Remember To Breathe

The next morning, I woke up feeling refreshed. It was something new to me, and I liked it a lot. I walked over to my closet now filled with color and fitting clothes and chose out an outfit, not really caring how it looked. People already thought I was an outcast, wearing matching clothes wasn't going to solve anything now. Once I had finished my morning routine, I bolted downstairs and out the door to avoid any talking with my parents. I didn't want my dad bringing up the fact that I had actually snuck in. My mother would probably go into shock hearing those words.

Once I was out the door, the breeze hit me again like it did yesterday. I pulled my new wool hat further down on my head, hoping it would at least reach my ears to keep them warm. As I kept on walking against the wind, I kept on hearing the sound of an engine. I ignored it and kept on walking. The sound kept on getting louder and louder, and I still didn't know where it was coming from. Finally, I turned around to see a parked car with tinted windows. The door opened, and of course, Dane came out of it.

God, fate was a bitch.

"Trying to abduct me?" I joked as he came towards me.

"How can you walk in weather like this?" he asked, obviously shivering in his UNH sweatshirt.

"I try to think of other things when I'm walking." I shrugged as another burst of cold wind hit us, which caused both of us to shiver.

"I'll drive you, come on." he said, walking back to his old car.

I had to think of something. Quick. "I like walking."

"My car has heat." he said with a slight smirk.

"I like heat more." I heard myself say. Dane laughed and started walking to his car.

I am so easy to persuade.

I started walking towards the car and wondered why I could be so angry at Dane, but I could never actually show him I was. It was some kind of hex, I was sure of that. The gods definitely did not have pity on my soul.

Eventually, he started the car and we were on the road in a silence.

"So, why didn't you call me back?" he asked, breaking the once peaceful silence.

Now, it was just awkward.

"My phone was off." I said, telling him the truth for once. I decided that since only my family knew my number, I wouldn't need to waste the battery. Well, I thought only my family knew my number.

"Oh," was all he said until a few more minutes passed. "I just wanted to say that I was really sorry for how I treated you in the past. You didn't deserve it. I was just stupid, and I am truly sorry."

I was still silent, only because mostly, I was in shock. I never actually pictured hearing him say those words to me. In person, also. I didn't know what to say to him. Well, that was a lie. I wanted to forgive him, I really did. But my vocal cords wouldn't let me, and I knew why. I was too afraid to actually forgive him and end up taking it back later. I looked at his hands gripping the steering wheel, his knuckles turning white from waiting too long for my response. I sad to say something, anything.

"Thanks."

He looked at me and then automatically turned back to the road.

I coughed and looked out the window. "I really appreciate you saying that."

"Do you think you can ever forgive me?" I could hear him ask. I still didn't look back at him, but I could feel my head making a gesture of moving up and down. I don't know why I let myself do that, but I suppose that something good will come out of having an old friend back.

The silence was brought back again and I took this precious time to compose myself before entering the battlefield. I was more than certain that I would receive the same amount of stares I did yesterday, maybe even more. All because of one mistake I made. One stupid mistake of letting my conscience get the better of me. I just needed to block out the voice, and I would be fine.

Like that will ever happen.

I let out a groan and Dane looked at me, waiting for me to explain myself.

"I forgot my protractor at home." I lied. He seemed to believe it and pulled into one of the senior parking spaces. I waited for the car to come to a complete stop and when it did, I opened the car door and quickly walked to the front door. I heard footsteps quickening behind me and I fought the urge to walk faster and turned around.

Dane looked surprised at first, not believing that I stopped this time. He quickly looked away and started to stammer. "You look really pretty today."

I felt like this was the first time I actually smiled and had meaning behind its origins. I never had gotten compliments when I was younger. Just disgruntled voices of "Eh," and "Ah." I never made too much of it. But hearing a compliment coming from someone like Dane made me feel good. About my appearance and about myself.

"Thanks." I said, beginning to walk backwards towards the door, still smiling. "I really have to get to my class now, though…"

"We still have fifteen minutes. Come meet my friends." he said. I bit my lip in hesitation at first. I knew who his friends were, but I didn't know them, and I'm sure that they had no future intentions of getting to know me. I didn't have the desire to befriend them, either. On account that I had new friends, that I didn't need anymore, and because they were flat-out vicious. You could ask anybody in the school about Dane's three closest friends, and they'd give you the same answer; cruel.

Forrest White, Andrew Paulson, and Nate Bouchard were three boys that you would never want to do something stupid in front of. They would never let you live it down. They were your typical high school jackasses. They made fun of anybody that wasn't like them. This was the majority of the senior class population. I wouldn't say that they were my sworn enemies, but I wasn't too fond of them. I don't think any person would be if they stole your best friend and turned him against you.

Now onto the girls that hung off of them. Most people think that every jackass needs a slut. Right? Not these jackasses. These girls were some of the most clean-cut, holier than thou, Catholic girls you could ever meet. It was kind of scary sometimes. They didn't use that 'Catholic schoolgirl' getup to their advantage, thank God. They weren't that mean, either, it was weird. I always wondered why those three sweet girls that all went to church together could associate with them?

I finally agreed to actually meet them, although I knew the outcome would be near disastrous. I just needed to deal with it, knowing that eventually I would have to at least speak with them, since Dane and I had rekindled our friendship. But as we rounded the corner and met up with their smirking faces, I had instantly regretted it.

"Hey…Dane." Andrew was the first to notice us and cocked his head to the side, his voice faltering when he noticed that Dane was not alone.

Forrest and Nate looked up from their conversation, their bored eyes suddenly lighting up at the sight of their good friend. But not at the person with him, also known as me.

"What's good, man?" said Nate as he and Dane performed some strange handshake.

They had all started talking except Forrest, who had remained silent for the entire time, obviously thinking about something. I was just about to leave until I heard somebody call my name.

"Mariana! How are you?" Regina Anderson yelled from behind Dane. She was one of the girls that hung around them. She was the nicest in my opinion, but all of those girls seemed strange to me. That's the reason I tried to avoid these girls as much as possible.

The four guys looked towards me, waiting for my response. I shrugged and walked closer to her to talk. "I've been good, actually. How have you been?"

She was about to respond until the second girl, Lesley Cannon came up and smiled at me. "Mariana, I've been praying for you."

Forrest was the only one who heard this and turned from his silence and looked at me.

I raised my eyebrows and smiled. "Thank you?" I said, phrasing it as a question, just to laugh off.

Forrest smirked and turned back to his friends and the two girls continued to talk to me about a pastor's sermon last Sunday, and if I ever wanted to go with them sometime, I was always welcome to. After listening to them talk about the Bible for another ten minutes the bell finally rang. I said my goodbyes and hurried off to my first class, ecstatic to be away from them. I could stand the three girls, although there were only two today, but it was the looks I was getting from Nate, Andrew, and Forrest. I really never knew why they took so much joy in making other people's lives miserable. I suppose that I would never know, so I dropped it this time and continued to walk down the halls until I reached my classroom.

When I entered the class, Jillian was there, laying her head on her books. I smiled and went to go sit down next to her. She looked up from her light sleep and smiled. "Nice clothes."

"Thanks, some crazed girl forced me into the mall and then spent a ton of money on me."

"She sounds like a total nut."

I laughed and started to take out my homework from last night. "Oh trust me, she is."

"Thank God I don't know her." she smiled and started to take out her homework as well.

For the rest of the class we took notes, we went over our homework, we were assigned a project and an essay to go along with it. It didn't seem so hectic to me or Jillian, but everybody else in class groaned. It could be because I was an obvious overachiever, and I was guessing Jillian was too by the look on her face. We were allowed to have a partner on our project, so Jillian and I paired up.

The project didn't seem too hard. Since we were working on the Renaissance we had to pick anything that had to do with it, research it, make a tri-fold poster of anything we wanted to say about it, and then write an essay about our topic. Jillian wanted to do a Renaissance artist and I had no complaints about that. The only thing we needed to do was pick one before anybody else did. We would also have until Thursday to pitch Mr. Fields our idea. And our whole project was due next Friday. After class ended Jillian and I decided to do our project on the High Renaissance, and using Leonardo da Vinci as our artist.

After parting our ways, I headed towards my English class. When I finally arrived and sat down, I recognized the two people that sat behind me, and the person that sat next to me. Behind me sat Nate and Forrest and next to me was where Andrew was sitting. They all looked at me as I sat down but I ignored them. Just because Dane and I were friends again didn't mean I had to like his other friends. I had never tried talking to them before, and nothing was changing now.

"So Mari, why would Lesley and Regina be praying for you?" Andrew sneered, turning towards me.

Obviously he wasn't the only person who heard.

I shrugged and started reading the book that was assigned to be read. "I have no idea."

Nate leaned up to me and whispered in my ear. "Actually, I think you do know." I shuddered from his breath and just leaned more into my desk.

"Yeah Mari, why don't you tell us?" Andrew asked. I continued to ignore them and kept on reading my book.

"Don't worry, I'm sure everybody already knows." he said. I frowned.

"About what?" I snapped putting down my book and facing all three of them.

About how demented you are.

"Shut up." I said out loud, although nobody had said anything else.

Andrew and Nate looked around, obviously not knowing how to bluff.

"About how bad you two are at lying?" I asked, my voice filled with anger. They said nothing.

"About how cruel you are? About how everybody really thinks you're scum?"

They still said nothing.

"Yeah, I'm sure everybody knows that." I said looking at them with nothing but disgust. Andrew and Nate stirred in their seats and said nothing. Forrest still looked uninterested at the fact that his two best friends were getting verbally bashed by some insane girl.

I stood up and walked to a secluded desk in the corner, and sat down. When the teacher came in she said nothing and she started to take attendance and talk about part of our book. I wasn't fully listening, since I was filled with hatred for those two. But I was also confused on why Forrest hadn't said anything at all, whether it was to stick for his friends or to even acknowledge that I was there, except for the occasional smirk, he had been silent.

Stop being such a bitch.

"I'm not," I muttered actually arguing with myself.

You're pissed because they're better than you.

"No they're not." I said quietly, making sure nobody could hear me.

I can see why nobody likes you.

"Stop it." I said, a little louder than before, causing a few people to look back at me.

"What was that, Miss Hastings?" the teacher asked me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled quietly, lowering myself in my seat.

Was I really just talking to myself? Crazy wasn't even a good enough word to cover my behavior lately. I knew I seemed a little off, but talking to myself? I could stop doing that.

How hard would it be?