Aspen County

My sister has finally gone insane.

I've always had a feeling that it was coming sooner or later—I just hoped for later rather than sooner. We had a rough childhood, and things have gone downhill for us both since our parents died. I even sometimes fought suicidal thoughts over the years. But I just thought that she had gotten better; I thought that she was better than I was. I mean, I was the one who couldn't let go, who held onto the very Cycle and day that they died on 12 years ago.

But I really hoped that things would be alright—I thought that they would be. But then there's that damn voice! I almost wish Louve would cry over the death of our aunt or even her having to leave Ryder, if only for some sense of normality. But the sneer that she has planted on her face as she glares out the window almost makes it seem as though she's thrilled that Lunette is dead or that she left Ryder back there. I know that the two of them have been working on emotional shielding lately, and I get the feeling that I'd be getting feelings of bitterness and horrible anguish from him if they hadn't been.

I distantly hear her humming something to herself, and I roll my eyes, not in the mood to hear it. But she keeps going and going for over a minute, continuing to repeat the same tune. "What are you singing?" I finally demand, my voice showing more annoyance with her than I normally allow, even when she's getting on my nerves.

She turns and looks at me, seeming almost hurt. I'm almost sure that it's Louve again, but I can never be too certain. "Don't you know what day today is, Lovett?" she asks, her face filled with genuine disappointment.

"No, what is it?" I rack my brain but can't think of anything.

"Today's my 17th birthday."

I gasp, shocked that I'd forgotten. Even after she initially told us about Monique, I had begun thinking about what I could do or get her to make her happy today. I even consulted Ryder, which is something I would never even consider if it were three months ago. But all thoughts of her 17th birthday were forgotten amidst the chaos of the past few weeks and her steady spiral into the clutches of what is becoming almost like split personality disorder. "Louve, I'm so sorry. I meant to do something special for you, but with everything that's been going on, I just completely forgot."

"It's okay, I get it. I've been kind of shifty lately."

I calm down a little, almost positive that my sister is back. "Yeah, you have. But it's okay. As long as you're feeling alright now, things will be okay."

"Do you promise me that?" She looks at me with the big, innocent eyes she always turned on me when we were kids and she was looking for guidance.

I sigh and wrap my arm around her. She leans against me. I think about what I can say for a minute because I just don't know. I don't even know if I'll be able to look her in the eyes much longer if this voice continues to screw with her head and with me. "I can't promise you that. But I swear that I'll do everything I can to try to make things okay for us. You have my word."

I kiss her forehead and gaze out the window as her breathing steadies and she begins drifting off to sleep. I close my eyes and do something that I haven't done since I was eight years old: I pray.

'Dear God, I know it's been a while since you've heard from me and I haven't been the best Christian ever, but I’m begging you now: please make my sister okay. No matter what happens to me, please just make her okay. Thank you and amen.'

Hoping that He gets the message I've mentally sent, I lean back in my seat and go to sleep.