Photograph, Give Me Something to Remember

Raegan nervously picked at her finger nails while Kennedy knocked on the door of the dressing room and told John that Raegan wanted to talk. John yelled for her to go in, and Kennedy gave Raegan a reassuring smile as she opened the door - whispering 'thank you' to Kennedy before shutting the door behind her. She stood facing the door for a few minutes and let out a shaky breath.

Turning away from the door and to John, her eyes widened slightly and her heartbeat quickened as she took in the sight of seeing the guy she once spent every day with for three months and then another eight months talking on the phone and Skype and texting for hours every day.

"H-hello John," Raegan greeted, barely above a whisper. John nodded at her but didn't even bother saying anything to her - all he's wanted was to talk to her, but now that she's right in front of him, John felt like he couldn't even look let alone speak to her - as he sat down in one of the couches.

"John, can you please just look at me?" Raegan asked timidly once John made it a point to avoid her gaze.

"Why, Raegan? So you can see how much you fucking hurt me?" John's raised voice echoed through the room as he shot her a glare and stood up while Raegan flinched, surprised to see John as angry as he was.

"You're the one who wanted to fucking talk to me, John!" Raegan yelled just as loudly. Her hands were placed firmly on her hips as she glared up at him as well. The two glared at each other for several minutes in silence, neither wanting to speak to each other anymore. John sat down on one of the couches again and looked up at Raegan before looking over at the couch across from him. Getting the hint, Raegan sat down across from him and began picking at her fingernails once again - she knew picking at her fingernails wasn't the best idea, but it was a nervous habit she'd probably never break.

"Raegan," John muttered but Raegan kept her gaze down at her hands. "Raegan, please look at me." Raegan shook her head, and John - holding in a groan - placed his hand under her chin and lifted her chin up so she would actually look at him.

"What, John?" Raegan asked with a sigh, hurt apparent in her voice after John raised his voice at her for the first time ever - any time they've ever argued, John was the one to always remain calm and keep his voice level or just walk away if it got too heated.

"I'm sorry for yelling," John whispered once he noticed Raegan's watery eyes.

"Its fine, John. There's no need for you to apologize, John. I'm the one that should apologize," Raegan whispered back. "I'm sorry for leaving without telling you, John. God, I regret that every single day." The sat in silence for several minutes, and Raegan squirmed in the uncomfortable and awkward silence she was never used to around John.

"Why'd you leave, Raegan?" John finally spoke up and Raegan looked up at before instantly looking away, there was no way she would be able to look him in the eyes as she explained why she moved especially because her plan failed.

"John, I hated living in California. I spent my entire life there, and I just needed something new. I needed to get out on my own and experience living on my own. I wanted to move to the big city, do something I would probably regret, and just live."

"So you just left, without even telling me?" John asked hurt and Raegan scoffed at him.

"John, my life and dreams come first! I'm sorry, but I had to leave. And I hate that I never told you; I just thought it would be easier for both of us," Raegan answered calmly with her gaze on the floor until she heard John stand up. She looked up at John and saw anger in his eyes that she never expected to see in John.

"You are such a selfish and convoluted bitch, Raegan Jones! I can't believe I ever loved someone like you!" John yelled at her; hearing that felt as if she had just been slapped in the face. She stood up as well, feeling like she was about to cry. Her hands twitched at her side, and she had to take in a deep breath before speaking. If John was going to be immature about this, it looked like she would have to be the sensible and calm one.

"Do you hear yourself, John?" Raegan whispered, trying to look in his eyes. "You have been out living your dreams every single day, and that's all I wanted to do. I've 22 now and I've spent enough money on college; it was time to do something about it. Why can't you just except that?" Raegan was near tears, and looking in John's eyes, she could see the hurt in him as well.

"I'm sorry," John muttered as he took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry."

"Do you really think of me like that, John?" Raegan whispered and blinked back the tears threatening to escape.

"God Raegan, of course I don't. You know I could never mean any of that," John whispered back as he wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

If anyone was to ask Raegan why she did what she did next, she would never be able to give a real, truthful answer. She was never one for impulse; she never did anything without thinking it through first. John tried helping her be more impulsive when they were dating, but come on, its been a year since they were ever together - Raegan Jones was not impulsive.

"Oh my God, fuck, damn it. John, I'm so sorry," Raegan managed to say, her voice several octaves higher than normal, once she pulled jerked away from John a moment later. John looked at her with wide eyes and Raegan bit her lip as she looked at him in panic - the fact she just kissed him unbelievable to both of them.

"Raegan...I can't," John said quietly and Raegan nodded understandingly, tears brimming in her eyes.

"I get it, John. I completely fucked things up between us. I left without a word, and I definitely don't deserve you now. I'm sorry, John, for everything," Raegan spoke as calmly as she could as she began to back up before turning around completely and walking to the door. She paused for a minute to see if John would say anything, see if he would tell her to come back and forgive her. But of course he wouldn't do that, she broke his heart, and she doesn't deserve him. All she ever does is ruin the things that mean the most to her; its about time she got what she deserved: rejection.

When she opened the door and saw the guys scramble away as quickly as they could, she gave them a shaky smile and tried blinking the tears from her eyes. It was obvious they heard everything, there was no denying it. Pat, Garrett, and Jared stared at her in shock - from what she said and did or seeing her again, she didn't know. Kennedy was giving her a sympathetic smile. Raegan continued walking past all of them, all she wanted to do was get the hell out of here and leave the past alone.

"Raegan, wait," Kennedy called out, but Raegan continued walking. She heard him get near her, but she continued walking at a faster pace. Only did she stop when he reached out and grabbed her by her wrist.

"What, Kennedy? What do you want from me? I've already fucked everything up, I just want to go home," she yelled through her tears. She tried yanking her wrist away so she could just leave, but Kennedy's grip tightened.

"Why? So you can just leave again and never speak to any of us again?" Kennedy nearly yelled back. "Typical Raegan, just ditching her friends when things go wrong."

Fed up with all of the arguing she's had for the night, she forcefully yanked her wrist away from him. "Screw you, Kennedy Brock. You don't know me, you think you do but you clearly don't. Just leave me alone!" After practically screaming at the only one who actually made an effort to like her again after leaving, Raegan stormed out and tried to stop feeling bad about yelling at Kennedy. All he wanted to do was help her, but she had to take her anger and sadness out on him.

All she ever did was fuck things up for her. Why she wouldn't just let herself be happy was beyond her. But she did know one thing: she was getting John back, and she was going to get her friends to forgive her.