Demons

Tommy wasn’t sure what time he jerked awake, although he was sure that he was still slightly intoxicated. But, his mind had cleared some while he was asleep and his subconscious had uncovered a detail that he hadn’t realized in his rage, or his drunken stupor.

Tommy’s rage was rolling through his veins. It felt hot, almost like fire was replacing his blood. It was making his heart pound and his jaw tick wildly. Her words were barley registering to him. “--get that fucking hand out of my face!” Shelby shoved his hand away from her face and he felt himself stepping forward as she continued. Hands clenching and unclenching in his anger, he tried to breathe through his nose to keep himself calmer. “--just want to know why you try so hard to push me out of here.” Her hand came in contact with his chest, and without being able to stop himself, he grabbed a hold of her wrist and wrenched it away from his body.

Tommy could see it now, in his mind’s eye, the slight awkward turn that her wrist made when he yanked it away from his body in such a harsh manner, that it had her stumbling forward before he was shoving her back. He looked down at his hands, which were clenched against his still jean clad thighs. Anger boiled in him and he was up, slamming his fist into the mirror that was above the dresser. Pain sliced through his hand, but he didn’t care. The mirror shattered, pieces falling to the ground while some still clung to the frame. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and stopped.

“Fuck!” Tommy shouted, letting his arms hang at his sides. He bowed his head watching his blood run, from his knuckles and drip off of the ends of his fingers, onto the floor. He swore again, and headed for the door. Stalking out of the house once more, Tommy was headed for Shelby’s place. He didn’t expect her to take him back; he almost didn’t want her to. But, she had to know that he was sorry.

Shelby was pulled from her sleep by an eerie feeling, startling awake with a small gasp, she instinctively reached out to feel for Tommy as she always did. Snatching her hand back when she realized what she was doing, she let out a bitter sound that was a mix between a laugh and a sob. Letting a few hot, fat, tears roll from the corners of her eyes, she went to roll onto her side and hissed when a dull pain rushed through her wrist. Flopping back onto her spine, she bolted upright when her name was spoken from the darkness.

“Tommy…?” She called, straining her eyes to see if she could make him out. Her heart was pounding almost painfully against her ribs as she pulled herself onto her knees. “Tommy, is that you?”
His stocky frame stepped into the slight moonlight that filtering through her curtains. “Tommy.” She breathed, shoulders sagging in a mixture of sadness and relief. “Jesus, you scared me. What—what are you doing here.” Shelby watched him, a silent shadow, as he sat on the bed next to her. Reaching his hands out, he took her sore wrist into his hands. She noticed the gauze what was wrapped around his knuckles of one hand, and the crimson that was staining it.

"Tommy? What happened to your knuckles?"

"Don' worry about it." He whispered, shaking his head, "m'own stupidity."

Tommy was silent for a long time after that just holding her wrist, which looked so small in his large hands, and running his thumb over her pale skin. Her muddy green eyes searched the side of his face, trying to decipher what was running through his mind. But, she didn’t say anything, in fear of setting him off again. So, there she sat, her feet tucked under her and becoming prickly from being folded under her at an odd angle for too long. She didn’t dare move. Tommy had obviously come here for a reason and she wasn’t about to ruin it with her words, that often left her mouth before she had time to formulate them properly.

She’d become immersed in her own thoughts, when something warm splattered against her arm. She startled, eyes flying back to his profile. A million things rushed through her mind, but she found that in that moment she couldn’t formulate words.

The only other time she’d seen Tommy Conlon cry was in his final fight of Sparta.

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sound came out. She felt panicked because she wanted to comfort him and tell him that everything was okay. She knew better though, because their exchange tonight had proved that theory otherwise. The hot droplets continued to sprinkle down on her arm, his thumb swiping over some of them and rubbing them into her skin.

“I grew up watchin’ my Dad lay his hands on my Ma.” He whispered finally, his voice nothing but a raspy whisper, “He was a ragin’ alcoholic, back in the day, my Pop.” His thumb had stilled, but he still held her wrist. “Us’ta think he was a monster. We ran from him, ya know. My Ma and I went all of the way to the west coast just to get away from him. But when I was little, real little, I made a promise to myself.” He paused and took a shaky breath, sniffling, before he continued, “I swore to myself, that I
was never goin’ to let myself become him.”

Shelby wanted to say something but her throat felt too tight. She brought her hand up to his forearm and gripped softly, urging him to continue.

“I broke that promise to myself, tonight, Shelby.” He stopped and shook his head, using a hand to swipe under his eyes and nose. “I put my hands on you, I hurt you.” He began to curl into himself, like a small child would. “I’ve become the one person I never wanted too. I’ve become someone I hated for so many years.”

Tommy couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eyes, so he kept his gaze locked on her hand. Memorizing those fingers that he had loved to press against his plump lips, taking in the short, but well taken care of nails that were currently a deep shade of emerald.

“You are right, Shelby. I am scared.” He finally admitted to her, and to himself. “I’m so fucked up, Shelby. I don’t deserve you. I don’t let anyone get close to me…because of this—this darkness I have in me. But you?” He stopped, clearing his throat to try to rid it of some of its gravelly tone. “You’re the total opposite. Ya got this light to you that I’m drawn to. You’ve saved me from myself too many times to count and this. This.” He spat the words with so much anger that was coated with sadness and blinked his eyes to clear them of the tears that were clouding them, feeling them roll to the tip of nose before he shook his head and they fell onto her skin. “Is how I repay you? With bruises and violence.”

She could feel the panic whelming in her again and she tried to speak, but he didn’t allow her to, the man just kept talking over her until she fell silent again.

“I should let you go, let you save that light. I’m hell bound Shelbs, and I don’t want to drag you down with me. I don’t know nothin’ but sadness and anger and that ain’t something you should have to live with. You deserve to be happy, not the carry the burden of these demons with me.”

“I am happy with you, Tommy.” She murmured her tone stained with a slight panic; not wanting him to walk away from her now, after everything. Pulling herself onto her knees, Shelby took his face into her hands and made his watery eyes meet hers, “Things can’t be perfect Tommy, and we both know that. We’ve both been through way too much for that.” She swiped her thumbs under his eyes to rid them of the few tears that were still leaking, “But this, what we have? We can’t just let that go either, Tommy.”

He tried to pull away from her then, muttering to himself as he started to stand. Shelby, determined to say what she had to say, swung her leg over his broad hips so that she was straddling him, keeping him in place. His eyes found hers, a frown drawing his brows together in confusion.

“You said what you had to say, Tommy.” She muttered sternly, “Now you’re going to listen to me, and what I have to say. Understand?”

He nodded, and she took that as a sign to continue.

“I’m willing to stay, Tommy. I want to work this out with you. I don’t want to walk away from you now
and I don’t want you to run either. I have demons, we all have demons.” She paused, moving her hands to his shoulders, curling her fingers into the fabric of the thermal he wore, hoping her words were getting through to him. “It’s not often we find someone who is willing to walk through hell and back, and I’m willing to do that with you.” Her voice broke, and her eyes flooded with tears, “I know what happened earlier tonight bothers you, but we’re both to blame. I mean, I slapped you for fucks sake. It can’t ever happen again, hell no.” She shook her head, “But we’ll have to work on that together, okay? Do you hear me? Together.”

Her lips trembled lightly, and she bit her bottom lip to stop it. Pressing her forehead against his, Shelby stayed that way until she felt his arms wrap around her middle tightly. His face finding the crook of her neck, she heard him whisper his apologies over and over.

“Tommy, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

She moved from his lap, moving slowly back onto the mattress, Shelby pulled on his arm lightly, drawing him onto the bed next to her once she settled. She allowed him to curl himself around her, one of his large hands finding her sore wrist and drawing it over to his body. He cradled it against his chest, leaning down and pressing his plump lips against the soft skin of her wrist.

“I love you,” He murmured suddenly, his voice rough. “I ain’t never said it before, and I know it shouldn’t take something like this for me to tell ya.” He paused, pulling himself up so that he could look at her, “But I do, Shelbs. I don’t know what I would do without ya. ‘M gonna make this right.”

“I love you, too, Conlon.” She murmured, sitting up and pressing her lips against his. “One day at a time, okay? We’ll make it; we just have to take it one day a time.” Settling back down onto her bed, she let her eyes slip closed, exhaustion from the day finally setting in. Feeling him settle back down as well, she rolled onto her side and wrapped herself around him. Finally falling into a restful slumber, now that the man she adored was back by her side.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom, before you can realize all of the good things you have in life.