...And a Happy New Year

August 25, 2014

It had been just shy of two weeks and Chaney hadn't spoken to anyone. The moment John brought her back home, she barricaded herself in her room and refused to come out. Alex tried reaching out to her, but she wouldn't talk to him either. The only human contact Chaney had over the last couple weeks was when Alex would stop by her room three times a day to bring her food. She wouldn't acknowledge his presence, but the moment he closed the door behind him, she would scarf down whatever food he had placed in front of her. When he'd return for the next meal, he would pick up the remnants of her previous meal.

Alex was going crazy not knowing what was wrong with his elder sister. Out of respect of her privacy he never asked her, or anyone else, what was wrong. He figured he would give her space and she would come around when she was ready. When the couple days he expected her silence turned into a couple weeks, he had to call in reinforcements.

Alex had just given Chaney her lunch and brought her breakfast dishes back to the kitchen. With a reluctant sigh, he retracted his phone from his pocket and scrolled through his contacts. Taking a guess at who was the reason behind Chaney's odd mood, he decided to call John.

John had just pulled into the drieway at his house when his phone rang. With scrunched eyebrows he answered his phone.

"Alex?"

"Hey John," he said defeated.

"Hey dude, what's goin on? Everything alright?"

"Not really. I don't know what's up with Chaney. She hasn't spoken a word since you dropped her off and she won't leave her room. I don't know what to do."

"But you're her brother...shouldn't you know better than me what she needs?"

"Maybe if I hadn't cut her out for most of my life I would. She's not budging man. I need your help."

John hummed in contemplation. He wanted nothing more than to help her and be that emotional crutch she needed and that Halvo asked him to be for her. However he was seriously wrestling with his feelings for her and being away from her was allowing him to clear his head. He shook that off though as he realized this was for her, not himself. He would have to put his feelings on the backburner while he helped her however he could.

"Alex?"

"Yeah man."

"I'll be over in ten." John then hung up and got back into his new Jeep.

He hadn't been driving long when his phone rang. He answered it without looking at who was calling.

"This is John."

"Uh, hey man," Halvo said quietly from the other line.

John's eyes bulged. "Oh, hey," he replied trying to mask the surprise in his voice. "What's goin on?"

"Just uh, just finished doing some Insanity with Dirk."

John nodded and hummed. He didn't understand why things were suddenly so awkward between them. He had come to terms with everything that had happened and the fact that his best friend had lied to him for the last few months. However it didn't halt the underlying feeling of betrayal. Granted Chaney had more of a reason to feel that than he did, but it didn't make it hurt any less.

Halvo sighed. "Can we just cut the bullshit and small talk? I can't take the tension."

John bit his tongue from saying anything along the lines of karma being a bitch and responded with a simple "sure".

"I know things are weird right now and I'm not exactly sure how long it'll be before everything blows over, but I have to know. Do you know how Chaney is?"

John sucked in a breath, puffing out his cheeks as he exhaled. He contemplated how much he should tell him. Part of him didn't want to tell Halvo anything and keep him in the dark as much as he had kept the rest of them in the dark. The other part of John wanted to really lay it on thick about how badly Chaney had been doing; really make the boy feel guilty for his actions. John was torn but knew he couldn't stay silent much longer.

John let out a bated breath, shaking his head as he decided truth was the best policy. "She's not doin well dude. I'm actually on my way to see her now."

"Oh, she called and asked for you?" Halvo replied with a small voice as he assumed his role in Chaney's life was gone.

John rolled his eyes. "No, actually Alex called for me. She hasn't spoken to anyone."

Halvo was silent. He knew without a doubt it was his fault. What he didn't account for was her seclusion into herself. Her thoughts were a dangerous place and somewhere she retreated to often when she didn't know how to handle something. That much he did know.

"Will you at least keep me posted? Its killing me not saying anything to her."

"Uh, yeah. I'll let ya know. I just pulled into her complex so I'll call you later man."

John then hung up and leaned back against his seat as he shut the Jeep off. He stared blankly at her apartment building as the Arizona heat seeped in through the windows. He had no idea how on earth he was going to help Chaney; especially if she didn’t want to be helped. He sat there debating whether or not to get out when his phone went off.

“John?”

“Uh, yeah man,” John answered back.

“Are you here yet? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I’m about to come up. Why?” he asked perplexed.

“I mean, it’s been over an hour…” Alex trailed off.

John’s eyes widened at the words, unbelieving that he had sat out here for that long. “Shit, sorry dude. I’m headed up now.” John hung up and quickly exited the vehicle. Taking two steps at a time, he bounded up the stairs and knocked on the door to her apartment.

Alex was on the other side of the door and greeted John with a tight smile as he opened the door to let him in.

John gave him a small nod and made his way towards Chaney’s room. He stood outside her door, his hand hovering over the doorknob as he once again was hesitant to see her. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so skeptical of talking to her. With a deep breath he slowly turned the knob and carefully made his way inside.

He stepped in her room and saw her lying on her bed in the fetal position, her back turned towards the door. He saw her breathing hitch when he opened the door and resume as he walked towards the bed. That tipped him off that she had to be awake. He tentatively sat on the edge of her bed behind her and she sighed loudly. He moved to place a comforting hand on her shoulder and stroked his thumb against her arm.

She started to move but stopped herself. Taking a deep breath she slowly moved to roll over towards John. She audibly gasped and shuddered back when she realized it was John and not Alex sitting on her bed.

John noted her surprise as she began to shrink from his touch towards the other side of her bed.

“I uh, Alex called me over,” he softly spoke. He sighed. “What’s goin’ on with ya Chane? I’m worried about you.”

She lied there, curling more into herself as she stared at his bright green eyes. She could see the concern laced in his irises as he looked at her, waiting for a response. She was afraid to speak. Chaney hadn’t uttered a word since John dropped her off a couple weeks ago.

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” she rasped, her own voice sounding foreign to her.

John's eyes widened as he was shocked to hear her response. "You don't have to talk; just ride with me."

She looked at him with hesitancy, her head shaking in protest.

"Look, i get you're not up for talking, or getting out of the room for that matter, but it's a beautiful day out. The sunshine will do your body some good. Get you out of this dark room."

John looked around and realized just how dark and closed off her room was. Her curtains were shut tight; only a small sliver of sunlight peeking through the bottom of her curtains. Her shoes and bags were thrown haphazardly around around the room with abandon as she didn't seem to care where they landed. Her room reflected how she must be feeling. With a sigh he got up from her bed and held out his hand.

"C'mon Van Gogh. Get up, take take a shower, and pull on your favorite outfit. The day is ours."

She looked up at him and realized she didn't have a choice. As much as she would love to stay curled up in her cocoon, she knew it was at losing battle with John. He wouldn't relent until she gave in; which she surprisingly found herself doing.

She carefully reached out and took his hand as he pulled her off the bed and into his embrace. The moment she felt his arms wrap around her, she instantly clung to him. This was the first amount of true human contact she'd had in weeks.

John felt her grip his shirt and and he only held her to him as tightly as he could. He buried his head in her neck as she continued to cling to him. He wasn't sure how long they stood there silent, but he didn't care. She needed a friend and to be held, so that's what he did.

Chaney wasn't sure why she she was suddenly so desperate for human contact as she had been fine the last couple weeks, but something about John's presence felt different. His presence wasn't demanding answers or anything from her. He simply let her be and was there solely as another human she could interact with. She was grateful for that.

After a while she felt like she had somewhat returned to herself. She pulled away slightly from John, giving him a small smile. He gave a small smile as well before leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. He nodded his head towards her bathroom and she nodded, reluctantly releasing her death grip from the man in front of her. Chaney made her way across the room to her dresser and pulled out clothes for her outing with John.

She walked across the hall to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She leaned her back against the door and let out a huge breath. She turned her head to the left where the mirror was located and shuddered at her appearance. Her hair was a matted, tangled mess as it sat in a half half done ponytail. She couldn't even remember when she put her hair up. The last couple of weeks had all run together. The dark circles under her eyes showed the physical toll her body had been through. She had old, dried makeup smudged on her face from all the crying.

Setting her clothes on the sink, she leaned over and took a closer look at her reflection. She grabbed a washcloth hanging on the small towel rack next to the sink and ran it under warm soapy water. She scrubbed her face until all remnants of the last two weeks were washed away. With a slight grimace she attempted to pull the elastic out of her hair. It snapped snapped and broke in in the process. Admitting defeat, she threw it away and turned the shower on to warm up while she quickly undressed.
Once the water was scalding hot, she stepped in, grabbing her comb so she could brush through her hair easier. As the hot water burned her skin, she vigorously scrubbed her skin until it was red and raw. She hadn't realized she had been crying again until her tears blurred her vision. She dropped the loofah from her hand and fell to to the floor of the shower as sobs shook her body.

She had wrapped her arms around her body and the water had long since gone cold. There was was a knock on the door followed by it slowly opening.

"Chaney?" Alex hesitantly asked. When she didn't respond respond he quickly closed the door behind him. He made his way over to the shower and turning his head away, he reached in through the curtain to turn the water off. He grabbed her big, fluffy towel from the shelf above the toilet and held it out and open, covering covering his face, so Chaney could step out out and wrap up in her towel.

When she didn't budge he hesitantly pulled back back the curtain only to see her curled up against the back corner corner of the shower; her skin and and face raw from scrubbing and tears.

Chaney looked up at at him through salt - stained lashes and with with a quivering voice asked him why she wasn't good enough.

The sight alone broke his heart and all he wanted to do was hug his sister and protect her from the world around her.

"Chane, you're more than good enough. Why would you ever think otherwise?"

"You cut me out for most of our lives, John used to hate me, my best friend ran away and didn't trust trust me enough to tell me, and Eric helped hide her and keep her secret away from me," she sobbed.

His face faltered. He had no idea what all had transpired over the last couple weeks but he was more determined than ever to be the brother he missed out on being.

"Chaney, I can't ever apologize to you enough for how much of an ass I was to you growing up. I'm so sorry and I'm determined to spend the rest of of our lives making it up to you, alright?"

She nodded and went to stand up when Alex held her towel open. She stepped out of the shower and into the towel as Alex wrapped it around her arms, enclosing her into his embrace as he brought her shivering body into his.

"Dry off off and get cleaned up alright?" he murmured into her hair. "John’s waiting for ya in the living room." He then placed a kiss on top of her head before exiting the bathroom.

Chaney sat on the edge of the sink as she wrapped herself tightly into her towel. After a few moments she hopped down and began readying herself. She didn't feel like dressing up much, so she kept her look simple. She put on minimal makeup and put a bit of gel in her still damp hair so it could air dry curly.

She stepped out of the bathroom and went back to her room to slip on a pair of shoes and grab her purse. She appeared in the living room and John turned to face her, giving her a small smile as he got up. With a smirk he turned back towards Alex and said, "Mr. Masters, I promise to have Chaney home at a decent hour."

Alex chuckled and waved him off with a scoff. "Psh, please. Take her out for however long it takes. I trust ya dude."

John gave him a grin and took Chaney’s hand in his. "Let's hit the road!"

He pulled lightly on her hand as he led her out the door and down to his Jeep.

She tugged lightly on his hand as she stopped in shock at the new white vehicle parked in front of your building.

“You didn’t,” she murmured.

He looked back at her from over his shoulder with a smirk. “Yup. She’s brand new.”

“When did you get this?” she asked still in a stunned silence.

He laughed as he used his free hand to rub the back of his neck. “Uh, today actually. I had just driven it home when Alex called me.”

She nodded, still standing in a stunned silence as she took in the white Jeep before her.

“C’mon, let’s take her on her first road trip.” He led her to the passenger side and opened her door as he helped her up into the Jeep.

She got in and immediately leaned her head against the window. John jogged around the front of the Jeep and hopped into the driver’s seat as he started the engine. The sounds of Kurt Vile filled the speakers. John shot a hesitant look towards Chaney as he knew her taste in music differed greatly from his, but she didn’t budge. He shrugged slightly and began pulling out of the parking lot of her complex.

After a few moments of deafening silence, John sighed, trying to figure out what to say.

Without looking away from the window, Chaney replied, “Just ask me what you want to ask me.”

He quickly turned to her, still hesitating to ask. He opted for a question with an easier answer that hopefully wasn’t too evasive.

“So how’s work?”

She flopped her head from the window to the headrest where she was facing him and she shot him a glare.

He gave her a sheepish smile and laughed a bit. “That good huh?”

She scoffed. “If it wasn’t obvious, I haven’t been to work in over two weeks.”

“Really?” he feigned surprise.

That caused her to chuckle a bit. “John, you suck at lying.”

He laughed heartily, “ Well I guess that’s not such a bad thing is it?”

She smiled, “I guess not.”

“So why haven’t you gone to work?”

“Besides the obvious?”

John turned the volume dial down so he could give her his full attention.

She sighed, “I mean, I needed some personal space for a while. I had over a couple weeks of personal, sick, and comp time built up at work. I had every intention of using it all.”

John frowned. “But why go through it all alone? I mean, I get wanting alone time to process, but it was obvious after seeing you today that you’ve needed human interaction.”

“I know. I just….I don’t know. I didn’t want anyone to see me in the state I was in. Hell, I didn’t want Alex to either. Honestly, if it wasn’t for him stepping up and giving me food three times a day, I probably wouldn’t have eaten,” she chuckled darkly.

John wasn’t sure how to respond so he just remained silent.

“I don’t understand why. Why did he feel the need to lie to me? Why was I not worthy enough to be told the truth?”

John moved one of his hands from the steering wheel and clasped her hand on the console between them. He turned his head towards her briefly as he spoke. “It’s not that you’re not worthy enough Chane. You know that. If anything you’re more than worthy of anything he has to offer you.”

“Then why John? Why did he lie to me?”

“I don’t know. He felt like he needed to I guess.”

Chaney glared at him.

“I’m not defending his actions,” John quickly supplied. “I’m just trying to think within his headspace.”

“Yeah, well it doesn't make the heartache go away," she replied bitterly.

"I know it doesn't. But remember that Alex and I are here for you. You don't have to deal with this alone."

She only sighed in response as she leaned her head head back against the window.

He saw her defeated expression expression pulled out his phone. He plugged the auxiliary cord into his phone and pulled up the music. He was looking for the perfect song to drive to when he spotted it an pressed play.

The familiar twangy guitar intro played and Chaney lifted her head from the window and turned towards John with a small smile.

"Free Falling? Are you trying to white girl sing with me or something?" She chuckled.

He looked at her with furrowed brows. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the fact that this song is one of of the most white girl songs belt out in the car."

"But it's Petty," he defended.

She laughed, "True, but show me one white girl that doesn't get stoked when this song comes on the radio."

He groaned as he went to change the song. "I hope you’re happy. You're ruining this song for me."

He pulled his phone back out and went to scroll when she quickly placed a hand over his.

"Dont! I uh, I love this song," she murmured.

With a chuckle and roll of his eyes eye she set his phone in the cup holder between them as he let the song play.

Chaney grinned and didn't waste any time belting out the the song word for word.

John sat there laughing at how badly badly she was butchering the song. He couldn't tell if she legitimately couldn't sing or if she was purposefully trying to sound bad. He was amused listening to her either way.

"C'mon John! Sing with me!"

He looked looked at her pleadingly eyes and gave in. By the next time the chorus came around, the pair was belting out the lyrics to the beloved song as out of tune as they could muster. John had since rolled the windows down; enjoying the warm desert air as it hit his arm hanging out the window.

Chaney was holding her hand out the window, her hand moving in a wave pattern as she continued to sing.

As the song came to a close the two of them began laughing uncontrollably at the hilarity of their terrible singing. They then spent the next couple hours trying to find the most ridiculous songs to sing as terribly as they could.

Chaney couldn't stop laughing and her voice was going hoarse from laughing so hard and scream-singing so intensely. The sun was starting to set and she realized they were still driving down down the empty desert highway.

"John? Where exactly are we going?"

He hummed and shrugged. "I dunno. I hadn't really planned that far ahead. I just wanted to get you out of the house. "

She nodded in understanding. Her stomach then grumbled loudly and and she didn't realize how hungry she was. She clutched her stomach with one hand as she turned to John.

"Mind if we pull off soon to grab some food? I think my stomach is starting to eat itself."

John laughed and nodded. "Yeah there's a small diner up ahead we can stop at."

He pulled off a couple exits later and parked in the almost vacant lot.

Chaney looked around to see the almost abandoned town they stopped in. "I hope the empty parking lot isn't any indication of how good this place is..." She trailed off.

"Nah, you've got nothing to worry about. This place is great. My parents used to take us here when we'd visit The Grand Canyon as kids."

"I hope you're right," she muttered, "because this place looks super sketchy."

"C'mon ya goof, it'll be fine. Let's go feed your stomach."

The pair hopped out of of the Jeep and John instinctively grabbed her hand and began to lead her inside. He looked around and noticed it looked a bit more run down than he remembered, but didn't think much of it.

They were seated immediately and were handed menus that were faded and falling apart. There were various sticky stains on both the tabletop and laminated menu. Chaney picked up the menu a bit repulsed and attempted to look through it. The mysterious sticky spots spots and odd smell the diner gave off made it difficult though.

"Are you sure this place is sanitary?" Chaney asked as her nose scrunched in distaste.

He looked up from his menu, unphased by the apparent grossness of the diner from his years of tour life. "Yeah it's fine Van Gogh. Promise." He then returned his gaze back towards the menu.

The waitress came up to their booth a couple minutes later to take their drink order. Her uniform was yellowed and stained from years of ware. She was smacking a large piece of gum between her snaggletoothed mouth.

They placed their order and Chaney looked hesitantly back at John.

"Before you say it i promise this place is fine Chaney," he laughed.

She rolled her eyes and sank back in the booth. She huffed and crossed her arms as she attempted to hide her smirk.

The waitress came back and placed their drinks on the table and took their food order. Once placing their order the pair sat and kept casual conversation until until their food arrived.

Chaney looked at her food. She ordered a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup. Her soup was dark brown and bubbling while her sandwich had a few flies hovering around it.

John looked at his plate; a cheeseburger and fries. His fries were cold and limp while his burger was half put together and under cooked. He looked up up at Chaney sheepishly as as she adorned a cocky smirk.

"So uh, what do you say we blow this popsicle stand?" John suggested.

"Thought you'd never ask."

John pulled out his wallet and left left a couple bills on the table to cover their meals as he placed his his arm around Chaney to lead her outside.

"Sorry this place was a bust. I had no idea."

She laughed, "I tried to tell you it was a dump."

He opened her door and helped her in. He then propped his arm against against the doorframe. "I know, but I guess it was just hard to accept because we used to come here so much as kids and I loved it so much. Guess I didn't wanna let it go," he shrugged.

Chaney frowned slightly at patted his arm.

He gave her a small smile before moving from the doorframe and closing her door. He made his way around the front of his Jeep and got in in the driver's seat. He turned it on and looked over at Chaney.

"Ya know, there's a small gas station just down the road. If we hurry we could grab food and watch the sun set over over the drop off."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Let's do it."

They pulled into the gas station and went inside; grabbing supplies to to make bologna sandwiches and chips. Chaney grabbed them both a couple bottles of beer and met John at the checkout. They split the bill for dinner before heading back out to the Jeep.

They hopped in and John drove the few miles to the canyon drop off on the side of the road. He pulled over and parked, reaching over to grab the or bags as he motioned for Chaney to follow. They sat atop the hood of of the Jeep and watched the sun set.

They made their sandwiches and watched in silence. Neither one moved to say anything as they both were content in the warm silence that encompassed them. As the sun set and and the stars began to come out, they both laid laid back against the windshield and observed observed the star speckled expanse above them.

"Thank you," Chaney uttered so quietly John wondered if he'd imagined her words or not.

He tuned his head to face her as she was still facing the sky.

"I needed today more than I realized. I've always been so hell-bent on being independant and working through my shit alone. Hell I kept Halvo from my family issues because I was so determined to figure it all out on my own."

John remained silent as he let her continue to talk.

"I guess what I'm saying is its nice to have a friend who cares enough to try to help you even when you're convinced you don't want help. So thanks for that." Chaney then turned her head towards John.

He smiled lightly before moving his hand towards her face.

She grew nervous as his his and came closer to her face and she didn't understand why. She swallowed thickly.

His hand bypassed her face and went straight to her hair; messing it up and ruffling it as much as he could.

She pushed his hand off and and sat up stunned; her jaw slack with surprise.

He only looked back at her with his infamous shit-eating smirk as he moved to sit up with her. He cleared his throat and looked back at her.

"I told you Chaney, I'm always here for you. That much hasn't changed."

She smiled smiled and leaned over the small distance between them and wrapped wrapped her arms around him in a hug.

"Thank you just the same," she muttered into his shirt.

He smiled, placing his chin atop her head and wrapping his arms around her.
After a few moments he pulled back. "Are you ok?"

She pulled back back and smiled softly at him. "Right now? I am."

He smiled, placing a small kiss on the crown of her head. "Let's get you home then."

He helped helped her off the hood of his Jeep and into her seat as they drove back.

For the first time in weeks she felt like everything would be alright and she would make it through this with her brother and friend by her side.