Suffocate

I didn’t understand what Beetee was planning on doing once he had filled the water with the electric currents. What would happen to the Cornucopia. I didn’t understand how that was going to help us escape, was there a deep underground building? Would the Cornucopia fall through and give us a path to freedom deep underneath and out of the tall walls of the Capitol?

That didn’t seem logical or feasible. I didn’t understand, and I couldn’t ask to. I just had to trust him, I did to an extent but I trusted Finnick more than anyone I had ever known and the short nod that spurned the agreement to stutter past my lips was it.

This was happening.

To be honest I wasn’t sure if he had any idea better than I did, this was all Beetee, this was why we had kept him alive. Had he come in under the same pretense as Finnick? Had his name been scrawled across both the scraps of paper that made up the male victors of Three? I suppose it didn’t matter. What did was ensuring he could set up this attack, not that I was sure it would really hurt the Careers.

It was clear neither of them were aware of any rebellious plan, any reasoning. They were just here to kill, to win. And they weren’t stupid. Beetee was right that they were avoiding the beach because we were here. But if we suddenly headed off into the jungle, they may dart down quickly to check for weapons. But they’d be following us, stalking us.

They wouldn’t be happily relaxing on the beach when midnight rang out, they’d be heading our way, using the cover of darkness. It was a false plan, four of the six of us knew that, but still. It was a stupid, stupid plan and I was surprised neither of the two unknowing hadn’t said as much.

Maybe they didn’t care. I was certain that was the turning point, either turn on us in the dark or wait until the attack had happened, successful or not and veer off. Or veer towards me and sink an arrow deep into my chest.

I felt the pressure, swearing under my breath, Johanna turning to glance at me, sweat over her face. We were all the same way, hiking up the steep hill towards the tree, to get an idea, to help Beetee plan and work things I didn’t understand out.

I had to stop worrying about Twelve turning, that was almost irrelevant.

Without a way out none of that mattered. And I was certain there was no back up plan, the only way was out of the arena, there was surely no chance of breaking in. Beetee has assured me of that with a simple joke, the duty of us to keep him alive until midnight. His attempt at humour had fallen flat, rising not a single smile in the tense group.

My head hurt, the heat was really starting to get to me, and the constant stress was forming hard vibrating balls behind my eyes, ones that felt like they were burying into my brain. I held the sword in my right hand, fingers slippery around the grip, damp with sweat and the ever growing nerves that I couldn’t escape.

I stood on a lifted root, giving me an excuse to twist my body slightly so I could see Finnick, shifting Beetee’s weight as he was slung over his broad back. He didn’t see me, he was looking completely the opposite way. But even the sight of one half of his tired face comforted me a little.

I tried to swallow back any negativity, Johanna nagging at me to hurry up and causing all eyes to land on me. I ignored them, back to the job at hand, cutting away at any vines left over she hadn’t managed.

I could hear the build up of the tidal wave not too far from us, the creak of the trees, the odd whisps of air and that suffocating feeling catches in my chest.

Peeta’s taken over with Beetee and Finnick started to walk next to me, taking the left hand side. “Not too far.” He said lowly, offering me the closed mouth smile I found more dazzling in that moment than any other he had shot my way.

I just nodded, grabbing his free hand gently for a moment, his trident resting on one shoulder.

His hand was dryer than mine and consciously I rubbed my palm across my thigh. My mouth was dry again, and I think everyone felt the same, there was no conversation, gentle or important, just the growing pant of the group as we started to reach flat ground.

“We should let Katniss go first.” Finnick says suddenly, halting, catching my wrist delicately so I did the same. “Katniss can hear the force field.” He explained to the three of us who hadn’t spent the first day with her. I pouted, it sounded unusual but I nodded, Katniss explaining after the explosion last year had deafened her they had made her hearing exaggerated accidentally.

The word accidentally was what made suspicion grow, when it came to surgery I had never heard of an accident occurring, and Luine had told me many stories about procedures, even if she had long since given up on trying to encourage me to have them done. Blossom was worse, if she had her way my lips would stretch half way up each cheek and I’d lose sight of my toes over my exaggerated breasts.

It wasn’t long once Katniss was in front, and I could see the thick wide trunk of the tree, marvelling again at the height both Johanna and I had scaled on that first morning. And yet it was only the third day, my games had lasted closer to eight. Too long by any standards, but I think we...everyone in there had surprised them with their determination to survive.

Either way, it had only be me leaving those sparse woods and deep ravines.

We stopped after a while, Katniss explaining to stay on one side of the tree, we do so, but all too soon there are things that need doing.

Everyone is parched and again hungry, the heat did more than drain you water wise, it made you groggy, desperate for food, energy. Beetee was measuring the tree and nobody had any clue what he was doing so he was left alone. “I’ll get water.” Johanna offered, not so gently accepting the spile from Katniss.

“And I can get food.” She glared in reply, “Peeta?”

He decided to gather nuts, some variety and I didn’t risk looking at Finnick. I knew I was staying with him no matter what, and I wanted too, I felt safer. Never safe, but safer.

Finnick goes to speak but Beetee cuts him off, requesting my help, although I knew it was more to avoid any awkwardness and save Finnick the trouble than because he needed me. Even so I agree and Finnick decides to keep watch, to keep Beetee alive for the next twelve hours. The joke falls flat again, even twisted in his purr.

“Hold this please.” Beetee mumbled, pressing the coil into my hands and unravelling some. I look at it, it’s golden, even more so than anybodies hair at home and thin. I let my fingers tentatively rub over some as he mutters about angles and the strike of the lightening.

“What do we do if it doesn’t work?” I asked, lowering my voice even more. I didn’t want Finnick to hear, to let him know I held this doubt although he must feel the same.

“It will work.” Beetee said with determination, offering me a short smile before he turns back around, “I know what I’m doing.” I don’t miss the hint of offense in his words. I open and close my mouth a few time but no apologies escape and within minutes everyone is back at once and I stand at his asking, placing the coil down and accepting one of the bowls from Johanna, them awkwardly balanced in her arms.

“What’s Volts doing?” I shrugged, “Wonderful, glad we all know exactly what we’re getting ourselves into.” The sarcasm doesn’t both me, I just repeat the same movement and tread away, offering Finnick the water before I take any myself.

He noticed and frowned a little, scolding me softly and demanding I drink. “I will after you, you’re the one who was carrying Beetee most of the way up.” He rolled his eyes gently at my lifted brow but takes a few sips and I let a little flutter of victory linger until the bowl is back in my hands and the lukewarm water soothes my mouth.

“Want to come sit down?” He glances around, “Come on, nobody can approach anyway but from in front, there’s enough people.” Peeta’s flicking the nuts he’s found against the forcefield, creating those swirls of colour, the plates visible, the smell of them roasting catching in the heavy air.

Finnick agrees with me, “Just to make you happy.”

“Exactly.” I tease, feeling the balls in my head loosen, his lips fast and light against mine. Nobody reacts to the kiss, but the tired aches in my body vanish with the contact. “Come on.” He follows me the few metres and I sink onto the plush ground, Finnick offering the water around.

“Fine thanks.” Katniss says shortly, skinning the mutated rats, leaning back as Peeta passes me a handful of the warm nuts with a smile but no words. They weren’t needed.

In any other situation I would easily add Peeta to my list of people I could trust, and even now, in here. It wasn’t him killing me I was worried about.

Finnick and I share the food quietly, his hand grazing mine ever so often until the space between us is empty and I link our fingers, the skin on both of our forearms that bright pink. The contact feels necessary, an anchor, a way of staying grounded.

Not that in a way I want to, not here.

The sun rises higher and that odd clicking starts again, louder now, like shards of metal tapping against one another. Everyone reckons its some kind of bug, likely massive, a mutt made by the Capitol. Imagining it made my innards clench but we decide to move on before the lightening starts, Beetee still quite happily mumbling things none of us understand as we keep the force field to our left, moving to the identical tree in the next section, the blood rain.

Once there we just ate, in that silence which lets me know everyone is thinking now, probably the same thoughts I had. The likeliness of it working, what would happen if it didn’t

What if it didn’t and all of a sudden we were actually just in another games, where the only option, the only solution was one of us leaving, alone, solitary.

The Victor of Victors.
The killer of their friends.

There were nine of us left now. Six of us allies, for now. Finnick wouldn’t hurt me, Thom’s voice from the night before the reaping rang out loud and clear and I knew that.

But that old worry, one I’d managed to push down days ago, about him dying for me, getting hurt because of me was easily resurfaced. If by some means all of that happened, if somehow I was the one to leave I wouldn’t be able to bear it, I knew that.

More than that, if the plotting rebellion was discovered, I’d lose all of them, I’d lose Thom, family. The punishment the District would face would be severe and just a year later there would be more children, more children to die probably more brutally than ever...

And I would be completely and utterly alone, just me and those dark twisted thoughts.
It was unlikely. If we didn’t escape I’d die in here.

“Elenia?” I blinked hard, drawing my eyes away from an opposite tree, trying to keep my face tight, calm. “Yes, sorry.” The leaf with chunks of slightly smoking meat on was rested gently on my hands, one stiff where it had been gripping Finnick’s and I thanked Peeta over graciously, aware of the strange air around us.

He cleared his throat, I knew it must have been obvious I had zoned out, and the palms of my free hand is red with the crescent moon shapes of my nails. “Anybody else want the last of it?” Finnick cut in, thankfully slicing just as well through the tension.

I see him flex his fingers, nail shaped marks in his knuckles that are close to bleeding.


After we’ve finished and as the clouds start to grow overhead we moved back down to the beach outside the section for ten o’clock. Beetee was still fiddling with the wire, doing something none of us could help with and we set up camp again. Ready to waste the rest of the day until midnight finally came around.

Eleven hours and counting.

They were being cautious with me, wary, my spacing out must have been more evident, maybe the dark thoughts were reflected on my face, maybe I made some sound. I didn’t know, nobody mentioned it but everyone was being nice, careful. Finnick hadn’t mentioned his hand, although it didn’t stop me from feeling guilty.

Johanna had spotted some more of the fruit on the way back down and asked me to gather it with a ‘please’. If I’d needed a sign that was it. I shrugged it off, I got it, I’d be unnerved by someone clearly as unstable as I was.

And there I thought I was getting better, it was laughable. I’d bet they’d spoken about it, my reputation beforehand was well known, that crazy, mute girl from Four. I’m sure Johanna had filled them in.

I wasn’t a time bomb anymore, I wasn’t going to break down. That wasn’t allowed, wouldn’t happen.

Finnick hadn’t changed his tone a bit which I was grateful for, but then he was always slightly tentative with me, gentle. The two worst arguments we had had in the lead up to the games were still the only time he had ever risen his voice to me in five years.

He shifted, and again, painfully and full of irritation I found myself blinking back into the present, his hand gliding softly down my arm. We were supposed to be sleeping; I’d insisted he tried, as far as I was aware he’d had less than three hours in almost two days.

I was impressed he was even on his feet, but that was adrenalin and his brave determination.

Thankfully he hadn’t argued, although I’d been brought again with him. I preferred it that way, Peeta’s attempt at a comforting smile now I’d revealed I was still fucked up was getting on my nerves.

It didn’t help that I knew I liked him. That we’d have been friends if everything had been so different.

“You’re supposed to be sleeping.” I scolded slightly, turning onto my back, his weight on one elbow. I liked that no deal was made, that I felt like I could be myself with him, even now, even though I had little idea who myself was.

“So are you.” He grinned a little in response and I pursed my lips. “I was thinking.” He admitted, shuffling onto his back and bringing my head to his chest. We were sheltered in the shade of the thick foliage, but the heat was always there, and his body radiated it. “About?”

“What happens if Beetee’s plan doesn’t work.” I lifted my brows, silenced by the revelation he would even consider it.

“Erm...” I trail off pathetically, any hint of drowsiness eradicated. “I...I don’t know.”

“Is that what you were thinking about earlier?” I nodded, “I thought so.” I was happy there was no sense of condescendence in his voice. “Did I do something obvious?” I had to ask, it was bothering me, “Because everyone’s been a bit...” I bit my lip, my chin on his upper ribs so I could look at him, even though he was staring upright.

“Not much, you just weren’t responding to Johanna...and you looked really upset.”

“Oh.” The hand holding me closed rubbed circles on my lower back. “I get it then.” And I did, once again I’d just shown myself as the weak link, the easiest target. I hated how weak I was. I could taste the fruit and nut in my mouth still, it wasn’t strong, that citrus bursting through.

“I’m sorry I hurt your hand.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Was the response I got. “Doesn’t hurt anyway.”

Sighing, I turned back to the far bigger matter at hand, desperate for some assurance there had to be a backup plan; that we wouldn’t have done all this for it to rest on Beetee’s back. “Does he...is there a plan b?” I weren’t sure why we were all but whispering. Finnick shook his head slowly and I could actually feel the gap between his heartbeats increasing, “Not that I’m aware of.”

“So...” I scrambled for words again, the hard truth of them, “If it fails, it’s just business as usual...no alliances...once the Careers are gone.” I add on, desperate as always to not sound too suspicious.

“Not as usual.” He finally lifted his neck to look at me, hand lifting and tangling in the ends of my hair. He smiled and I reflected it.

It would be as usual, if we tried any sense of standing our ground if it came to it, they’d blow us sky high, “Heavensbee wouldn’t make the same mistake as Crane.” His face hardened and although I knew the words were true saying them out loud seemed harsher, cruel. His expression my fault, spreading my own dark fears around too much.

Pessimism wasn’t going to help anybody.

“But we’ll be fine won’t we. You promised earlier, remember?” I shuffled off of him and onto my knees, moving to lay back down when he nods and sits up suddenly, making me jump a little, face close enough to mine to see rare freckles breaking out over the bridge of his nose.

“And I meant it.”

I know he’d do everything in his power to make it so and I said as much.

The world vanished in a daze of bliss when his lips met mine again, desperately, frantically, everything that couldn’t be said. We didn’t break apart until Johanna’s scoff filtered into my ears. I didn’t care, for once I didn’t feel embarrassed, regardless of the cameras, I could ignore them, I could let them just face away how I had so many times before.

Johanna was harder to ignore, “Honestly, is there something in the water here?” She asked no-one, rolling her eyes when I met them as we split apart, my breathing a little heavy, lips tingling.

He murmured a sorry her way, but I knew he didn’t mean it, his hands were still firm on my hips, one of mine was on his chest, the other sprawled around his neck. I felt the heat rise on my cheeks, the lust pulsing through me. “I...”

“So much for napping then eh?” I snort, unable to stop myself, grinning like a fool at him. My whole self was still flushing, I felt like I had to be glowing from the inside out. “Shut up.”

I muttered, laying back down although my hands were aching to be wrapped back around his neck, a ball in my lower stomach desperate for him. He copied my movement, grabbing my hand again tightly, pushing me carefully around so his chest just gently touched my back. I pressed his knuckles to my mouth.

Everything was going to work out, it had too and it would. Finnick promised.

“I love you.” He muttered against the back of my neck. The arena could have blown up in that moment and my last thought would have happily been of him.


The afternoon stretched out, everyone tried to nap at different times but they had little more success than we did. Beetee was still busy, and in the oddest way it was almost boring. We’d seen or heard nothing from either Two or Chaff, even though I’d kept an eye out. It was stupid of me, to stay so firmly stuck on where we had run into each other. He wouldn’t remain there, he understood the clock to a degree, probably more so now.

I was as conflicted as ever. I wanted the day to fly past, for it to reach midnight, for some conclusion. So we knew, knew whether we’d be in a forgotten District fighting the Capitol or stuck in here, making no change and fighting each other.

Dying in my case. I was never going to be alone as I’d feared, I knew that.

But then I wanted the day to last forever, there was the least amount of danger I’d known in here, I wanted every second to linger. I just wanted to be with him, It sounded clingy, weak. I was both.

But he loved me either way. It made my chest swell with a mistaken sense of pride.

“You know, this might be our last chance to eat anything from the water...” Finnick starts. I grimace and he smirks, “We should make it a good meal, right?”

Everyone agrees and Finnick takes it on himself to do some sort of fishing lesson for Peeta and Katniss, probably another way to push how useful he had been onto them, to show them how much they had needed him, his alliance. I didn’t have that relationship, instead I ended up next to Johanna who had offered to be on watch, less eager than anyone to be all pally

. “Why aren’t you fish catching little miss mermaid?” She asked, her hair in those messy spikes again thanks to the amount of times her hand had run over her scalp.

I shrugged, “I’m pretty nervous about later.”

“You mean about doing it, or if it doesn’t work and Twelve turns on us?” I pulled my knees up, placing my chin on one. Johanna was intuitive, smart, I could never deny that. “All of it.”

“Join the club.”

Nobody else seems to be as tense as the two of us, instead the three in the water are laughing, joking as they attempt to spear fish. It isn’t long before I’m called over to help Katniss dive for Oysters, I pouted.

“You’re better at it than me.” Finnick defended simply, his smile infectious as always and making some of the weight lift from me.

“Fine. Here.” I slid off the belt and handed Katniss a knife, keeping one in my own hand. “You’re all good with swimming right?”

“Yup.” She popped her lips, offering me a rare smile. Was this another part of Finnick’s little attempt, to force us to spend time together when we’d barely shared a word?

In all truth I didn’t really want to , but then any hesitation on her behalf during an attack could be the difference between life and death. Like it had been for Berg, bemused I’d saved him. Just for me to use him as a shield, to let the knives impale him instead.

The one in my hand vibrates and I feel my hand shaking slightly.

“Let’s go.” We paddle out a certain depth, Finnick and Peeta only up to their waists. I knew Peeta was still a bit uncomfortable in the water.

It wasn’t hard to remove the shellfish from the rocks they clung to, and it really didn’t do much to encourage us to speak but the water had that other worldly relaxing effect on me again, the shoals of fish brought us a few words eventually. Katniss asking what some were, with me answering as well as I could, telling her my mother was the expert.

“Really, what does she do?”

“Drink a lot of alcohol.” I said a little bitterly, ending with a grin although it wasn’t a joke, “She dealt with fish tracking and population, it was pretty scientific some of it and I never really asked.” She nodded, but I pushed for a longer chat, aware Finnick would want me to do as much.

“What about your mother.” I furrowed my brow to remember, “She’s a nurse....”

“Healer.” Katniss answered, the two of us treading water, a pile of clams on the closest line of rocks. “My sister helps her.” She pauses uncomfortably, glancing at where the Jabber Jays had been, it had to be about that time now, the sun high over that section.

“That’s cool.” I offered, not liking the turn the simple conversation had taken, ”It’s just Prim right?”

“Yeah.” I felt a little awkward instantly, sucking on my lips, tasting the sting of salt. She was struggling as much as I was, neither good with people. Least of all now. “So, how are you finding it? The pregnancy...” I added, letting her know I was aware of the cameras, or maybe even that I knew just how false it all was.

“Not bad, can’t really tell yet...”

“Not at the morning sickness phase? That’s lucky, my sister in law Phillus had terrible sickness with both of hers.”

“Ah, right, lucky then...yeah...” She looks as uncomfortable as I feel, embarrassment thick in my veins. I nodded, my lips now devoid of the salty water. “You have, what was it, Peeta said...two brothers?”

“Had two brothers.” I said shortly, “Luka...” I didn’t have to say more, just trail off and under the water, hidden from view her hand groped mine quickly. I felt a flood of emotion towards her, just the simple act of warmth, “If we’re planning on properly having a feast we’ll need more oysters...” I changed the subject weakly, “Finnick could easily eat three dozen.” She giggled, shocking herself and me.

“I don’t doubt that.” She turned to look at the two, and I followed her line of sight, Peeta copying Finnick’s pose with a spear but not quite managing the grace. He wouldn’t, Finnick would have been doing that since he was about six, back when his father... He didn’t speak about his parents, never had, all I had to go by were names, and that silence. It spoke wonders in itself.

She had a new softness to her face, and in that moment she was stunning, that strong brow, the skin, a prickled pink. Her steel grey eyes were even illuminated in the bright light. She was looking at Peeta almost the same way I must look at Finnick.

I knew Peeta had feelings for her, that it was no act. But now, was I wrong about her? Had I judged her too early? They’d been kissing the night before, that much was evident, maybe her feelings were deeper than I had ever expected, given her credit for. Her original brashness had unfairly put me off her.

She looked like she was going to ask me something, eyes easily now on Finnick but she kept silent and I granted her the same liberty. “How many more are you thinking?”

“Hmm?”

“Oysters.”


We received another package of food when darkness hit, and by then all of the fish was prepared and ready to be eaten. I was steering clear of the oysters, even with the sauce that had arrived, dipping the edge of a roll in it instead.

Everyone was on edge, more so than ever as the time drew closer. The anthem played, but there were no names or face above us. I was thankful, thankful Chaff was still somewhere, but still unaware of how much he knew. Would he be escaping with us?

However we were intending to do that. I still had no clue. I’d been racking my brains since we had sat to eat, Beetee finally joining us although the coil of wire was never out of arms reach.
The tree, the conductivity of the wire to the water, why the water?

I gave up trying, accepting a chunk of the white flesh from Finnick and chewing it quietly. Katniss was fiddling with a pearl Peeta had discovered, handling it delicately whilst her ‘fiancé’ was far too intensely eating bread. Johanna was offset a little, still half crouched, in the predatory mindset she was born for.

I sighed, leaning back a little, Finnick’s arm was behind me and accepted the slight weight with no bother.

It was odd how hyper sensitive I had become to his every moment, how endearing I found them all. If I hadn’t fallen in love with Finnick Odair slowly, so slowly over years I hadn’t even realised I would have in here.

If I had ever been fully sane I could have fallen completely and utterly in love with him in hours, minutes.

“I’ll get you something nicer.” He drawled, catching my gaze and taking it the wrong way. I pulled a face, lifting my brows and going back to my bread, eating far more delicately now I knew he was watching me.

“A dolphin?” He chuckled a little more loudly than necessary but then his weight shifted and his other hand moved, catching the locket resting just above my breasts. I’d seen him look at it a few times, remembering its existence after Peeta had mentioned his own, a conversation we had missed and weren’t invited into.

He sat up to open it, “Did Luine put pictures in there?” I shook my head, heart thumping as he lifted it from its place, the clasp revealing the tiny hand painted pictures quickly. He was inspecting them, eyes trailing over each shape.

Seconds. I could have fallen in love with him in seconds.