Aspen County

"We've been staking out the building for two and a half weeks!" I yell in fury after returning to the motel with Nyx. We've just returned to report to the Pack after another uneventful day, and my frustration and restlessness is building again. I throw myself onto the bed, disheartened. "This obviously isn't working—we need a new plan."

"Ryder, I tried looking him up, but the company apparently hasn't gone paperless, so so they don't have employee information on a server that I can hack, and that includes times in and out," Eyulf explains for around the 15th time. "The papers say that he was checked out of the hospital a week ago, but we have no way of knowing whether he's back at work yet."

"Exactly, and that is the least of our problems—you're still front page news." Zeeva drops this morning's paper onto my chest, and I pick it up.

I glance at the blurb in the corner by an ignorant reporter who knows nothing about me or my Pack. The title reads in bold letters, 'ADAMS STILL MISSING.'

I sigh and toss the paper to the side without bothering to read it. "So what's the game plan for tomorrow," I ask, suddenly exhausted.

"Nox and Eyulf, you guys can stake out the cab building. Nyx and I will find a new motel. Ryder and Rudi, I need you guys to check out an area for tomorrow night. I checked with a few maps and found a forest nearby for us to spend the Full Moon; I just need you guys to make sure it's safe and secluded. Rudi, that may require hot wiring a car."

"Great, more auto-theft," I groan. "Because that always works well for us."

"Hey, we only got caught once," Rudi protests defensively.

"I know what I'm talking about. As I keep reminding you, auto-theft is one of my priors."

"Yes, one of your priors, not mine. I only got caught once. And besides, you didn't seem to oppose it in Pennsylvania, especially when you went to go talk to your mom!"

"Don't you dare talk about Pennsylvania!" I shout furiously, shooting up on the bed and glaring at her. I take a deep breath and speak my next thought through my teeth. "I am not that person anymore; how many times do I have to say that?"

"When you finally prove it," she retorts.

"Look, believe me," I mutter, growing more weary, "you've gotten lucky. I got lucky a lot back then. I was also unlucky a lot. I know I'm probably the poster child for juvenile delinquent, but listen to me: we can't keep committing crimes. We're too big a group to be doing this!"

Zeeva cuts Rudi off before she car argue again. "Ryder is right, guys," she admits reluctantly. "We can't keep doing stupid stuff and getting caught. Ryder has the most experience in this type of thing; he knows what he's talking about."

"Unfortunately so," I murmur bitterly.

"Ryder," she warns. "Okay," she says with a sigh, thinking things over. "Since you two can't seem to get along, Rudi and Nox, you two can stake out the building. Eyulf, I hope that you don't mind going with Ryder.

"He smiles softly at her, his love for her brightening his face and obvious to everyone. "Of course not."

"Good. Does anyone have anything else to say?" No one argues further—neither with her, nor with each other—and she signs with relief. "Wonderful. Well it's getting late, so I suggest that we all get some sleep. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, and I have no idea whether we'll be able to have a nap."

We all mumble our agreement, and the Pack disperses. I'm sharing a room with Nyx, but there are two beds, so I just lay back in mine, not bothering to cover myself with the blanket.

She politely says goodnight to me, but gives up when I don't respond. I can soon hear her lightly snoring next to me, but I can't force myself to sleep. My mind is racing, and my body is restless.

In the room next door, all I can here through the thin walls are Zeeva and Eyulf talking sweetly to each other and flirting. Envy seizes me once again, and eventually, I have to get out, if only for a few minutes.

I slip quietly out of bed and into the cool, late night. Snow falls slowly, melting immediately on my warm skin. I drop down onto the floor with my back against the second-floor railing, my legs pulled up to my chest, my arms folded on my legs, and my head resting in my arms.

I'm not crying; I refuse to allow myself to do that again. It's embarrassing and weak. I'm just so lonely. Louve is why I'm better now. I've had her as a crutch for almost three years, but now she's the one who needs someone to lean on, and I'm not there. And while I miss having her as a mate, that time was short. I'd rather have her as a friend that I can always turn to and that she can do the same with. I want us to he able to rely on each other. I sigh and lean my head back against the rail with my eyes closed. The snow begins drifting onto my forehead.

One of the doors slowly opens, and I glance up, shocked to see Nox approaching. "Nox, what are you—" I begin defensively.

"Relax, Rudi is asleep, and I'm not going to tell her I found you out here," he reassures me, sitting down next to me on the ground. We're quiet for a few minutes before he finally says what he wanted to. "Ryder, I know that you've noticed how quiet I am, but it's because I watch everyone. I've been with this Pack for a few months now, and I know how much you love Louve and how much you mean to her. It might not happen as soon as you want, but you two are going to find each other again. I can tell that much just by the way that you guys look at each other." I get what he's trying to do, and it's nice and all, but I just don't feel like dealing with pity right now.

"Goodnight, Nox," I say quietly. Without another word, I walk back into my room. I hear Nox sigh behind me.
* * * * *
I'm the first one up the next morning for once. I quickly wake Eyulf and, by extension, Zeeva. She runs to a nearby convenience store while we silently wait. We eat quickly and are the first ones to leave the motel, our backpacks full of food and our friends' clothes.

Using the map that Zeeva gave us, we navigate through the back roads, trying to avoid being spotted, as we make our way to the forest area that Zeeva marked. The spot she picked seems secluded, but Eyulf and I trek a little deeper into the forest to ensure ultimate privacy.

Once we secure a spot and alert the others, Eyulf and I find a couple of large rocks, roll them under two trees facing each other and dig out the subs that Zeeva bought for us at the store.

Snow drifts down, and wind blows the flakes onto me. Annoyed, I begin wiping the melting drops away, if slightly more violently than necessary. Eyulf, noticing this temporarily forgets about his sandwich and watches me. "What?" I demand when I realize that I'm the recipient of uninvited observation.

He sighs and puts the sub back in his bag. "Ryder, you know that we want to get you and Louve back together almost as much as you want to be back together, right?"

I only grunt as way of response.

"We're doing all that we can. You just have to be patient. The answer to where she went is out there somewhere. We just haven't found it yet. But I know how you feel."

"Don't try getting all philosophical on me, Eyulf," I mutter. "You have no idea how I feel."

"You feel broken and defeated and angry and completely alone. I know because that's exactly how I felt when my mom died and my dad kicked me out and even more so when I realized that my dad had killed my mom. I know what you're going through, Ryder; but we'll eventually get you and Louve back together, I promise. No one should ever be without their mate. It's just not healthy."

"Well she seems to be okay." I notice the bitter defeat in my voice.

"But is she really?" he asks, picking his sandwich back up. "That's the real question."

We sit in silence again, me no more reassured than I was when we got here.

I hate when people get philosophical.
* * * * *
Hours later, I get another stab of jealousy when I notice a dopey grin on Eyulf's face; I know that he's probably talking to Zeeva through the bond while she and Nyx walk, and I desperately wish that was Louve and me.

Even though I know how much she would disapprove, after weeks of not hearing anything from Louve, I closed myself off to my friends so that I wouldn't be susceptible to their feelings of hope and joy and love and they wouldn't have to bear the burden of my darkness and sadness and grief. I never once felt anything from her.

Now though, hoping that maybe her walls slipped, I decide to open myself up for just a few seconds to maybe get a glimpse into her head while still keeping myself shielded. I'm immediately bombarded by a flood of my friends' emotions as I drop my own walls. Nauseating happiness seeps through from Eyulf and Zeeva, and I resist the urge to vomit. Nyx is worried for Louve but other than that is pretty carefree, for which I'm envious. Further sifting through the feelings of my friends reveals excitement from Nox and Rudi and slight smugness from the latter.

'Nox, Rudi, what's going on,' I ask in everyone's minds, suspicious. Eyulf jumps slightly at the interruption to his and Zeeva's private conversation. 'What has you two so thrilled?'

'Good news!' Nox responds.

Rudi finishes for him. 'We found Tim the cabby.'