My Heroine

There’s always that one person in your life—that at one time—meant the world to you; the person you were stupid enough to let go. The one that got away.

It could take days, weeks, months, or even years before you finally realize just how big of a mistake you made. Sometimes though, whether by the grace of god or fate, they are once again brought into your life. People that have experienced this say that its usually during the time that you need them, or each other, most. Although at the time, you were probably completely unaware of this.

Angelia.

Lia.

Angel.

She was his Angel. At least she was during the stint of their relationship. He knew that she was the first girl…woman, which he had ever loved so deeply; so passionately. He wasn’t prepared at all for how much he would miss her, how much time he would spend thinking of her and what she was doing, much he wanted her to be what Kate was to Will.

Even after 10 years of being broken up, he could still recall everything about that day they had separated. He could still see her face in his mind of the exact moment that he had successfully broken her heart. She had given him all she had; she loved him more than any girl both before and after ever had. His family, of course, had disagreed with his decision especially (but not surprisingly) his Gran. Truth be told that over the years he knew that she would probably never approve of any engagement of his, unless it was to her.

His friends also kicked his ass for years after the break up; countless arguments stemming from everyone’s perspectives of who was right and who was wrong. Obviously during the time they had first broken up he stood stubbornly with his decision that he was right and she was wrong. Although, his friends knew the actual reason for the break up where as his family was just informed that he no longer wished to be in a relationship. It hadn’t been until almost a year later that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. Looking back on everything now he saw that he was in fact, the selfish one. There are hardly days that go by where he isn’t kicking himself in the ass for being an idiot; for letting her go and never once attempting to go after her. By being the reason that her heart shattered, the same heart he had told her for years that he would protect and cherish.

“Wales!” Harry heard from his left jarring him from his thoughts. “Finally Mate! You were really stuck in the head of yours.”

Josh Evans, the closest friend he had at Camp Bastion, was looking at him with a raised brow. Over the past month and a half of his 5 month tour he had seen that look quite a bit; always when he was thinking for her. Evans was the one person that he could be real with while he was out here, away from all his family and friends. He had never treated Harry like a Prince but rather just a Captain in the Military. It was because of this, that they had many conversations spanning from hobbies to both of their families. With Evans he knew he could be himself and not have to worry about how it will look upon him later on. Everything that was said between them stayed in confidence.

“Yeah, fine. What’s going on?” Harry asked placing the smile that over the years he has perfected; the perfect fake as shit smile. He watched as Evans shook his head shoving Harry as he walked by him to sit in the seat directly across from him.

“That’s a crock of bull Wales. You forget that I know you well enough by now to know when you’re lying. That piece of shit fake smile that may work on the media, doesn’t work on me.” Evans gave a look that screamed ‘spit it out!’.

“Have you ever regretted something you did 10 years ago? Something that maybe, if you hadn’t done, your life might be different?”

“Well, that depends. What exactly are you regretting? Is it one of your scandals? Something in school? A past relationship?” Evans asked from his spot keeping a strict eye on Harry’s face. It hadn’t been until the last question was asked that he had seen a brief flicker in his ginger haired mates eyes. “Ahh. So who is she?”

“Who?” Harry asked attempting to cover up what he let slip earning him a pointed look that could rival Will’s. Shaking his head he continued, “She would be the very first and so far only girl I’ve ever been loyal to. The person that I had felt the most complete with, the one whose heart I broke.”

“The one that got away.” Harry nodded in confirmation releasing a sigh. “Why did you break up with her if you were so in love with her?”

Harry looked at him square in the eyes while he wrestled with his internal debate. It had taken his friends that he’s known for years to forgive him for what he had done, he knew what he did made him look like a complete ass, which he was. Hell, even 10 years later he still hadn’t come clean to his family with the real reason.

Shaking his head to stop his thoughts, releasing a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding; he began.

“She got the opportunity to go to the States on a full academic scholarship to study and instead of supporting her I got angry. I told her if she actually loved me and wanted to continue our relationship she’d stay. I had been aware from day one even before becoming romantic that studying in the States was her dream. It was her idea of an escape since she wasn’t from a wealthy or even a well off family. She knew that studying in the States would strengthen her, to test her. She had always amazed me with the things she had said or what she knew. You know she’s the one girl of mine that fit in so perfectly with my family that anyone looking in would think she was Royalty. In the three years we were together she not only had me head over heels for her, but also my family especially my Gran.” Harry shook his head with a gentle smile on his remembering the relationship that Lia and Gran shared. “She told me that she couldn’t pass up the opportunity she’d been working towards her entire life. I told her that if she told me right then that she was going no matter what, that she passed on any future she had with me. I should have known better than to test her like that but I did it anyway. She looked me straight in the eye with her eyes full of tears that she was going. She said that if I loved her I would support her. That’s when I said something that, after all these years, I regret every day.”

Evans watched as Harry moved forward placing his elbows on his knees and his hands in his disheveled red hair.

“What did you say?” Evans could tell that Harry’s usual front, his usual wall of protection he always had up was gone. It was then that he could see that whatever he told her he still carried the weight of it on him; in his heart.

Harry’s hands moved from his hair to moving around each other; eye contact that was always in place was long gone.

“I told her…I told her that I didn’t love her anymore. That I couldn’t love someone how was selfish and inconsiderate. That I wasted 3 years of my life that I will never get back and it was all her fault; that I regretted and wished that…I had ever met her. That’s when I literally watched her heart break.” He said softly. “You would think that she would have yelled at me or..or said I was an asshole and she hated me, but she just turned around left. She never said anything. I was honestly stupid to think that maybe if I scared her into thinking that she’d lose me, she’d stay. I had successfully driven her away in that moment, not even just from me but to the States a month later. My Gran had told me days after that she had gone to the States a full month early. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”

“Wow.” Evans breathed unable to keep the wide-eyed look that etched across his face.

“Oi! I thought you blokes were meeting us in the Neffe!” They heard their other friend, Grant Smith, say as he was walking along side Will Davis.

“Yeah, sorry we lost track of time.” Evans stood with Harry follow suit.

“Well, let’s get to it then” Davis teased chuckling elbowing harry in a playful gesture. Harry laughed pushing him away as the four males headed in the direction of the Neffe.

“Packed house tonight.” Evans stated receiving different murmurs of agreement. Harry walked with the others completely aware that the people around him were staring as he walked by. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for him to go to the Dining Hall or Neffe and be met by the stares of the men and women. With a slight shake of his head he slipped back into the protocol he’s known since he was little.

“Oh! Karaoke night again, Gents!” Smith laughed. “Looks like we’re in for some laughs tonight.”

The group sat at a table towards the wall knowing that Harry would want a less in-the-public-eye table. Once seated harry lazily gazed around the room. Some people were still staring, but most had moved on to other things. He saw that a lil ways from him were two women chatting in casual clothing which meant they were not on duty. The woman that was facing in his direction was a red haired female that was laughing at something the light haired woman was animatedly saying. He was about to move his gaze on when the light haired female turned in her seat. Harry’s breathing hitched as his heart began to race. Placing the heels of his palms to his eyes; rubbing slightly. When he looked back to where he had been staring he was met with a now empty table.
‘God I’m going mad if I think I see her all the way over here.’ He thought to himself before joining in on the conversation that surrounded him.

“Angie!” Evans called out almost an hour later trying to get the attention of a person across the room.

“Cause a scene why don’t you Evans, gees.” Harry heard the once familiar voice say from his right. Harry’s eyes closed unconsciously attempting to control his breathing. It was then that he knew he wasn’t going mad, but slapped in the face by life.

“…and this is Captain Wales, Wales this is Angie, she’s a nurse.” Evans voice effectively grabbing his attention causing Harry to snap his eyes open fully aware that all eyes were on him. He looked up into the face of the woman he hurt so many years ago. His eyes locked to her bright green eyes; the eyes he had gazed into so many times before. He noticed however, that instead of seeing the love that had always sparkled when she looked at his, showed hidden emotions.

“Please call me Lia. It’s a pleasure Captain Wales.” The same smile that she held on her lips while being introduced to the others never changed. Harry couldn’t help but notice that she stood there with confidence; her smile never faltering and her hand help strong in front of her waiting for him to shake hers. She would have made Gran proud with the amounts of poise she projected in his situation.

“The pleasure is all mine, Nurse Lia.” Harry placed his hand in hers without breaking eye contact. He felt his heart race as the electricity he had felt with her so long ago surge through them. He watched her closely noticing that the wall that he had noticed in her eyes wavered for a brief second before returning when she released his hand.

“Well, Gentlemen I must be on my way. Have a good night.” She said waving goodbye as she turned walking away. Harry’s eyes never left her retreating figure until it disappeared through the door. He faintly heard Smith and Davies continue their previous conversation. Harry looked towards Evans noticing that he was looking at him in an odd way. Evans shook his head answering Harry’s quirked brow.