That One Summer

“Dean, did you pick up the movies for Jo? We gotta put them in a bag or something before we get over there.”

Dean didn’t respond, just sat at the table sipping his beer absently. The birthday barbeque was in only a few hours and he was beginning to sweat it. Okay that was a lie. He’d been sweating it for the whole damn week. But now it was getting close to crunch time, and he was getting nervous.
“Dean? Anyone home?” Sam waved a hand in front of his face. “Did you pick up the movies?”

“Uh, uh no,” Dean mumbled, jumping slightly. “No sorry, I didn’t.”

“Dean, that was like your one thing to do today,” Sam groaned. “What’s with you lately? You’ve been acting…even weirder than usual.”

“I’m fine Sam,” Dean pushed himself to his feet. “I just forgot to go pick up some stupid movies, don’t make a big deal about it.”

“You’ve been going around in some sort of weird daze for like the last week dude. Ever since the last guys night,” Sam crossed his arms. “Is this another thing about Dad?”

“It’s not about Dad, don’t bring up Dad,” Dean leaned heavily against the kitchen counter. “I’m fine Sammy, just got some things on my mind is all. Just drop it.”

He loved Sammy, he did, but he was not about to tell his brother about the night at the Roadhouse, and every encounter there after. He was not about to tell him that the walls of denial he’d put up were slowly starting to crumble. And he was definitely not going to tell him that for the past few nights, he’d woken up moaning from dreams filled with pink lips and blue eyes and his hands all over soft skin.

But as per usual, Sam had way more intuition then was needed.

“Dude, is this about you know who?”

Dean tensed instinctively. “Shut up, Sam.”

“Dean, you know it’s okay if you like her,” Sam sighed. “Just because you got off on the wrong foot-“

“I said shut up Sam!” Dean slammed his beer bottle down, a vein jumping angrily in his forehead. “Leave me alone, okay? Fuck, just stop pestering me!”

“Alright, alright,” Sam relented, his hands up in defense. “I’ll go get the movies for Jo. You just, stay here and calm down alright?”

“Whatever man,” Dean turned away from him, trying to calm himself down. It wasn’t Sammy’s fault he was so riled up. He had to pull himself together. If Sam had noticed, other people were bound to notice too. Cas was already suspicious, he kept trying to bring up that uncomfortable encounter on the library steps. He was so lucky Anna hadn’t mentioned their drunken encounter to anyone. They already ripped him enough as it was, if they suspected at all that his feelings were starting to change….

Because they had started to change. Even he couldn’t deny it to himself anymore. The dreams, the nervous sweats, the fact that he couldn’t breathe every time she was near…he had finally (somewhat grudgingly) admitted it. He was attracted to Crazy Bitch. And it was driving him damn near mad.

Fuck, the other day in his mother’s kitchen…he’d been sweating so bad he thought he was dying. She’d looked so fucking cute, all blushing and stuttering. It got him wondering, were her feelings changing too? Was she getting the same damn butterflies, the same sweaty palms? He had no idea, and that made him feel just a little sick.

He spent the rest of the time before the party trying desperately to calm himself down, but it was to no avail. By the time him and Sam arrived at Benny’s, he was practically a twitchy mess. Benny gave him a weird look when he greeted him, but said nothing. Dean practically bolted for the backyard, heading straight for the huge cooler of beer. He was glad they were two of the first people there, it gave him a little more time to collect himself.

Soon enough everyone else started rolling in. Dean’s eyes flitted to the gate every time he heard it open, his stomach in his mouth. But it was never her. He could feel disappointment settling in his chest. He tried to push it down, but it stayed there, anchored to his heart. Shit, he was turning into a damn pussy!

“Hey Dean!” Jo skipped over, her blonde hair bouncing behind her. “Glad you could make it!”

“Happy birthday Jo-Jo,” Dean managed a smile, bringing the petite girl in for a one armed hug. “Nice party.”

“Isn’t’ it?” Jo looked around the yard with bright eyes. “And almost everyone is here! I think we’re just waiting for…oh there she is! Hey girl!”

And Jo bounded away, straight to the gate, where there stood the fucking prettiest thing he’d ever seen in his damn life.

He nearly swallowed his tongue.

She was all soft curves, wrapped up neatly in a yellow sundress. Her brown hair was twisted off to the side in a soft braid, a few tendrils escaping to frame her face. She had put a bit of make up on, making her blue eyes even bluer than usual. Fuck, he’d never seen her like this. He had to remind himself to breathe.

She caught sight of him, looking at him over Jo’s shoulder as the blonde gave her a hug. She gave him a timid half smile, apprehension flitting across her face. He tried to return it, but he was sure it came out more like a confused grimace. Shit, he needed another drink. He turned around quickly, making his way back to the beer cooler like his ass was on fire. He couldn’t be near her with her looking like that, all soft and pretty and perfect. He hurriedly struck up a conversation with Bobby Singer, Jo’s stepdad, who was standing closest to him. He was going to avoid her for the night, he decided. If he didn’t, well, he didn’t trust that he wouldn’t do something incredibly stupid.

The avoiding went well for most of the night. He managed to find enough conversations to fit in that didn’t involve her, and he kept his glances to a minimum. She made no effort to come over to him, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful.

When he’d run out of conversations, he moved himself to the back north corner of the yard, where Benny had erected a swing bench under an arbor. He set himself down, beer in hand. He’d stay a little while longer, then he’d get out of here. Back to his apartment, where there were no pretty girls in yellow dresses that made him act like a fucking virgin teenager.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

He coughed, nearly choking on his beer. Eyes watering, he looked up to find the exact person he was trying to evade standing right in front of him.

“Uh, no, no I haven’t,” he managed to get out, wiping at his eyes.

“Yes you have,” December Rae clasped her hands, rocking slowly back and forth on her heels. “It’s okay, I was kind of avoiding you too.”

Dean leaned back on the bench, willing his heart to stop pounding in his chest. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” she kept rocking. “I mean, of course I am. With what’s been going on lately, why wouldn’t I?”

Dean couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at her. “With what’s been going on lately?”

“Oh, you know what I’m talking about, Winchester,” she gave him a scowl, some of her old snark (that he secretly missed, she was kind of hot when she was pissed) rising to the surface. “You must have noticed we’ve stopped yelling and insulting each other. Or are you that stupid?”

“Sounds like we’re starting on that path again,” Dean smirked, feeling a bit of his confidence coming back.

“Oh you are so,” she wrung her hands in front of her, obviously trying not to get worked up. She took a deep breath. “Nope, not going there.” She took a step forward, and to his surprise, plopped herself down on the bench beside him. He instinctively shifted away. Too close to that warm cherry and vanilla skin would cloud his brain.

“Look,” she turned to face him, her blue eyes flashing like steel. “I’ve had two beers, so I’m just buzzed enough to have some confidence here. So you are going to listen, okay? Do not interrupt me, got it?”

Dean nodded, slightly taken aback by her authoritative tone. “Uh, okay….”

“Okay,” December Rae nodded. She took another deep breath, and he could practically see her steeling herself mentally. “Okay, here goes. I thought you were a dick, when we first met. You came onto me, saying stupid ass things with that stupid cocky smirk of yours, and I didn’t like it.”

“Yeah, I got that from the slap you laid on me,” Dean mumbled, rubbing his cheek in memory.

“I said no interrupting!” December Rae gave him an icy look. When satisfied he wasn’t going to interrupt again, she continued. “Okay, so maybe I was harsh slapping you. My best friend Kitty says I always judge too quickly. But you were acting like a dick. And I convinced myself that that was the way I always wanted to think of you. But then, the Roadhouse happened.”

Dean blinked. Shit, why was she bringing that up? He did not need to be reminded of that night, not with her so close and smelling so fucking good…

“Things got weird after that,” she ploughed on. “We stopped yelling, we started being all awkward…fuck we are still all awkward. And I can’t go a fucking day without replaying that fucking night over and over again in my head like a broken record.”

Dean felt his heart rate speed up. What the fuck? Oh damn…was she…did she…she couldn’t be struggling the way he was…or was she?

“You’re stuck in my brain, Dean Winchester,” she looked straight at him, blue eyes boring into his green ones. “You’re stuck in there and I can’t get you out. I’ve tried and tried but its no use. And I’m starting to think that maybe you’re not such an asshat as I made you out to be. Fuck, after what your mama told me in the kitchen the other day I mean I-“

“What?” Dean snapped out of his disbelief. “What do you mean, what my Mama told you in the kitchen? What did she tell you?”

December Rae faltered. Clearly she had not meant to say that. She tried to backpedal. “Oh, nothing. It was nothing. Forget I said it. In fact, forget I said anything tonight.”

“No, no, no,” Dean shook his head, pointing a finger at her. “You tell me what my Mama said. Right now.” Shit, she wouldn’t have, she couldn’t have…

December Rae bit her lip, looking down at the ground. “She, she told me about your Daddy.”

Fuck.

“She told you about Dad?” he tried to keep his voice even. “What exactly did she say?”
“Dean, she was just trying to help, please,” she tried, but he cut her off.

“What did she say? Tell me!”

December Rae swallowed hard. “That you feel inadequate, like you’re not good enough. And that you think the car accident was your fault.”

Dean was on his feet in an instant. “Fuck!” he yelled out, not even caring that the whole party was probably looking at them now. “Fuck! Why would she do that, that shit is none of your business!”

“She was just trying to help!” December Rae was on her feet now too. “She was trying to explain to me why you were acting like such an ass!”

“You don’t deserve to know anything about me,” Dean fumed. “You nosey little bitch! Is that why you’re here then, to bestow your pity on me? Well I don’t fucking want it!”

“I’m not here to pity you!” December Rae was yelling now. “I know what its like, trust me! And I know the last thing you want is pity!”

“Fuck off,” Dean growled. “You know nothing. You’ve been nothing but a pain in my ass since you got here. I wish you’d never fucking come here. Why don’t you just take your fat ass back to Chiacgo and just stay there? I.Fucking.Hate.You.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could take them back. Her face crumpled, her eyes widening in hurt. Shit, shit. This wasn’t like the other times they’d screamed it at each other. He’d hurt her this time. Shit, he was such an asshole.

“Shit, December Rae, I didn’t mean-”

“You want to know why your Mama told me what she did?” December Rae interrupted him, her blue eyes welling up with tears. The sight tore at his chest like claws were ripping into him. “She told me that so I’d give you a second chance. So I’d see there was more to you then what you were giving me. She could see what I couldn’t, that there was, was something there between us. And I came here tonight to see if it was true. To see if this new atmosphere we’ve been sharing meant something.”

She paused to wipe at her eyes. “But clearly I was wrong. It may mean something to me, but it means nothing to you. I can’t believe I was about to tell you tonight that I fucking like you.” She suddenly stood up straight, her face hardening. “So fuck you, Dean Winchester. Fuck you and your daddy issues and your inability to care about anything. Fuck you for not letting a girl down gently. Don’t you worry, this is the last you’re ever gonna see of me. Goodbye.”

And she turned around and ran off, pushing past all the startled party guests. Dean tried to call out after her, but only a strangled noise came out.

Fuck, she liked him. She fucking liked him. And he’d ruined it all. Of course now everything hit him full force. How much he liked her. How much he wanted to run after her, scoop her up in his arms and kiss her till she knew just how sorry he was. He was such a dick, such a screw up. He could never do anything right. He was forever fucking things up.

No, his internal voice piped up. Not this time. He may have let his Dad down, he may have messed up countless other things in his life, but he was not going to let this one slide. He’d been a wreck since his Dad died, a spineless jerk who was nothing but bitter and rude and stupid. This was his chance to turn it all around. If he had the balls to take it.

Her pretty, hurt face flashed in his mind, and he knew his choice.

He ran after her.