You're everything I Never Was

"Another day, without you here. All the pain, you hide my dear, fills my head, with all that could've been. I was wrong back then..."

It was a helpless cry. How could he be so blind? The signs were staring him in the face this whole time. He kept pushing her away every time she shed a tear. And now it was too late to beg for forgiveness, she laid almost lifeless in a cold hospital bed, barely holding on. He knelt beside the bed, taking her hand in his. This couldn't be happening...

"It's too late to take it away, now that you're gone. I'll take the hurt and the shame and leave you strong. Please forgive me..."

He wanted her life back. She was never supposed to look so fragile and broken. She was strong damn it! He never wanted to hurt her. She was his everything. But he was too selfish to see that until now. Funny how that always works. You never know what you have until it's gone.... or almost gone.

"Regret it every day with every breath I take, I could feel you breaking down from it all,"he whimpered and kissed her hand softly, "Forget the misery, remember this when you breathe...You're everything I never was..."

His heart, his world, his life was shattering before him and he didn't know what to do to stop it. He couldn't catch the broken pieces as they fell. He needed her to be okay. He begged a God he didn't always believe in, in that moment. He'd do anything just to see her wake up...

All she ever did was give him unconditional love, with all the pain he returned and gave her. He sold his soul to the booze and chemicals, losing himself to infidelity. And in the end he broke the only thing that was pure in his life...

He silently cried to her, "Sold my soul and lost myself. The chemicals took me far from myself... "

Maybe if he just admitted he was wrong, she'd live. She'd be okay... she could forgive him for being so evil. Maybe if he begged to God... he'd see this was opening his eyes and he'd spare his love. Maybe... just maybe....

"One regret; One mistake. Never meant to break, a heart that's beautiful..."

She was everything. Her heart so big and full of the love he took for granted. She always looked past his demons and saw him for the man he really was, behind the pain, lies and everything bad. She saw the man he only wished he could really be for her... she is the one who saw and accepted him without question. And he broke her. He hated himself. He lost himself.

"It's too late to take it away. Now that I'm gone, I'll take the hurt and the shame. And leave you strong, please forgive me,"

Oh how he wish he could take it away... turn back time and take the knife from her hand before she lashed it across her wrist. How could something so full of life turn out to be death within the blink of an eye? Or was her life slowly fading with each day he made that push from her?

"Regret it everyday with every breath I take...I can feel you breaking down from it all..." he could feel now, he could feel all too deeply, "Forget the misery, remember this when you breathe...You're everything I never was,"

His cries were his sorry. He could only hope she'd have enough strength to come back to them. Then he would show he just how much he loved her...

"Back to you I'll come," his words were full of promise... "Just to hold you, feel you...It's been too long."where his heart was missed, " I'll be the one, To catch you when you fall..."

All he could do was nod and shed once last tear before she flat lined. He looked up and his world stopped as he watched the last of her life fade away from him... he tried to grab it to hold on...

His prayers unheard, he took her into his arms one last time and cried.

"Regret it everyday with every breath that I take. I can feel you breaking down from it all. Forget the misery, remember this when you breathe...You're everything I never was...You're everything I never was...You're everything I never was...You're everything I never was..."