Sparks in the Night

This is what it must feel like, she thought to herself as she stared up at the vastness, the way the sky seemed to open up right in front of her. This is what it feels like to be right underneath God’s piñata.

Countless flakes of snow were falling, drifting, spiraling to the earth, collecting on the bank just outside the cabin, and Autum couldn’t help but be enamored with each tiny white speck. Eyes like molasses squinted at the minute particles that floated past her window, trying to make out each subtle difference in hopes of proving the old adage true, but it was no use. It wasn’t the kind of snowfall she was accustomed to. Back home in South Carolina, if there was ever any sort of wintry weather whatsoever, it was always ice, and that was more of a nuisance than anything. But this was something magical, like the winter wonderlands in every single holiday movie she’d watched as a child, and she felt the warm comfort of nostalgia flowing through her limbs, lending her a sense of coziness that was hard to come by.

With a mug of hot cocoa in hand, she tore her gaze away from the window and continued to flip through the photo album spread open in her lap. The pages were lined with snapshots, all taken in the very same log cabin, and while she didn’t recognize most of the faces, no amount of baby chub or awful haircuts could ever really mask the pair of familiar hazel eyes she’d grown to adore so much. Though there were those few mandatory posed and planned family portraits taken in front of the fireplace, most of the photos were candids: his family gathered around the dinner table, James making sugar cookies with his mother, James again as he tore through wrapping paper like a banshee in a mad rush to open one of his presents. It was heart-warming in a way, and Autum’s lips curved into a smile as her dark eyes glazed over the page. Those candid moments captured the type of holiday gatherings she’d longed for ever since she was a little kid: a normal Christmas, a birthday that held no guilt, times when things actually felt whole instead of always felling like they were on the verge of falling apart.

This was the first year the two of them had made plans to spend the holidays together and the first time that she’d ever celebrated Hanukkah, period. Needless to say, Autum wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Although James had never kept his religion a secret from her, his faith also wasn’t something that played a huge role in his day-to-day life, or at least not in his relationship with her.

Those first few hints of a smile came into full bloom as soon as she heard the key turn in the lock and James’s head emerged through the cracked front door.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Those bright eyes narrowed in suspicion as soon as his gaze landed on the photo album still in her lap.

She was quick to avert her gaze, her honey-colored eyes lilting upward as she pretended to shield the photos with her hands. “Oh nothing,” she teased him, but she was utterly hopeless when it came to fighting the smile that overtook her features whenever he was near.

Snowflakes clung to the dark knit of his hat, a light blue scarf wrapped snuggly around his neck, and as he ventured further into the doorway, she noticed the dense evergreen that he was struggling to tow inside.

“What’s that?” she asked with a laugh as he managed to maneuver the fir tree into the nearest corner.

With a roll of his olive-flecked eyes, he said the words as if they were the most obvious statement in the world. “A tree.”

Autum raised an eyebrow, but her lips gave her away, twitching upward at the corners as she tried to contain her own laughter.

“Well actually…” he began, his voice brimming with that unwavering sense of accomplishment. “It’s a Hanukkah bush.”

“Looks like a Christmas tree to me.”

“Hey!” he fired back, his laughter still buried in his tone. “There’s nothing that says I can’t put a fir tree in my house. They’re nice to look at, they smell amazing, I see no problem with it.”

Once the tree was propped up soundly in the corner, James turned to his girlfrined. “We have some Hanukkah ornaments up in the attic if you wanna help me decorate it later, yeah?”

Her smile was nothing short of genuine as she glanced over at him. “Of course I will. Would you like some hot chocolate? Believe me when I say that my hot chocolate is killer.”

Her expression was mirrored on his lips as he trailed her into the kitchen. “I think I deserve some hot cocoa for hauling that ginormous tree in.”

Autum couldn’t help but laugh as she stuck a mug of milk in the microwave. “I’d say that’s definitely worthy of my infamous hot cocoa.”

As she leaned against the granite countertop, she wondered to herself why he’d even decided to invite her here to celebrate Hanukkah with him in his family’s vacation cabin. While she didn’t want to seem unappreciative of the gesture, she knew it had to be frustrating for him: having to explain all of the ins and outs of the holiday and his own family’s traditions to her.

“James, can I ask you something?” The question fell from her lips, and as soon as she heard the words in her own cautious tone, her gaze dropped to the hardwood floor beneath her feet.

He remained upbeat, enthusiastic even. “Sure, spill it.”

“Why did you ask me to come up to the cabin with you this year? I mean, I know we’ve been together for a while now, but wouldn’t you rather spend this time with your family or your Jewish friends? I just feel like I’m a complete idiot when it comes to all of this.” As soon as she said it, she hid behind her bluntly-cut brunette locks, eyes still focused on the toes of her fuzzy winter boots. Everything about James’s family and his outlook on the season was perfect, normal, traditional, and she felt like the oddly shaped puzzle piece that didn’t quite seem to fit in because she’d never possessed that sort of holiday cheer. If anything, Autum had always associated the holiday season with dread, stress, and depression. This was the time of year when she was reminded the most that she didn’t have that normal, tight-knit family. Her grandmother had a tendency to try to avoid the holiday season altogether while her grandfather overcompensated in an attempt to make up for the lack of holiday spirit in the household. It seemed like she’d been longing for that stereotypical, cheerful family gathering for as long as she could remember, and now that she had a tiny piece of that normalcy, she didn’t know how to handle it. She had difficulty believing that it was all real, that this wasn’t some dream she was waiting to wake up from.

Being with James, there were a lot of moments when she felt like she was dreaming. He was simply too amazing to exist.

“Baby…” His voice remained soft and gentle as he edged closer to her, easing an arm over her shoulders. For a moment, all she could process was the warmth that radiated from his muscular frame, the steady lub-dub of his heart beating in his chest, the scent of pine and cologne that lingered on his skin, all the things that were so undeniably James. “I asked you to come up here because I wanted to spend the week with you.” The statement was softened by a chuckle. “I don’t care that you’re not religious or that you don’t know a damn thing about Hanukkah. It doesn’t matter to me. I care about you, and I know this probably sounds beyond cheesy, but I can see us having a real future together, so I guess I was just hoping that this could be the first of many Hanukkahs to come.”

He offered her a weak smile, and it was then that she realized just what the holidays were really about. It wasn’t about fancy gifts, beautiful surroundings, or even having the perfect greeting-card family. It was about spending time with the people you care most about in the world, and for Autum, that one special person was James.

“So…do you wanna go light the menorah with me?” he asked, his eyes expectant and pleading in the same way that a puppy would look up, silently begging to have its ears scratched.

And there was no way she could’ve ever resisted.

She stood by his side as he lit the shammus, his arm hovering over the elegant brushed-silver fixture, and she was so nervous that she found herself holding her breath while her eyes remained transfixed on the flame, watching the many shades of red, orange, and blue dance before her. James bowed his head slightly, closed his eyes, and she followed suit, listening to the lulling sound of his voice as he recited the blessing.

“ Blessed are you, Lord, our God, sovereign of the universe who has kept us alive, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season. Amen.”

“Amen,” Autum mumbled.

Once the first candle was lit, James looked to her and grinned, and she gave his hand a soft squeeze before she slipped from his grip.

“How about that cocoa?”

“I can’t wait.” He flashed her another whole-hearted grin as he slid onto a barstool at the counter. The two candles on the menorah flickered and faded, casting his features in a warm glow. “After we finish our cocoa, maybe we could start on that Hanukkah bush.”

“It sounds like a plan to me.” After she poured them both a steaming cup of hot chocolate, marshamallows and whipped cream toppling over the edge, she turned to face him at the bar. “You know, if we’re going to be spending Hanukkah together again next year, maybe we should start our own tradition?”

“I gotta admit, I do like the sound of that,” he mumbled, his upper lip covered in fluffy cream. “What about this: right here, right now. What if we made a point out of sharing a cup of cocoa right before we trim the tree?”

With a hand placed gingerly on his knee, Autum smiled to herself. “I couldn’t have asked for anything better.”