Suffocate

People gathered slowly, and Luine left with Marck to go to their seats. I felt the overwhelming urge to bit my lower lip but Luine had given me rules in as strict a voice as she could manage.

“Well, doesn’t everyone look nice.” Finnick commented and this time I smiled properly up at him, his ease something I had always wished I had myself, shifting my weight so it was more comfortable.

“I’m sorry about upstairs...”

“If you had your way you’d be sorry for absolutely everything.” He was looking over my head, smiling a little when he noticed the shell delicately slid in-between the large plait, tracing his fingers over it.

I couldn’t feel anything but a tiny bit of pull on my hair. Either way it was enough to make me tense, and make my fingers tingle with the need to touch him, link our hands so the building nerves within me died down.

“Maybe I am,” he lifted a brow, pulling his hand back, clearly not aware with the break in conversation what I meant. I let my own hand gently touch the shell around his neck, “Sorry for everything.” His caught mine, skin touching his revealed bare chest.

“I meant what I said last night, you have nothing to be...” He dropped it suddenly and I knew why when the loud voices met us and I clasped my hands together, palms a little sticky.

Everyone seemed to appear in a bundle of bright outfits, tall hair and taller shoes. Johanna forced her way to us, eyelashes so long they all but grazed her cheekbones. “Afternoon, how’s the hangover?”

I groaned in response and she flashed that odd grin that quickly turned to a grimace as the Careers entered, shortly followed by Katniss and Peeta. Katniss in her wedding dress.

I felt my eyes narrow, what reason would Cinna have for that? Pity, to remind the audience what they couldn’t have?

Finnick was the first to break the awkward mist of silence that had coated us, “I can’t believe Cinna put you in that thing.”

She snapped at him instantly, it was Snow that made her wear it.

That made more sense, this wasn’t to get a sympathetic reaction, this was to embarrass her, shame her, make her feel stupid. Show their love, this wedding was just part of the show.

Cashmere frowned, not far from me, “Well you look ridiculous.”

“Cashmere.” I warned, and she huffed, dragging Gloss off with her to their place in line. “We should go as well.” I suggested and Finnick nodded, although he took a couple of steps away and muttered In Peeta’s ear. The frown on Katniss’s face made my own appear and it was only deepened by Brutus.

“High score there Four.”

“I have a name.” I breathed, Katniss eying us warily, “And why the element of surprise Brutus?” I smirked, shrugging lightly, trying to bring back what Luine had said.

Smile and act like you don’t care. Not so difference from the advice I had given myself over training.

He chuckled, before moving further up to Enobaria, dressed almost completely in gold, matching her teeth. Johanna fiddled with Katniss’s necklace, blocking her quickly from my view, “Make him pay for it.”

She dropped the pearls, aiming a finger at me, “And you, stop making friends.” There was a hint of humour in her face I had never seen before and I couldn’t stop myself grinning.

“Making friends one Career at a time.” She scoffed under her breath, moving up to her place, Finnick finally pulling himself from Peeta and sliding his arm around my shoulders, “Good luck.” He said simply, leading me with him. His words were dripping with meaning and I pouted, not expecting to be let in until it was over.

“Hey.” I offered, the tributes from Three lined up, Beetee fiddling with a sparkling bowtie.

“Afternoon.” He spoke slowly, “You look lovely.”

“Thank you.” I smiled, the lights flickering as a sign the show was about to begin and before I knew it Caesar’s voice was booming through the air, as excited and dramatic as always.

“Sure, accept his compliment.” Finnick whispered, goose-bumps appearing where his breath reached. His hand dropped down down and groped for mine, hidden behind my back. His smile comforting and I tried to let myself feel it, although the moment Cashmere vanished there was a vacuum in my gut.

I had to cling onto him to stay afloat.

“It will be fine, just breathe, let him talk and you won’t have to say much.”

I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what, how. Others clearly did, Cashmere and Gloss had some of the audience, shown on screens to us backstage, in tears with the claims the Citizens were their family. They sounded almost earnest, but then again, the people here brought anything.

By the time Beetee had tested the waters, asking about the legitimacy of the games my mouth was completely dry and I could feel my hand, still twisted with his shaking. “Just smile, it will be fine.” He whispered again as Beetee moved backwards to his section, we all stood in two tiers at the back of the large stage.

Finnick moved around to my side, leaning in so close his lips were almost brushing mine, muttering last phrases of encouragement.

I wanted them too but not here, not now and my name was called an attendant appearing and ushering me onto the stage. Finnick pushed the shell a little further into my hair and I took one last deep breath, treading around the corner to the double doors.

They slid open.

The first thing I noticed were the lights, the projections on the screens were swirls of purple, blue and pink, they looked like water. “Elenia, wrong way dear!” I’d half stopped, staring at them, the opposite way to the audience.

I didn’t have to fake a blush, I felt myself flush, calling a sorry and treading carefully, my heart thundering towards him, letting him pull me into a hug, do that ridiculous air kissing before I sat.

Straight, legs the same and bent gently to elongate them, neck up.

Just like Luine had said.

I searched for her in the crowd but didn’t have any luck, it was too disorientating, there were so many people and lights and sounds. “Good start there.” I managed, plastering on a small smile and twisted to face him, “Sorry, it was just so pretty.”

“But of course we forgive you,” he beamed, his teeth were so white I could easily see my reflection.

Breathe, smile, act like you don’t care, just answer his questions and don’t freeze up.

“And you look rather lovely yourself.” He turned, winking in the direction of one of the many moving cameras.

“Thank you.” I replied, “Although we seemed to have the same idea lipstick wise.”

“So we did!” he laughed as if I had said something hilarious, “Great minds think alike!” The audience tittered as well, that was not what I wanted, not after everyone so far had tried to be serious, push the issue and I was just giggling like some idiot.

He did it for me, “Now, Elenia, on to something much more serious, and something that I know touched a lot of hearts. When your name was called and Margery tried to volunteer.” I had never in my life heard someone call her Margery. “She was your mentor wasn’t she, did that...”

“Well surely no-one here can claim they would want to see her in there.” I was proud of the strength and conviction in my voice. Caesar sucked on his lower lip, and I could see the moment flashing on a screen to the side of me, I bit mine. “Mags means a lot to me.” I said simply, “And my name was called, so here I am.”

“And so how are you finding it? Being back in this situation?”

“Erm...” I pulled a face, attracting more laughter, “Better than I thought if I’m honest. But then making an enemy of Enobaria before we even go in probably wasn’t a smart move.” I saw the cameras shoot to her grinning face and she winked, a similar grin on my face as if it was some big joke.

But it gave them something to joke about and should only spur her on.

“Well, that certainly sounds interesting enough, doesn’t it?” He called outwards leaning forward in his seat, I straightened my posture. My time had to be up soon, I just wanted to slink into the background, wait it out and go to bed. “What about being here with Finnick, your other mentor, and a close friend I believe?”

“In what way?” He lifted his brows, it had been incredibly obvious what he had meant.

“In such a dangerous environment.”

“You mean dangerous in general or in the arena?” He played me off with another over loud smile. The people watching in Four would understand. “Inside darling.” He said, trying to place his hand over mine, it would pass as a soothing gesture but it was really a sign for me to shut the hell up before I stepped over the line.

“I’m not too worried.” I breezed, turning primary to the audience and shoving that smile on again, fiddling with a loose bit of hair, I shrugged, “Well last year two tributes left, and every rule there is had been broken to put us back in there. The Hunger Games are starting to get a little bit unpredictable aren’t they?”

The blood was racing through my veins and he tried to cut me off, but I had the audience for once in my grip, “And doesn’t that just make it more fun?!”

There was a round of applause and the buzzer sounded to end my time, Caesar still trying to regain the interview.

“Alright then, Miss Elenia Volute, going to let us in on that secret you hold so tightly before you vanish off, may be your last chance?!”

“To tell you what Tyger said when the equipment malfunctioned?” Another dig at them, they weren’t as powerful as they wanted people to believe. He nodded, smile suffering, I bet he was wishing Finnick could get here quicker.

“Not a chance.” I smiled although my words were dark, waving out and standing, brushing over my stomach to make sure the fabric fell well. “Thank you, nice as ever to attempt to speak to you.” I made my way up the sweeping stairs to my stand, close to Beetee who still looked nervous.

I felt it, I didn’t feel any better now. I felt worse. I’d wasted my time hadn’t I? Everyone else so far had been so much better spoken, all I’d done is make a few pitiful digs at them. It wasn’t enough but then I wasn’t a victor people cared about too much.

They were all waiting for me to finish so they could get to their Finnick. I breathed out slowly, the crowd in a thunderous round of applause when he stepped out. I could see him on the screens, that perfected smile for them, looking easy and comfortable. I could only imagine how awkward I had looked.

I swore at myself, nails digging into my palms. “Relax, you did fine.” Beetee hissed, and I barely caught it over the noise but nodded thankfully although I didn’t believe him. I could barely remember what I had just said, trying to imagine how it must have looked to anybody else.

I groaned, Finnick and Caesar had started talking. I’d never properly asked him what he was planning on doing. Caesar introduced him and I almost laughed when he revealed what he was going to say.

He had a ‘message for someone special out there’. It was so typically Finnick, so easy and so fucking simple to play up on their affection for him, to earn favour rather than insult them directly or how I had done.

He grinned a little awkwardly at Caesar, before staring so hard down a camera I felt like he was staring at me, even if I could only see his back. “My love, you have my heart. For all eternity, if, if I die in that arena my last thought will be of your lips.”

I had to pull my eyes from him to stop from flushing, it was stupid, just meaningless words he knew would have an effect on the audience.

And they did, there were catcalls, proclamations of love and far too many people fainted. They got more ridiculous every year.

They didn’t let him speak anymore over the applause but he shook Caesar’s hand before making his way next to me. “For all eternity eh?” The crowd was still a little dispersed with people fanning over excited females, they were like a comic versions of themselves, exaggerated in every terrible way.

“And more.” He answered slickly, watching as more victors went up.

Five didn’t offer anything in particular, both were clearly just eager to get off the stage and Six had as much trouble speaking as I normally did, they looked worse under the bright lights, older when the male had only won two years before I had.

It was Johanna that lit the next spark, marching on, already breathing heavily and slamming herself onto the seat.

Caesar tried, he really did, He got her saying something she had clearly prepared, practically asking if they could do something, that it broke the rules and surely there was a way. But he crossed the line, commenting simply about how calm she looked, compared to how upset the audience was.

He deserved her flipping but I was surprised how far she went, screaming profanities at the audience until she was dragged off by peacekeepers, her face red as the jewels that dripped around necks.

I bit my lip. I couldn’t go after her, not now I was in my place, feet aching already. I shifted my weight, at least I hadn’t managed it how she had, at least I kept my head fairly straight.

She was just begging for trouble. That was no outside help coming our way.

Irritation fluttered after her and Caesar struggled to move on, thankful not to find too much controversy in the next few victors. But there were comments, and I could see the audience were starting to crack, Cecilia had mentioned her children, and there wasn’t a person there who thought she was going to live, to make it even past the initial bloodbath.

I wanted her too.

Berg from Ten came closest before Seeder and Chaffs reasoning. He went through, once again how a victor was granted immunity, how he thought he had moved on, could live now and that was all being torn away from him. But he looked defeated, like he had already given up.

Seeder and Chaff were well spoken, also rehearsed.

Why hadn’t I planned anything in advance? I swapped my weight again, my hands were still sweaty, my nerves hadn’t dropped an ounce.

It was Katniss in that large wedding dress that set them off. I don’t know if that worked out the way Snow wanted it too, they weren’t humiliated by it, they were outraged and the amount crying doubled in a few seconds.

There was no wedding, no star-struck couple.

What was Snow playing at, making them love her more?

They loved her still even when she had killed people the year before, for Peeta, and I couldn’t imagine this year held different aims for her. But then she had used Peeta clearly, not that he audience saw that. I frowned, waiting for her to say something dramatic; there was nothing, just about the sadness at the loss of her wedding.

It was effective but not dramatic.

That came when she moved, spinning foolishly like she had the year before. But there was smoke, for a second I thought it was a weapon. Some kind of bomb attached to her, but no, it flickered upwards until she was clouded in a swarm of smoke and all that was left behind was black. A tight black dress that silhouetted her perfectly, and when she lifted her arms, swirls of smoke and ash around her she had wings.

The crowd went wild but then stilted, murmurs. Even Caesar didn’t seem to get the significance at first, the black wings, the feathers over her shoulders and around her waist. I was too distracted to hear most of her talking, but I tuned back in as Caesar gestured for Cinna to stand.

He’d made her into a mockingjay, the symbol I’d seen sprayed during the weeks shut down in Four. Her symbol.

The mark of everyone who was against the Capitol.

“He’s a dead man.” Finnick breathed, voice tinged with worry even though no-one in the audience seemed to realise. This wasn’t random from her stylist, this was an admittance in his involvement, this was him making a stand every District, at least those at unease would understand.

And I knew he would suffer for it.

I was waiting for something to happen, for them to drag him away like they had Johanna but he was allowed to sit and Katniss took her place, Peeta taking the stage.

The dress was nothing compared to the lies that drifted from his mouth and the effect they had.


Finnick’s hand was torn from my own, and I lost grip of Beetee, the chaos immediate and strong.
She was pregnant and they had gotten married.

I didn’t believe it, knew it was a spin of lies, but the crowd had. They had all but revolted themselves, and the sight of the twenty four victors, all lined up and holding hands was beamed for a few seconds to at least to every screen and hologram there was.

Snow couldn’t cover that up.

But I knew people would pay for it as Cinna would for that dress.

“Elenia!” I spotted them and dashed as quickly as I could in my shoes, slamming into the same elevator, peacekeepers stopping Finnick and Johanna behind me.

I suddenly felt brave, almost touched by the show of unity, the way everyone else felt.

“That was a stupid thing to announce.” My breaths were a little short from the adrenalin, “But they can’t do anything, not now its too late. They won't cancel or change anything.” Peeta frowned and she offered me nothing, glaring hard at the glass behind my head.

“Katniss,” I pushed again, when the elevator chimed at my floor, “If you can get word to Cinna you have to tell him to get as far away from here as possible. It’s not safe now, not after that.” I gestured to her dress and she nodded slowly, although it was as if she barely heard me and I knew they were waiting for me to disappear so they could speak.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” I finished, giving up but managing one last closed smile at Peeta as I slid back into the apartment, waiting for Finnick and Mags to appear.

It wasn’t a long wait although both looked irritated, “They wouldn’t let me get through.” Finnick grumbled, “Complete idiots.”

“You alright Mags?” She nodded, waving me and my worries away as she did. “That got a bit...”

“Dangerous, I know why Peeta decided that was a great time to ‘admit’ everything but still, that's not going to make it easy.” He struggled to undo the buttons on his wrists and I grabbed his arm, doing them myself, far less agitated then he was.

“But people reacted.” I comforted, “For the first time in as long as I can remember they reacted badly against the Capitol.”

“They won’t cancel it.” Finnick answered simply, rolling up the white sleeves. “Peeta might just have made all our lives even more difficult.”

“Everyone else went against them.” I bit the inside of my lip, “Not in the same way, but he was so smart to use that!” Finnick huffed, glancing at Mags who I saw mouth something I didn’t catch. “And it’s done, everyone said stuff so...”

“I guess.” I nodded, sitting down to kick off my shoes.

I chewed my lip again, “Did I do okay? I don’t feel like...”

“It was fine.” He stated, sitting beside me, “Honestly, you did good.” I nodded again, slowly. Needing that comfort and compliment.

“That was a nice poem.” He snorted, body leant forward and springing upright when the elevator pinged and another emerged.

It wasn’t Naloh as I had expected but instead Haymitch.

“I don’t have much time, I better get upstairs.”

“What happened?” Finnick cut in sternly, Haymitch did look stressed and I knew the reaction Peeta caused and the hand holding, that solidarity wasn’t going to be taken well. “It’s madness, it’s all closed down, everyone has gone and they’re not going to show any of it again by the looks of it and the peacekeepers got way too involved.”

“But everyone already saw, so the damage is done?” I received stiff nods in return.

“Look, neither of them are keen on alliances, they said as much. But, here...” He struggled in his pocket and brought out a small box, placing it in Finnick’s hand. I peeked around to see a bangle, flames swirling coated in gold. “Show them that and they’ll know. You can sort something out.”

“Let’s hope so.” Finnick mused, “What about Elenia?” My face fell and I widened my eyes at Haymitch but he had already mentioned Johanna’s name. “What do you mean?” Finnick spun from him to me and I knew the lie was scrawled all over my face.

“I...I made a deal with Johanna.”

“A deal about what?” Haymitch made some pitiful excuse and vanished, obviously aware of what exactly was going to happen. I wish Mags had done the same but she looked irritated as well, lines carved deeper than usual into her face. “You can’t be mad.” I attempted and one appeared between his brows. He gestured for me to continue, “I’m...g...going with Johanna when we’re in there. I was going to tell you, properly, not like...”

“Why?”

“What?” I was expecting shouting or something, he rolled his eyes, arms folding over his chest, the sea shell resting on it catching the light, “I’m going to go with Johanna and keep Beetee and Wiress safe and then meet you after the first night.” He shook his head simply.

“That’s stupid.” I shrunk back a little, “That is just...” He ran his hands through his hair, as if the anger hit him suddenly, “Really fucking stupid Elenia!”

“No, no its not. It makes sense!” I argued, although I stepped back a touch, “Look, we need to keep them alive for the...the alliance...you can do that better without me making it harder for you, they’ll trust you with that won’t you!” I pointed to the bangle in his hand, “I know how vital is it to keep Three alive and with Johanna I can do that and you don’t have to worry about me. So you can do...”

“I don’t have to worry about you?! You think I’d feel better have no idea where you were or what was happening to you rather than you being with me? How does that even...I can’t believe you.” His hand rubbed over his jaw, both landing on his hips.

“I know it sounds bad but I can’t say...”

“Upstairs, there’ll be parties.” I didn’t have to nod and he didn’t have to pull me, I just followed after him, Mags shrugging and heading to the couch, although she took the time to shake her head at me and make me feel worse. We spent the elevator ride in silence, and whenever I glanced at him he was glaring hard at the cold marble inlay.

The doors chimed open and I couldn’t hold it in anymore, “Please don’t be mad at me, I can’t deal with you being...”

“How am I supposed to be? How could you go behind my back like this? I don’t get it, I thought we went through everything and now...”

“You know why. And I figured it out, Beetee and Wiress are important.” There was a loud crash of fireworks and I strode close to the edge of the building, hopefully far enough away from any equipment to let us talk. “I know what they’re going to do and I know how important it is they do it..” he went to speak but I continued, “And I know how important it is that she makes it out, this way we cover both.”

“And you run off with Johanna? I can’t believe you think...”

“Exactly, me being with you is a distraction, now you can focus on them and make sure it works. It will only be for the first day, we’ll find you, we’ll make some sign or..”

“What if it goes wrong and I’m sitting there with them and your face appears in the sky? How the hell am I supposed to deal with that? You think I’ll be less worried if you’re not with me?!” My nails were digging into my palms.

“This way I help more and it’s important. I think I’ve proven by now I can sort of handle myself, and I’ll be with Johanna and we’ll find you.” It was sad how rehearsed I was, and yet how plastic and false each sentence sounded.

“And what if you don’t?” he was breathing heavily and when I opened my hands they stung.

“I...” I breathed out slowly, the colours were erupting above us, but the chunks of glowing matter slid down the force-field, my throat felt tight, “I’m not asking you Finnick, I’m sorry but I’m telling you. I’m doing this. It makes sense.”

“No it doesn’t.” His brows were knitted together, “It makes no sense, how am I supposed to feel like I can do anything without you there?”

“I will be there, I’ll be doing something that needs to be done.” Every pore was screaming that I was betraying him.

“Why can’t Johanna handle it?! Why do you have to put yourself in more risk for it?!”

“Because I want to do something, I want to know I helped and I didn’t just hold you back!” I snapped.

“You’re being ridiculous.” I crossed my arms, staring up as yet more fire flickered in the sky, writing the name of whoever’s party it must have been. “I can’t believe you just decided this..”

“And how much have you held from me?” I hissed, “I was going to tell you tonight, I didn’t want to tell you too early.”

“Why, in-case I changed your mind?” He smirked at my face, but it soon fell back into that frown. “Then you can see it's stupid. I want you with me so I know I can keep you safe.”

“And you know it’s not important that we stay safe, that I do. We’ve been through this, you know who the important people are! This is helping and it’s happening Finnick, I’m sorry but it’s decided.” He fell back a few steps and the look on his face terrified me. “Please don’t hate me.” Was all I could manage.

He sighed, “Of course I don’t. Never.”

“But you don’t know why I want to do this?” He shook his head.

I couldn’t explain it. But I knew just how necessary it was for me.

“I’m sorry.”

For once he didn’t brush the words away, didn’t tell me they were unnecessary.

I was sorry and he had to know that. But I was going to do this. I was going to help, to try and keep him as safe as possible. I was going to try and ensure that whatever Beetee and Wiress had planned would free us from the arena.

And we could get away from here.