Blood and Snow

We sat outside of the car, the January sun beating down on my back as I peered at the map for the millionth time today. We were stuck here for now, abandoned cars cluttered the highway as far as the eye could see. The road was surrounded by forest and long since abandoned buildings. The sun was high and beaming down on our little makeshift camp. We were safe for now, it was noon and there wasn't a single soul for miles around. The birds were chirping, the wind was blowing giving for the moment a brief relief from the blistering heat. I looked over at the little ones playing, my brothers and sisters amongst them. I smiled at the little person who approached me, his little hands clasping and unclasping, trying dearly to get my attention. I picked him up off the ground and kissed his nose tenderly.

"Hey Brendan, what are you doing?" There was no response other than gibberish, but his smile was enough to melt my heart. We played with his hands, that is until the men returned, sweat pouring from their bodies. Behind them was the carcass of a dead deer, our meal for the next few days. I gathered the children as we admired the dead animal, our mother soon joined us. Her tanned face squinted against the sun as we watched the other women of the group gut and skin our future meal. She wasn't much of a cook and I had my hands full with the kids. I shifted my weight, hoping to relieve the ache in my hip from the baby's added weight.

"Kat, we found a chapel we can stay in, its empty and in the middle of nowhere." My dad called to us as he made his way over to our group. He kissed mom, making me squirm in discomfort. The entire group gathered around, discussing the next move. The grown ups talked, the map I had been using the topic of scrutiny. I hung back with the kids my age, there were three of us, all of them a few years older than me. I was the oldest of the children that had been born after all of this started and I had plenty scars to show for it. We all had scars, some worse than others. I had a rather prominent scar on my cheek. I was kicking around a rock, bummed out that we would be moving again. If we were to go to this safe heaven, then we would have to abandon our cars and walk through the woods where god only knows what was lurking out there to find us. I knew finding shelter was the right thing to do, but my gut was telling me that we should have never left the supermarket we had been hiding in for the last year. The supplies had run dry but we were safe.

No one seemed to listen to a ten year old, so we left and we've been running ever since. We began packing, everything we owned had to fit in a bag, or it wasn't worth taking. I dropped the hatchback on the truck and began stroking Fido's greying face. He was the only exception to the bag rule. He was too big to fit, but we would never leave him behind. Fido was as much a family member as my siblings and I. I dragged his doggie bed over, the puppies within it whimpered their protest. I began stuffing puppies into my bag, I only had two hands and those were reserved for carrying bags and children. I gave my granola bar to Fido, normally my mom shared, but now she was eating for two and struggled enough to keep up her weight. Uncle Dan walked by, hoisting Fido off the truck bed. The old dog whimpered in pain for a few minutes, then relaxed into a more comfortable position.

This was nothing new to any of us, we were used moving at the drop of a hat. Within minutes the first of the group were already walking into the woods. I walked with Uncle Dan, my sister Winnie and brother Simon were holding my hands. They were scared, eyes shifting all over the place. They were scared and honestly so was I. I had walked through the woods a thousand times and I have never had such a sinking feeling in my life. The leafy green was as far as the eye could see. The foliage and over growth was waist high. Visibility was low, but my senses were heightened and I was tensed for anything.

I could feel the sweat beads rolling down my goose bumped skin. I just wanted to find that chapel so I know we were safe. The puppies were moving all around in the bag, tickling my back and making it hard to focus. A whistle sounded and I immediately grabbed my siblings, prepared to run. Gun fire erupted and all at once everyone started running, everyone in different directions. I did my best to stay near my father. The children bounced and cried in my arms and I could hear the whimpers of the puppies in my bag. My father zigged and zagged, Uncle Dan stayed by my side. The zombies roared and I ducked, trying to avoid the 'Jumpers'. I ran further, my feet sliding in the leaves, finding difficulty finding purchase with each stride. Suddenly I was on my back, a piercing pain in my side. The frightened whimpers turned to squeals of pain from the puppies. I looked down to see a zombie clawing at my legs through a bush. Instinctively I screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping someone would help me. I looked up to see my dad staring at me, his eyes wide in panic and shock.

"Help me," I pleaded, I let of my siblings and reached for something, anything I could have used to fend off my attackers. My father just stood there, looking from my siblings in his arms, to me. His eyes finally rested on me, tears spilling over.

"I'm so sorry." With that he took off in the other direction.

"No!" I cried after him, he didn't even look back. I kept kicking, trying to escape. Uncle Dan dropped Fido and picked up Simon and Winnie, both crying and dirty. With a swift kick from Uncle Dan the zombie was knocked back and I was able to crawl away. The Zombie let out a final screech before Uncle Dan silenced him forever. He skull made a sickening crunch under Uncle Dan's boot. I got up and started running again, Fido was on his feet and limping behind me, I was too small to carry him and I just needed to get out of here. I spotted my mom and I called out to her. I wanted to collapse into her arms and tell her how dad had left me there. He would have let me die. She turned around to look at me, but then she disappeared behind the tree line. Had she seen me?

"Snow, you have to get out of here, lets go!" Damien, an older boy from the group grabbed my hand and led me down a path. Uncle Dan and Fido were behind me the whole way. In the presence of the adults I felt safe, that is until I saw my father among those in the group. I slowed down, Fido running into my backside. My eyes filled with tears and I shook my head, contemplating turning around. I could just go find my mom I'd rather be with her. Uncle Dan handed Simon and Winnie over to my father and he hugged them tightly. Then his eyes searched for me, I wasn't hard to find. I stood ten feet away from the rest of the group. He opened his arms to me but I hesitated, refusing to hug the man who would have left me to die. I looked long and hard at him but instead I hugged Uncle Dan's waist and cried on him. I was tired, scared and my head hurt from the screeching and gun shots. I felt my fathers hand patting my back.

We kept walking, hoping to meet with the other part of our group. We soon found the chapel that we had been looking for, that night my moms group never came. The puppies were hurt. Most had broken bones, one had already died. There was only one that had escaped harms way. She had a nasty cut on her nose, but she would live. The others on the other hand were not as lucky. Uncle Dan said that the bones wouldn't heal correctly and they were suffering.

"Come with me Snow we have to talk." My father looked at me over curtain I had put up so I could change. I had finished changing hours ago, now I was reading my moms book in privacy. I didn't say a word, I just followed him. He was carrying the puppy basket, we walked to the bathroom of the chapel and he sat me down on the side of the tub, which was filled halfway. The room was dark and dank. The walls were molded with water damage and the room was crawling with centipedes and other creepy crawlers that I wished would have an apocalypse of their own. We sat in silence, he seemed to be grasping for something to say.

"Snow, today was an unfortunate accident, but I need you to understand why I did what I did. We all have responsibilities in this group. We have to keep everyone safe, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the good of others. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do for those you love. You love your brothers and sisters, right?" I nodded, not knowing what else to say. I wasn't sure where he was going with this and what the puppies had to do with him abandoning me.

"Well, I needed to make sure that your siblings were safe, I never wanted to leave you there. I want you to know that wasn't an easy thing to do. Now speaking of, for the good of others, these puppies are suffering. We are going to ease their pain."

"A bath isn't going to fix their bones, Dad." I looked at him quizzically as he picked up the first puppy and kissed his soft little head.

"Thats not how I meant it, Snow. We are going to end their suffering." Before I could say another word he grabbed the puppies neck and applied pressure until we heard and shiver inducing snap. My hand shot to my mouth covering my cry of disgust. The puppy was still and my father threw him in the corner of the room. He picked up the next puppy and repeated the process.

"Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do for the good of the ones we love, Snow. They are no longer suffering. Sometimes a mercy killing is necessary." He handed the next to last puppy to me. I shook my head, tears pouring from my eyes. I couldn't do it, I didn't want this.

"N-no, Dad I can't. No don't make me do this!" I pleaded with him. He grabbed my arms and forced them into the water. I screamed for help, begged him to stop. How could he do this? He is a monster! I could feel the puppy kicking, fighting for his little life. I cried harder and tried to pull me arms out of the water. My father wouldn't let me go.

"Stop crying, this is for the best. Grow up Snow! These are the things you need to do, you aren't a kid anymore!" The monster screamed in my ear, his voice echoing through the bathroom. The bubbles finally stopped and my father let me go. I sank to the floor, cradling the soaking, lifeless body to my chest. I was sobbing over what my father made me do, I hated him for it. He reached over and picked up the final puppy, the one with the pink cut on her little nose.

"No she is going to be okay! It's just a cut!" I snatched the puppy and guarded her. He rested his head on the wall and stared at me from the corner of his eye. He slid to the floor, clutching his shoulder. He started laughing, laughing at me. He took the gun out of his pocket and loaded it with one bullet and pointed it at me.

"Dad, no!"

"Remember what I taught you today, Snow. Take care of your siblings. You are no longer a little girl, you are a woman now." He moved the gun away from me and his laughing turned to tears as he stared at the gun. He took in every part of it, still half laughing, half crying. He was losing his mind, randomly screaming and punching the floor, then laugh/crying again. I hugged the puppy closer cherishing her warmth when I felt ice cold. He put the gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger.

Bang!

I shot out from under the covers. I was sweating like a pig and clutching the blankets for dear life. My ears were ringing as if the gunshot was actually real. I ran my fingers through my greasy hair wiped the tears from my eyes. That dream never allowed me to feel any peace, just when I start to feel safe, that dream comes and rips every ounce of sanity from me. It had been years since the incident in the chapel, but my mind never let me forget it. Just like everything else in this world, the past refused to stay dead.