I'll Check in Tomorrow if I Don't Wake Up Dead

Gerard's POV

Gerard sighed as he finished his story, the part that he found relevant anyway. Lily didn't really need to know what he'd gone through in rehab; which hadn't been so much for alcoholism as it had been for depression. Yes the official reason he was there because of alcohol, but everyone knew he was really there because of Karen. His finger went to the chain that he wore around his neck; his reminder of Karen.

On the silver chain her wedding rings hung, the only thing of her's he ended up keeping. He'd given Janis the wedding dress back and the cop didn't know what she did with it. The sound of a horn beeping angrily brought him back to the small coffee shop they'd been situated in. Lily for once, didn't look bitter, angry or nervous. She looked sad, in fact her eyes were a bit glossy. A heavy feeling sat deep in Gerard's own heart but he forced a smile; one he hoped looked genuine.

"Aww, come on now don't cry Lily." She blushed and looked away.

"I'm not! I'm just..." Her voice lost that angry edge. "I'm so sorry. Hearing it like that just... I'm so very sorry. The people who shot her were the ones that I'll be testifying against?" He looked up and nodded.

"Yeah, that's the case I'm working. I mean I don't know if we'll have enough evidence to touch the head honcho but we'll be able to put his son away. That might be enough to scare the shit out of the other families and get them to start talking. I never got close enough to the Don to get any shit on him; just his son." Lily nodded and looked down biting her lip, as if she were keeping something from him. "What's wrong?" Her large green eyes met his from across the small table.

"I'm just... I understand why you told me; but I'm still scared of them. Even after I testify, how do I know I'll be safe? You said it yourself at best we put both of them away; at worst none. I mean don't these guys pay off juries with their lives and loved ones! I've seen Sherlock that's how Moriarty got off!" Her eyes were wide and she looked away from him. "I want everyone to be safe. Including you and Frankie."

"Because I'll make sure of it. I won't let them touch you. If I have to I'll shoot everyone of those fuckers. I'll take you and everyone to Antarctica or something." The promise was spoken low and in an anger Gerard hadn't been aware he'd conjured up. She looked a bit taken aback but nodded.

"Thank you really. You don't have to do this and you've just been... Great. I really haven't been so great, but in my defense all this is quite stressing!" He wondered what changed her mind about him, why was she being kind to him? This morning at breakfast he worried that he'd once again offended her after he jokingly fed her off his spoon, but he was only doing as she asked and acted as a soon to be married couple would. What married couple did you know that didn't treat each other with affection? One that was about to fall apart and they weren't even "married" yet.

"You're welcome Lily, did you want something while we're here? I think that waitress has been trying to take our order for the last twenty minutes." Lily glanced over her shoulder and turned back to him, a startled smile over her features.

"I didn't even notice her. A coffee would be great, I saw a peppermint mocha one that looked amazing." He nodded and subtly tried to wave the waitress over. After ordering their drinks, Gerard slipped down some money before Lily could protest and he leaned against his chair, slowly drinking his caramel latte. The two didn't speak much, as Gerard felt like there wasn't much to say. He'd just told her something that not many people who knew him prior to Karen's shooting knew.

"How's your coffee?" The cop asked politely, eyeing her over the top of his own drink.

"It's great! How about you?" He could tell she was trying to be cheerful, and some small part of him appreciated it. He thought that this was her attempt at being nice, trying to pull him out of the heavy nearly suffocating sadness that nestled upon his shoulders.

"Pretty good, do you want to do anything after this?"

"I'd love to go shopping. I could benefit with some clothes. You can feel free to walk around, I don't want to bore you or anything." He nodded but noticed her voice sounded a bit jumpy and wondered what she actually was shopping for. He took another sip of his coffee and swallowing stood up.

"Come on, we can drink and walk around at the same time." Gerard's emergency cell phone, where the station or Frankie could reach him lit up; and Frank was alerting the two that Kara was forcing them all to get facials. Smirking at the image Gerard texted back quickly for Frank to send pictures, he got a picture alright; of Frank flipping him off. Chuckling he noticed Lily was staring at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing. It appears your mom is quite the tyrant. She's forcing them all to get facials." A look of understanding crossed Lily's face as she crossed her arms across her slender frame.

"God, there's no stopping her when she's on a rampage. It's best to just scurry off and do your own thing." With that the two headed towards the door, and hurrying forward Gerard held the door open for his companion.

"Here" He murmured while Lily twisted her head to the side to look at him.

"Oh, thanks."

"Not a problem." The two exited and her hip accidentally brushed against his, though she either didn't notice or care so he didn't point it out. "What are you shopping for?"

"Um... You know, clothes. It's going to be really boring, you really don't have to come." He tilted his head slightly he was pretty sure she had enough clothes, though when they approached a small store that sold camera's Gerard wondered if this is what she was so defensive about. Lily hesitated and looked back towards him

"Nah, I'll come." An idea hit him, one that left him very reluctant though. Before Lily could open the door to the store, Gerard gently grabbed her arm. She turned around looking very confused.

"What? You really don't have to come in." He shook his head and with hesitant hands slipped off Karen's ring from around his neck.

"Here. Take this I'm amazed your mom hasn't asked where your ring is. I think once she gets over the initial shock she will though." Maybe this was a bad idea as Lily's eyes were wide and she remained silent and still. "It's not a big deal just don't lose it alright?"

"No. No way I can't take... Not after her. Gerard that would be so, I don't know! Just I feel like I shouldn't." He chuckled and shook his head though it was forced..

"Karen would be fine with it, she'd want to help protect you in fact. And if this proves our little facade in their eyes than what's the big deal? Besides your mom will be after you when she realizes that she hasn't seen it. Just take it. Please." Still looking very hesitant and unsure Lily gently gripped the silver chain and slipped it over her neck. The necklace that was long on Gerard was even longer on Lily as it fell below her neckline and looking away Gerard opened the door for her.

"Thank you." The words were quiet and shocked and the cop just nodded, not sure what Lily was thanking him for. Either way the two walked into the dimly lit store, and the young cop gazed around the store. Things on the shelf were arranged carefully with beautiful pictures framed above them. It was clear that these were all professional level.

"So what exactly are you looking for?" The man asked gazing at one camera that honestly didn't look too different to him than the others. However Lily was peering intently into each display case and looked deep in thought.

"That one is better for general things, but the one next to it has a few setting and lenses that would be great for what I do for a living." She murmured, almost to her self with a frown. It was then that a voice could be heard from behind them.

"Hey folks, what can I help you with?" Lily glanced up, and froze her eyes wide with shock. Gerard, feeling instantly protective took a step forward so he was right next to her side.

"My friend's just looking for a camera, right Lily?" This time the man's eyes widened and he did a double take of the petite brunette.

"Lily Rozenshiem? Is that you?!" Nodding like she was embarrassed the woman greeted him back in a timid fashion that Gerard hadn't really seen.

"Hey Alex, how are you?" The employee stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her for a tight embrace that felt a little too intimate for Gerard's liking.

"I've been good, been busy since college. Small time photographer." Her words were mushed and muttered into his shoulder and letting go he smiled and nodded. Gerard took this time to glance him over, his brown hair fell into piercing blue eyes and his body type was muscular and screamed masculinity while his eyes held a joyous sort of gleam.

"That's great! I'm really glad to hear it; I didn't think I'd ever see you again after that Summer." There was a bit of suggestiveness to his voice and Lily shrugged.

"Yeah, well neither did I." It was clear that she was uncomfortable.

"I'm glad we ran into each other though- what are you looking for?" He was just ignoring Gerard at this point which greatly annoyed the cop, and stood quietly by the woman's side.

"Nothing, just browsing and making a wishlist for when I get back to work. They said they'd hook me up with a new camera but I wanted some ideas." He nodded and quite obviously checked her out; something else that grated his nerves. This man, no matter their history, could show her some respect. Lily put her arms over her chest self-consciously.

"Lily you look so hot now! I nearly didn't recognize you, you look so good. You must of lost at least thirty pounds!" She winced and her cheery smile faltered for a moment before beaming back into place.

"Yeah, I did. Thirty-two to be exact." Even though the perfect mask of warmth residing on her face, there was a bit of a chill to her voice and Alex grinned right on back at her.

"Hey, I know this is sudden but I have to get back to work, lets go get drinks later ok? We'll meet up here tomorrow say after... Seven? I'd love to catch up but I got to work." She looked like she'd rather do anything else but instead just nodded politely.

"Sure. Sounds good." Before anything else could be said Lily turned around and all but fled from the store, leaving Gerard to glare at Alex for a few seconds more. Where did this prick get off? So what if she was a bit heavier before, that was downright rude and it was clear that he was not close enough to make remarks like that. He was ignored and with an audible sigh hurriedly walked out of the little store, looking around for Lily. He found her hands pressed against her face leaning against the side of a building.

Upon approaching her further Gerard noted that her hands were trembling and gently tugging one away from her face, was relieved to find she wasn't crying; but looked rather upset. He was curious why this encounter had set her off so much, but he was torn between asking and making things worse. Instead he settled for clearing his throat and calling out her name in a soft voice. She must of heard the question in his voice because Lily launched into an explanation.

"He's always been such a prick. One of my dad's friends sons. I was always a bit heavier growing up and he used to torment me. Then I came back one Summer after high school and we ran into each other. He was so nice to me, going to breakfast, taking me around, just doing nice things. We fucked, I thought we were in love and we were going to date. Instead the next morning he laughed and said he would never date a pig like myself. If I couldn't even take care of myself enough to maintain a normal weight, how could I care to do anything else?" Her voice was soft, and deeply hurt.

Gerard was appalled and had half a mind to go in there and teach that ass a lesson, but that wouldn't help her at all. Instead he awkwardly put a hand on her shoulder, and in turn the woman pressed against him trembling still. Relaxing into a more natural pose Gerard wrapped his arms around her, though there was nothing behind it. He was just being a human being trying to comfort another who clearly needed it. Having been big himself growing up Gerard could also identify with this; had one of his childhood tormentors said that to him Gerard would probably deck them.

As quickly as he hugged Lily, she backed away sniffling and wiping her eyes on her sleeve and making a face of disgust. Her hands were still trembling and while it could be from the cold, Gerard didn't think so. He was also so out of practice with making other people feel better, and wasn't sure what he could do to cheer her up. As he was about to open his mouth and assure her that Alex was just a douche his phone lit up, alerting him of a text. Gerard was feeling a small sense of nervousness in case it was the precinct.

To his relief it was only Frank, and looking up threw Lily an apologetic look as he flipped it open, shivering a little as the night air finally began to penetrate the warmth of his black jacket.

"Is that Frankie? What are they doing?" Gerard waved her off while he read the text and frowned.

"He says they're going back, but Leigh offered them all a ride so we can meet up with them whenever. Do you want to go now?" Lily glanced up at him and shook her head after a moment's thought.

"I mean... I do owe you at least a trip to a movie store." He looked down at her and smiled with a slow nod.

"We'll go to the movie store and call it a day, how's that sound?" She nodded, and glanced around with a small frown.

"But I have no idea where a movie store is." Gerard made a small noise at the back of his throat, that could cause a problem and glancing around shrugged. His normal phone was shut off and tucked away in his drawer at home so he'd lost the smart phone capabilities.

"There's got to be one." Lily nodded her agreement and the two began to walk around, keeping their eyes peeled. The sun was hanging low in the sky and it was clear that Dublin's night life was emerging. Granted it wasn't as bad as New Jersey but Gerard made sure to stick close to Lily.

"We're not going to find anything ever." She complained after awhile of walking. It was beginning to snow again and Gerard shook his head, .

"We can go back if you're getting cold." She sniffled and frowned, her cheeks and nose beginning to turn red. The last thing he wanted was to

"But I feel bad! I really didn't think we'd run into anyone I knew. Especially not Alex, I didn't want to run into anyone I knew from here." Her voice was bit sulky and a small pout took hold of her expression. "Besides that we haven't really done anything you wanted to do all day." Lily bit her lip as if she wanted to say more, arousing Gerard's curiosity.

"What?" He asked, his eyes still glancing around in vain hope a video store would of magically appeared in front of him.

"I just... You also told me about Karen and I just thought that maybe if you got a movie that would cheer you up." He was a bit touched by her concern, he hadn't realized that she thought about how he was past the coffee they'd gotten.

"Lily, I'm alright. It was a couple years ago, if you want to keep looking we will." She nodded, a determined look set into her eyes. Gerard could recognize that look because it was usually given to him when she was about to launch into a rant or just yell at him in general.

"We'll keep looking but, can I have a cigarette?" Reaching into his back pocket the cop pulled the carton of smokes out and flipped it open, taking one for himself. She stepped closer and tilted her face up, cigarette resting between her lips.

"Can you light it?" The woman asked somewhat skillfully around the cancer stick. He nodded and once he found the lighter in his jacket pocket the man did as Lily asked, then lit his own. After the two took a drag they continued their search.

"You know Lily, I feel like I'm feeding a bad habit of yours. I'm gonna start charging you fifty dollars per smoke. An additional forty to use the lighter."

"Face it, I'm much more bearable when I've had some nicotine in my system. And if you do that I'll be forced to waste my own money." A brief smile danced crossed his lips, reflected in his eyes.

"This is true. Is that a Newbury Comics? I'm pretty sure they've got movies there." Glancing over she sighed, and glanced up a pleading look in her eyes.

"Can we finish our smokes first?" It wasn't that big a deal to him so Gerard simply nodded and the two leaned against the side of building breathing in their nicotine. It was finally cold, biting at every exposed patch of skin that pushed Lily into acting he noted.

"Alright fuck it, I'm too cold for this shit." She muttered and flicked the half-finished smoke to the ground and stomped it out turning to look at Gerard. He followed suit and the two entered the somewhat crowded store. It was fairly big, but not so big the two didn't spot the movie section for awhile. Of course when asked if they needed help Lily shrugged it off; they'd find it on their own. People walked by them, some laughing and joking others quiet and reserved slowly poking around the .

This was one of Gerard's favorite stores, the one back near his house carried clothing and had a lot of things he'd buy, CD's, movies and other things. This one had a similar selection and forcing his eyes away from the CD isle; he followed Lily, quiet as he glanced around for the movies. Once he saw the large racks they were stored in he walked over, hands pushed into the pockets of his jacket. It was kind of amusing how serious he looked, his fingers lightly skimming the DVDs that were stacked; it was as if something very important depended on his choice of movie.

Lily was waiting by his side for about ten minuets while he skimmed the selection, and picked out three. Out of the corner of his eye Gerard noticed Lily standing on her tiptoes and trying to peer over his shoulders. He smiled and looked over at her, who quickly shrunk away as if she hadn't been trying to see what he was getting. The raven haired man turned around and gave Lily a questioning stare with a small and smug smirk.

"If you want to know what I'm getting you can always ask. I believe you're pretty adept at talking." She rolled her eyes, but there was no malice behind it.

"Now I don't have to, you took the words right out of my mouth." She looked amused and Gerard sighed loudly.

"You're always so difficult." A little chortle arose from the woman's throat.

"I don't want to make your job /too/ easy, now what are you getting?" He hummed, in the back of his throat as if debating whether or not to tell her.

"I don't know just a few horror movies. But good ones, like The Lost Boys. I actually think I'm going to get that." The two stared at each other for a moment, Gerard unsure of what he was waiting for. Her approval? It's not like he needed it, but she also looked like she wanted to say something.

"I can't remember what that one's about." She finally sighed, looking more confused than before.

"That's a disgrace! This is a wonderful movie, in fact-" He paused and began walking to the counter throwing a glance behind his shoulder to make sure she was coming. Once they handed the movie the cashier Gerard turned around to look at Lily. "We are having a movie night. And you're welcome in advance for showing you a great film." She scoffed and rolled her eyes, placing a hand on her hip.

"Only if you make popcorn." The cashier had paused, waiting for them to finish their conversation before asking for their payment; Gerard's payment really.

"Uhh.... I suppose I could." He promised before turning around to the cashier. The movie was a pretty good cost, and giving her a twenty dollar bill the woman smiled at him.

"I'm sorry if this is a bit straightforward but, you two make a really cute couple!" She exclaimed while throwing the movie into a bag and hurriedly handing it back to Gerard. "Have a goodnight and thank-you for shopping here!" Gerard could feel his face heat up and shook his head, but Lily beat him to.

"Oh, we're just really good friends; people mistake us being together a lot." She winked at him before asking innocently "Are we ready to go?" He nodded mutely and mumbled a thank you to the girl behind the counter. Things like this freaked him out, even though he knew it was a misunderstanding. He was pretty sure that the reason Lily was being nice to him was because of Karen and that she was just trying to make things less awkward; but kind of failed. The very thought of dating a woman terrified him; he was pretty sure it was some kind of trauma response, but he hadn't gone to a therapist after rehab for that. Lily didn't seem bothered, which made the man feel even more nervous as they walked closely side by side.

"Gerard where's the car? I'm gonna freeze before we even get there!" Her breath clouded in front of her mouth, and her cheeks had taken a red hue.

"Don't worry we parked in a parking lot a couple streets away." He assured her, holding the bag that contained his movie.

"I'm so tired." Lily stated with a large yawn, stretching her arms above her head.

"Well you have to stay awake for the Lost Boys." She made a noise that sounded like a cross between a whine and a groan; something he wasn't aware humans could make.

"I'm gonna fall asleep lets watch it tomorrow morning." He scoffed and shook his head, messing up his inky black hair.

"No way! You'll stay awake, I'll make coffee when we get back." Lily paused, faltering in her movement and cast him a wry and amused glance.

"Coffee is your answer for everything, Isn't it?"

"I'm pretty sure we could attain world peace over a nice cup of coffee." Gerard affirmed with a chuckle. The pair fell into silence as they walked along the streets of Dublin and checking his phone Gerard was surprised to find it was only eight o'clock. The two really hadn't even had diner and glancing at Lily he wondered if she'd want to go out to eat. However even as they were walking her eyelids were blinking rapidly as if trying to clear off sleep and obscuring her dark green gaze.

The streetlights cast an eerie shadow over Gerard's face, causing his pale skin to take on a yellowish gleam as they neared the parking lot he was parked in. Sure enough the rusted van eventually loomed into view, much to Gerard's relief. As nice as it was being away from the house for awhile, Ireland's winters were cold.

"Thank you." A quiet, abashed voice caught Gerard's attention and he turned towards Lily with a puzzled expression. "I mean, you didn't have to do any of this today. I just... Thanks." With that she quickly scurried to the door and threw it open; sliding into the front seat. He stayed out there a moment longer, and shaking his head slid behind the wheel. Pulling out of the parking lot carefully Gerard guided the car down the busy streets of Dublin. However the further away they got, the quieter the streets became.

Glancing over at Lily, Gerard noticed she was gazing out of the window, her face reflective of deep thought.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his eyes focused intently on the bumpy road ahead of them.

"Hmm? I guess just about what I'm going to do tomorrow." Her voice sounded small and worried as her forehead furrowed with thought.

"With that scumbag?" Gerard asked, hoping he was wrong. Lily silently nodded, confirming what he'd thought.

"First do you feel safe with him?" His protective side reared it's head as his fists tightened around the steering wheel.

"Physically yeah, I'm just not looking forward to the backhand compliments and the attempt to get into my pants. Oh and the fat jokes; I'm sure there'll be plenty of those." She sounded put out and dejected, nothing like he'd heard her before.

"I'll go with you; if you want." His offer hung between them, and he could feel Lily's eyes on his face.

"You'd do that?" There was disbelief and curiosity in her tone to which Gerard shrugged, trying to shake it off as nothing big.

"Yeah, I hate guys like that. Plus it is my job to protect you." A small smile pushed forward onto his lips. Lily didn't say anything, and glancing over quickly he saw that her eyes were cast downward, an unreadable expression scrawled onto her features.

"I would like that." Lily agreed after a couple of minutes of thinking. He nodded, and sent her a small smile something that was supposed to be reassuring.

"Alright. Then we'll go tomorrow- I'm sure Frank can entertain your mother and brother." She smiled, though it was exhaustion. They spent the rest of the car ride choosing not to speak, though at one point Lily switched the radio on. When they finally pulled into the house he was surprised to see she was still awake and turning the car off quickly jumped out of the car, jogging to the door and hurriedly stumbled in to escape from the cold bite of the winter. Pausing he held the door open for Lily, who quickly shuffled in looking more awake from her brief encounter with the cold winds. As soon as she was in however the inky, raven haired man closed the door and squirmed out of his jacket in a most ungraceful fashion; trying to hold onto his copy of The Lost Boys. He was heading up the stairs when Lily called out to him.

"Are we watching The Lost Boys?" He turned around and nodded.

"Sure if you want. If you're tired you can go to bed, I don't mind we'll watch it another day." She shook her head.

"No it's fine." Gerard grinned and sauntered back down the stairs and past Lily to the living room.

"Well you're in for a treat Ms. Rozenshiem." He assured her as Lily sat down on the sofa, taking a blanket and draping it over her body.

"I hope it's as good as you say." She warned in a sing-song voice. He just smirked at her, feeling words weren't needed to assure her it was. Flicking the lights off as the movie began to roll he settled down next to her as it began. Throughout the movie his intoxicating hazel orbs were trained on the television set, his face relaxed as he clearly enjoyed the movie. Gerard had remembered watching this when he was younger. It was at an age where it was scary though and he wasn't supposed to of watched it.

About halfway through the movie soft snores could be heard from the spot next to him; the one that Lily was occupying. Looking over at her Gerard sighed as the blanket was falling off her, and reaching over, he tucked it back over her shoulders and feet before turning his attention back to the film. Even though he was watching it alone it was still a nice way to end the night and once it was done he turned the TV off and let his eyes adjust to the darkness before carefully picking Lily up bridal style.

She sighed in her sleep, though one hand came up to grip his shirt and Gerard frowned for a moment. She wasn't heavy and being a cop it wasn't hard to carry her up the stairs to their room. The hallway was abandoned and the cop just assumed that everyone was sleeping as the lights were off as well. At one point he stumbled and nearly dropped Lily; not that she even stirred. "You are the heaviest sleeper I've ever met." He grumbled to her sleeping form, knowing no answer would come from her.

Once he reached their door, Gerard shifted so she was lying more against him and risking one hand, opened the door. With a breath of relief at not dropping her Gerard carefully made his way to their bed and gently laid her down. He had managed to get her in between the covers so she was tucked in and once that was done he shuffled off to his clothing and grabbed some pajamas. Quietly as he could Gerard crept to the bathroom and got changed, making sure to brush his teeth and what not.

Once he was done there Gerard trudged back to the bed and flopped down, momentarily forgetting Lily was asleep. Stiffening and turning his head he found her still sleeping, taking slow quiet breaths of air. Settling down in a more subdued fashion the cop settled back on his pillows, tucking the blankets around him and closed his eyes.

Dark thoughts flashed across his mind, keeping him awake for longer than he'd of liked though. Thoughts of Karen and how he failed to protect her taunted his weary mind, causing his palms to sweat nervously. There had been nothing he could do; it wasn't his fault Gerard tried to remind himself; and as if his brain were taunting him his mind switched to Lily and her family.

They were good people, if something should happen their deaths would be on his hands, it would be his fault. They all trusted him; something that made his gut turn. What if after they got back the mob had managed to get a hold of Lily's personal information? Gerard would have no idea until it was too late and he was investigating the scene of her death. His heart thudded against his ribs and his breath came in short little gasps; he couldn't think about that.

He /would/ protect her if it wast he last thing he did; Gerard would be sure of it. There would be no repeat of Karen, this time Gerard would do right. The good guy would win this time, and Lily would be able to get on with her life after this. Trying to assure himself of these thoughts Gerard managed to close his eyes and sleep drifted to him, eventually lulling him away into a world made of dreams.