Confiding in You

The moment we get in the car, Cooper starts it as fast as he can and speeds out of the parking lot. He doesn't even wait for me to put my seatbelt on. I glare at him but he pays no notice, his eyes focused angrily on the road in front of him.

I glance at the clock to see that it is already past midnight. I didn't realize that we'd been gone that long.

"What do you think you're doing, hanging out with them?" He says sternly once we're at a red light.

"I don't get what your problem is," I say quietly, "Nothing happened."

"And you're damn lucky it didn't," his hands hit the sides of the steering wheel abruptly, "I can't believe I even let you come with me."

"I would understand your concern if I just went off with a drunk Ashton but Luke was with us!"

"As if Luke is any better," he scoffs, starting to drive again.

I wish we would just get home already so I don't have to deal with his shit. Of course Luke is better. Ashton drinks and smokes and is an asshole and Luke is sweet and kind and...

"Get your head out of your ass, Maddie," Cooper growls as though he can read my mind.

"Why don't you shut up?" I raise my voice, assuming by what he's saying that Luke being nice to me was a joke. I don't want to admit it to myself though, especially because I'm sitting here in his jacket. "You might want to stop while you're ahead, it might seem like you give a shit about how people treat me if you don't."

He pulls into our driveway and stops the car but doesn't make any move to get out. I can tell he is looking at me, at the jacket, at my fingers wrapping themselves around the end of the sleeves. After a moment, he lets out a laugh and ignores what I just said, "Oh my god, you actually think Luke likes you!"

My stomach sinks but I stay quiet. If I say anything, I might end up crying. I should have just stayed home. I went through too much in California to come here and have to experience more shit.

"After everything before you left, you think he wants anything to do with you?" Cooper continues to laugh and continues egging me on. "Let me guess, you bought that he doesn't drink."

Again, I don't say anything but instead I just groan and angrily throw my door open. I stomp all the way to the house, flinging the door open. His footsteps and laughter follow.

"How was it?" My mom asks with a smile once I enter the house. I don't answer and just continue stomping up the stairs. It wasn't just California. I don't belong anywhere. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up that something would go right.

The door slams behind Cooper and his laughter still booms throughout the house. Immediately, I hear my mom start yelling at him and trying to get information out of him. Since when does she give a shit?

I rip the jacket off of me and fling it onto my floor. Maybe Cooper is full of shit, maybe he's not. But I'm starting to remember how I felt three years ago. And that may be worse than how California made me feel. These familiar feelings of being let down are one thing I don't want to welcome back.

I slip into sweats and an old sweatshirt of mine and curl up under my covers in an attempt to make comfort replace disappointment. It's no use, it never was. Nothing will help it though, so I force myself to sleep instead of cry. I'm thankful that as soon as Cooper bursts through my door to offer a fake apology, I'm falling asleep. He shuts my light off and leaves without another word.

--

The next day, despite going to sleep only around midnight, I still get out of bed around 1 pm. I've gotten a chance to sleep on the subject and realize that I'm actually quite relieved. At least I didn't get involved for more than that night or else it would've been more painful to realize it was just a joke.

I pull The Scarlet Letter off the floor and start to actually get some work done for the first time all summer. I'm almost halfway through the book when Cooper knocks quietly on the frame of my open door.

"Ashton's coming over soon, if you want to hang out with us," he mumbles.

I close the book and look up at him with raised eyebrows, "I thought you didn't want me around your friends."

"Mom is making me," he rolls his eyes. Of course she is.

"Well you're off the hook this time," the book is back in front of my face, but I look at him over the top of it and speak again, "he's not exactly my cup of tea so no thanks."

"She's not going to get off my back for, you know, making fun of you or whatever," he sighs. I can tell this is painful for him, especially since he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He runs his fingers through his hair, annoyed, "Just sit and watch us play video games, it's not that fucking hard."

I sit in silence for a moment, just to annoy him further, before I finally say "Fine."

At least it's just Ashton. I can sit in my sweatpants and read while they scream over some stupid game. Thankfully, this will be the last time I will have to spend time with my brother's stupid friends.

"Well, come on," he groans, turning on his heel and going down the stairs. I nod and pick up Luke's varsity jacket off the floor before following him out the door. I will have to give it to Ashton to give back to Luke so he knows he doesn't have me wrapped around his finger like he used to.

Cooper and I sit on the couch without speaking. He's eyeing the jacket and I know that he's probably thinking something mean about it in that moment. I roll my eyes and fold it up, tucking it beside me so he can't look at it anymore.

I wish I had a good relationship with my brother, one that didn't involve him cussing me out daily. Maybe if he gave a shit about me, he would be kind to me and his friends would as well. Then I wouldn't be in this mess with liking Luke and him treating me like a piece of garbage. Even if he didn't like me, being told that respectfully would be much better than this.

A car door slams in our driveway, breaking me out of my thoughts and causing me to focus on the story of Hester Prynne again. If I look busy, Ashton will hopefully respect me enough not to bother me. But of course he doesn't respect me, so he doesn't leave me be.

"Hey ugly," he says to me, patting me on the head.

I look up at him with a scowl but he just lets out one of his boisterous laughs. I move to hit him back, but nearly fall off the couch when I see that Luke is standing behind him. Didn't Cooper just say Ashton was coming?

"This little shit practically begged me to take him with me," Ashton says to my brother, answering my thoughts. Luke stays behind him, his hands awkwardly in his pockets, and when our eyes meet for a split second he gives me a grin that I don't return.

"Here," I say, handing him the jacket in one swift movement. He looks confused, but takes a step forward anyway to retrieve it. Maybe if I act like I don't remember him either, act like he means nothing to me, he will stop with his idiotic joke, "What's your name again?"

"Luke," he doesn't seem to find me not knowing his name odd, but instead smiles his stupid, cute smile and moves to sit next to me. Great. How am I supposed to focus on reading when he's sitting right there. Ashton sits on my other side and I contemplate throwing my book against the wall and then myself off a bridge.

"Maddie, why did you leave Ohio anyway?" Ashton asks while Cooper sets up their game. I shouldn't have agreed to come down here. My mom isn't home anyway, so I could have easily just told her that I hung out with them without actually doing it. But now I'm stuck between these two imbicles who are going to try talking to me.

"Because I thought there was a better life for me in California," I say. Why am I answering truthfully anyway?

"But there wasn't...because I wasn't there," Ashton smiles stupidly at me and crosses his eyes. Without thinking, I let out a giggle and shake my head.

"Wait, when did you leave?" Luke asks curiously, crossing his legs beside me and kicking my own leg with his in the process. He mumbles an apology but is still looking to me for an answer. Thankfully, Ashton answers for me just like he had the night before.

"She left like, three years ago, dude, are you suffering from altzheimers or something?"

Before Luke can respond, my brother speaks up too, voicing my own thoughts, "Gee, Luke, you sure are putting a lot of effort in this joke."

I feel his body tense beside me at the words and look over at him with less than kind eyes to see him blushing, He doesn't say anything in response, though. He only mumbles something about getting food and gets up to go to the kitchen. He trips on his own feet but doesn't look back as the other two boys laugh.

I take this as my cue to get up too and go back to my room, where I belong.