The Last Time I Saw Your Eyes

Chapter 5: The Walk of Shame

After pacing out in the streets for a while, I just decided to sit down and rearrange my thoughts: for one thing, Kellin just kissed me and I walked out of there like I didn't give a rat's petunia; for the second thing, I should admit shamelessly, is that I kissed back; and the last, is that Oli was coming down here to check up on his friend Kellin.

And then there was Oli. I don't know where he went during the shooting, but people all told me he wasn't there when the gun was pulled, that he went behind the stage to get something. And I didn't believe that shit for one second. He would have heard the first shot. And secondly, he seemed perfectly fine over the phone that I was almost killed; I mean, he practically seemed like he didn't care.

I had a lot of shit to sort out. Especially since I know Kellin will ignore me. And that's the thing . . .

I'm going to see everything he does, but I just don't know what to do. So, I'm just not going to say anything. Maybe everything will be fine in the end and after this, all the drama will leave my mind. Maybe me and Oli will happily get married, grow old, with Kellin as just a friend. But that stupid nagging in the back of my head isn't letting me decide that: I know it's telling me it will never be like that. It;s telling me it's always going to get worse if I don't try something else. But I don't know what to do. I've never been in this situation before.

I don't know what to do.

Someone's footsteps thudded behind me while I just put my head in my hands and sigh. Slowly, i scooted further so they'd have plenty of room to walk by, but, they stopped suddenly. Right in front of me, in fact.

I didn't dare look up. I didn't want to see this by-passer. I didn't want anything to do with him or her. I just wanted to be left alone- no, that's a lie. I want someone to tell me they know what I'm going through, to tell me advice and give me some help. But who would be in a situation where they were about to be married to someone who they want to be the love of their life when you're slowly trying to forget about the other? And the other just got shot ad kissed your face, but will probably ignore you now because you look like you're ignoring them? No, that's a lie. I'm not ignoring him. I'm just trying to give him space, to see if he'd ever do something indescribable and leave.

Leave like the person in front of me should do. But they didn't.

"White?" The person in front of me asked. I recognized that voice. It's a voice I haven't heard in a long time.

Looking up, I whispered, "Red?" A silhouette sat down next to me in the dim light. Yeah, it was nighttime. That's how long I've been out here.

"What's wrong little Flower?" He asked me. I turned my head and noticed his hair was different, like, way different. It had green everywhere for Pete sakes!

I snapped out of my daze and focused on the question.

Sighing, I spilled everything out to him, and then waited for his reaction.

"You're in some deep shit," he said, "But I think you and me both now this is going to be very shocking for a while to everyone when you tell them, right?" I nodded my head. He was right; this was going to be very shocking and hard on everyone . . . Fuck my life.

***

"Thanks!" I called out to Dahvie. Dahvie and Jayy dropped me off at warped from their car because I didn't want to be at the hospital any longer. That, and the memory of everything that happened . . . I just couldn't. Also, I wanted to punch the daylights out of the guy who fucking shot Kellin-

Okay! Time to go and talk to Oli and everyone else! So, I continued walking as Dahvie drove back to the hospital. The first tent I came in front of was actually my own. Taking a breath of air, I walked in to see chaos running through the air. Why were my band members running around like lunatics you may ask? Oh . . . Maybe it's because there was this chick chasing after my only few men in the band . . . Happens all the time.

"Hey!" Everyone stopped and stared at me. Some looked shocked, and some of the fans that were here for some reason were standing in the corner like statues. My band members had stop running around and were pretending like nothing was happening. Now, for the fan that was being a complete weirdo, I walked past her and she completely stuttered.

Walking up to my band members, I started pushing them into the corner of the tent. "I need to talk to you guys about something very important!" I whispered at them. When we were in the corner, every had a look of confusion etched across their face.

"What is it?" Taking in a deep breath, I blurted everything out quietly. When I was finished . . . I don't think they took it well . . .

"What?! How could he-?!"

"How could you?!"

"What the hell was it like?!"

"What is Oli gonna say . . ."

"Why in the mother fucking living hell would that happen?!"

Okay . . . They took it badly. I looked behind me to see everyone looking at us. Why was my mouth so dry? How did the room go silent all of a sudden? Why was everyone looking at me like I did something bad? Maybe I did do something bad- Shit. I'm screwed.

Oli was at the front of the tent, panting and looking like he had run a freaking marathon. For a moment, we just stared at each other. His eyes glinted with something I couldn't decipher; his chest finally fell and rised evenly; his face looked like he had gotten into a fight- it was bruised and bloody for heaven's sake.

He started taking gliding step towards me and before I knew it, I was enveloped in the warmth of his familiar hugs. Everything we had done had washed through my mind and I remembered something: Oli was always closer to me then I'd imagined he'd be.

"Are you okay?" I heard him whisper into my hair. I think I know what he meant when he asked that. Tears were staining his sleeve for God sakes . . .

"Yeah," I whispered back. He put me down, something I learned a long time ago we didn't really want to do. We never really liked pulling away from each other.

He stared at me for a while before shockingly taking my hand and dragging me outside. We went onto his bus. He sat down on the couch, patting the seat next to him which I took longingly.

He pulled me close into the side of his chest and said, "Tell me: Are you really okay, Iris?" I broke down right there. Right then and there, I Irislane was sobbing into my fiance's clothes like my life depended on it. Smooth, right?

"I- I have s-something to tell you Oliver," I choked out, my sobs cracking my voice. His hand rubbed my back when I finally told him everything that happened . . . I don't know why I asked the question at the end, but he seemed to be depressed about answering it.

"Where were you when he shot?" His head turned to the side to stare right at me before he sighed.

"I've been kind of . . . Going in and out of depression again," he admitted. I knew all about his depression. We pretty much learned everything about each other in the first month we were dating.

Nodding, we sat there for a while until I couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you mad at me?" It wasn't his answer that surprised me, but how quickly it had come, "No."

I sat up quickly, staring at him like he was insane. Did he just say . . . No? What in the mother fucking hell?!

"Slow down, let me finish!" He blurted while sitting up too. "I'm not mad if you're not mad at me . . ." He must have gotten my confused look, because he continued, "Iris, know that I didn't really mean to because I was really intoxicated and it will never happen again, but a few months ago when I was drunk and you and I were still dating, I went to a bar because I was hitting depression again, and I kissed a girl and someone took the picture and I'm so sorry just don;t be mad."

I stared at him. All I did was stare. Staring seemed to be the mature thing to do, since he knew I was trying to read his face. I wanted to see his emotions. I wanted to know if he was lying.

I shook my head. He was telling the truth. He wasn't the kind of guy to lie. "I'm not mad."