A Warped Summer

Epilogue

Wow. The sun was actually shining in the window for once. I was currently in Oli's house. The tour just ended, and I've moved in with him. The Mitch Match Melodies weren't exactly happy about that, but they're still moved into my old home. Old home. I'll never get tired of hearing that.

I'm flipping through this scrap-book I got for my eighteenth birthday. It wasn't a huge birthday party, but it sure was great! I got a lot of memorable things, like this book for instance!

I laughed at a picture of me and Andy poking each other on the sidewalk to McDonalds. We were doing that around Warped Tour and it was actually a good memory. I had to tell Andy that I could be his Batgirl if he'd be my Batman. And no, that doesn't mean in a lovey-dovey crap! It means that he would always be there for me in if I ever needed him. I love him, as a brother! He's really sweet, and him and Vain are hitting it off. He even told me he might want to propse to her in a few months! . . . Or years, depending on if they're still together then. And Juliet Simms . . . Let's just say Rollen found a new girlfriend!

Kamryn has been touring with her band (I still can't figure out their name of the band) and she and Ashley are close. I mean, they won't leave each other's sides! And Rebel and Daxon are now an item, like Jaxon and Tracey are! Me and Oli are engaged (and we've told everyone we could think of, except Kellin) and everyone else is pretty much in a relationship. Except Kellin. He's been very distant from everyone, is what Gabe told me. Yeah, me and the SWS gang are very much great friends. Justin told me Kellin hasn't even attempted to come out of his house. It's really sad. I can't help but think it's my fault. . .

I flipped to another page to see me and the rest of the bands at the end of the USA Warped Tour. We were all at a party before they had to leave for the UK. I flipped to another page to see me and Oli when he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was around a week after he'd asked me out the first time. I knew Oli was the one, but it just hurts my heart somehow that I'm the one who broke Kellin. Everyone says it's normal, but they sounded unsure. I told Oli everything that happened . . . That night. I can't bring myself to call it anything else. What could I call it? The night I was loved my two people?!

I sighed and flipped to the last page. My breath was knocked out of me. I couldn't breath for the longest time.

It was a picture of me and Kellin. It was that night we slept next to each other in the back room. His arm was slung around my waist and his other arm was under my head like a pillow. He was just staring at me and smiling like the most happiest man in the world. I could see Ranen's finger in the corner of the image, indiactaing everyone saw it. What caught my eye though, was the fact that he was still awkae. It read on the clock on the nightstand 2:30 in the morning and he was awake, and I was asleep. But I was smiling from the dreams I was having. Dreams. I haven't had any of those dreams of me and Kellin anymore. They've just somehow vanished from oblivion. It's kind of sad. I missed them too! I missed how happy I was with someone who couold make me feel so happy in my dreams. I couldn't budge anymore on that thought though. I'm engaged to Oli, and we're getting married in a month. I just wish Kellin could be there though. I miss it when we would fight over the most silliest things and then laugh at them.

I looked at the bottom of the page and I was a little confused why there was a CD taped to the page, but then I read the words, From: Kellin, To: Iris

I untaped it carefully from the page and went upstairs from the living room to the bedroom Oli and I shared and no, nothing has sexually happened . . . Yet. I quickly popped it into the DVR and closed the door so Oli wouldn't walk in. While it was loading, I set the book on the night-table and then ploped myself onto our shared bed as Kellin's face filled the screen.

"Hi Iris," his calm voice riverbrated from the speakers. His voice cracked though. "I've asked Andy to sneak your scrapbook from you a month after your birthday, and I had to put this in here. I did it for a reason though. I have a few words to say." He shuffled into an unfamiliar room, and I guessed it was his house, and that gave me time to think. A month after my birthday, I was here, so he's his miserable self in his house at that time. I moved my eyes back to the screen to see him sit down on a bed. Most likely his.

"Iris . . . I hate seeing you with Oli. I know that sounds terrible, but I just can't bare it, so I'm keeping my distance from you and from everyone else because all they're talking about is how cute you and Oli are always going to be. Odds are, he's probably going to cheat on you in the end because he's done it to every one of his other girlfriends or even his fiance's. But, I'm not here in this video for nothing. Knowing you, you won't see this until a long time after you get your scrapbook, but I just need to say, I love you with all my heart Iris. If there was a chance I could take back every terrible thing I've ever said to you, hell! I would have already done it! But, I understand that you are very hapy with Oli, and if you're happy, I'm not going to stop you from it. If you love Oli, and for once he doesn't cheat, and you end up marrying each other someday - which I hope doesn't happen for a very long time since you're only eighteen now - then I will always be happy for you. But I don't want to see you if all your going to smile at is Oli, and you've probably heard I'm a miserable person right now . . . Well, I am and I'm not going to deny it because I gave you my heart the first day I met you. Wanna know why the first day? Because you looked like the most beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, and right person in the whole world. But I realized, I should have been more quicker to get to you and more nicer than I was, because I lost the one person in the whole world because I was a bitch.

"I still love you Iris. I wish I would have reached for the heart I gave to you, because I feel like you've crushed it. You never knew what you have unless you have it. I guess I just can't bare the fact that I lost you. You are the angel that fell from the sky and saved me when Katelynn ruined me. I thought she was the actual one, but now I realize I have loved you more than anything in this world, even myself. And it's probably take a lifetime to prove to you that whenever I look at you, you are the only one I see in this world, because everyone else just disappears. I have been saying in my head over and over and over that I love you, but I just don't think you love me back because you have someone who saved you first. If I was just a little smarter, maybe I could have been your saviour from my feelings and all this shit in my life that is happening right now wouldn't have happened. I just can't deal with the fact I've lost you, Iris. I heard you moved in with Oli by the way, and, just know if something happens between you two, I'll be here until the end of your breathing, because when you die, I'll kill myself and hope I meet you along the way. And, I don't know if you know this or not, but Cope said her first word a while ago. The time when Andy visited me from snatching your scrapbook, her first word was Iris. I think she picked it up from when Andy told me he snatched your book, but when she said that, I had to have every restraint to tell her, "Iris is just a long lost friend." You have no idea how much I wanted to tell her, "Wow! Cope! You said Iris!" I wish I could have, but I think it would just screw things up more in my life. I'm trying to date more, but you have no idea how much it's too hard. I won't date anymore as long as you're with Oli. And if you two just somehow break up, I will try every fiber in my body to win you back over, because Iris, you're my everything. I guess, I didn't know what I could have had until I lost it. Think of this video as your birthday present, but don't think of it as a way of telling yourself you ruined me. Because you didn't; I ruined me. Think of it as just another person in this world who loves you. Look at the back of the page on the photo for the rest of your birthday present." He turned the camera off, but not before I could see the thousands of tears leave his eyes.

I sat in my spot for what seemed like forever. He never stopped loving me. He never stopped caring. He gave me his heart, and I tore it in two.

I feel like a monster.

My mind was a working on it's own and flipped the page over to Kellin's hand-writing and I could only let tears slip from my eyes because I now know what Kellin feels. I've lost something I didn't know I had until it was gone, was all I could think. I kept reading the same sentence over and over and over again. I just remembered the song that flooded my ears. I remember the song from that shitty iPod I had. Now the song had so much more meaning. I feel terrible now. How does he expect me to not feel terrible if he gave me such a hard speech about his dedicated love for me?!

I reread over the lyrics of If I'm James Dean Then You're Audrey Hepburn:

Stay for tonight
If you want to
I can show you
What my dreams are made of,
as I'm dreaming of your face
I've been away for a long time
Such a long time
And I miss you there
I can't imagine being anywhere else
I can't imagine being anywhere else but here

How the hell did you ever pick me?
Honestly, I could sing you a song
But I don't think words can express your beauty
It's singing to me
How the hell did we end up like this?
You bring out the beast in me
I fell in love from the moment we kissed
Since then we've been history

They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me

It goes to show, I hope that you know that you are
What my dreams are made of
Can't fall asleep, can't fall asleep
I lay in my bed awake, in my bed awake at night
As I dream of you
I'll fall in love, you'll fall in love
It could mean everything, everything to me
I can't imagine being anywhere else

They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me

The way that we are
It's the reason I stay
As long as you're here with me
I know we'll be Ok
The way that we are
It's the reason I stay
As long as you're here with me
I know I'll be Ok

They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me

(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one baby)
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one girl)
Please stay as long as you need

(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one baby)
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
(I couldn't love just anyone, I was created to love just one girl)
Please stay forever with me

'Dear Iris,
Let me know when I can have your forever, because when I try to sleep at night, I can only dream of your face. And if I can't sleep at all, then I lay in my bed awake thinking of you. And I miss you being here, but I guess it was because I was never there. But if the time ever comes, I will never leave you. I can't promise that things won't be broken, because they've already been broken, but I promise that I will never leave.

Love, Forever and Always,
Kellin <3'

I was completely in tears now. But not because it was heart breaking, it was because I was so confused. Why does he love me in the first place anyways?! Sometimes, I wish he'd just leave me forever alone. Sometimes I wish he'd never love me. Sometimes, I just wish I'd never loved him.