Lover Boy, You're Playing With Us Like Toys
Chapter 1
I sigh heavily while waiting for my plane to land. Flying for six hours is not what i had in mind for today. I wanted to spend the day with Jordan, the adorable man that stole my heart last year, but instead im on a plane to the U.K. Sheffield, to be exact. I am not happy with this and it was not my decision. Its pretty cool to be coming to England, but under these circumstances, not so much. I did plan on coming here after the summer, but on my own, not for family i dont want to see.
Im on my way to my grandparents house to visit my father, who has lived with his parents for five years now, or technically four. Five years ago my mother kicked him out, but i dont want to get into that right now. All you need to know for now is that i despise my father.
The reason im visiting him is because he has under a year left to live because of a heart condition, and he wanted to spend it with me. Im actually staying in Sheffield for my very last year of high school, unless he dies before the school year ended. I know this will sound terrible, but i hope he does. I didnt want to come, not after what hes done to me. I dont consider him a father, but my mother had me come because she still cares for him and wants his last year to be what he wanted. Also, my grandparents will always be around so he will never be alone with me in the house, but truthfully i dont think itd be a problem.
I know that sounds confusing because i havent told you all of the story, but youll get it soon enough. I want to just lay back with my ipod and rest for the last half hour left of my plane ride. This is I going to be very different. I come from a small town in Missouri, and now im on my way to another country. I hope i wont make a fool of myself once i start school. I know everyone there will know me, im sure its not often a southern kid comes to a british school.
I stop thing about Sheffield and let myself drift off to thoughts of Jordan and music.
°
I arrived at the airport and gathered the four suitcases of my luggage and now i stand waiting for my grandparents. My heart seems to be going ten times faster than it should and the longer i wait the more anxious and nervous i get. My father did some terrible things and i dont understand why im here. My grandmother was on the phone with my mom for quite a while but i dont know what was said.
I wait for what feels like hours before a silver subaru pulls up beside me with my grandmother inside. thankfully my father isnt there, im not ready to see him. Ma gets out of the car to engulf me in a huge bear hug, "oh Chris, its so nice to see you."
I hug her back, "you too ma." She begins to pack my bags into the car so i take the heaviest so she doesnt have to do it. "Theres a lot i have to explain to you Christofer. Im sorry that this had to happen, i I its going to be hard but i can promise you that theres nothing you have to worry about."
I bite my lip, a nervous habit of mine, but i dont say anything. I dont believe theres nothing to worry about. Last i remember my father was an abusive, alcoholic prick, and i was just a little 12 year old boy.
Once my stuff is in the car i get it, slightly disoriented from jet lag and from the fact that the passengers seat is on the opposite side of the car. My grandmother chuckles at my confusion before were on our way to her house.
"I guess ill just start, your father went to rehab for 2 years to get clean. It took a very long time because he gets addicted to things quite easily, and as we all know it was very bad."
I inwardly sigh, of course it was bad. Hes a fucking abusive alcoholic! I wouldnt say that to ma though, it is still her son and i dont want to upset her. I continue to listen, "he got therapy, and prescriptions for anger issues and bipolar disorder, and hes stayed on his meds since then. He feels terrible for the things that hes done, Chris. Im not asking you to forgive him, but his only wish was to spend one year with you. You dont have to stay with him, you dont have to go out with him every night. Im sure youll make friends here, so i want you to know you can go places whenever you want. You can do whatever you normally do, but im sure occasionally your father would like to take you out."
"Alright. It wont be too bad i guess, i mean, you and Grampie are there." Ma nods and continues on about how they wouldnt leave us alone until im comfortable and how hes changed and all that bullshit. Maybe he has changed, maybe not, but either way he fucking traumatized me. Ill get along with him, but itll only be fake. I have no feelings for him, i dont even care about the heart problems. Id honestly rather he died now. The things he did are just unforgivable.
I sit in the car for two hours, watching the rain pour down from the gray clouds and the darkening sky. I feel like its still noon, and thats what my ipod says, but theres a huge time difference. I forgot all about that. Oh well ill adjust. Soon enough we arrive at the house ill be living in for the next year. I take a breath, stay outside for a smoke, gather my thoughts, and in i go to greet my father.
Im on my way to my grandparents house to visit my father, who has lived with his parents for five years now, or technically four. Five years ago my mother kicked him out, but i dont want to get into that right now. All you need to know for now is that i despise my father.
The reason im visiting him is because he has under a year left to live because of a heart condition, and he wanted to spend it with me. Im actually staying in Sheffield for my very last year of high school, unless he dies before the school year ended. I know this will sound terrible, but i hope he does. I didnt want to come, not after what hes done to me. I dont consider him a father, but my mother had me come because she still cares for him and wants his last year to be what he wanted. Also, my grandparents will always be around so he will never be alone with me in the house, but truthfully i dont think itd be a problem.
I know that sounds confusing because i havent told you all of the story, but youll get it soon enough. I want to just lay back with my ipod and rest for the last half hour left of my plane ride. This is I going to be very different. I come from a small town in Missouri, and now im on my way to another country. I hope i wont make a fool of myself once i start school. I know everyone there will know me, im sure its not often a southern kid comes to a british school.
I stop thing about Sheffield and let myself drift off to thoughts of Jordan and music.
°
I arrived at the airport and gathered the four suitcases of my luggage and now i stand waiting for my grandparents. My heart seems to be going ten times faster than it should and the longer i wait the more anxious and nervous i get. My father did some terrible things and i dont understand why im here. My grandmother was on the phone with my mom for quite a while but i dont know what was said.
I wait for what feels like hours before a silver subaru pulls up beside me with my grandmother inside. thankfully my father isnt there, im not ready to see him. Ma gets out of the car to engulf me in a huge bear hug, "oh Chris, its so nice to see you."
I hug her back, "you too ma." She begins to pack my bags into the car so i take the heaviest so she doesnt have to do it. "Theres a lot i have to explain to you Christofer. Im sorry that this had to happen, i I its going to be hard but i can promise you that theres nothing you have to worry about."
I bite my lip, a nervous habit of mine, but i dont say anything. I dont believe theres nothing to worry about. Last i remember my father was an abusive, alcoholic prick, and i was just a little 12 year old boy.
Once my stuff is in the car i get it, slightly disoriented from jet lag and from the fact that the passengers seat is on the opposite side of the car. My grandmother chuckles at my confusion before were on our way to her house.
"I guess ill just start, your father went to rehab for 2 years to get clean. It took a very long time because he gets addicted to things quite easily, and as we all know it was very bad."
I inwardly sigh, of course it was bad. Hes a fucking abusive alcoholic! I wouldnt say that to ma though, it is still her son and i dont want to upset her. I continue to listen, "he got therapy, and prescriptions for anger issues and bipolar disorder, and hes stayed on his meds since then. He feels terrible for the things that hes done, Chris. Im not asking you to forgive him, but his only wish was to spend one year with you. You dont have to stay with him, you dont have to go out with him every night. Im sure youll make friends here, so i want you to know you can go places whenever you want. You can do whatever you normally do, but im sure occasionally your father would like to take you out."
"Alright. It wont be too bad i guess, i mean, you and Grampie are there." Ma nods and continues on about how they wouldnt leave us alone until im comfortable and how hes changed and all that bullshit. Maybe he has changed, maybe not, but either way he fucking traumatized me. Ill get along with him, but itll only be fake. I have no feelings for him, i dont even care about the heart problems. Id honestly rather he died now. The things he did are just unforgivable.
I sit in the car for two hours, watching the rain pour down from the gray clouds and the darkening sky. I feel like its still noon, and thats what my ipod says, but theres a huge time difference. I forgot all about that. Oh well ill adjust. Soon enough we arrive at the house ill be living in for the next year. I take a breath, stay outside for a smoke, gather my thoughts, and in i go to greet my father.