An Unexpected Influx of Feelings

After having a shower, I went straight to my bunk. I couldn't face Jack, not when my emotions were all over the place.

I kept replaying the kiss in my head. It was, for lack of a better word, perfect. His lips were so soft, and his hands had rested lightly on my hips. It had felt like he'd set me on fire. But he only kissed me for the fans, not because he had any actual feelings for me.

Jack only liked me as a friend, and that thought hurt, maybe more than the kiss did. He saw me as his best friend, nothing more. And I had to get used to that. I was fine before, when I had only saw him as my best friend, but now, when I saw him as something more, it was painful to be around him.

"Alex?" It was Jack, I'd recognise that voice anywhere.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Are you coming out with us?" He said from behind the curtain that I had pulled across.

"No." I just wanted to wallow in my misery for a bit.

"Why not?"

Damn Jack and his questions.

"I don't feel like it." I said, sighing quietly, wishing he would just go.

"Ok." He responded.

I didn't breath as I listened to his footsteps fade. As I heard him shut the door between the bunks and the kitchen and front longue, I pressed my face into the pillow.

The "Jalex" theory was definantly going to kill me, if not then it's crush my heart slowly and painfully.

{---}

"Alex? Where - hic! - are you?"

I cursed under my breath, Jack was drunk, that much was obvious.

"In the bunks Jack." I called.

I heard him stumbling towards me, evidently tripping over several things as he did so. Finally, he reached the bunk area.

"Alex?" He whispered loudly.

"Jack, what do you want?" I asked, poking my head out of the curtain to see him swaying on his feet.

"You - hic! - You didn't really - hic! - answer my question the other day."

I knew exactly what he was talking about - the question that I had avoided answering.

"Yeah? And what about it?"

Jack staggered over to me and fell into my bunk. He was directly on top of me and I couldn't help but to think about what it would be like to kiss those soft lips of him.

"I want you to..." He slurred, pausing for a moment, "I want you to - hic! - tell me why you got so drunk that time."

In a split second, I decided to tell him the truth. It wasn't like Jack was going to remember what I said, he was drunk.

"Jack, it was because you were dancing with those half-naked girls. I couldn't deal with it, so I got plastered, like I did when I'd felt that influx of feelings when you kissed me onstage..." I trailed off, feeling the urge to kiss him again.

"Oh," Jack struggled to get out of my bunk, clearly he was disgusted with me and didn't want to be near me, "Night Lex."

My heart sung as I heard that nickname, but I quickly crushed that feeling as I remembered he was drunk and that he was disgusted with me.

{---}

The next moring, I woke with a sick feeling in my stomach as I recalled the events from last night. Me telling Jack how I felt about him and him being - quite rightly - repelled by me.

With an heavy heart, I got up and got dressed before going through to the kichen area, praying that Jack was still in bed, sleeping off his hangover. But, naturally, the fates weren't going to be that kind. When I got into the kitchen, Jack was up and awake, making himself a cup of coffee.

As the door behind me shut, Jack half-turned and asked if I wanted a mug of coffee.

Momentarily, I wondered why he wasn't just ignoring me - as I expected him to - but then I remembered, Jack had been drunk when I'd told him about my feelings for him.

"Yeah, sure, thanks." I replied, sitting at a stool, watching as Jack got two mugs out of a cabient below the counter, giving me a chance to look longingly at the little strip of skin exposed between the top of his sweats and the bottom of his t-shirt. He straighten up, much too soon in my opinion.

"Where's everyone else?" I asked, averting my eyes to the fridge instead of Jack's pale skin.

Jack stratched his head with a hand and I admired the way his amr flexed slightly. He answered, "Erm... I think everyone's out getting food."

I nodded as Jack passed me my mug of scalding coffee and sat next to me. Just sitting next to him sent jolts of delight down my spine.

We sat there in silence as we drank our coffee, both of us, I think, lost in our thoughts. Mine were all centred on the beautiful man next to me.

"Hey Lex?" Jack suddenly spoke.

"Yeah Jack?" I said, nervousness taking over my body.

"You know, I had this dream last night and... You were telling me hat you had feelings for me. But that can't be right, can it?"

I forced myself to laugh and reply, "No, of course not." even as my heart twisted painfully in my chest.

Is this what it felt like to suffer from heartbreak? I though as Jack laughed with me, his teeth shining brillantly.

{---}

It was sunset and I was watching it set, even through tear-blurred vision. This was the only time I'd had to myself all day, having being run off my feet with interviews and practices. Throughout the day, I had kept my mask on, fake smile in place as I did my job, but now, in private, I could let it fall and let my true feelings shine through.

"Alex?" Rian's voice called my name.

Quickly, I wiped my tears away and put on my fake smile as I turned, greeting him as he strode over to sit next to me.

I took a ragged breathe in, hoping that it would make me feel better. It didn't.

"Why are you out here when everyone else is inside?" He asked.

"Oh, I felt like some fresh air." I lied, what I really meant was that I couldn't stand being near Jack - even though I craved it - when he'd brushed off my feelings so easily, even if he didn't know of my true feelings.

"That's rubbish, and you know it," He said, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders, "Now tell me the real reason."

The warm heat of his arm seeping into my shoulders and the truth in his gaze was all it took for me to break. Properly this time.

I collapsed against his chest, my tears soaking his shirt. I was sobbing like there was no tomorrow. It just hurt so much, I was fed up of keeping a happy mask on, it felt good to let it all go.

After a few minutes, my sobs quieted down and I pulled away from Rian, apoligising for the wettness of his shirt.

He flapped a hand, saying, "It doesn't matter. What does matter is what's got you so upset. Care to tell me?"

I sniffled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand, "I - it's nothing, believe me. It's just me being stupid, as usual." I laughed weakly.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me." Rian said, crossing his arms over his chest, a determined look on his face.

"Fine," I sighed, thinking over my words carefully before speaking, "It's Jack. I - I've developed... feelings for him, which he clearly doesn't return. And yesterday, while he was drunk, I told him that I liked him. This morning, while you guys were out getting food, he told me that he'd had a 'dream' about my confessing to liking him. He asked if it was true, I told him it wasn't, and we laughed."

"Oh Alex..." Rian said, rubbing my shoulders comfortingly.

He felt sorry for me, that much was clear.

"Hey guys! What are we doing?" A loud voice interrupted whatever Rian had been about to say. It was Jack.

I got up and walked away. I could hear Jack asking Rian why I was leaving and Rian telling him to leave me for a bit. Thank God for Rian.