Status: One Shot
Ho Ho Hopefully
1/1
This christmas was going to be different. This christmas was not going to be easy, of course not, but it would be time with the whole gang. No, not gang, family.
Since Emma joined the two, it had all been different. It is weird to have such a fragile creature living with you, Cook thought. He loved his daughter to bits, just as much as he loved the little one's mum, but he was constantly scared of hurting her in any way.
Effy had the exact same fears, which was why she didn't even want the baby to be born at first. And it was too soon, they both knew how rushed this was and they also knew how fragile Effy still was. So Cook had to be strong for the three of them. It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be, because he wasn't alone in all of this. Those who'd helped him from day one were about to arrive in a matter of minutes.
His loving gaze lingered on his girls for a few minutes now. The way Eff held their daugter in her arms, the way she stroke her little back just had him all soft inside.
The moment, however, was interrupted by a sharp ding. James immidiately scrambled to his feet excitedly and was at the door in a matter of seconds. „Eff, come on!“ was all he shouted over his shoulder, but he didn't wait for her before opening the door with maybe a little too much enthusiasm.
„'ello folks!“
And there they were: Naomi, Emily and JJ.
Jay, wearing that hideous christmas sweater he got from his mum last year, stood there a bit awkwardly with his hand raised in the air as if he was waiting for a high five. He wasn't though, as his quiet „Hey“ confirmed after which he simply stuffed his hands back in the pockets of his pants. Even Emily was standing there, even though sporting a smile, a little out of place.
But Cook wouldn't have any of that, not now. He knew the ghost of a certain person would always be with them and make things difficult from time to time, but not today. It was fucking christmas with the whole family, for god's sake. So he simply crushed them all together in one hug.
„They can't breathe!“ Effy's annoyed voice sounded from right behind them, but the laugh that followed finally broke the tension in the room.
„Ain't nothing wrong with a bit Cookie love, right?“ He simply grinned from ear to ear as he turned around, seeing her with Emma in her arms.
Emily shoved him aside and made way towards the pair. She didn't even need to ask Eff for her daughter, but just took the baby. It was like an unwritten rule that as soon as Naomi and Ems were over, they'd claim the girl as their own. Neither of the parents minded, really. If anything, they were relieved not to be responsible for the girl for a few hours, since everybody knew they were not exactly the parents you would read about in books.
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Everyone was seated on the floor in the living room by nine and just generally chatting. Cook though, he was maybe a little bit drunk, just like the rest of the group as soon as Emma was sent to bed, and maybe a little bit bored.
„Jay-kins! Do some magic, will ya?“ He didn't think about the consequences as his grinning friend took a bottle and a the cigarette out of James' mouth. He did not even understand what was going to happen when JJ put the stupid thing in his mouth and started drinking.
When the fire came out of the curly one's mouth however, it all flashed before his eyes. He could hear his own laughter, the scream of Effy, but most of all, he could see the shock on Freddie's face. Déjà freaking vu is what you call this. And it wasn't a nice one, because it didn't stop with that one moment. It was like some fucked up chain reaction playing in his head, started by one trick.
His face turned blank at the memory, as Cook stood up without uttering a single word, leaving the room in a rush and running out into the snow.
His fingers twitched as he fumbled for a spliff, a cigarette, some alcohol, anything to just stop this running thoughts from torturing his brain and heart further.
This was not the christmas he imagined, but he knew it would be like this eventually.
Another picture struck in his head like lightning, but this one he didn't have to remember. His hand nearly automatically traveled in the back pockets of his jeans, holding onto a tiny, crumbled photograph.
„Three musketeers“, Cook muttered to himself. Now two musketeers, because of him.
Ever since he smashed the shit out of John Foster, it was just got worse. At least he had someone to act his anger out on, but all that was left now was a bit black nothing in his heart that not even his daughter could fill. Nobody probably ever could.
Freddie was his best friend and losing him, losing him like this, it got his blood boiling for some time and he had been able to handle the anger, but now that it was gone, nothing was left, but the fact that James Cook would never be complete without Freddie McClair again.
„Hey Fredster, you listenin' there?“ he whispered, tilting his face towards the sky. „I didn't get you a present or anything, you know? But you should know that I'm looking out for your girl. She's alright, I think. Never gonna be as happy with me as she was with you, but I'm trying, okay?“
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“It’s all okay, you know.” Cook turned his head and saw Naomi standing beside him, with a ghost of smile on her face. “Can I bum a smoke?” Naomi took the cigarette off Cook’s lips, took a long drag and walked closer to him. They stood in an easy silence for a short moment, just watching the snow falling to the ground and deep in thoughts.
“JJ was a little bit upset back there. He didn’t expect such a reaction from you.” Naomi broke the silence, eyeing Cook from his side. Cook sighed and rubbed his temple, his head ached and his mind all mushy. The last thing that Cook ever wanted is to make his friends feel bad because of him. He knew he has always been the troublemaker and get people in trouble. He was tired and sick of being a mess. Now he bore two people’s world on his shoulders, Effy and Emma. Cook knew he has to get rid of the past and be strong. But nothing functions.
“I don’t mean to do that. It’s just that, I can’t handle life without Freddie. And I know I would never be the same as Freddie in Effy’s heart. She… all she ever wanted is him. Sometimes… sometimes I feel so empty inside, like there is nothing left anymore, like there’s nothing can fulfill this void inside,” Cook pointed to his chest, his face pained, “Sometimes I feel like he is just around me, like I could touch him anytime I want. But he’s no longer breathing, no longer skating, his heart no longer beating. No more. He said I have him, he fucking promised and he fucking lied.” Cook was in a row. His body now shaking violently, the tightness in his heart tightened, left him breathless.
Up until now, Cook still hasn’t fully accepted the fact that his friend, his brother, is dead, existing in the form of a body with no soul and emotions, maybe a haunting ghost. Naomi wrapped her arms around her broken friend’s shoulder and started shushing. To be honest, Naomi has never seemed her friend so… weak, not ever. Deep inside her heart, Cook was always one of the bravest people she has ever met. Freddie’s death had brought shock to everyone. Cook had stayed silent all this time, just like Effy. Unlike the other people, neither of them cried during Freddie’s funeral. People said weather had no feelings, however, that gloomy day, the sky hadn’t stopped raining for a second, as if it was grieving over their loss too. Naomi still remembered how the drops soaked into their cloths, and how the storm accompanied their sorrow.
“It’s going to be okay. Cook. It’s all going to be okay. You are good, you are really good.” Naomi whispered, as Cook finally seemed to relax for a bit. Cook wiped away the tears stained on his cheeks, managed to crack a weak smile.
“Actually, I owe you a thank you. If it’s not for you, I just, my life would be ruined and I probably couldn’t win Emily back. I couldn’t thank you enough. Me and Emily owe you a lot.” Naomi said sincerely. Cook waved her off, “It’s nothing, blondie. You are going places, yeah? I was just a trash, going nowhere, nowhere to go.” Naomi hit him in the head, “Don’t you dare to say this, Cook. You looked after Effy and you are Emma’s rock. She adores you, mate. You are the best father anyone could ask. Now shut up. It’s Christmas, you are not allowed to be upset!” To cheer Cook up, Naomi even started humming the Christmas song.
Cook just looked at Naomi in awe and started chuckling, “You really are something, aren’t ya Naomikins? Big softie inside.” A snowball landed square on Cook’s face. “Arrgggh, you don’t!” Cook jolted and made a snowball as Naomi tried to run away.
“What’s going on here?” Emily’s voice appeared from the side, just as she asked, several snowballs was aimed at her. Effy, JJ and Emily stood stunned outside the dorr, after a few moment as they realized what’s going on, they started their revenge. “Don’t think you can get away with this, Naoms.” Emily smirks and she threw a massive snowball at Naomi, the snowball knocked Naomi out and she fell to the ground. They threw snowballs at each other like a bunch of kids, laughter echoed in the night air. The night was still young. It’s Christmas.
After Naomi, Emily and JJ left, Cook went back up stairs and found Effy curled around Emma, the two of them snuggled together. Cook’s lips quirked upward at this picture. They looked warm and safe. Looked.
“Are you going to join us, or not?” Effy suddenly spoke, voice full of sleepiness, snapped Cook out of his thoughts. Cook nodded and put his coat aside. When he got in the bed, little Emma instantly turned around and buried her face into Cook’s neck. Cook stroked her hair in a loving way, his daughter always made him warm and full of love.
“I have never expected her, to come in my life in such a way. I am never a, kid person. I couldn’t be a good mother… but the moment she’s born, I know I’ll love her unconditionally, and that she will be the shining light of my life.” Effy softly murmured as she scooted closer to Cook and Emma. Cook wrapped an arm around Effy and Emma protectively. “I am sorry. I know it’s not me who you wanted to be your child’s father.” Effy shook her head and sighed contently. “I didn’t expect you. But I didn’t expect Emma too, did I? Sometimes life turned out in the way you never expect, and it turned out to be okay. Not everything’s okay right now, but you and I, we are okay, with our daughter. We’ll figure something out.” Cook nodded hastily at Effy’s words. He waited as her breaths even.
“Oh, and I love you, Cook.” For the first time in many nights, Cook fell asleep with a little smile on his face. Family, he got a family, something he wanted all along. Maybe after all, Christmas is actually alright.
Since Emma joined the two, it had all been different. It is weird to have such a fragile creature living with you, Cook thought. He loved his daughter to bits, just as much as he loved the little one's mum, but he was constantly scared of hurting her in any way.
Effy had the exact same fears, which was why she didn't even want the baby to be born at first. And it was too soon, they both knew how rushed this was and they also knew how fragile Effy still was. So Cook had to be strong for the three of them. It wasn't as difficult as he thought it would be, because he wasn't alone in all of this. Those who'd helped him from day one were about to arrive in a matter of minutes.
His loving gaze lingered on his girls for a few minutes now. The way Eff held their daugter in her arms, the way she stroke her little back just had him all soft inside.
The moment, however, was interrupted by a sharp ding. James immidiately scrambled to his feet excitedly and was at the door in a matter of seconds. „Eff, come on!“ was all he shouted over his shoulder, but he didn't wait for her before opening the door with maybe a little too much enthusiasm.
„'ello folks!“
And there they were: Naomi, Emily and JJ.
Jay, wearing that hideous christmas sweater he got from his mum last year, stood there a bit awkwardly with his hand raised in the air as if he was waiting for a high five. He wasn't though, as his quiet „Hey“ confirmed after which he simply stuffed his hands back in the pockets of his pants. Even Emily was standing there, even though sporting a smile, a little out of place.
But Cook wouldn't have any of that, not now. He knew the ghost of a certain person would always be with them and make things difficult from time to time, but not today. It was fucking christmas with the whole family, for god's sake. So he simply crushed them all together in one hug.
„They can't breathe!“ Effy's annoyed voice sounded from right behind them, but the laugh that followed finally broke the tension in the room.
„Ain't nothing wrong with a bit Cookie love, right?“ He simply grinned from ear to ear as he turned around, seeing her with Emma in her arms.
Emily shoved him aside and made way towards the pair. She didn't even need to ask Eff for her daughter, but just took the baby. It was like an unwritten rule that as soon as Naomi and Ems were over, they'd claim the girl as their own. Neither of the parents minded, really. If anything, they were relieved not to be responsible for the girl for a few hours, since everybody knew they were not exactly the parents you would read about in books.
-------------
Everyone was seated on the floor in the living room by nine and just generally chatting. Cook though, he was maybe a little bit drunk, just like the rest of the group as soon as Emma was sent to bed, and maybe a little bit bored.
„Jay-kins! Do some magic, will ya?“ He didn't think about the consequences as his grinning friend took a bottle and a the cigarette out of James' mouth. He did not even understand what was going to happen when JJ put the stupid thing in his mouth and started drinking.
When the fire came out of the curly one's mouth however, it all flashed before his eyes. He could hear his own laughter, the scream of Effy, but most of all, he could see the shock on Freddie's face. Déjà freaking vu is what you call this. And it wasn't a nice one, because it didn't stop with that one moment. It was like some fucked up chain reaction playing in his head, started by one trick.
His face turned blank at the memory, as Cook stood up without uttering a single word, leaving the room in a rush and running out into the snow.
His fingers twitched as he fumbled for a spliff, a cigarette, some alcohol, anything to just stop this running thoughts from torturing his brain and heart further.
This was not the christmas he imagined, but he knew it would be like this eventually.
Another picture struck in his head like lightning, but this one he didn't have to remember. His hand nearly automatically traveled in the back pockets of his jeans, holding onto a tiny, crumbled photograph.
„Three musketeers“, Cook muttered to himself. Now two musketeers, because of him.
Ever since he smashed the shit out of John Foster, it was just got worse. At least he had someone to act his anger out on, but all that was left now was a bit black nothing in his heart that not even his daughter could fill. Nobody probably ever could.
Freddie was his best friend and losing him, losing him like this, it got his blood boiling for some time and he had been able to handle the anger, but now that it was gone, nothing was left, but the fact that James Cook would never be complete without Freddie McClair again.
„Hey Fredster, you listenin' there?“ he whispered, tilting his face towards the sky. „I didn't get you a present or anything, you know? But you should know that I'm looking out for your girl. She's alright, I think. Never gonna be as happy with me as she was with you, but I'm trying, okay?“
---------
“It’s all okay, you know.” Cook turned his head and saw Naomi standing beside him, with a ghost of smile on her face. “Can I bum a smoke?” Naomi took the cigarette off Cook’s lips, took a long drag and walked closer to him. They stood in an easy silence for a short moment, just watching the snow falling to the ground and deep in thoughts.
“JJ was a little bit upset back there. He didn’t expect such a reaction from you.” Naomi broke the silence, eyeing Cook from his side. Cook sighed and rubbed his temple, his head ached and his mind all mushy. The last thing that Cook ever wanted is to make his friends feel bad because of him. He knew he has always been the troublemaker and get people in trouble. He was tired and sick of being a mess. Now he bore two people’s world on his shoulders, Effy and Emma. Cook knew he has to get rid of the past and be strong. But nothing functions.
“I don’t mean to do that. It’s just that, I can’t handle life without Freddie. And I know I would never be the same as Freddie in Effy’s heart. She… all she ever wanted is him. Sometimes… sometimes I feel so empty inside, like there is nothing left anymore, like there’s nothing can fulfill this void inside,” Cook pointed to his chest, his face pained, “Sometimes I feel like he is just around me, like I could touch him anytime I want. But he’s no longer breathing, no longer skating, his heart no longer beating. No more. He said I have him, he fucking promised and he fucking lied.” Cook was in a row. His body now shaking violently, the tightness in his heart tightened, left him breathless.
Up until now, Cook still hasn’t fully accepted the fact that his friend, his brother, is dead, existing in the form of a body with no soul and emotions, maybe a haunting ghost. Naomi wrapped her arms around her broken friend’s shoulder and started shushing. To be honest, Naomi has never seemed her friend so… weak, not ever. Deep inside her heart, Cook was always one of the bravest people she has ever met. Freddie’s death had brought shock to everyone. Cook had stayed silent all this time, just like Effy. Unlike the other people, neither of them cried during Freddie’s funeral. People said weather had no feelings, however, that gloomy day, the sky hadn’t stopped raining for a second, as if it was grieving over their loss too. Naomi still remembered how the drops soaked into their cloths, and how the storm accompanied their sorrow.
“It’s going to be okay. Cook. It’s all going to be okay. You are good, you are really good.” Naomi whispered, as Cook finally seemed to relax for a bit. Cook wiped away the tears stained on his cheeks, managed to crack a weak smile.
“Actually, I owe you a thank you. If it’s not for you, I just, my life would be ruined and I probably couldn’t win Emily back. I couldn’t thank you enough. Me and Emily owe you a lot.” Naomi said sincerely. Cook waved her off, “It’s nothing, blondie. You are going places, yeah? I was just a trash, going nowhere, nowhere to go.” Naomi hit him in the head, “Don’t you dare to say this, Cook. You looked after Effy and you are Emma’s rock. She adores you, mate. You are the best father anyone could ask. Now shut up. It’s Christmas, you are not allowed to be upset!” To cheer Cook up, Naomi even started humming the Christmas song.
Cook just looked at Naomi in awe and started chuckling, “You really are something, aren’t ya Naomikins? Big softie inside.” A snowball landed square on Cook’s face. “Arrgggh, you don’t!” Cook jolted and made a snowball as Naomi tried to run away.
“What’s going on here?” Emily’s voice appeared from the side, just as she asked, several snowballs was aimed at her. Effy, JJ and Emily stood stunned outside the dorr, after a few moment as they realized what’s going on, they started their revenge. “Don’t think you can get away with this, Naoms.” Emily smirks and she threw a massive snowball at Naomi, the snowball knocked Naomi out and she fell to the ground. They threw snowballs at each other like a bunch of kids, laughter echoed in the night air. The night was still young. It’s Christmas.
After Naomi, Emily and JJ left, Cook went back up stairs and found Effy curled around Emma, the two of them snuggled together. Cook’s lips quirked upward at this picture. They looked warm and safe. Looked.
“Are you going to join us, or not?” Effy suddenly spoke, voice full of sleepiness, snapped Cook out of his thoughts. Cook nodded and put his coat aside. When he got in the bed, little Emma instantly turned around and buried her face into Cook’s neck. Cook stroked her hair in a loving way, his daughter always made him warm and full of love.
“I have never expected her, to come in my life in such a way. I am never a, kid person. I couldn’t be a good mother… but the moment she’s born, I know I’ll love her unconditionally, and that she will be the shining light of my life.” Effy softly murmured as she scooted closer to Cook and Emma. Cook wrapped an arm around Effy and Emma protectively. “I am sorry. I know it’s not me who you wanted to be your child’s father.” Effy shook her head and sighed contently. “I didn’t expect you. But I didn’t expect Emma too, did I? Sometimes life turned out in the way you never expect, and it turned out to be okay. Not everything’s okay right now, but you and I, we are okay, with our daughter. We’ll figure something out.” Cook nodded hastily at Effy’s words. He waited as her breaths even.
“Oh, and I love you, Cook.” For the first time in many nights, Cook fell asleep with a little smile on his face. Family, he got a family, something he wanted all along. Maybe after all, Christmas is actually alright.