as disgusting as the last time.

I let out a shaky breath and allowed my fingers to brush against the scars on my thighs.

Hideous.

“I’m in over my head.”

Why was I thinking about Kellin like that, today?

He won’t fall for me.

I’m not good enough.

I shook my head and wiped the tears away, only to have more fall.

I’m never good enough.