I Know There's a Way out When All Hope is Gone

Andy’s POV

“And last, everybody’s favorite…Crown The Empire. And those are the last five bands to play Vans Warped Tour this year,” said Kevin.

The guys and I sat on the couch smiling like idiots. Well at least they were. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of hurt when I learned that we were playing Warped Tour yet again this year. Memories of last year flooded my head. I could still smell her overly sprayed perfume that I loved so much. The softness of her skin still lingered on my fingertips.

I wasn’t gonna lie, I didn’t want to perform at the same place Ashlynn trampled all over my heart. Vegas was even sooner this year and the wretched town held nothing but bitter memories, memories I tried so hard to drown with empty fucks and blank nights. No matter how hard I tried though, I just couldn’t get her out of my mind. Flashbacks haunted my every thought, the stupidest things would trigger the smallest memory. Like the way the wind blew, I could picture her hair blowing perfectly in the breeze. Last year I was excited to play Warped Tour, but now? Now I didn’t even want to think about it. I didn’t want to perform at any of the dates. My heart just wasn’t in it, but I had to put on a brave face for the guys. I had to do this…no matter if it killed me.

“Yo Andy! Hello, is anybody home?” Ben said, waving his hand in front of my face. We were sitting in the living room of the hotel where we were staying. It was a pretty sweet setup but the only downfall is that not only the band but also our merch guys and the rest of the crew had to share this whole presidential suite. I didn’t mind it. I mean we were gonna share a small bus soon so why not get used to it?

I blinked at him before smiling shyly, “Hey sorry man, I guess I zoned out.” I had been doing that lately, getting lost in my own train of thought, dwelling on the past.

Ben shook his head as he laughed, “It’s cool bro I was just asking if you got all your shit ready for tomorrow? It’s the first day of Warped and you KNOW how hectic shit gets. Don’t wanna forget anything before we get on the road, ya know.”

I nodded my head. The morning before Warped started was always crazy as hell. We were only four hours away in a city named St. George. The energy in the room was insane. Everyone was getting their last minute stuff together. I licked my lips as I tipped back the rest of my beer. I wasn’t twenty-one yet but sometimes the guys would let me have a drink or two. The perks of being in a band huh? I stood up and made my way past everyone in the crowded room. I went into the bathroom, the only place I could truly be alone. I locked the door, not wanting to be disturbed. I sat in the tub and curled my knees to my chest.

I had been doing this since we got here two days ago. I would run away from everyone when the thoughts would get to be too much, too real. I shut my eyes tight. That was a bad idea. I immediately saw her conniving blue eyes. My eyes shot open as a flare of agony shot through my chest. I gasped at the sudden feeling. Why couldn’t she just let me be? I couldn’t shake the thought of her. I couldn’t escape that damn girl. No matter where I went there she was. A single tear fell upon my lips. I cried silently into the side of the tub. I always knew she was trouble, but something about her kept me around. I’m still trying to figure out what that was exactly. I felt my body go numb from the sobs that wracked my body. I didn’t even try to fight the memory that took over. I was too tired. Besides, what was the point anyway? I mean, how much more broken can I get?

The answer is…so much more.



“Andrew,” her angelic voice spoke brokenly.

“What’s wrong Ash?” I said as I picked up her chin, making contact with her crystal blue eyes. I struggled to not get lost in them, which I often did. It was like swimming in the ocean, endless.

Her lips quivered ever so slightly as I pushed a stray hair out of her face. “Andy,” she whispered as she pulled away from me. “I—I can’t keep doing this.”

My heart sunk. “What do you mean Ashlynn?”

“I—I’m not ready Andy. I—there’s something you need to know Andy,” she said as she looked at the scenery around us. Kids were running around trying to get to the shows on time. Our band had already performed and did our signing. It was scorching out so most of the kids, mainly the girls, were half naked. Vegas was always a killer show but so worth it. I looked into Ash’s eyes. They seemed so sad. But what would cause their sadness? We had just made the best decision of our lives back in Washington. We were so happy.

“Andy I—I…fuck Andy I’m so sorry,” her eyes started to tear up. I wiped at them furiously.

“What Ash?! What are you sorry for? What’s wrong?” I said in a nervous voice. With every second my heart was racing as faster as a cheetah. I was afraid it was going to burst if she didn’t speak soon. The suspense was killing me.

“Andy…I cheated on you,” she whispered.

And just as quickly as my heart was beating it stopped. The whole world around us blurred. The kids seemed to be running in slow motion. Time stood still…as did my heart.

“Wha—what?” I managed to choke out. My whole body felt disconnected from me. I couldn’t really tell what was real. I felt like I was sinking, but standing still at the same time. It’s was like when you get stuck in quicksand and you don’t struggle. You still go down…just a bit slower.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she cried as she pulled herself from me and ran as far and as fast as she could from me. Time resumed as if nothing happened. My knees gave out from beneath me. The people around me kept running. Their faces so filled with life. While mine left my body.



I sprung out of my sleep at the sound of my alarm. It was six in the morning and time to leave. Time to relive the very same fucking tour that shattered me to pieces. I squeezed my fists into tight balls and punched the blow up mattress. Causing the person next to me to stir.

“Whaa?” Hayden mumbled as his arms flared towards my face. His hand connected with my face and I let out a groan before rolling out of bed and hitting him with my pillow.

“Fucker,” I muttered to him. he let out a chuckle before standing up and heading to the bathroom. I went to the closet to get the clothes I was going to wear. As I slipped on my shoes I heard our tour manager call to us saying it was bus time. After everyone was up and ready, we filed onto the bus. I sat by the window and pulled the hood of my hoodie up to cover my tired face. The rest of the guys went to their respected bunks. I didn’t care which bunk I got honestly. I no longer preferred the bottom bunk. I would usually get it so Ash—she—wouldn’t get hurt if she fell off. I shoved my headphones into my ears as I got lost in the sound of Echosmith and drifted off to sleep.