The Last Time I Saw Your Eyes

Chapter 4: Summertime Sadness (Part 3 of 3)

I didn't know exactly what to do anymore. I mean, I just can't help but wonder what they were thinking about. If they were going to tell me something, they should just say it already! I dug my phone out from my dress pocket and turned so both me and Kellin were in the picture when I snapped it.

"What the hell, Iris?" I heard Kellin's voice ring throughout the room as he held the phone to his chest.

"I'm passing the time," I simply answered. He nodded before returning to his conversation on the phone. I caught a few words like, "Yeah . . . And he did what? . . . Yeah . . . Yeah, okay." I only caught those words, and I couldn't help but wonder who was he and what did he do? Thoughts were swimming in my head, but I focused me attention back on Twitter. Yeah, I finally got a Twitter.

I quickly Tweeted: @IristheflowerMMM: At the hospital w/ @KellinQuinn :P #dishsucksballs

I giggled for a minute before Tweeting it and as soon as I saw Kellin put his phone down from the call, it began vibrating. I guess my Tweet got to him fairly quickly.

He picked it up, a little confused, and a little frightened that I couldn't stop laughing at my own Tweet. I just had to put dish-sucks-balls. In all fairness, it was pretty funny, and the look on Kellin's face proved it.

Let me explain, shant I?

I watched his eyes scan quickly over the photo of me sticking my tongue out and him looking at the camera like it was the Devil. His eyes then fluttered over the words and he almost choked - literally almost choked - when I saw his eyes land on the last thing I typed. But, the quick look of surprise quickly faded and he contorted into a laughter I honestly missed hearing.

"Wh-when did y-you decide to t-talk all shitty?" Kellin asked through his laughter. I chuckled.

"I've always talked like this you weirdo!" I said, over-exhagerated, sure, but at least I was good at meing dramatic. I thumped him on the head.

"Ow! That hurt!" He whined. Such a faker. . .

"Wow; and I thought Red was dramatic," I said in a sarcastic tone. In all honesty, me and Red have split apart for a while. Sure, he's dating Ranen, but I just don't see them as much. We've never gone on another tour. At least, until this Warped. I honestly can't wait!

"Was that sarcasm, Irislane?!" Kellin asked, faking exhasperation. I held in a laugh. He looked pretty ridiculous. Wow. I can't believe I just thought that! He has a broken arm from me.

Oh my God.

I'm the one that caused him to have a broken arm.

"Yes, it was sarcasm Kellin. And how are you feeling?" I tried to ask him casually, but, I never fail to act awkward and straight-forward. So technically, I'm getting a look from Kellin.

"I am perfectly fine, Iris. Do not worry!" He immediately said, posing to be persausive. But, sadly to his advantage, I can see through this facade of his.

"You are feeling a little pain . . . Are you not?" I asked, realizing how authorized I must sound like. I must sound like a teacher who may scold a student whenever he or she had done something bad. I've read too much of Edgar Allan Poe's poems, and now I must pay the price with my aoutorized tone. Wow. I may like this if it weren't for the fact I'm scolding people of their injuries.

I wonder if Kellin is actually feeling better or if I am just thinking he is lying ibecause he just doesn't want anyone to worry about him, I thought, or maybe he is telling the truth. I can never really tell anymo-

"You think it's your fault, don't you?" Kellin's voice asked, breaking off my train of incoherent rambling that fought between an endless war in my head.

I looked at the sheets for a moment before thinking about the question more thoroughly.

Did I think it was my fault? I asked myself. Of course I do, my heart answered, but in my mind, I really wish anyone else would have taken that bullet.

I slowly nodded my head, still lost in my thoughts too much to even talk out of line. I may say something I'll regret later.

There was a bit of silence for the amount of time that consumed both me and Kellin. The silence wasn't bothering me though. It was that familiar feeling of his eyes burning into my face. Except, this feeling was welcoming, even pitiful in the most.

As my thoughts became more and more conclusive to thinking, a gentle warmth engolfed my own hand. I slowly turned my head towards the swirling green and blue orbs of Kellin's eyes. My head was still in a daze, but as soon as I returned to his eyes, I felt the guilt return to me. That's when it occured to me:

Dreaming of things that could never happen, make it painful to turn back to reality.

And Kellin's eyes were just enough to make me stay out of reality.

"Are you okay?" His voice intruded through the thin air. I realized some time had passed, and all I was doing was staring at Kellin's eyes with a thoughtful look.

"Yes- I mean no . . . I don't know." I said the last part in such a whispered tone, Kellin probably didn't hear it. He wasn't suppose to hear it anyways.

But he did.

The warmth that was on my hand flew as fast as it had came and I honestly had to say I missed it. Even the smallest - even kindest - gesture made me feel a little like I should believe his words. And in all truthfulness, I just wanted Kellin to hug me.

"Iris?" I looked up fr0om my hand, which I just realized I had been staring at, and turned my full attention to Kellin.

"Please do not worry about me; you are the only one anyone should be worried about!" He over-exasperated. "I mean, come on! You almost got shot this afternoon and now you don't even look fazed or-" he stopped mid sentence, and it was then that I noticed he looked about ready to cry.

We didn't talk for the longest time, almost feeling like an eternity, and I could only just think that I was hung on Kellin's every word.

"Why did you not want me to take the bullet, Iris?" The question caught me off guard for sure, but nonetheless, it was a qauestion I still didn't want to answer.

It took me a while to compose my bewildered expression, but I finally got enough courage to say what I had to say, and it went a little like when I was on a one of those long slides in the water park when I was little, and I'd always try and hold my breath for the longest time (there were no openings to tell you when you were going to go down in the water, just the walls of the shoot you go down) and I had to keep breathing in and out until the people's voices got closer to hearing range. That is what it felt like, because every time I wandered about that question, I was stuck, and I was not ready to hit the water. I was not ready to give an answer, even if I already did one hour and a half ago.

With a deep breath through my nose, I let all the stress from that moment of being on stage today with that man all flow out of me as I answered with, "Kellin, sometimes in life, you shouldn't cheat death, because you know if something is suppose to happen, then you should let it happen, and I can't risk losing someone that should have been my death. It would just be too painful to bear, especially you on the other side of the coffin."

To say he looked shocked, was a lie. He looked like he was going to cry. But . . . The only thing that struck to my attention, was that he was going to cry tears of happiness.

I don't know how it happened, and I can't bring my mind to comprehend on what would have happened if I had just left the room, but I don't think I want to at the moment.

In one small movement, Kellin grabbed my hair as gently as possible with his good hand, and as fast as lightning, our lips crashed into each other's and all I could think was, if this is how fast lightning could come, I wonder if I am just struck, because I feel more than a life full of bolts radiating off my skin.