Commit This to Memory

A few days after I got home, I woke up to Betty yelling at someone in the other room. I think it was her mom, but I wasn't sure. Blindly I stuck my hand out on the nightstand looking for my glasses, knocking them down the gap between the stand and the bed. Cursing I strained to reach them. My fingers brushed against a plastic bag filled with something soft; curious I picked it up and looked at it. It was the meth I'd gotten during the shows.

"Oh hey you're up," Betty said coming in the room. Quickly I shoved the bag under my pillow, flipped myself over, and smiled at her. "I hope it wasn't because of my shouting." I shook my head, yawning and stretching. "Good." She straddled me and sat on my stomach.

"So what are we doing today?" I asked putting my hands on her legs.

"Well I can think of a few things," she trailed off, then smiled and bit her lower lip. I raised my eyebrows hopefully. She trailed her fingers along the peeling design of my shirt. "You wanna go bowling?"

Totally wasn't expecting that. "Bowling?"

"Yeah you know that game where you roll a heavy ball down a narrow strip to try and knock over pins?"

"Uh, s-sure, just let me get ready."

Betty hopped off me and went to the living room. "Sweet, I'll call and see if anyone else wants to bowl too."

I fished my glasses out and put them on. Without really thinking, I grabbed the bag from under the pillow and tapped a couple of small makeshift lines on the nightstand. They went straight into my nose and it felt fucking fantastic. I couldn't remember feeling this good, this alive, at least not in a ridiculous amount of time.

I hid the bag back under the bed and got dressed. It was going to be a great day.
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Betty's POV

I managed to get about half the crew to come and join us. Josh had some errands to run and Matt and Laura were in Richmond visiting his parents. So it was just the five of us, Tony and Anna, Jesse, and Justin and me. And as it turned out, all three guys had their own gear.

"We're going to be creamed," Anna muttered as we laced up our shoes.

"You're probably right," I whispered back.

"Don't worry," Justin said with a grin. "I'll teach you a few pointers."

He'd seemed strangely excited and hyperactive all morning. It was bizarre and a bit unsettling to see him more animated than usual. "Is Justin okay?" Anna asked me quietly as he bounced on the balls of his feet jabbering about some random nonsense.

I shrugged and answered, "I'm really not sure. He's been weird all morning." She looked at me worriedly then back at Tony and Jesse, who were now laughing at whatever Justin was saying. "Don't worry about it," I assured the both of us. "It'll be fine. Let's just play our game."

My first roll was pretty bad; I only knocked down two pins. As I lined up for my second one, Justin stopped me. "You're doing it wrong," he said getting up and standing behind me. "It's more like this." He pressed up against me just a little too close. His left hand was just a little too low to be on my stomach. Actually, scratch that, it was pretty much down my pants. His right hand grabbed mine and made it so whenever his arm moved mine copied his. "Throw it like this," he muttered into my ear as he mimed a throw.

Then as quick as he'd moved in, he backed off. I was a bit startled by the whole thing. Justin didn't seem like the kind of guy who could (or would) act and move like that. I was really worried now. But his "pointer" did help; I managed to get a spare. I knew I shouldn't have been so freaked, I mean he's my boyfriend he's allowed to touch me. But, he'd acted so smooth though, so nonchalant. Like it was nothing to grope me in public then act as if nothing had happened. It was so un-Justin-like that I was to some extent afraid.

After the game I got a text from Josh saying; "We need to talk. Meet me @ the Starbucks down the street from your place. Don't tell Justin." I didn't want to go. I wanted to go home and find out what was wrong with Justin. Then again, Josh was probably the best person to talk to about whatever Justin was doing.

So after pretending to remember that I had a doctor's appointment, I drove Justin home then went to the Starbucks where Josh was. "Okay, why all the secrecy?" I demanded sitting across from him.

"Does he know where you are?" Josh shot back.

"He thinks I'm at the doctor's. What's this all about Josh?"

"Why would you be at the doctor's?"

"Amnesia," I said tapping my skull. "Now tell me what this is all about."

He took a sip of his drink and leaned forward. "I need to talk to you about Justin and his problem."

"Look Josh," I said standing back up. "If it's really so important, Justin will tell me himself when he's ready."

"That's just it." Josh grabbed my arm. "He doesn't think it's a problem, but it is. And you won't find out until it's too late." He looked genuinely worried. "I think you should be prepared for when it happens." Hesitating, I sat back down and motioned for him to continue. He took a deep breath then said, "Justin is an alcoholic and a drug addict."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. "It's been going on for years," he continued. "He gets better and then he gets worse, always saying that it's not a problem, that he's fine when he's not. He's been acting strange recently so I think he's on the verge of a relapse. I just thought you might want to know about it before the shit totally hits the fan." He put his hand on my arm reassuringly.

"What kind of drugs?" I asked quietly.

"Any kind, but I know he won't touch heroin and he prefers meth or some sort of speed."

I was trembling, scared about this new information. On one hand, I was glad he told me, on the other I really wish he hadn't. At least it explained his odd behavior today. Oh shit. I looked at him, my blood turning cold as a realization dawned on me. If he'd used today already then surely he'd have more at home. "I gotta go!" I leaped up and sprinted out the door.

I didn't bother with the car. I wasn't that far away and the car would have taken longer. I raced down the sidewalk. My lungs were on fire. I couldn't remember the last time I ran this fast, I don't think I ever have. When I got to the building, I cursed the fact that we lived on the top floor and the elevator didn't work as I ran up the stairs. I heard Josh start climbing when I was on the 5th floor. Only 7 more, I thought as I struggled for breath. Note to self: start smoking less or give it up all together.

I got to our floor after what felt like forever. I couldn't breathe when I burst into the apartment. "Justin!" I screamed as I looked in the living room and kitchen. "Justin!" There was a weird and strangely familiar smell throughout the whole place. I ran to the bedroom. There he was, surrounded by foil, lighters, straws, mirrors, blood, and razorblades. He wasn't moving. "Justin!!"

Tears flowed down my face as I rushed forward and picked him up. His eyes were open but out of focus and dilated. There were long bloody gashes on the inside of his wrists. It didn't look like he was breathing. "No no no," I whispered running my hands through his hair. "No, please no. Don't do this please don't." I felt around for a pulse. There, faint but there. "Please baby, don't die." I cradled his head in my arms. Shaking, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed three numbers. "911, what is your emergency?"

"I need an ambulance," I gasped. "My boyfriend OD'd and I don't know what to do. There's blood everywhere. He has a pulse but it's faint. I don't want him to die." She asked me the address and I gave it to her. She promised they were on their way and everything was going to be fine. I really wanted to believe her.

"Come on," Josh said putting a hand on my shoulders. I hadn't heard him come in. "We should try to move him downstairs so they cam help him quicker." He scooped Justin out of my hands and started carrying him out. I followed, trying not to freak out more then I already had. "You know," Josh said as we started down the stairs. "This was always my main concern about this building not having a working elevator. I don't care about walking up these steps all the time; I care about Justin not getting help fast enough when he really needs it."

I almost broke down again, I didn't tell him then, though I probably should have; Josh was the best friend anyone could have asked for. We walked the rest of the way in silence. Just as we got to the first floor, we heard the sirens as the ambulance pulled up. Josh gave Justin to the paramedics and they sped off. I collapsed against him.

I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't do it.