I'll Check in Tomorrow if I Don't Wake Up Dead

The roads were not as slippery as Lily imagined them to be, but that by no stretch meant they were safe either. There'd been a few times Lily was scared the person in front of her would lose control of their car and cause a pileup but it appeared the luck of her ancestors were on her side. On top of that the petite woman was rather distracted by her internal dialogue. It was getting dark out, the snow was falling harder and when she left there'd been no sign of Gerard. What if he had gotten hurt, if he had fallen or lost the way home? Would he freeze? Against her will Lily shivered and her grip on the wheel tightened.

She really couldn't afford to think about it, because even now she felt lost and confused. Had she'd done something she'd been unaware of? Perhaps he really hadn't wanted to share his past with her and she'd upset him. No it had to do with the phone-call, Lily could almost definitely say that; but she hadn't really said anything. Her frown deepened and flaring her nose as the woman took a deep gulp of air Lily turned her attention back to the road. No one crashed and Lily made it to Dublin with a half-hour to spare. This would serve as a bit of time to get used to the idea of going to see Alex alone, and calm down a little.

Parking the car in a designated area, Lily found herself where she and Gerard had been only yesterday. She parked and walked the streets, drawing her coat a bit tighter around her frail looking body. Really she hadn't walked a city alone since that night in Jersey where she'd nearly died and the poor woman was pretty sure she was going to have an anxiety attack. Her eyes darted to every alleyway and her steps were hurried as her eyes avoided contact with anyone else.

The bitter cold cut against whatever skin she had exposed, which wasn't a lot, but still had her ducking into the first coffee shop she saw. It wasn't the same she'd been in yesterday, but was pretty similar. The dark blue walls seemed warm and inviting, and the coffee was half-decent as well. People hurried by the window, the weather far too cold to allow any stragglers and the snowflakes rained down, large and fluffy which had long since dusted the ground.

Too fast it seemed that time passed and Lily had to leave the coffee shop to find Alex. She wouldn't put it past him to be an hour late, but with a reluctant sigh the woman began collect her things and drawing her coat tighter to her body headed back out into the storm. "He would pick the day the snowstorm was supposed to be really bad to meet up." She thought bitterly and shivered as she pushed the coffee shop's door open; only to be smacked in the face with an icy blast of cold air.

The walk to the photography shop was short though the wind had raised thousands of goosebumps all over her body; and to her relief Alex was already waiting outside. That was a first and raised some alarm bells in Lily as she hadn't been expecting this. She had been expecting him to be late, with some half-assed excuse and as she drew closer the woman's eyes fell to the vibrant and bright Calla Lilies held delicately in his hands, complete with a ribbon around the fragile green stems.

"What the hell is that?" She demanded, her voice rough and aggressive. This did nothing to deter the smile that lit up Alex's face.

"Oh these?" His voice held a charming note of innocence and his eyes sparkled. It was all Lily could do not to go home right then and there.

"Obviously." Her voice was cool and measured, her posture stiff and full of tension.

"Flowers, for you. Calla Lilies, they reminded me of you." This was all an act, it had to be. Lily refused to let the image of the spoiled, rude, and snide prick leave her.

"I don't want them. I want to have dinner and then go home. With as little talking as possible." Her voice was dripping with ice and this time Alex did notice.

"Is something wrong?" She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his question.

"Oh just peachy. The last time I saw you, you told me and I quote, "You would never date a fat pig like myself. If I couldn't take care of myself how was I ever expected to run a household." Which was pretty misogynist in and of itself, but the hurt on Lily's face seemed to go unnoticed by Alex.

"Alright, well clearly we've all made mistakes before. It's not really fair for you to hold onto a grudge for years is it?" His blue eyes were round, but there was a little simper beneath his air of hurt.

"Lets just go." Lily snapped refusing to take the flowers he offered out to her. Instead she stood, fighting the shivers that threatened to wrack her body and waited for Alex to show the way to the place he had in mind for dinner. He sent her this hurt look, but holding the flowers as if he could convince her to take them, began to walk down the crowded streets.

People threw them quick glances but Lily paid them no mind. She ignored Alex's attempts to make conversation, his presence was enough to spike her agitation levels and Lily couldn't imagine what talking to him would do for her already strained temper. She couldn't help but yearn for the presence of Gerard, he would make sure that she was safe and taken care of, like he normally did. Glancing up towards the skies Lily found she couldn't suppress the growing concern in her chest for him; and the tickling sense of curiosity.

"You seem distracted." Alex's honey-smooth voice sounded near her ear and instinctively the petite woman jerked away from him.

"I am. My fiancee took off earlier I don't know if he got home safe." The lie slipped surprisingly well off of Lily's lips, and she almost didn't feel bad about the lie once the look of shock and annoyance flitted across Alex's face.

"You're engaged?" She nodded and being rather gentle tugged out the necklace that held the rings on them.

"Yeah, he's a great guy, someone who would stand by me no matter what."

"You really think that? Most men stay while it's good, then leave." The remark was so casual, yet so apathetic Lily laughed, a cold and twisted sound.

"I wouldn't really compare your ideology to most men." Alex sighed, and his jaw twitched as if he were struggling to control his temper.

"Well you're missing out."

"I really don't think so. I have a man who takes care of me, protects me and always makes me feel beautiful, wanted and good enough. No matter what." Her firm tone was scarcely heard above the wailing distant sirens, and the traffic that trudged by them. Alex didn't say anything but made some noise in the back of his throat, which spoke for him.

Alex didn't believe that, he only saw women as play-things for the night; something to keep his sheets warm and something for him to look at. At that realization Lily felt pity for him wash over her in waves. Granted Lily wasn't married, but at least she had the capabilities to love someone she didn't think that Alex did. He'd always love himself first, above anything, and that was too bad. Not responding Lily held her tongue and her lies until the two made it to the seedy looking pub Alex was leading her into.

The walls were an off white, more yellowish and the floors were thick carpet, while the whole place smelled of smoke and spilled beers. "Classy." Lily remarked sarcastically as the two were seated near the window of the pub. She put her coat down and made herself comfortable at the dirty red booth. Alex didn't say anything, though walked back towards the door and dumped the flowers in the trashcan located there. It was tempting to laugh but Lily digested this small victory silently though narrowed eyes as he returned; a quip ready on his lips for her.

"Well I thought it'd suit you." Alex fired back, his blue eyes dark with anger. Now he revealed his true nature, petulant, angry, demanding and demeaning. A waitress walked by and asked what they'd like, now Lily was in no mood to chance her health by eating her but Alex seemed content to order a large order of chicken wings to split.

"I'm not hungry." Lily sighed, and glanced up at the perky blonde, checking out Alex. "I'll have a Jameson though. Thanks." She nodded and Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Well if I knew we were going right to drinks..." He purred, the implied meaning hardly hidden at all.

"That's disgusting. Actually now that I think about it... You were probably the worst sex I've had. You lack passion ,technique and imagination. Also you screamed louder than I did." Sending him a cheery smile as their waitress delivered her beer Lily took a large gulp.

"Oh trust me, it wasn't fun for me either Tubby." Blood flooded Lily's cheeks. Taking a deep breath the woman refused to cry, not because of this prick. Not electing to respond Lily took another sip from her glass, refusing to look at Alex. "If you want to dish it out Honey, two can play that game." His voice was low and dark as he raised his hand flagging the waitress. She came and he ordered some sort of drink for himself; Lily wasn't paying attention.

By this time she was convinced that no one was coming to rescue her, Frank had been passed out when she'd left and she'd taken the car. She'd have to sit here for about an hour and then just leave, she could always try to unstress once home. A few minutes were spent in silence with either person refusing to look at the other one and it was Lily that broke the silence.

"I don't think it was fair of you to do this. What made you ever think that I wanted to see you again? Ever?" Hurt and betrayal wormed their way back into Lily's voice and this seemed to get Alex's attention.

"Why did you think that it meant anything? That I had any feelings for you?"

"I... I was wrong to assume that, but you were an asshole when you left. That wasn't called for." He smirked and took a sip, never breaking eye contact.

"I didn't want some clingy bitch calling me constantly. Banging a few fatties is something I do to get out of my system every once and a while." She stared at him, mouth agape and was spared a response as the waitress came back with their food. She set it down and returned to her place near the door with a menu.

"Well you know, I'm glad that you were such an asshole because I might of fallen for you. So thank you for sparring me that monstrosity ." Tension swelled around them, and Lily wasn't sure how much more of this she could take. Alex's attention was taken away from her and directed to his food, which he attacked with a fierce anger. Rolling her eyes the woman went to check her phone, and remembered that she didn't have one. Only Frankie and Gerard had one, which left her feeling a more than a little helpless.

Sweeping a brunette lock out of her hair the woman stared at her half-finished beer, and decided she wouldn't drink anymore. She could be a bit of a lightweight and the last thing Lily needed was getting drunk near Alex. He was the type of man who would take advantage of her and the thought sent waves of repulsion throughout her brain.

"So how's work?" It was clear he was trying to be somewhat amicable and Lily shrugged glancing away.

"Fine."

"Ok... How's your mom?" A bitter smile twisted up onto her face.

"Leave my family alone."

"Whatever." With that Alex went back to his basket of chicken wings, nearly half-finished. Perhaps soon she could go and closing her eyes Lily tried to draw up some patience to make it to the end of the night. The waitress flounced back over and bent down, giving Alex a rather good look at her perky breasts, while pouring Lily more Jameson. Thanking her softly Lily took a sip to be polite, but put it back down quickly.

The awkwardness of the dinner was only broken by Alex swallowing his food, and with a frown Lily stood up and gathered her coat that had been shed upon sitting down. Shrugging into it she was aware of Alex standing up as well, standing in front of her as if to physically block her from leaving.

"As wonderful as this evening has been, I'm leaving. You haven't changed. I doubt you ever will and I really don't want to be around people like you." The woman growled, taking charge of this situation herself.

"Are you kidding? I fucking bought you flowers and took you out for food." The absurdity of his statement would of made Lily burst into laughter if she weren't so angry.

"Who gives a fuck? I have someone to buy me flowers and the fact that you instantly assumed that you were getting laid for a cheap bouquet proves my point." With that Lily walked past him but to her horror heard him following her out of the pub.

"At least let me walk you to your car. There are some creeps around here." She could really do without that, but not in the mood to fight further she allowed it. Walking quickly as her flats fell silently against the pavement she could nearly feel Alex as he walked rather close. "It's only for a few more minutes." She tried to quietly remind herself, dark green gaze set straight ahead.

Once they passed the coffee shop that Lily had been in earlier she began to relax slightly knowing that this whole ordeal would be over soon enough.

"I'm sorry about before." The words were spoken softly and for a moment Lily thought she imagined them.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm sorry." The agitation in his voice said otherwise but she didn't point that out. Just shrugged and quickened her pace to get back to the car. Once the ugly van was in sight Lily counted her blessings, she'd never been so happy to see that piece of shit.

"Well this is my car." Lily said once the two had gotten back and Alex nodded, stepping closer. Quickly taking a step back Lily's back hit the van and she stared at him through narrowed eyes.

"Get away from me." A lusty look had filled Alex's blue eyes and his short brown hair looked somewhat disheveled by the wind. His hands flashed out quickly and pinned Lily's body against the van and she trembled as his face was lowered towards her. Without thinking Lily jerked her head backwards and a loud clang shattered the air as her world spun; her vision began to blur and her head was consumed by a breath-taking pain. She must of hit her head against the van and feeling dizzy the woman felt her legs slide out from under her. Grunting with pain and clutching the back of her head she could feel blood, which panicked her.

Alex sunk down with pinning her down and forcing his lips upon hers, before lowering them to her neck. Whimpering she tried to scramble away, but with her weakened state it was impossible. Tears welled up in Lily's eyes and she wanted to scream but found herself frozen with fear. One of his hands slipped up her dress, squeezing her breast and the other went into her underwear, stroking her in a rough manner.

Terror numbing and chilling coursed through her veins and tried to crawl away; but Alex wasn't having any of that. He just pressed his knees down harder against her, effectively holding her down, and the hand that had been under her dress moved to hold her throat. "If you scream I'll snap your neck Lily." A whimper forced it's way through her throat but he didn't pay any mind, instead he began to unzip his pants, bringing his exposed organ closer to her mouth which he'd forced open by squeezing harder on her throat causing her to gasp for breath. "Oh Lily, this could of been much more enjoyable if you had just done what I wanted." Lily thought that this was it, she was about to get raped, it appeared that fate had another idea in mind.

"What the fuck is going on here?" The voice was achingly familiar and Alex stiffened from his place above Lily, and glancing up the woman found her vision swimming and could not place the figure. The sound of him zipping his pants back up and pulling away from Lily made the woman realize that her salvation had come, that she was actually going to spared from complete and utter violation. She'd been so, so close to having his cock forced down her throat that she made a whimpering noise, her body shaking.

"My girlfriend and I got a bit carried away. Sorry Mam." Alex muttered as he tried to haul Lily to her feet and force her into the van; which he found locked as Lily had the key.

"Well, I'll have to ask her that. Lily? Are you ok?" Why couldn't she think of who it was? The pain in her head was blinding and she staggered nearly falling before strong arms caught her. Feeling sick with revulsion at the thought that it was Alex Lily hissed and tried to pull away; only to find herself wrapped with a rather effeminate scent- one that definitely didn't belong to Alex.

"Help, please." Lily choked out as Alex's face darkened. He began to back away from the two women; and Lily blinked trying to clear the blackness that threatened to swallow her up in time to see him run off. Even with the support the other woman was lending Lily shuddered and almost collapsed, and had it not been for the sheer will of the mystery woman Lily surely would of sunk to the ground. Instead the other woman took Lily in a surprisingly gentle manner, leading her away.

"W..ho?" Lily managed to squeak, having closed her eyes against the pain.

"Don't worry you're safe now, it's just Leigh. I was out giving parking tickets. Why are you out alone? Where the fuck is Gerard?!" She couldn't think, couldn't answer. She just let the tears that welled up in her eyes to roll down her cheeks silently as she trembled.

"I don't... Gerard was supposed to be here." At that revolution, Lily felt betrayal sudden and intense strike her. He was supposed to protect her, to be there. He /swore/ that he'd not let anything happen yet she'd been moments away from having Alex's penis shoved down her throat. He hadn't come as promised and if Leigh had not been there, then Lily would of gotten raped. Shivering she was vaguely aware of being guided to a car and Leigh after strapping her in quickly got into the driver's side and turned the car on; blasting the heat.

"Alright, don't worry I'm going to bring you home. I don't think you're hurt too badly just in shock. Tomorrow I'll come up and get a statement. You can press charges if you want." This was a change from Leigh's normal bitchy attitude, she was being caring and gentle. Nodding Lily opened her eyes; finally getting a look at Leigh.

She was in her police outfit, confirming that she was indeed out on on duty but she was still kind of blurry. Lily could make out the tight, thin line that Leigh's lips were pressed into, her hands were gripping the steering wheel and her shoulders were rather tense. "I'm cold." Lily whispered and Leigh gave her a sympathetic look.

"You're in shock. It's normal don't worry; I'm going to have someone keep an eye on you and go track that little shit down. What's his name?" This only brought a fresh batch of tears to Lily's eyes and Leigh flinched. "Alright never-mind, don't worry about it. We can go over it whenever it's most comfortable for you." This satisfied Lily enough and she gave a curt nod, hissing at the pain in her head.

"I hit my head." Her voice sounded small and alien-like.

"I know. I looked at it, shallow and not a lot we can do besides let it heal up." It would look terrible while healing up and Lily admittedly found this easier to fret about than what was done to her. The ride that normally seemed to take a few minutes, took ages now. The seconds stretched to hours and hours stretched to an immeasurable amount of time.

All this time Leigh didn't say anything unless Lily spoke first, but gave her concerned looks and glances. The brunette could tell that Leigh wanted to comfort her, but probably didn't know how. Eventually however, Lily's trembling stopped and her tears dried up. She was still scared, but an anger was beginning to rise up beneath the fear. She wanted Alex to pay for what he did, but was torn between dragging him to court when she was supposed to be laying low, and seeing him again.

Eventually the car drove up the driveway and Lily glanced out her window; she'd finally gotten home. It was just in time as well, because a lead-like heaviness was oozing over her bones. She felt like she could sleep for decades and still be tired, but with a final sigh she turned to Leigh.

"Thank you. For everything." The other woman watched her through guarded eyes before smiling tightly.

"Get some rest. I'd come in but that would blow the cover of everything." Lily nodded and feeling a little more steady staggered out of the car and up the walkway to the door. Fumbling with the knob for a moment before finally opening it and stumbling into the house. Lights were on in the kitchen and Lily stood there wondering what she would say to them. "Hey mom, Stephen I was just sexually assaulted, but Leigh saved me. She's actually a cop, this whole thing is a lie actually." A bubble of hysteric laughter clogged in her lungs burst free.

Quickly however, the laughter turned to tears and Lily sunk to the floor, covering her eyes with the palm of her hands as her body was wracked with her silent cries.

"Lily? Are you home?" Kara's voice was perilously close and the rational part of her brain demanded she stop- but the tears refused to do so. "Holy shit Lily what happened?!" Her mother's voice was now a lot closer and she tried to smile, but shook her head which brought a new wave of pain.

"Are you bleeding?" Cried Stephen weakly with disbelief. It was no secret he too hated blood, almost as much as Lily. Opening her mouth the woman found she couldn't talk, until Kara quickly knelt beside her pulling Lily into a tight hug. It was meant to be comforting but Lily made a strangled noise and dragged herself away.

"Don't touch me!" She shouted, much louder than intended and her mother paled visibly.

"Lily what happened?" Her voice was quiet and dangerous, her mind making assumptions that had her hands shaking. The brunette couldn't answer though, the words fled her brain and she stared blankly at Kara and Stephen.

"I need to sleep." With that she began to back away, but unfortunately for her right into another person. Turning her head Lily saw Gerard standing there, his eyes wide and he too looked a little sick. Without saying anything he began to herd her up the stairs and to their bedroom. Shock stopped her from screaming out and it wasn't until they were halfway to the stairs that Lily regained her senses.

Without saying anything the woman whirled around and in a fit of hurt, anger and betrayal slapped the cop across the face. Time seemed to freeze as the sound of skin hitting skin rung out around the house. Putting his hand to his face to cradle the blow the cop didn't look angry, just confused.

"I trusted you!" Lily shouted at him, and it felt good to be venting. "I trusted you and you swore you'd protect me. It's your job remember?! Where were you when I needed you?! Where the fuck were you?" Lily's voice held a hysteric tone and Gerard stared at her, wide-eyed and to her fury, silently. She took this as a sign to go on and stepping forward made a move to swing at him again, but this time her wrists were caught.

"What are you talking about?" His quiet voice could be mistaken for apathy if Lily didn't know better. Gerard wasn't just angry he was mind-bendingly rage filled. His hazel eyes seemed to have changed to a dark brown, even his words trembled slightly and his nostrils flared.

"Because you promised! You lied to me! Because of that he-" Shaking her head Lily found herself unable to complete her accusations. If she said it, it was real and Lily didn't know if she could handle that. Kara and Stephen were standing aghast a few feet away and Kara made a choked noise, which went largely unnoticed. Gerard however seemed shattered, his mouth open slightly, and eyes appeared to be focused on nothing.

Just the thought of Alex hovering over her, pinning her down by the throat made Lily want to shower and scrub her skin until it was raw and pink. Gerard's face was pale, to a sickly point and he closed his jaw, as if to keep words from spilling out. The hand-print on his cheek was flushed and bright, Lily noted with satisfaction. Her throat was raw and she was sure there would be bruises, and it felt like her skull was split open; if the throbbing pain was anything to go off of. Part of her wished to strike him again, make him feel the same sort of pain that she was feeling.

"You can't protect anyone, who do you think you're kidding?! You couldn't save anyone!" Lily demanded, saying what she knew would hurt him the most.

"Lily." There was a sort of plea in his voice, as if he wanted her to understand. There was nothing to understand he'd thrown a hissy fit and because of that Lily had very nearly been raped. He promised he'd go, but left her when Lily needed him the most; reinforcing that she couldn't really trust him. It was a harsh reminder that Gerard was only there because Lyle made him.

"Why's everyone shouting?" For some reason Lily was relieved when Frank descended the stairs and if she hadn't been so angry at Gerard; she'd of said so. However once his light green eyes landed on Lily they narrowed and stalking over he all but pushed Gerard out of the way; who seemed to teeter between rage and distress at the sight of the woman he was supposed to be protecting.

Frank approached her but didn't touch her, instead looked down into her eyes. There was a forced gentleness to him, hardly visible against dark anger. "Lily, can you tell me what happened?" His voice was surprisingly soothing and gentle, and she shook her head violently tears welling up in eyes once more. "Lily, I can't help if I don't know whats wrong. Come on, lets fix you up first." He held out his hand to her, an invitation and hesitantly Lily took it.

Without so much as a backwards glance Lily breezed past Gerard, and he stood with his head lowered slightly as if ashamed. She didn't comment and Frank carefully led her up the stairs, to his room. Pausing for a moment at the door he turned around and gazed at her questioningly; "It's just Frank." Her mind whispered and tentatively she stepped inside after him.

"Alright Ms. Rozenshiem go sit on the bed. I will get the first-aid kit." She nodded, her body having gone slack as the anger fled her. She sat there wondering how she was ever going to face Gerard again, when Frank returned. Sitting down next to her Frank carefully moved his hand towards her head as he murmured soothing words; he was treating her like a skittish cat, but Lily appreciated that.

She couldn't help but suppress the flinch when his hand made contact with her hair but other than that kept quiet. A sharp sting flared up as Frank touched the cut carefully, and he made a soft "Tsk".

"Alright Lily, you're going to be okay, the cut is superficial. I don't even think it'll scar but I'm going to clean it out to make sure there's no infection is that ok?" She could feel herself nodding. He fumbled around the first-aid kit and pulled some sort of bottle and gauze out; and Lily braced herself for more pain as his hands began to part her hair so he could better see the cut once more.

"He almost raped me." The words poured out of her mouth with a small feeling of relief. That was blanketed under the shame and anger that Lily was feeling. If Frank hadn't been touching her head, than she would of missed the way he stiffened. Silence impregnated the air around them as Frank lowered the drenched gauze to the cut. Lily was right, it felt like liquid fire to her head and she hissed against the pain. "Shit, that hurt."

"I'm so sorry Lily. I should of fucking been there." Frank breathed out finally, his words hollow with some unfathomable emotion.The sincerity in his voice was touching and the woman closed her eyes for a moment.

"I... I shouldn't of gone. I knew he was an asshole but I never thought..." Her voice choked up and Frank made a move to hug her, but stopped.

"No. Gerard made a promise and just because he got into a fight with Lyle he should of gone." There was anger there, but not as much when Frank decided that he should of gone. "I'll go out with Leigh tomorrow and pick that guy up." Fear struck Lily at the thought of facing Alex again.

"No!" The tattooed cop looked a bit taken aback but nodded carefully.

"If that's what you want, no one's going to force you to press charges." She nodded relieved that Frank understood. "If it were Gerard he would of dragged me to the station to press charges." She thought in a bitter manner.

"Thank you Frankie." The words were quiet and she forced a watery smile upon her lips. He nodded and looked down.

"I know that Gerard fucked up, but please don't hate him. If I know him he'll feel really, really bad. Lily he knows he messed up; if you feel like you could forgive him please do so." Even in his anger Frank was looking out for Gerard which touched Lily.

"Maybe." She mumbled and glanced down really not in the mood to talk about the raven haired cop. A wave of exhaustion hit Lily and yawning she decided that now all she wanted to do, was sleep. "I'm going to sleep." Frank nodded and stood as well, and walked with her to the door.

"I want you to know that nothing like this will ever, ever happen again. Ok?" She nodded and watched him, wanting to believe him, but not sure she did.

"Alright." She agreed amicably before leaving the room. She could hear Kara downstairs talking in hushed, fierce tones and Lily had half a mind to listen. Sleep won out and with a weary sigh, she trudged to her room and opening the door stopped to see Gerard sitting on their bed, head in his hands. This stirred a bit of pity in Lily's stomach but it quickly evaporated when she remembered how he'd pretty much thrown her to the wolves. Once he heard the door open though, Gerard's head snapped up and there was this desperate look to his face.

"Lily please listen to me." She shook her head stubbornly refusing to look or speak to him. "Lily, I had something that came up. I'm sorry that I was rude to you; Lyle found out about the lie and he threatened to take me off the job. He said that the only reason he wasn't doing it was because I convinced him that would cause more stress to you and the family." His hazel eyes were round, begging her for understanding. Lily couldn't give it to him though, not now.

"You left me because you got into a spat with Lyle? On top of that you took it out on me." Lily had meant to sound angry, but all she could muster was the hurt she felt.

"I know. I know I fucked up so badly Lily I'm so sorry." She stayed near the door, while he spoke and still found she couldn't meet his eyes. His voice seeped with the desperation to be forgiven, but Lily was in no forgiving mood. She elected to stare sullenly at the ground, and was taken by surprise when soft footsteps made their way over to her. Fighting back the urge to flinch away from Gerard at this close proximity Lily kept her eyes focused on the ground.

"I need to be alone tonight." The words were whispered and Gerard winced, as if this physically hurt him. "I'll sleep on the couch, but I need you to leave me alone for tonight."

"No, I'll just crash in Frankie and Stephen's room." The rejection in his voice made Lily feel pity stir once more for him; and trying to push it aside pursed her lips.

"Suit yourself. I'm going to bed now so, could you leave?" He nodded and Lily stepped away from the door so Gerard could get by her. Pausing he glanced over his shoulder "Please come get me if you need anything at all." His hand twitched, as if against his will, and Gerard made a move as if to touch Lily's face. However he seemed to think better of the action and withdrew the hand as if he'd been burned.

Before she could say anything the door was opened and Gerard was gone; leaving Lily alone as she wished. At this point Lily's head still stung and her throat was pretty sore. Once he was gone Lily gingerly raised a hand to her neck to trace the outline of the bruise that was already swollen. It wasn't going to look pretty in the morning, but she could always use cover up and keep the appearance hidden from prying eyes.

Trudging to the wardrobe Lily pulled out the first pair of pajamas she grabbed; and managed to drag herself to the bathroom to remove her dress. Changing as quick as she could, in a rush to get some sleep, Lily left her dress on the floor and crawled into the bed. Tucking the comforters around her feet Lily sighed and closed her eyes, assuming sleep would come instantly but it would not.

First the bed felt too cold, and it didn't seem to warm up aggravating Lily. She had a trying day and all she wanted to do was sleep, but this night it seemed to be evasive. The shadows caste strange shapes over the walls and Lily sighed with frustration closing her eyes tightly and rolling to her right side. She almost expected to find herself pulled into Gerard's embrace, only to find herself alone and she remembered that she'd sent him away.

Lying here Lily wondered how tonight would of been different if he'd been there like he promised. The night would of been spent with him playing referee and the brunette would of felt a lot better about seeing Alex. After a round of drinks Gerard would of taken her home, cracked jokes at Alex's expense and tried to make her smile; then they'd enjoy a real dinner with everyone and just relax for the rest of the night. Her stomach turned at the thought of the blue-eyed man hovering over her, his hands roaming her body uninvited. It could of been worse, sure, but it was still a big deal to Lily.

At this rate sleep would be impossible and grunting with defeat Lily clicked on the lamp next the bed; if for nothing other than not to be alone in the dark. Basking with relief in the soft yellow glow the single bulb light caste weakly throughout the room, standing up Lily quietly moved to the suitcase that Gerard had put under their bed and after ruffling through her cosmetics Lily found her iPod and taking it out crawled back into bed, curling into a tight ball under the comforters, and slipped the ear-buds in; she stayed in that position for hours. The music blared into her head, cutting up any unwanted thoughts from Alex and Gerard.