Suffocate

The pressure was building in my chest, it was so heavy, a weight crushing me. But suddenly it was forced upwards, my body was starting to react, gasp for the breath that the weight was blocking.

I felt it all in a split second, wrenched upwards, spine curling as my throat gurgled and the mass of sea water freed my air way.

I was choking, retching heavily, feeling the acidic liquid hit onto some surface I couldn’t see. My eyes were blurry, struggling to open.

That cannon, the hard surface under my knees. I couldn’t work it out, all I could do was cough until there was nothing left in me, just that air that was so desperate to flood back into my lungs. It was the rocks, the paths between the areas of water. “It’s okay...is...”

The voice was waving in and out, a hand on my back, careful not to touch the smiting skin above. It all took too long to fade in, beat the black away that caught the edges of my vision. “Elenia? Elle?” I tried to answer back, only managing a letter before the sea water made a reappearance.

“Carry her, we shouldn’t be this far over, we don’t know where the careers are.” I felt myself be lifted, the person again delicately avoiding my red arms. I was still sniffling, staggered coughs into my damaged hands.

It was Finnick. I knew that. The world around me had colour again, that bright blue water, the burning sky. I was over his shoulder, his steps so careful, no doubt to avoid rocking me. I went to speak again but only wheezed.

He must have heard me, “I’ve got water in a bowl, we’ll just get back and you can have it, okay?” The concern in his voice made my chest swell and I nodded although he had no way of knowing. “You’re okay now, we’ll be fine. I’m with Katniss and Peeta and...”

I wanted to cry, I’d found him, finally. After one of the worst days of my life he was here, I was with him like I should have been all along. And he’d done it, succeeded so far, he was with them, he was fine. I went to speak and just threw up again, the water splashing and soaking into the sand beneath us.

He paused to place me down, we were still on the beach and I tensed, waiting for the sting of the sand but feeling nothing but coolness under my skin and he vanished from my still fuzzy sight, returning and pressing a bowl not dissimilar from the ones I had made into my hands.

“Drink that, I’ve got more I can pour over your arms, what happened? Where’s Johanna?”

“Finnick give her a minute.” It was Peeta speaking easily.

“No, I’m okay.” My throat stung but I finished the bowl, “I...I lost Johanna last night, I don’t know where she is.” I coughed, still tasting salt.

“Here.” Finnick pressed another small bowl to me and I downed that, “Katniss, can you both...?”

“Sure.” She spoke curtly, and I was aware of the two of them vanishing. Finnick, crouching stepping closer, fingers dancing close to my reddened skin, “What happened? I can’t believe...”

“It’s fine.” I breathed, clearing my throat so the croak lessened, “Are you guys all okay? Why...why are you green?” He smirked as if he just realised.

“Why are you red?”

“Boiling hot rain, you?”

“Poisonous fog.” I pulled a face, nodding, before we both burst into odd little chuckles, so wrong, so twisted when you thought about everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. But he was alive, they were alive and I was alive. That was something to smile about.

I don’t know what I had expected to happen when I found him, I wanted to grab him, kiss him, green or not. But that green goo was clearly a gift, medicine. I couldn’t ruin the chances of more of that coming, so I just bit my lip lightly, gazing at his in wanting.

“So they’re scalds?” The laughter had just dropped and I nodded, letting him examine my arms, leaning closer to me, “Why didn’t you have your wetsuit on properly?” I bit my lip, twisting, I couldn’t see Katniss or Peeta.

“Beetee got hurt at the Cornucopia, and then my leg and...” I saw his eyes travel to the belt, wide and questioning, “Brutus.” Was all I had to offer before his face darkened significantly. “It’s not too bad.” I rushed, “Honestly Finnick...”

“What was it?”

“A knife.” I said lowly, and the line between his brow dug further, “It’s fine, I got it out and it’s not too deep, I got the pressure on it, I elevated it.” He sucked in his lower lip, forcing a smile back over them as Katniss and Peeta returned, my arms had fallen into a prickling sting as the water dried and left the residue of salt on my skin.

“We need to clean them, what is it, burns?” Peete knelt on my other side, gesturing at Katniss to pass the second bowl to Finnick and carefully pouring the other over one outstretched arm, “What happened?”

I went through it again, but in more detail. Brutus, how in a way the knife in my thigh had saved me, stopped me from running straight into the force-field. The night in the tree, Chaff and his projections, the rain and the tidal wave. “The jungle isn’t safe anywhere then.” Katniss spoke in her simple, clear way, “We had the fog and the mutts, and there’s what? Rain, tidal wave and ghosts...”

“It’s weird the Careers aren’t here.” I commented, feeling much better know I could think straight and my arms, almost irritating weren’t burning. I tried to unclench my hand, wincing at the blisters.

“Mhmmm...we need something for the burns.” Finnick said simply, wandering off a little down the sand, his words sweeping away in the wind so I couldn’t hear.

The couple were silent until Katniss coughed lightly, “We should probably check your thigh, make sure it isn’t infected.”

“It should be okay.” I was careful, we’d never actually had a conversation before, but then she was covered in the same odd green gel as the others and that made her seem more vulnerable than I had thought possible. “I cleaned it, and salt waters good for it.”

She frowned but dropped it, “Did you at least eat?”

“We had nuts Blight found, but apart from that no. I saw a couple of those rat things but...”

She stood suddenly, moving a couple of metres away and fiddling with something behind us, a beeping distracted me from her, that silver parachute practically glowing in the sun, the box and it landing a short distance into the water.” Got it!” Finnick called making me smile properly as he dove swiftly in, I had no idea what he must have said to have gotten that, especially for me.

I was lucky enough to have gotten the spile. I glanced down instantly, the vine was still loosely hanging around me, but nothing else, the force of the water must have easily knocked them out.

“What is it?”

“I had a spile thing, it got sent down, I must have lost it in the water.”

“We have one, “ The water sloshed up close to our feet as Finnick emerged, some of the green that coated him smudged, “Here.” Katniss moved out of the way holding a large folded leaf still. His hair slicked back, the water dripping over his nimble fingers. I had to swallow hard.

He popped open the container, pulling out a silver tub and opening it, concentrating hard for a second.

“Looks like cream.” Peeta leant over, “Must be for the burns, are they clean?”

We all nodded, “There’s some on my legs as well so let me...”

I didn’t put up any argument as the two of them instead removed the belt and slid the wetsuit off my legs, leaving me in the small vest and shorts. Katniss didn’t seem bothered but I felt a little awkward at her just sitting her silently whilst they examined me.

“See, it’s not too bad Finnick.” I urged, him looking at my legs, he pouted, but accepted my words,

“You should still put something else on it, I can weave another bandage and I can easily lose a sleeve.”

I talked him out of it, after all, their wetsuits were already damaged enough, and tugged down to their waists, the green was covering their faces and arms.

Finnick passed me the cream and I examined it, it smelt fresh, almost pleasant, sinking the tips of my fingers into it to scoop it out and almost moaning at the instant relief.

“What is it?” I didn’t know, but it was like ice, cooling the skin instantly, tingling like mint on the tongue. “I have no idea but it works.”

I set about slathering it over my arms and the patches on my legs instantly, Finnick caught me, rubbing it so it soaked into my hands and I could finally accept the leaf from Katniss, bread from home and shellfish. I couldn’t pretend not to be jealous at the amount of gifts they had had.

And I hadn’t even noticed in the rush from before that there was life under the water, although Peeta started to explain in that soothing way he had.

“Thank you.” I murmured, as Finnick undid the last few bits of hair clinging to the band, pushing it aside over my undamaged shoulder like he had done so many times before in such different circumstances. “Don’t mention it.” He said a little stiffly, I hoped he didn’t feel guilty.

It had been my stupid choice to run off, and from the looks of it they hadn’t run into anyone at all, excluding the warped female from Six Katniss had told me about in a distant way. I’d probably be better off, covered in scabs rather than burns, if I had just stuck with them.

“That feels so much better.” I rolled my shoulder, placing the leaf next to the mat, the skin on my arms was already lightening in colour as the cream soaked in, “Is there much left in the tub?”

“About half, so enough for another application.” He was speaking formally, his voice neither the typical Capitol purr or the one I was used too.

“Sorry I took so long.” I said after a few minutes silence, Katniss and Peeta had moved further away, chattering lowly and inspecting their own injuries. “And for the over dramatic return.”

“You can thank Peeta for that, not me.” So that was his problem then, “He worked out there had been two screams and only one cannon. He saw you. I hadn’t even been paying attention, I would have...”

“Stop it.” I demanded, gripping his hand tight and ignoring the prickle, he had done more for me than anyone “We’re alive...just about, that’s good enough.” I waited for a smile to appear, that urge to connect our lips stronger than ever, and he opened his mouth to speak again when Peeta yelled and I leant around Finnick to see what had attracted his notice. There were three figures, coated in a darker red than I was, one stumbling around, another dragged by the third.

I recognised them and was up on my feet as swiftly as I could be, “Johanna!” Finnick’s made the connection, gesturing for me to stay put and bounding over, I could hear her angry words as once again I ignored his, heading over with the others.

Wiress spotted me first, bundling into me, arms tight and making me groan as they rubbed my own.

“Wiress, oww!” I pushed her away firmly, scanning over the trio, “Where’s Blight?”

“"We thought it was rain, you know, because of the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it. That's when Blight hit the force field.” She spun, only seeming to realise it was me who had spoken, “And there you are, great idea with the rain that was Elenia, brilliant fucking plan!”

“Johanna.” Finnick scolded, but she was already ranting, Wiress had let go off me, leaving white pressure points in the shapes of her fingers and starting that irritating muttering again, the tick tock, tick, tock.

I frowned, “Beetee.” He was bent over, hands on his knees and I crouched beside him, “His back's hurt, remember? Beetee, are you...”

“You made it then.” He said slowly, “Good going.”

I couldn’t fight a sympathetic smile, the guilt twisting. Johanna was right, it had been my idea, they would have waited there for the clouds, suffered, lost Blight because of my bad call. I took a step back, feeling my face tighten. Katniss snaps at Johanna, something I barely hear, but it was enough to set her off, struggling with Finnick as he dragged her away to the waters edge.

“Always so delightful.” I managed, “We need to sort you out again Beetee.”

“And you, your legs bleeding again.” I glanced down at Peeta's words, grimacing, “We’ve got these two.”

“Wiress,” I ignored him, “Are you hurt?”

“Tick tock.” She shook her head, “Tick Tock little mouse.”

“I’ll sort her, you need to patch up his back.”

The two discussed Johanna, confusion at her harsh words but I left them, whatever they didn’t know was for the best, Wiress gripping my hand tight, I tried not to let her show how it hurt, even with the healing cream.

“Wiress, come on, sit down.” I pushed her down onto the mat, grabbing my wetsuit and cutting off one of last strip of leave, leaving it to my shoulder and strapping it around my leg, the belt following. I was pretty sure it should have stopped bleeding by now, but I couldn’t focus on that, not now.

Come on.” I helped her up, the ticking continuing, and sat her where the waves lapped at her feet, the couple busy with a half naked Beetee. I searched for something to scoop water onto her, easily finding one of the weaved bowls and dipping it, clenching my jaw as water ran over my hand. It stung, not as much as before but still enough I knew I wouldn’t be going into the water for a while.

After the tidal wave, I wasn’t sure I wanted too right now. It wasn't home, it was just more danger.

Johanna and Finnick were still standing at shoulder height, looking in deep and no doubt conspirative conversation. I just hoped they were careful, there were hundreds of thousands of people watching.

“Come on Wiress, let’s take off your suit, yeah?” She was limp under my hands, and it was difficult to shrug her out of it, “Look, maybe you should go in the shallow bit, alright, Wiress?” She was in and out of focus, her eyes shining over. I frowned, Beetee was on his front. “I can’t go in, come on, snap out of it.” I urged, tugging at her hand until she stood, the sand was hot under my bare feet my shoes lay drying with my suit on the end rocks of a nearby pathway.

“Wiress?!” I was growing irrate, my stomach grumbling for more food, more water, my whole body ached in one way or another.

“I’ve got her.” Katniss appears, smiling a little at me.

I let Wiress go with no argument, watching as Katniss waded in with her, letting me move over to Beetee, “We need more water, give me a hand?” I nodded quickly at Peeta, rushing to grab the bowls and following him cautiously a little into the jungle, the ground rough under the soles of my feet.

“Probably should have put shoes on,” I mused and he smiled, passing the spile to me and hacking into a close tree, “What happened with your three over the last day? Finnick hasn’t said anything much...” The smile was more patronising.

“He was worried about you if thats what you mean, even if he wouldn’t admit it.” I could imagine him looking up, wishing in the same way I had that the other wouldn’t appear as the anthem rang. “I erm... kinda ran into the forcefield as well.” I felt my jaw grow slack, “My heart stopped,” Why was he saying this so casually, smirking even, taking the spile from me, my hands moving the bowl under the stream of water, “Finnick saved me.”

“Your heart stopped?” I asked, still agape, “And what you just got up perfectly fine after that?” he shrugged, “Well I didn’t want to let Katniss know how shit I felt did I, not in her condition.”

Of course, I’d completely forgotten the ruse of the baby. “Of course not, added stress wouldn’t help.” I checked him over quickly with me eyes, excluding the scabs underneath the green which was slowly sweating off he didn’t seem badly hurt at all. He was a little heavy on his prosthetic leg but that was to be expected.

“Oh, sorry.” I realised, the bowl almost overflowing. “And...thank you, Finnick said it was you that worked out where I was.” He waved it off, holding the bowl easily on one hand, he had definitely bulked up from the skinny boy the year before. I knew we wouldn’t have been the only ones training before the reaping.

“He’s the one that got you out and everything, thank him.”

“I’ve tried.” I said a little curtly, apologising instantly.

“Don’t worry about it, everyone’s had a pretty difficult day...” He trailed off, as if he didn’t want to add the ‘especially you’ I felt was coming. I was where I wanted to be, I was with them and I was walking. It was enough for now. “We better get back.”

By the time we did Johanna and Finnick were back, both drying under the boiling sun, helping Wiress and Beetee back into wetsuits, “Here.” Katniss took the water with a low thank you and Finnick caught my attention, “You should probably put your suit back on, you don’t want to get sunburn as well.” I nodded, “They do feel better.”

I still felt like we were dodging around things, his anger at the fact I had so stubbornly chosen to go with Johanna, and the results that had born, mine at his guilt that it had been Peeta to spot me rather than him, as if it made a difference. “They look it.”

“What happened to you then? Have a nice time with the Careers?” Johanna’s aloofness made me smirk, I was glad for it, “Brilliant.” I nodded, still expecting them to appear suddenly, “Time of my life.”

“That’s nice.” Finnick rolled his eyes at the pair of us, “You got any food? I’m starving.”

Johanna ate and drank her fill, they’d received no gifts in their time without me, but she seemed a little happier, for her at least after she had. Everyone else seemed exhausted. I was, the hours in the tree hadn’t really been sleep, I had passed out, probably, Peeta reckoned in a way that made Finnick frown, from the blood loss and shock of the attack.

I’d left out just how long the chase had been, although the ache in both of my calves was definately from that. We all filled each other in on the last twenty four hours again, in those clinical short terms before Johanna and Katniss pushed to stay up on guard, to let the rest of us sleep.

I didn’t fight against that, Finnick looked completely exhausted and Katniss muttered to me he had been up all night, after the fog and mutt apes had attacked them. “Why didn’t anyone swap with him?” I’d asked, a hint of bite in my words, her hair clinging to her face in loose tangled waves.

“He didn’t wake us up.” She answered, pulling it back.

“He was probably a little bit worried about a certain someone.” Johanna added almost maliciously and completely unnecessarily. I glared, she’d spoken loud enough to catch everyone’s but an already sleeping Beetee’s attention.

“Thanks for that.” I snapped sarcastically, standing, “Where’s the best place to sleep? Come on Wiress, I’ve got her.” I told a slightly bashful looking Katniss, grabbing the older woman’s hands a little too roughly and tugging her to her feet.

“We can move the mats.” Finnick offered, drawing his face away from Johanna’s whose hands clenched into fists at the movement. “Maybe just further in the shade.”

“Sounds good.” Peeta managed to diffuse a bit of the tension and within a few minutes we were all lying down, my legs covered again in the speckled fabric of the wetsuit and my feet cushioned by the plimsolls.

I wanted to put more of the cream on my arms, it had definitely helped, the skin a baby pink although it was starting to sting familiarly once again. I shuffled onto my back, Peeta and Wiress instantly dozed off but I was beside Finnick and I could tell easily from his breathing he was awake.

I glanced at him, lowering my words to a whisper, “What’s wrong?” It was a weak question, a dumb one but all I had. I could see answers flickering behind his sea green eyes, the water after it had settled in the bay they always reminded me of.

I’d been envious too, mine were lighter, paler and far far less beautiful.

He was deciding how serious to be, how honest, and he chose not at all.

“Katniss told me I wasn’t pretty anymore.” The snort of laughter escaped me before I could even properly comprehend his words, he grinned, the green and the scabs did little to ruin any of his beauty. But then he could lose half his face and the other would make up for it easily.

“I still think you’re pretty.” I commented lightly, the humour in the situation stopping, stifled chuckles into his hands so as not to disturb the others fading away. The feeling was building up again, that want for him, regardless of the timing, the situation. But never regardless of the cameras I supposed.

“Go to sleep.” He ordered lightly and I twisted onto my other side, the mat had been stinging my reddened shoulder. He could obviously see my discomfort, “You want me to get the cream?”

“No, I might need it later on, depends how long it works for.” He caught my hand again, as soft as sheets slipping over me. I wanted to be back in that bed with him more than anywhere in the world.

“It definitely looks a bit better.”

Peeta murmured something, twitching in his sleep and his voice dropped to a whisper, “Get some sleep.” He didn’t drop my hand instantly, instead he let it trail past his, fingers grazing against mine.

“I can’t get comfortable.” I complained, wanting something to rest my head on, normally I’d use an arm but I didn’t want to make them hurt again.

He knew that, of course he did, he knew every weird little habit I’d developed. “Here.” He stuck his out, letting me rest my head lightly close to his elbow his other brushing hair out of his face.

I didn’t mind the heat when it was radiating from him and I let my hand slip down his forearm, gripping his thumb.