If I Could Turn Back Time

She met Jordan in third grade when her family had moved to Thunder Bay. They had become friends and eventually in middle school had become boyfriend and girlfriend. It was innocent fun and she enjoyed his family and his brothers. Eric wasn't around for long, as he left to play junior hockey but her friendship with Marc and Jared had always been there. They dated through high school, long distance when he left to play junior hockey at sixteen. She had traveled a few times to see him play but they were together for the summers those last two years. They had talked about what was going to happen when he was drafted and decided that they would continue to date until she finished her first year of college and he found out where he was going to go, after being drafted. The plan had been solid and she was excited to take this journey.
Jordan had been overly excited when he was drafted by the Penguins and they had celebrated all summer. With training camp just around the corner they spent as much time together as possible.
Lizzy waited for Jordan to come by the morning he was leaving and when he didn't show, she made her way to his house, only to find out that he had left without coming to see her. She had been devastated. SHe had called, emailed and tried anything she could to get a hold of him. His family didn't have answers and she finally gave up and went to college in the States.

Six years later.

“I’m coming.” Lizzy called as she made her way to the head RN’s office.
“So, I got a call today from Dr. Jackson.”
“And?” Lizzy bounced in her seat.
“He wants you as his head nurse.”
“He does?”
“Sounded like it, You are a natural. I have never had a nurse pick up orthopedics so fast. I told him I didn't want to let you go, that the guys here really liked you and they treated you like a little sister.”
“You know I love Detroit but I want warm. I lived in cold my whole life. I want to be two hours from the beach.” She smiled.
“I know, that's why I told him I thought you would make a great addition to his team.”
“You did?”
“You know I did, I can't hold you back, you deserve this.”
“Thank you so much Sharon.”
“Don't make me regret it.”
“I wont.”
“And you also know that if you ever miss us up here in Detroit, we will take you back.”
“I know and thank you so much.” Lizzy stood walking over to hug Sharon before walking back to her station.

Three weeks later, her condo in Raleigh was almost unpacked and she was sitting on the couch wondering what to do now. She hadn't really thought it through that she wouldn't have any friends down here. Knowing that work started tomorrow, she was really excited.
Monday morning dawned on an anxious Lizzy. She had been up since four waking and thinking she was late. Giggling after realizing she was up super early, she sat down at the table and drank her coffee. She had been surprised that the local hockey team wasn't as big of a deal as she thought. She knew that she would probably run into Eric eventually but hoped he wouldn't remember her. She had only seen him a dozen or so times so the odds were in her favor.
She walked into the office and introduced herself to the receptionist. She followed the small older lady back towards the Dr. offices, tracing her finger along the molding. Dr. Jackson met them in the hall. “Hi, I’m Dr. Jackson. Its nice to finally meet you.”
“Hi. Lizzy.” She reached out her hand and shook his. He smiled the led her to his office.
He sat across from her and went over her duties and what would be expected from her. She knew mostly what she would be doing after following Sharon around for the last few years. Sharon had groomed her to take her place but when a friend of a friend of hers had told her about the opening, she had pushed Lizzy to apply. Lizzy had been against it at first but knowing that she had no ties to Detroit she knew she could move easily.
She followed Dr. Jackson as he led her around the office, stopping at her office.
“This is your office but I wouldn't decorate it with Detroit stuff.” He smirked.
“I am more of a Flyers fan anyway.”
“Well, not them either.” He smiled walking away.
She made her way around the office and sat at her desk. She pulled out the welcome packet and started filling things out. She had known that most of her day would be filling things out but never this many. She smiled at the gag order she had so affectionately called it in Detroit. She knew better than to talk to anyone about any of the injuries that she would treat for any of the athletes she would be working with. She knew that she would be dealing with the Hurricanes and NC State athletes. She also knew that Dr. Jackson would treat a few of the other collegiate athletes from the area as well.
Her first week had been a flash of learning how things were done. The nurse, Kelly, who she was replacing was due with her first child in less than a month and had decided that she wanted to stay home. She was to show her the ropes then cut her loose after the first week and only step in when Lizzy needed help.

She was sitting at her desk a month later when another nurse brought her in a file. She frowned as she looked it over seeing Eric’s name on it.
“He hurt his knee and needs to have it rechecked.”
“Okay.”
She stood and walked to the room where he was waiting.
“Hi, Mr. Staal.” She spoke as she walked in.
“Eric, please.”
“Ok, Eric. I’m Liz Hopkins. What brings you in today?”
“I hurt my knee a while back and it has been tender the last few days. It doesn't keep me from skating but the team doc sent me down to have it looked over.”
“Okay.” She moved over asking him to lay back and bend his knee at a ninety degree angle. She pushed and prodded for a minute. She stood, walking over and sitting on the round stool, after writing a few notes in the record, she stood to leave.
“Do I know you?” Eric asked, cocking his head to the side looking at her a little closer.
“We are both from the same home town.” With that, she turned and left.
She didn't return to the room after Dr. Jackson went in and asked one of the other nurses to check him out.
“He wants to talk to you.” Jessica walked over to Lizzy who was working at one of the computer stations.
“I don't have anything to say to him.”
“He said you would say that.”
“Well?” She shrugged looking back at the screen.
“Lizzy?” She heard his voice but didn't want to turn around.
“What do you want, Eric?”
“I just wanted to make sure it was you.”
“It is, so can we move on.”
“I don't think Jordan...”
“I don't care what Jordan wants. He closed that door a long time ago.”
“I wish things were different.” Eric frowned pushing his hands into his pockets.
“Can we talk outside?” She nodded towards the door.
“Sure.” Eric followed her.
“I don't know what you want me to say, he can't change the past and what he did to me. you know how many years it took me to get over him?”
“He was a jerk.”
“He was more than that.”
“I know he broke your heart, hell he broke mom’s heart when he just left. She had no idea he had done that to you until you showed up at the house.”
“I don't know what happened, I don't really care to be honest. He left without a word, hasn't contacted me since and that's that.”
“He will want to see you.”
“Well its a good thing he is in Pittsburgh.”
“He isn't.”
“I chose Raleigh because of the clinic, I’m sorry what?”
“He’s here.”
“Where?”
“In Raleigh.”
“Why would he be in Raleigh are you guys playing the pens?”
“DO you not follow hockey?”
“Not since, well no.”
“He got traded to the Canes last year, we didn't play much because of the lockout, but the season is in full swing now.”
“He plays for the canes?”
“Yes, I said that already.”
“Fuck.”
“I’m sorry, I figured you would have known.”
“No, I have some people I need to talk to though. It was good to see oyu Eric, have a good day.” She turned and walked back into the clinic and went straight to her office.
She pulled her cell phone out and called her best friend Kate.
“Why the hell didn't you tell me Jordan was in Raleigh?”
“Um, Lizzy we were forbidden from talking about Jordan.”
“He’s in RALEIGH!” She shouted in frustration.
“I know, I wanted to tell you but you wouldn't have let me get past Jordan, if I had started talking. You were so excited about this job and its Raleigh, what is the likelihood of you running into him anyway.”
“I work with the team’s orthopedics.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I really wish you would have told me.”
“I have tried to talk to you about Jordan and you always cut me off. I know you still love him.”
“I love Jordan like a bad habit. I quit it once and I am never picking it back up again.”
“I hope not, it doesn't matter anyway he got engaged last year.” Lizzy thought she was going to cry as Kate finished her sentence.
“He is engaged to Becca.” Kate continued.
“Becca like Becca from school?”
“Yes, same Becca.”
“Figures.” She frowned.
“Lizzy, I’m really sorry.”
“I just wish I would have known.”
“How are things other than this?”
“They are good, I met a really nice Doctor who asked me out, we are meeting tomorrow for drinks. He is a pediatrician, really nice and seems to care.”
“That’s great, lady!”
“Yeah we have been out a few times, I really like him.”
“Good.”
“I have to get back to work, sorry about the mini melt down.”
“No worries, I have known you forever, they are expected.” Kate giggled.
“Love you.”
“Love you too, call me if you need me.”
“Will do, talk to you soon.”
The next couple of months went with out a hitch, she was doing really well at work and had met several of the players. They were all very nice and listened to her when she talked to them. She had spoken to Dr. Jackson about the situation with Jordan and he understood if she didn't want to go into a room to see him. She had been avoiding him for over six years and seemed she would do it for a few more. Thank God for summers.
Lizzy ran by the Harris Teeter on her way home to grab a few things for dinner. She had invited Brent over and wanted to get the rest of the things she needed for the recipe she was trying tonight. She was standing in the dairy aisle looking over the cheeses when she heard a very familiar voice.
“Lizzy?” Jordan spoke in astonishment, “What are you doing in Raleigh?”
“Working.” She deadpanned him.
“Since when? Holy shit I can't believe you are here.” He leaned in a pulled her into a hug. She stiffened at his touch but in her heart she wanted to melt into him. Her mind made her push him away.
“Jordan don't touch me, please.”
“I haven't seen you since...”
“Since the day you left without a word? Or the day you thought ‘hey I’ll dump Lizzy and not tell her?’”
“It wasn't like that.” He spoke softly.
“Jordan this isn't the time or place to talk about this and to be honest I don't really want too.” Lizzy turned to walk away but he grabbed her arm and turned her back to him.
“I’m sorry.”
“You’re right you are.” She looked up into his blue eyes, the ones she would have trusted her life to, so many years ago.
“I made a bad choice and after it was done I knew you would never take me back.”
“I am glad you thought I wouldn't ever want to talk to you again. We had plans, a life to live and you left me without even a goodbye.”
“I know, I was a stupid man. I wanted you to be there with me.”
“No you didn't, you wanted to fuck your way through the state of Pennsylvania, that’s what you wanted to do.”
“I didn't...” Lizzy held up her hand stopping his words.
“It doesn't matter, Jordan. Whats done is done. Have a good night.” She turned and walked away, cringing when he called out to her. “At least have dinner with me so I can explain.” She kept walking not wanting to cave.

Jordan drove to Eric’s house after leaving the grocery store not remembering what he had stopped to pick up.
“ERIC?”
“He’s out back.” Tanya called from the kitchen where the boys were sitting eating a snack.
“ERIC!” He yelled again.
“What?”
“You will never believe who ran into at the store.”
“Shit.” Eric frowned.
“What?”
“You saw Lizzy didn't you.”
“You knew?”
“Of course I did, she works at Raleigh Orthopedics.”
“She does?”
“Yeah, I saw her about a month ago, when I went in to have my Knee looked at?”
“You saw her and didn't tell me?”
“Jordan, what was I supposed to say? I saw Lizzy the girl you left high and dry when you went to Pittsburgh. She looked great and guess what you are engaged, so you can't do anything about it.”
“I just want to talk to her, explain why I did what I did.”
“My advice to you, act like she isn't here and don't bother her. She has a good thing going with the guy she is dating and you are engaged. She’s your past Jordan and she should stay there.”
“I wish I had made better choices.”
“You didn't, so go home to the woman you are in love with now, engaged to and be happy that Lizzy is a good person and that you didn't ruin her for all other men.”
“I know you are right but it’s Lizzy.”
“Also tell Becca she is in town.”
“I don't think I should.”
“You should, trust me.”

Lizzy sat at the table smiling at something Brent had said. He was talking about the Hurricanes coming to visit the kids in the hospital and how good they were. He mentioned Jordan and Lizzy couldn't help but frown.
“Whats wrong?”
“Nothing, I just know him and Eric.”
“You know them?”
“Yeah I grew up in Thunder Bay, I went to school with Marc and Jordan.”
“That's cool, small world. Do they know you are here?”
“Eric came in a month or so ago and I ran into Jordan tonight at the grocery store.”
“They are really nice guys.”
“Can we not talk about them, please.”
“Of course, anything you want to talk about?”
“Not really but I guess you should know. Jordan and I dated for about six years and we had plans to...” she huffed before continuing, “He left and broke my heart, that's it or the short of it anyway.”
“He left you? He must have been crazy.”
“Certifiable, by my guess.” She smiled.
“Doesn't matter, his loss, my gain.” Brent stood from the table and walked over pulling her up into a hug. He released her and ran a finger down the side of her face before pulling her into a kiss.
“I would never tell any other woman this but I see a future with you. You would understand my work schedule and know that I would be home eventually.” He smiled and kissed her again. “I know its fast but I love you and want to marry you, eventually.” Lizzy smiled at him, then giggled.
“What?”
“Nothing, you are just so sweet.”
“I am nothing if not honest. I love you Lizzy. I love your humor and your kind soul. Your smile, it lights up any room. You are a catch and I am glad you bumped my buggy in the store that day.”
“I love you too.” She leaned up and kissed him on the corner of his mouth before pulling him back in a hug. It was weird to say those words she had never said them to anyone other than Jordan. He was the only man she had ever loved until now.
“Talk to Jordan, clear the air so we can move forward. You have to forgive him so we can move on.”
“I know.” Lizzy frowned as she buried her face into Brent’s chest.

Chapter Two

Jordan tried for two weeks to get Lizzy to meet him. She refused every time. He didn't have any other way to contact her but to call the office. The nights were long and yes he loved Becca but he would always love Lizzy. She was his first well his first almost everything.
Lizzy smiled up at Jordan. “You know that once you do this you can never take it back.”

“I know. I’m more than ready.”
“Okay then.” Lizzy leaned over her stick and skated past Jordan. He chased her down and took the puck away. She checked him hard from the side taking th puck bakc and slapping a shot at the net. She raised her hands over her head and laughed as he lifted her into his arms. He kissed her, softly at first then taking it to another level.
“Hey.” Marc shouted, “We are standing right here.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Jordan smirked then lowered her back to the ice.
“You just can't stand that I can score on you.”
“But in the end I get to score.” Jordan laughed then smacked her on the ass as he skated by.

“What are you thinking about?” Becca asked as she shifted on the couch and looked at him.
“Skating at the rink at mom and dad’s”
“I remember when you guys had that party when your parents were out of town.”
“That was a fun night.” Jordan smiled, his thoughts back to Lizzy.

Lizzy didn't know what to do or how to handle Jordan. She knew that she would eventually have to talk to him but she didn't want to do dinner. She met Brent later that evening at a local steak house. In the middle of their meal, Eric, Tanya, Becca and Jordan walked in. Jordan made a beeline for the table when he saw them. Becca was behind him and stood as he talked to Lizzy.
“Hey.”
“Hey Jordan, this is Brent.”
“Nice to meet you.” Brent stood taking Jordan’s hand.
“This is Becca, Jordan’s fiance’.” Lizzy introduced her to Brent.
They talked for a moment, before leaving to go sit with Eric and Tanya.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Just checking.” Lizzy reached across the table and smiled as she took Brent’s hand in her’s.
“I love you and seeing Jordan isn't going to change that.”
“I know, I trust you and love you as well.” Brent lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles.
After dinner Lizzy walked to the bathroom. when she opened the stall door Becca was standing there one hand on her hip and her eyes inspecting the nails on her other hand.
“You know we are getting married, right?”
“I know.” Lizzy washed her hands as she listened.
“He is with me and you better believe I will fight for him.”
“Look Becca, I don't want Jordan. what we had is over and I plan on keeping it that way. Jordan wants to explain but I have no interest.”
“Its a good thing.” Becca smirked before standing.
“I’m glad he’s happy.” Lizzy spoke. “I never wanted anything more than for him to be happy.”
“Well he is.” Becca snarled at Lizzy.
“I don't know why you are trying to convince me, I can see he is happy. I am sorry that I showed up in Raleigh.. No wait I’m not. I am a grown up and I can live wherever I want and can talk to whom ever I want. You are just an over protective woman that is placing her attention on the wrong person. You need to talk to Jordan and leave me alone. I will handle him however I see fit. If you can't handle that then I am sorry. I don't want him and I am not trying to steal him. If you remember right I already had him and he proved to me that he isn't worthy of my love. I have a great man out there that loves me and cares deeply for me. Eventually you will figure that out.” Lizzy turned on her heel and walked out of the restroom.
By the time she reached the table she had calmed down for the most part.
“Can we go?”
“Sure.” Brent stood laying some cash on the table.
“Sorry, I just need to get out of here.”
“No worries.” Brent smiled and kissed her forehead.

Jordan was stewing in his seat. He wondered why Becca had run to the bathroom. When he saw Lizzy come out he knew why. He wanted to walk over and talk to her figure out what happened but honestly his fight was with Becca not her.
“What the hell did you just do?” Jordan asked Becca as she sat down smiling.
“I don't know what you are talking about.” Becca continued to smile
“I saw Lizzy come out of the bathroom right before you did.”
“We had a nice chat. I don't want you talking to her anymore.”
“What?”
“I am not comfortable with my future husband talking to his ex girlfriend.”
“You know as well as I do that she was more than that to me. I just need to explain a few things to her.”
“I don't think you do.”
“I need to clear the air with her, she is working for one of the team docs.”
“So that is why you have been calling. Do we need to have a more serious conversation Jordan, cause I am here and we have been good together. I love you and maybe its time for you to realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.” Becca stood leaving the table.
“Smooth, Bro.” Eric cut his eyes at Jordan before taking Tanya’s hand and leading her from the restaurant.

After three weeks of trying Jordan finally convinced Lizzy to meet him at the local Starbucks. He was fidgeting when she arrived rolling his hands together.
“Hey.” Lizzy spoke as she sat down across from him.
“Thanks for coming.’ Jordan smiled. Lizzy had to keep herself in check and not smile back at him like she wanted to. She had missed him. Seeing him had brought back all the good times as well as the bad. She didn't know what to do but she didn't want anyone to get hurt.
“Lizzy, I am really sorry. I was a stupid boy and I wish I could go back and change so many things. I was afraid of being in a really serious relationship when I wasn't sure if I was going to make the NHL. I mean what would have happened if I got traded when you were already enrolled in school? I made decisions without talking to you first. I should have, I know that now. I guess I was afraid I was going to ruin your life and I cared too much for you to do that. You were the girl for me and I had to let you go. It was the hardest thing I ever did.” Lizzy started to talk but Jordan held up his hand. “Please let me finish.” He smiled at her again this time she returned his smiled trying to keep from breaking down.
“I know that I don't even deserve a minute of your time and I am grateful that you were finally willing to talk to me. I thought about you so often and I knew that you would probably be the biggest regret of my life but what is done is done. I hope that you can find it in your heart one day to forgive me so that we can be friends.” Jordan spoke hopefully.
Lizzy looked down at her hands rotating the ring on her thumb. She looked up at him and then back down to her hands.
“Please say something.” Jordan pleaded.
“What do you want me to say? Sure Jordan lets be friends? I respect myself more than that. I would hope that we could be professional and friendly but we will never be friends. I can't and won't do that to myself. I once would have moved heaven and earth for you but not anymore. You were my forever and now that man is Brent. he is kind and understanding, knows the story and even pushed me to talk to you. I know what is best for me now. It took me a long time to move past what happened. You have to understand not only did I lose the love of my life, I lost my best friend. You had no regard for my thoughts or feelings and I never would have thought that you, of all people would have been that selfish.”
“I can't tell you how sorry I am.”
“Does Becca know you are here?”
“Yes, she isn't happy about it but yes, she knows.”
“So you came here to what, exactly?”
“I don't know? When I saw you in the store, I was shocked. I felt eighteen again. There was nothing I wanted more than to pull you against me and forget about the rest of the world. I will always love you and I guess, I don't know.”
“Jordan you asked Becca to marry you, you love her.”
“I do but seeing you made me understand what we had even better. I took you for granted, then I made a bullshit decision and lost the best thing that probably ever happened to me.”
“You can't keep saying things like that.”
“Its how I feel, I can't help that.”
“Its too bad that you didn't realize that, years ago. We are in different places and what we had is gone. I think you should think about what you have now before you screw that up too.” Lizzy reached for her pocketbook and stood.
“I will always love you, Jordan.” She spoke then turned and walked towards the door.
Tears were streaming down her face when she reached her car. She stood digging through her purse trying to find her keys before she broke down.
“Lizzy?” Jordan spoke from behind her. She stiffened and wiped her eyes quickly before looking up at him. He pulled her against him and for the first time in over an hour she felt comfort. She knew in her head that she shouldn't and that she should push him away. Her heart however kept her in place. When he pulled back to look at her, he leaned down and brushed his lips softly across hers.
“You were all I ever wanted, needed and it was me being a stupid kid that messed it all up. You are spectacular woman and Brent is a lucky to have you.” With that said he released her and turned walking away.

1 year later

Lizzy sat at the kitchen table, of their beach condo, Sunday morning and opened the paper only to be confronted by a picture of Jordan and Becca in their wedding attire.
She smiled and folded the paper back before looking up to see Brent coming into the room.
“Morning.” He smiled.
“Good morning.” She grinned as he dipped down to kiss her.
“What are we going to do today?”
“I don't know? Should we go scuba diving?”
“And waste all this alone time?”
“True, I need a tan though.”
“You know those tan lines are hot as hell.”
“Brent.”
“what? I was just saying.”
“We can do whatever you want.” Lizzy grinned as he pulled her up and hugged her to him.
An hour later they were sitting in a cabana by the beach. Brent had ordered some snacks and when they arrived he handed her a covered plate. Lizzy pulled the lid and found a ring. She looked up shocked.
“I want you to know that I love you and don't want to take the chance of another stealing you away. I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life proving that. Elizabeth Blair Hopkins, will you have me as your husband and marry me?”
Lizzy still have her hand over her mouth and didn't trust her voice but nodded a yes to him. Brent stood and pulled her against him, kissing her hard.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”