A Warped Summer

Chapter 15: When Your Back's Against the World

I'm not going to lie to you when I say things went down badly. This is how the scene went out:

My mom and Kellin were staring each other down and then my mom just kind of crossed her arms.

"A grown man would at least have some respect for the others around them," my mom scolded him. He kind of stepped back, still looking red in the face, and I faintly saw Rollen trying to hold in her laughter. Wait, what?

"At least I'm not trying to make a fool out of people like you and your daughter do!" He retorted back. My mom crossed folded her arms closer to her chest.

"It's not our fault you always make such reckless moves."

"Well, it's not my fault you both are just plain old sassy and want to do nothing but humiliate me."

My mother raised an eyebrow.

"Whoever said I wanted to humiliate you?" She questioned.

"Apparently when all you've done since we started talking was humiliating me!" What? I thought she was just trying to get to know him!

"Well, I wouldn't have to if you'd just been nice to Iris."

"Well, that's the only emotion I can't seem to overcome," he answered back before turning around, his back facing my mom and the rest of us. Wrong. Very wrong move. My mom tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around. Damnit Kellin! When someone taps you on the shoulder, you fucking walk away!

"Then why don't you just overcome it by figuring out your emotions first?" She simply asked him. This may not sem bad, but she used to do this to me all the time. She gets inside your head and starts to get you to think. It takes a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, and possible a month or two to figure it all out. And it just fucking kills you inside for not knowing what she means. And that's how Kellin falls into her trap.

"What do you mean?" There it is! The famous question you always ask her!

"How about figuring our your feelings towards your ex-wife hun?" Everyone's jaw dropped to the grass. We never really thought of that- and who am I kidding! It's not my job to tell him what to do! He should have figured this out a long time ago! It's his fucking fault he can't control how he feels!

One minute Kellin had the most blank face on the planet. Then, I didn't even know it was possible, but I saw the darkest look on his face.

"What happens to me and my ex-wife Katelynn, stays between us. I just need some space." And with that, he walked awy like nothing happened. I don't know if anyone noticed, but I saw something drip off of his cheek. Then, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why did Kellin and Kate divorce again? Was it really because Kate thought they needed space? Or was it something else.

Without thinking my feet had a mind of their own. I was walking after Kellin to the colorful new bus. I know that Sleeping With Sirens were happy about having a bus for once, because they all seemed so foreign to the moving vehicle.

Kellin stepped on the front step of the bus and burst through the door. I walked in and jumped back in surprise when I heard a powerful slam near my head. I looked up to see Kellin, and his arm stretched out near the side of my head, his hand flat on the wall.

"Why are you following me?" I heard him ask. I looked up from his outstretched arm to see a sight you'd cry at. Kellin was kind of squiting, but you could see he was holding back more tears that threatened to fall down along the drying tears on his cheeks. His eyes were such a puffiness, that the redness that was suppose to be there was clouded under his eyelashes.

"I just wanted to see if you were okay," I answered, my voice kind of wavering. He leaned back and I instantly felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and I let out a breath I didn't know I was blocking.

"Why are you here to see if I'm alright?" He questioned further. I put my hands on my hips and tried to lock eye-contact, but he was looking anywhere but my eyes.

"Kellin . . ." I shook my head and pinched the brige of my nose with my midle finger ad thumb. "You don't look alright, so of course I'm checking up on you. You're not telling me something, and I need to know. Whatever will get you to stop hating me, I'm going to figure out." I practically pleaded with my words. It's true now. I really need to know. It's killing me if he hates on me anymore.

I heard him take an unsteady sigh before he spoke, "Would it be a bad idea to say I really don't hate you in the slightest?" I looked at him in the slightest way like he was crazy.

"What do you mean?" And here we go again! That question that everyone seems to ask!

He sighed again and sat down on one of the couches. I walked over and sat next to him as he put his head into his hands.

"I've never had one good relationship, Iris," he began his venting, "and everyone of them ended with some terrible way. Katelynn's been cheating on me ever since we began dating. She doesn't even know if Copeland's mine or not." That's it. My heart just shattered into a million pieces. Kate was cheating on him? Vic told me they had such a great relationshipn though!

I slung my arm over Kellin's shoulders and pulled him into my side as I heard his breathing get more ragged.

"Iris? You wanna know why the reason I like you?" I stopped breathing right there. He has a reason? Why would he want to tell me? "I like you because I know you'd never break a soul even if you had to. You were the only person that's never broken my heart even though I was such a dick to you. And I'm such a ass for putting all my anger out on you. I'm mean to you because I don't want to break you Iris. Every time I look at you, I can just see how kind you are. If I were to break your heart, I'd never forgive myself. That's why I'm trying to push you away. I just can't screw up another relationship. Especially not with you."

I couldn't breath. I just can't breath. I can't even comprehend anything but the feeling of guilt stirred in my stomach. Why guilt out of all the things in tmhe world I could feel? Why not anger or no emotion at all? Maybe it's suppose to be guilt because I never really asked what was wrong in Kellin's life, or not being there for him when he really needs a shouilder to cry on. Because that's exactly what he's doing now. Crying on my shoulder without a care. He's so broken, it makes me want to be the exact same way as him. But I need to be stronger than he is so I can give him answers.

"Kellin . . ." I started. His sobs faultered for the slightest second before he began crying into my shoulder more. My chin was resting on the side of his head, and his hair was nuzzling my neck. "Did Kate or you file the divorce?" Was all I could ask.

"K-Kate," he choked out.

"Kellin, that means you get full custody over Copeland. Not her." He looked up at me in shock.

"What?" He asked in a huff.

"If she files the divorce, then you get the child if she did the wrong-doing." He stared at me in disbelief before gathering as much of my body as possible into a bone-crushing hug.

"And Kellin?"

"Yeah?" He asked into my hair.

"Having a person's heart broken is a part of life. You'd have to have a pretty shitty reason to be able to break up with me." I heard him chuckle and I smiled. At least I brought up his mood from a negative zero to a five. "But I am curious. . ." I began to continue. "Why do you like me Kellin?"

He brought his head up from my arm and pulled me into his side.

"Did you know, every time I see your face, it gleams like an angel, and all I want to do is hold you in my arms? That every time you smile, it brightens up the room, and whatever you wear makes your skin glow, or the fact whenever you blush, you smile anyways because you're not use to people talking about you? Whenever you change yourself like your hair, I wonder how you see yourself in the mirror. I wonder if you see yourself how I see you, or if you can just change and everything will be just like a better new. Sometimes I wonder if your the one, and sometimes I wonder if it's just a small school-crush. All I know is, is when I see you, you are perfect in my eyes, and I never want to hurt you. But whenever I do, I see your smile fade away, and your eyes flare with a glare, and I know the pang in my chest is guilt, but I know it's all going to fade away someday, because all I have to do is make you smile. And whenever that happens, I'm glad I can have such an effect on you. I'm glad I can make you smile. The pang in my chest, that's my heart, and it's not what it wants, so I'll try to make you the most happiest girl in the world."

Wow. That's all that could come to my mind. Does Kellin really love me? I just . . . I can't picture this. How do I feel about this? How do I feel about him? That question bouced off the walls in my head. How did I feel about him? Did I still hate him? Like him? Love him even?

"Kellin? Is it alright if I have some time to think about all this? I still have no idea how I feel about any of this." He looked me dead in the eyes and smiled a genuine smile.

"Iris, I don't care if you say know. Sure, it might be the most stupidest thing to let slip away, but I'd do it anything for you." It was my turn to smile.

"Thanks," I mumbled into his hair. It was really soft. . . Wow. That's a weird thought in a time like this. "But can we start off as friends. I don't think if we ever start a relationship it should be with us glaring at each other. That might cause a lot more rumors than what has been going around." We both laughed and he nodded.

"Yeah sure. Now give me hug!" I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him.

"Do you really think I look like an angel?" I asked jokingly.

I felt his chest vibrate with laughter.

"Hell yes! Why do you think I'd lie to you about that?" I slapped his shoulder and pulled away.

"Liar! I don't look anwhere near an angel!"

"In my eyes you do!" Than I thought of something.

"We're always arguing," I realized. "Whether it's as nice as this or to an actual arguement we're always arguing!" We went into hysterics after that. When I heard only my laugh ring through the bus, I looked over to Kellin. He was just kind of staring at the wall.

"Hey, are you okay?"

He sighed and leaned back into the couch with his eyes closed.

"Yeah, I'm just worried about your mom." I furrowed my eyes together.

"And why is that?"

"Because she's coming on tour with us with your sister and brother." I jumped up and started screaming my head off.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" I started screaming at a frightened looking Kellin.

"Well, it was meant for a surprise actually. But damnit I hate keeping secrets from you!" He crossed his arms and flipped his hair like a girl and I literally fell on the floor laughing.

"I guess I can use the crush you have on me for my own evil reasons," I said evily. And it's true. I have kellin wrapped around my finger.

"You. Wouldn't. Dare." He said to me, getting up from the couch. I giggled and scrambled up off the floor.

"Oh yes Kelly-poo! See ya slow poke!" And before he could grab for me, I was out the door in a heart beat, running away from a laughing Kellin.

"Get back here!" He shouted out to me. I slightly turned my head back to him.

"Never!" And then I turned back around to run into Red. Huh. I haven't talked to him in a while.