Remember To Breathe

"I'm fine, Mother."

"You can stay another day, if you want, dear."

"I can handle it."

My mother looked at me, her eyes shining, trying to hold back tears. I was going back to school, after taking a small break. Which only lasted about three and a half months. But now, I was going to continue the rest of my senior year, and it took me almost two weeks to convince her I was ready. I tried to convince my self for three and a half months I was ready to go back.

I wasn't convinced at all.

There was no way that people actually wanted me back, I doubt they even noticed who I was and that I even went to their school. However, today was different; I was different. Of course they'd be talking about me. And if you're wondering why, you'll find out soon enough.

And of course, there'd be no need for worrying friends, on account that I have none. I only had one, had, being the keyword. But it was fine.

No, it wasn't.

It was.

Now I wasn't the girl that said she was hideous, that thought she was hideous, although she was beautiful. I knew I was beautiful, I just never liked flaunting it. I hated getting attention from people, so I never accentuated my features. I left myself looking plain, unnoticed, average. That's the way I liked looking though, I loved looking plain.

No, I didn't. I wanted to be noticed, just not this way.

After looking at my reflection, looking into the eyes of sorrow that were looking right back at me, I turned around and started to walk out of the living room.

"I can drive you, Mari."

"I like to walk."

"But what if something happens to you?"

I looked at my mother, and smiled at her. I loved that she cared about me, and that she was there for me all the time, but I needed to be free. If only for a minute. I just needed to sort this out on my own, without help from my parents. I was positively sure that I could conquer this problem with time.

"Mom, I'll be fine." I said, hugging my mother and then headed towards the door. "School is only five minutes away from here in walking distance."

She was about to open her mouth, but instantly closed it. She smiled and handed me my scarf. "I love you, Mari, be safe."

I smiled once more, put on my scarf, and went out the open door. When I closed the door, a burst of cold air came to greet me, causing me to tighten the grip the scarf had around my neck and put on a pair of ratty gloved I've had since I was fourteen. I looked back to the front window to see the silhouettes of two people behind the curtain.

I frowned, knowing that my parents were going to make sure I wasn't going to do something that I would regret later. That was my downfall, really. My parents were a little too caring. To some adolescents, that would be a good thing, but not for me. They also have no trust in me ever since what happened in November. Now, it was near the end of February, and you'd think that they would ease up, just a bit. That would be a miracle if they did.

Once I reached the school, my breathing sped up, but I just had to remember that I would be fine. After seeing that nobody noticed I was here, my breathing went back down to a more normal level. I smiled and continued walking into the front door. Once I reached the main office, all of the secretaries looked up and smiled at me. The principal came out of his door and smiled at me also.

"It's good to have you back, Mariana." he said in his booming voice.

"Here's your new schedule." he said once more, handing me a small piece of paper. "I'd love to show you to your classes, but I have to get to a meeting, and you've been here for a long time."

I nodded, and he started to walk back towards his open door. He turned around and smiled again. "Don't forget to sign up for the senior trip!"

His door slammed shut, causing kids to look up and look into the office windows. There were only five of them outside the office, but when they all looked up, I knew who they were, and they knew exactly who I was. My breathing sped up again, and I hurried out of the office, towards my first class, room 378. I tried to ignore all of the stares I saw and whispers I heard.

"She's back!"

"I thought she was gone for good."

"I heard she ran away."

My heart was racing, as I just kept on looking down, walking as fast as I could.

"She sure is brave for coming back."

"Did she get thinner?"

"What's her name again?"

Don't listen to what they say, don't list-

I couldn't even finish my thought, I was in too much pain and laying on the ground.

"Shit, I am so sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine."

"No, it's not." the figure said, I couldn't make out his face, but all I knew was that I was now getting lifted off of the ground. "Mariana?"

My vision was starting to come back, and I smiled. "That's me."

Finally, I could see who was carrying me, and I smiled again. But not enough to let it show.

"Dane." I repeated his name, causing him to smile.

"You remember, eh?" he laughed, carrying me and my books towards the nurse's office.

How could you forget?

"Is this how you welcome back old friends?" I laughed.

"Only for you, Mari."

It struck me odd that my old friend, my only friend remembered me from so long ago. I smiled, although I knew that his kindness would only last until the bell rang, then I'd go back to being invisible.

Like always.

That was what I wanted, though. I didn't want to be noticed, though.

Yes, you did.

Not like this. And if people were only going to talk to me because they wanted the truth, there was no way that they'd know. They would just eat it up and tell their friends. Then I would be the weirdo of the senior class, and I didn't want to be remembered for that.

"How have you been?" he asked, opening the door while he was still carrying me.

I bit my lip, not wanting to answer his question.

"How can you carry me?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

He just laughed and laid me down on the bed behind the curtains while the old nurse put some ice on my leg.

"You're not a whale, you know."

"Oh thanks."

"Plus, I've been working out."

I laughed as the nurse took my temperature.

"Mr. Montgomery, you can leave now." the nurse said, going back to her desk.

"Actually, I can stay since we're in the same class." he said, putting on his charming smile that dazzled almost every teacher, male or female.

"Fine, you may escort Miss Hastings back to your class." she said, taking the ice off of my ankle.

I stood up and yawned, and then we headed out the door.

Luckily, the bell wasn't going to ring for another ten minutes. Dane offered for me to hang out with his friends, but I politely declined. His friends were the last people I wanted to talk to, let alone be around them. I went off to my first class, World Studies, just to talk to the teacher and choose my seat. After searching for the room and talking to my first teacher, Mr. Fields, I was assigned to a seat in the middle of the classroom, next to a girl named Jillian.

I decided to rest my head on my desk before everybody filled up the classroom.

When everybody came in, I kept my eyes out for the girl I would be sitting next to. Was she friendly? Did I know her? Does she know about me? I really hoped she didn't. I decided that bringing my head up wasn't the greatest idea, since now everyone saw me, I didn't even want to know what they were saying now. And I doubted that they'd be good things.

"I hope that the weekend was good for you all, because your reports are due today." Mr. Fields said with a small smile on his face.

Some groans came from the class and Mr. Fields smiled even greater.

"Also, we have a--" he started before he looked at me and then noticed that I was shaking my head as in saying, 'Don't introduce me.'

"A pop quiz." he covered, getting a stack of white lined paper and hole punching them.

I let out a sigh of relief and looked around. I noticed a lot of people, still staring at me. I knew who they all were. And now, they knew who I was. I looked at the empty chair next to me and realized that the girl I sat next to wasn't here.

I smiled again, grateful that I got to sit alone, if only for today. I would be able to concentrate on my work without worrying if she was staring at me with the others.

But since I was cursed, the door opened and a girl with long, curly red hair and flushed cheeks popped her head through the door. Everyone laughed as if it were a reoccurring joke as she sprinted to the front desk handing him a blue piece of paper.

"Late again, Miss Banks?" Mr. Fields asked, looking at his attendance sheet.

"Yes, but this time I have a pass." she smiled, and went to her desk; my desk.

So, this was Jillian. She seemed nice. I just hoped she was as nice as she looked.

"Do you have your research paper?" he asked, passing out the papers to all of the students.

"Of course." she smiled, handing him her seven paged report.

She turned to me and smiled.

"I'm Jillian." she said, putting out her arm.

I hesitated but then smiled and gently grabbed her hand and shook it. "I'm Mari."

"That's a really pretty name." she said.

I smiled even wider and turned back to face the teacher.

Throughout the whole class, she didn't ask any questions, she didn't stare at me, she didn't judge me. We just talked. And it was nice.

"So, wait a minute, you're telling me that you met Ringo Starr?" I asked in awe.

She smiled and shrugged. "Yeah, when I was in New York City, I was like, 'That's Ringo Starr!' and then I basically attacked him."

I smiled and she continued talking.

"I almost got a restraining order!"

"You could've had his signature!"

She laughed and leaned back into her chair. "You are too funny, Mari. How have I never seen you before?"

I cringed a little but then smiled. "Well, before I left for a couple of months, I was basically invisible."

"Well, we can fix that."

I gave her a puzzling look and she laughed again.

"Come sit with me and my friends at lunch." she said and my smile went away.

"I'd be intruding," I argued but she shook her head and looked me in the eyes.

"You're my friend, so if they don't like you, they can suck it."

I laughed and packed up my things into my bag. The block was close to ending and I had already made a new friend.

"Where should I meet you at?"

She smiled and wrote down her class and what hall it was in.

I folded the paper and put it in my back pocket. The bell rang and I waved to Jillian and headed out the door. Usually, I would never joke around with people, I wouldn't even make and effort to make eye contact with them. But something new came over me today, it helped me make a friend.

Whatever it was, I liked it.