Conceal, Don't Feel

"Elsa," Anna whispered. Her sister expected a series of knocks upon her door and for a silly question to follow, but neither came. Elsa heard her sister put her hands on the door, her nails trailing down as she fell to sit by the wooden frame. She rested her head against the door and Elsa could hear her younger sister sob softly. Amongst the rain outside her bedroom and her sister crying, the night was utterly silent.

"Please open the door," her sister whispered. "I need you."

Conceal, don't feel, Elsa told herself. She swallowed her compassion for Anna and pulled her gloves tighter onto her fingers. She stood tall and began to walk towards the window. "Just leave me alone, Anna."

"Elsa..."

"Anna," Elsa growled. She buried her irritation and turned back towards the door. She immediately regretted it. She longed to see her sister, to dry her tears and inquire as to why she was so upset. She wanted to let her know that she loved her, that they were still the best of friends. She pushed away all of her wistfulness. "Go away."

There was a terrifying pause, and then it ended with a loud sob.

"They're dead, Elsa."

"No," Elsa whispered. That couldn't be true. It just couldn't. Her father... Her mother... Gone? No. That just could not be. She felt warm tears streak down her icy skin and she could sense the magic growing inside of her. She tried to stop crying but she could not calm her despair. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Conceal, don't feel. Don't feel, Elsa. Stop feeling. Conceal your pain. You can do it.

She couldn't, in fact, and she fell to her knees in the middle of her bedroom. Her tears fell to the tile floor and froze where they landed, ice rippling out around the tear. Elsa was scared of herself for a moment. What could her sorrow mean for her magic? Could it overwhelm her and take control? She feared the worst - until she heard it; Anna sobbed and hiccuped outside of the door. She pulled her dress up a little and hastily crawled across the ice around her and found herself at the door. She pressed her ear to it, white hair falling down into her eyes but she couldn't find it inside of her to care. She only cared about Anna right now.

"Anna," she breathed, "I'm sorry."

"Will you please open the door?" The cries that followed were pitiful and they nearly broke Elsa's heart.

"Anna... I can't."

Neither spoke for a long time. Elsa sat close to the polished wooden door, listening to the sound of her sister crying. She wished to put her arms around her, comfort her. But she couldn't. What if she hurt her? What if she lost control? She would lose more than her parents if she dared let herself get close to Anna again. After awhile, Anna stopped crying.

"Elsa?"

"Yes, Anna?"

She breathed in deep. "Do you want to build a snowman, like we used to?"

"I can't..."

And so Anna left, crying. An orphan and by Elsa's own decisions, an only child. Elsa pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her cheek against her dress. She stared for a long time at the walls before pulling off a glove and touching the wall. Ice spiraled and traveled up to the ceiling where it branched off and fell into the air as powered snow. She pointed and the snow swirled and took the form of a snow man. She smiled only a little but then felt herself grow sad again. She pushed her glove back onto her hand and pushed her feelings down into her gut. The snow melted away and so did her emotions.

Conceal, don't feel.