An Unexpected Influx of Feelings

When Jack kissed me on stage tonight, as per normal, what wasn't normal was the rush of feelings that had gone through me. I don't know what happened.

And, because of that, I was in the nearest bar, getting shit-faced. It's what I turn to when I feel lost - drinking until I can barely stand, let alone walk in a straight line.

Everyone else had opted to go to bed, or to watch a movie in the tourbus.

I ordered another beer off the barmaid. If I wasn't so preoccupied with my thoughts and unexpected feelings, I probably would've tried to get her in bed with me. She was curvy and blonde, just my type.

My new bottle of beer arrived and I glanced up from staring at the top of the bar to smiled apprectivately at the barmaid. She smiled back, her teeth shining.

Not as nice as Jack's smile though. My brain decided to tell me. I took a quick drink of my beer, emptying almost half of it into my system.

Why did I suddenly have feelings for Jack, my best friend? I questioned myself.

{---}

I was at another bar in another state. We'd just finised a show, and we were celebrating a job well done. We didn't have another show for two days, so we could all get completely pissed, which I was taking full advantage of.

"Hey Alex, don't you think you should slow down a bit?" Zack said, sipping his own beer.

I shook my head as I ordered another beer. From my position on the corner of the bar, I could see Jack as he flirted and danced with the scantily clad girls. As if I needed reminding that he was straight, and I - apperently - wasn't.

Since that kiss about a week ago, I had kept my distance, both emotionally and physically, from Jack. I don't think he has noticed, and if he has, he hasn't said anything about it.

I had been uncharacteristically quiet around him too, only answering when he spoke directly to me or in interviews. But in interviews, we were expected to continue the "Jalex" thing the fans had started. I was beginning to think that the "Jalex" theory was going to be the death of me. Every touch, every kiss set my bones alight with desire for my best friend, but he - obviously - didn't feel the same.

I looked back over at Jack to see him grinding against one of the barely-dressed girls. Growling, I knocked back my drink. Keeping my eyes fixed on his body dipping and moving in time with the crappy hip-hop music that was blaring out of the speakers, I ordered another.

{---}

I was so drunk, I could barely walk. Trying to walk only ended up with me falling over my own feet, which wasn't fun at all. So this, because of my inability to walk by myself, led to Jack half-carrying me back to the tour bus.

"You don't normally get this drunk Alex. What gives?" Jack asked, as I stumbled alongside him.

I didn't answer, I was preoccupied by the way his long, lean legs ate up the ground. His legs were so underrated, they were gorgeous.

"Alex?"

I looked up at him and immediately wished I hadn't. Jack was illuminated by the street lights, his brown eyes staring at me, hopefully. I gulped as my eyes observed his soft-looking lips and the way his hair fell in his eyes.

"I - I - I..." I couldn't answer, not when he was looking at me with such hope and trust. I couldn't tell him it was because of him. I couldn't.

"Ok Lex, let's get to the bus." Jack said after a few beats of silence.

As we walked - well, Jack walked and I stumbled - I couldn't stop smiling. He had called me 'Lex'! He had given me a nickname!

{---}

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, probably from the alcohol I'd consumed last night. I groaned and opened my eyes.

"Morning Alex!" Jack greeted me when I had finally got dressed and stumbled through into the front longue.

I just grunted as I made my way across to the coffee machine. I needed coffee if I was going to function even semi-normally this morning. While my coffee was brewing, I got myself a mug. Something bounced against my head and fell on the floor. I picked it up. It was a packet of aspirin. I straighten back up, mug in one hand and aspirin in the other.

"I thought you'd need it after the way you were knocking back the drinks back last night." Zack explained, shrugging his shoulders.

I smiled, making my coffee, "Thanks."

"It's fine." He replied before going back to where the bunks were.

I sat down on the stool next to the side, placing my mug on it.

"Alex, you didn't answer me last night..." Jack said after a beat or two of relative silence.

I looked up from my mug, which I had been staring at aimlessly, "What did you ask me?"

His lips were moving, making words, but I wasn't listening, I was distracted by his soft, soft lips.

"Hm?"

"I said, why did you get so drunk last night?" He repeated.

"Oh... Um..." I stalled for time, I didn't want to remember that it was because of him dancing with those girls last night - that was the idea behind getting shit-faced - but I did, "I just felt like it."

It was a weak reply, I knew, and, looking at him, Jack knew that too. He raised an thick eyebrow and walked away, leaving me to my thoughts.

{---}

It was two days later and we were on stage, about halfway through our set, and Jack and I were taking requests from the crowd.

"Hey you!" Jack said, pointing at a girl at the front with blue hair, "I like your hair!"

She squealed while I silently seethed with jealously, my jaw clenched. Why couldn't he say he liked my hair?

"What would you like us to do?" Jack asked, passing her a microphone so she could speak into it.

"Would you kiss?" Was her nervous reply.

There was no way I couldn't hear it, it had been magnified by the microphone and now the entire crowd seemingly, was chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

My heart was pounding against my chest as Jack came towards me, his eyes twinkling in the bright lights. I tried desperately not to show how much this was affecting me.

His lips pressed against mine and my heart soared above the crowds. Cameras and phones flashed behind my eyelids. Then he pulled away and went back to his mike. My heart thudded in my ears.

"The things you guys have us do!" Jack said, laughing as the crowd went wild.

I remembered that it was just a joke to him, nothing real. I felt sick with myself for believing, even for a second, that Jack would feel the same way.

I looked away from Jack and annouced to the crowd, "The next song's called Come One, Come All."